Nymphomaniacs, Yeti, and the Soul

[camstory]

So here's the question, are nymphomaniacs any more real than the abominable snowman? If they are, where do you draw the line between a female that is just very sexually active and one who is a nymphomaniac? I have done next to no research on this, and ask from an admittedly uneducated POV on the subject. My curiosity on the matter is not so much scientific, as it is socially inquisitive. That is to say that I care not so much about what shrinks have to say on the matter, (though I understand that there is no real consensus as far as that goes anyway), but rather what you think about it.

This is one definition I found; Nymphomaniac: a neurotic condition in women in which the symptoms are a compulsion to have sexual intercourse with as many men as possible and an inability to have lasting relationships with them.

Swap the gender and it seems to me that this same definition could be applied to describe the vast majority of men under the age of 40, and though there is a version of the term that applies to men, (satyriasis), it does not carry the recognition, or weight of its sister term. (Or in fact the same etymological stigma.)

I tend to think of some woman who I have personal known as having a much greater sexual drive than most I have known, so in this way I believe in the nymphomaniac, but I only vaguely feel it, in the same way I feel there is something such as a soul. Or, is the soul just the name I attach to the collective ether of ones being, personality, expression, mannerisms, etc...?

Though I have always found the idea of the nymphomaniac rather exciting and have never subscribed to the notion that it is a malady, I know this is not the more common understanding.

I also found this as part of the discussion on hyper sexuality, and I tend to feel it is maybe as correct as anything. "Some authors have questioned whether it makes sense to discuss hypersexuality at all, arguing that labeling sexual urges "extreme" merely stigmatizes people who do not conform to the norms of their culture or peer group."

What do you think?

 

[AllieYess]

Perhaps the determining factor to distinguish a nymphomaniac and a highly-sexual woman is the inability to stay in a relationship with the men they lay down with? Or even a lack of interest to do so, although I can't be sure because I've never met or talked to a nymphomaniac to know if they are or are not interested in romantic relationships.

Swap the gender and it seems to me that this same definition could be applied to describe the vast majority of men under the age of 40, and though there is a version of the term that applies to men, (satyriasis), it does not carry the recognition, or weight of its sister term. (Or in fact the same etymological stigma.)

It goes without saying that our very patriarchal society has made it like this, where it is acceptable for men to have many partners whereas women who act like that are frowned upon (to put it nicely).

That is just a guess though since I have no knowledge on the subject whatsoever.

 

[SaffronBurke]

Guess I don't really fit the definition of nympho, as I'm not outgoing enough to have multiple partners or any of that. But my sex drive is insanely high. After finishing sex, no matter how good it was or how long it lasted, I want more 20 minutes later. And it's not for lack of enjoyment, I pretty much cum continuously for the entire time. I just want MORE. And the better it is, the more I want it. I've irritated partners because I was wearing them out, or I wanted sex too frequently (is a couple times before bed and once more in the morning too much to ask?) and I feel bad that I'm expecting so much, but dammit my vagina wants what it wants. If I go too long without sex, my physical health starts to suffer, and I get stuck in a terrible mood until someone has time to fuck me back into normality. I've joked a time or two that I need a harem, because most people just can't keep up with me.

 

[camstory]

Guess I don't really fit the definition of nympho, as I'm not outgoing enough to have multiple partners or any of that. But my sex drive is insanely high. After finishing sex, no matter how good it was or how long it lasted, I want more 20 minutes later. And it's not for lack of enjoyment, I pretty much cum continuously for the entire time. I just want MORE. And the better it is, the more I want it. I've irritated partners because I was wearing them out, or I wanted sex too frequently (is a couple times before bed and once more in the morning too much to ask?) and I feel bad that I'm expecting so much, but dammit my vagina wants what it wants. If I go too long without sex, my physical health starts to suffer, and I get stuck in a terrible mood until someone has time to fuck me back into normality. I've joked a time or two that I need a harem, because most people just can't keep up with me.

Thanks Saffron, what you describe is much more like how I have always thought of nympho than the description I provided. I just thought it was a good example of the double standard we tend to perpetuate. And yes a woman with your sort of sex drive can feel taxing at times, but personaly it was always a duty I was pleased to endure. I'm a bit old for that sort of endurance now days, but memories of being perfectly exhausted as the sun started to rise are priceless.

 

[Amelia Liddell]

What I've always thought of a nymphomaniac as (male or female) Is someone who HAS to have sex constantly, and can't control sexual urges to the point where it ruins are controls their life. Example: a woman has found someone the love, although they want to have a relationship with that person they can not be satisfied sexually with just them so they cheat with others constantly even though they feel horrible and hate themselves after until the relationship is ruined. There are a lot of ways not being able to stop having sex could fuck up your life, if you think about it.

 

[camstory]

What I've always thought of a nymphomaniac as (male or female) Is someone who HAS to have sex constantly, and can't control sexual urges to the point where it ruins are controls their life. Example: a woman has found someone the love, although they want to have a relationship with that person they can not be satisfied sexually with just them so they cheat with others constantly even though they feel horrible and hate themselves after until the relationship is ruined. There are a lot of ways not being able to stop having sex could fuck up your life, if you think about it.

Thanks Amelia, I agree that an inability to have some degree of control over your sexual drive can be the cause of life altering difficulties. I would argue though in your example, that it was a failure of the couple to understand the needs of one of them, and that they should have never entered into a monogamous relationship. I know that is easier said than done, but I think too often young ppl are unrealistic about being able to manage a monogamous relationship. (I know I was.)

 

[SaffronBurke]

What I've always thought of a nymphomaniac as (male or female) Is someone who HAS to have sex constantly, and can't control sexual urges to the point where it ruins are controls their life. Example: a woman has found someone the love, although they want to have a relationship with that person they can not be satisfied sexually with just them so they cheat with others constantly even though they feel horrible and hate themselves after until the relationship is ruined. There are a lot of ways not being able to stop having sex could fuck up your life, if you think about it.

Thanks Amelia, I agree that an inability to have some degree of control over your sexual drive can be the cause of life altering difficulties. I would argue though in your example, that it was a failure of the couple to understand the needs of one of them, and that they should have never entered into a monogamous relationship. I know that is easier said than done, but I think too often young ppl are unrealistic about being able to manage a monogamous relationship. (I know I was.)

Agreed. My husband and I had an open relationship from the start, because no matter how much you love someone, sometimes you just wanna fuck other people. Also, we wanted to end the divorce streak that both of our families have going, and we determined that a main cause of divorce is cheating, and since it's not cheating if you have permission, we eliminated that factor. Since he died last year, we technically succeeded at our goal.

 

[camstory]

What I've always thought of a nymphomaniac as (male or female) Is someone who HAS to have sex constantly, and can't control sexual urges to the point where it ruins are controls their life. Example: a woman has found someone the love, although they want to have a relationship with that person they can not be satisfied sexually with just them so they cheat with others constantly even though they feel horrible and hate themselves after until the relationship is ruined. There are a lot of ways not being able to stop having sex could fuck up your life, if you think about it.

Thanks Amelia, I agree that an inability to have some degree of control over your sexual drive can be the cause of life altering difficulties. I would argue though in your example, that it was a failure of the couple to understand the needs of one of them, and that they should have never entered into a monogamous relationship. I know that is easier said than done, but I think too often young ppl are unrealistic about being able to manage a monogamous relationship. (I know I was.)

Agreed. My husband and I had an open relationship from the start, because no matter how much you love someone, sometimes you just wanna fuck other people. Also, we wanted to end the divorce streak that both of our families have going, and we determined that a main cause of divorce is cheating, and since it's not cheating if you have permission, we eliminated that factor. Since he died last year, we technically succeeded at our goal.

First off, I am sorry for your loss - he sounds like he must have been a pretty special guy.

I will leave you with this. A poly couple from Canada that I have enjoyed for some years.

 

[DivSavel]

Though I have always found the idea of the nymphomaniac rather exciting and have never subscribed to the notion that it is a malady, I know this is not the more common understanding.

As someone who has studied psychology and sexuality quite a lot, I think you're mistaking nymphomania for a woman with an extreme sex drive. I used to joke with my fiance that I was a nymphomaniac because I ALWAYS want to have sex. Seriously. If I have a headache, it's 'let's have sex!' I'm bored, 'let's have sex!' I'm pent up because I saw a sexy picture 'let's have sex!' I just remembered this one time that we had sex, 'let's have sex!' We just had sex, 'let's have sex again!' No matter what, I am always willing to do things with him. Always. Same goes for playing with myself. But I am not a nymphomaniac. I am a woman with a high sex drive.

The difference being, I enjoy sex. A LOT. If I were a nymphomaniac, I would not enjoy sex. I would view it as an uncontrollable itch that just won't fucking go away. I keep scratching, and scratching, and it only gets worse. I am miserable because I keep thinking "this time it'll be better. This time I can relax and just go about my day and not think of sex". Masturbation won't help either, it just feels like scratching the itch with gloves on and just makes me even more irritable. So, as a nymphomaniac, say I have a boyfriend. I tell him about my problem and he gets excited. Fuck, YES she is the one she is always going to be in the mood!

Yes, she is. So, she has sex with him. He cums, it's awesome, he's pleased with the outcome because he believes he made her cum repeatedly. And hell, maybe he did, good on him! But, she's not satisfied. So he thinks, "Alright no problem, I can take care of her". So he plays with her, but refractory period means he can't get hard again just yet. He plays with her, and after a LONG time decides she seems to have enjoyed herself enough. Well, she's still not happy. And after some time he can get hard again. So, he has sex again. It's a bit uncomfortable but he can deal, in fact it's pretty awesome that she's that into it! Rinse and repeat. Sex, foreplay, sex. By now he is in physical pain, he's exhausted, and for fucks sake he just wants to sit down and watch TV or something. But, she is STILL not satisfied. By now it's obvious that she isn't enjoying it. She just can't fucking stop fucking. Well, she can, but it seems almost uncomfortable to her. She feels angry "But he said he liked the idea of me being like his!" and guilty "Great I must be a huge fucking freak!". It's like any other OCD. Only instead of touching a doorknob 12 times, it's having sex until you and your partner are in pain.

Having a high sex drive is fun. Nymphomania is not. I've studied it a bit and it seems crippling and absolutely miserable.

 

[camstory]

Though I have always found the idea of the nymphomaniac rather exciting and have never subscribed to the notion that it is a malady, I know this is not the more common understanding.

As someone who has studied psychology and sexuality quite a lot, I think you're mistaking nymphomania for a woman with an extreme sex drive. I used to joke with my fiance that I was a nymphomaniac because I ALWAYS want to have sex. Seriously. If I have a headache, it's 'let's have sex!' I'm bored, 'let's have sex!' I'm pent up because I saw a sexy picture 'let's have sex!' I just remembered this one time that we had sex, 'let's have sex!' We just had sex, 'let's have sex again!' No matter what, I am always willing to do things with him. Always. Same goes for playing with myself. But I am not a nymphomaniac. I am a woman with a high sex drive.

The difference being, I enjoy sex. A LOT. If I were a nymphomaniac, I would not enjoy sex. I would view it as an uncontrollable itch that just won't fucking go away. I keep scratching, and scratching, and it only gets worse. I am miserable because I keep thinking "this time it'll be better. This time I can relax and just go about my day and not think of sex". Masturbation won't help either, it just feels like scratching the itch with gloves on and just makes me even more irritable. So, as a nymphomaniac, say I have a boyfriend. I tell him about my problem and he gets excited. Fuck, YES she is the one she is always going to be in the mood!

Yes, she is. So, she has sex with him. He cums, it's awesome, he's pleased with the outcome because he believes he made her cum repeatedly. And hell, maybe he did, good on him! But, she's not satisfied. So he thinks, "Alright no problem, I can take care of her". So he plays with her, but refractory period means he can't get hard again just yet. He plays with her, and after a LONG time decides she seems to have enjoyed herself enough. Well, she's still not happy. And after some time he can get hard again. So, he has sex again. It's a bit uncomfortable but he can deal, in fact it's pretty awesome that she's that into it! Rinse and repeat. Sex, foreplay, sex. By now he is in physical pain, he's exhausted, and for fucks sake he just wants to sit down and watch TV or something. But, she is STILL not satisfied. By now it's obvious that she isn't enjoying it. She just can't fucking stop fucking. Well, she can, but it seems almost uncomfortable to her. She feels angry "But he said he liked the idea of me being like his!" and guilty "Great I must be a huge fucking freak!". It's like any other OCD. Only instead of touching a doorknob 12 times, it's having sex until you and your partner are in pain.

Having a high sex drive is fun. Nymphomania is not. I've studied it a bit and it seems crippling and absolutely miserable.

Thanks for the input Divahkiin, as I mentioned I had no real knowledge of what Nymphomania was, and I knew what I did vaguely think was not likely very factual. To hear most men and even some woman use the term quite commonly to tag anyone with an aggressive or constant sex drive one might reasonably assume 10-20% of sexually active woman were Nymphos. And yes, the abbreviated form most often accompanied the abbreviated understanding attached to it. "She's a Nympho" I'm sure solicited different attitudes depending on how it was said, and who to. But in my experience not many, if any understood it as you have well described. It sounds much like drug addiction of the worst kind. In fact you could substitute "crack cocaine" for sex and what you describe could apply just as well.

In deed an awful affliction, and I will try to be mindful in the future. That said, and with no desire to detract from that weight, I offer something a bit lighter,,, well just b/c I thought the timing of finding it for unrelated reasons today was interesting,,, sorta. And, well, b/c I tend to throw levity at the weight of the world to keep a modicum of sanity.

 

[DivSavel]

Thanks for the input Divahkiin, as I mentioned I had no real knowledge of what Nymphomania was, and I knew what I did vaguely think was not likely very factual. To hear most men and even some woman use the term quite commonly to tag anyone with an aggressive or constant sex drive one might reasonably assume 10-20% of sexually active woman were Nymphos. And yes, the abbreviated form most often accompanied the abbreviated understanding attached to it. "She's a Nympho" I'm sure solicited different attitudes depending on how it was said, and who to. But in my experience not many, if any understood it as you have well described. It sounds much like drug addiction of the worst kind. In fact you could substitute "crack cocaine" for sex and what you describe could apply just as well.

In deed an awful affliction, and I will try to be mindful in the future. That said, and with no desire to detract from that weight, I offer something a bit lighter,,, well just b/c I thought the timing of finding it for unrelated reasons today was interesting,,, sorta. And, well, b/c I tend to throw levity at the weight of the world to keep a modicum of sanity.

Spoiler

Nymphomania is an extremely rare disorder that is widely discussed, so misconceptions are normal. Hope I didn't come off as haughty- I just like to inform! As I said, this is coming from someone who studied psychology and sexuality, so I do nerd out about it like anything else. Those subjects were the favorite lessons I ever threw money at. xD Aggressive sex drive is definitely more common than actual nymphomania and is often called the latter just to shorten it. "She's an aggressively sexual person" isn't as easy to randomly throw up in conversation as "She's a nympho".

It really is like drug addiction. It seems like fun from the start, outside perspectives think "Well that person likes x drug a bit too much" when actually it's just another awful addiction. I can't imagine the frustration to have an addiction you were essentially born with or conditioned by life to have!

Also, levity in the face of really shitty real world problems is always good no matter the circumstance.
Even funerals. Graham Chapman's funeral was goddamn magnificent for that.

 

[camstory]

Sorry Divahkiin, I lost track of the thread, and missed your last post. Thank you for your post, and no you did not seem haughty to me. I figure I'm a pretty poorly educated individual in many things, and don't have a problem being a very old student, unless it feels condesending - and you did not.

I was a bit worried while reading in the red below - thought, oh fuck I went and offended someone with my clown act again, but was glad to see it was not so. My take on life has prolly lacked a degree of responsible seriousness - on the other hand, I have always thought much of the joy of living gets stifled by those who seem to never see levity as an option. After all it's just life, and we are nothing more than tiny insignificant bits of carbon in the grand scheme of things.

Also, levity in the face of really shitty real world problems is always
good no matter the circumstance.
Even funerals. Graham Chapman's funeral was goddamn magnificent for that.

Googling, Graham Chapman's funeral, as I mentioned, I'm not the most learned individual. :hello2:

 

[jessie125]

I find the word "nymphomaniac" to be highly offensive. It basically means a woman who's sex drive is *abnormally* high. Why is there no equivalent word for men?

I masturbate a lot; up to 12 times a day. This does not affect my daily life at all. Just because I have a high sex drive does not mean I am a "nymphomaniac" or abnormal in any way. Sexual drive is a spectrum; some women and men have little to no drive, some have very high drives. I understand that I'm on the upper end of that spectrum and there is nothing wrong with that. It is not a kind of psychological condition.

 

[weirdbr]

I find the word "nymphomaniac" to be highly offensive. It basically means a woman who's sex drive is *abnormally* high. Why is there no equivalent word for men?

I didn't know about it, but it exists - it's satyriasis ... And in my experience, it's relatively common for the word(s) nymphomania(c) to be used interchangeably to describe men and women with a high sex drive, probably because of people not knowing that it's a gender-specific word.

 

[camstory]

I find the word "nymphomaniac" to be highly offensive. It basically means a woman who's sex drive is *abnormally* high. Why is there no equivalent word for men?

I didn't know about it, but it exists - it's satyriasis ... And in my experience, it's relatively common for the word(s) nymphomania(c) to be used interchangeably to describe men and women with a high sex drive, probably because of people not knowing that it's a gender-specific word.

Thanks for the post Jessie, I think you are right that the way nymphomaniac is most commonly used is often offensive. At least men/dudes of my generation most often used it in a way that you might have substituted slut and have the same connotations. But if Divahkiin is correct, and I have no reason to believe she is not,

Nymphomania is an extremely rare disorder... Aggressive sex drive is definitely more common than actual nymphomania and is often called the latter...

Than the most common street use of the word, is not actually the correct use, but has become a catchword for any woman who is perceived to have an abnormally, (tho I like 'extra ordinary') high sex drive. If your sex drive has no huge, or unreasonably negative effect on your life, than "nymphomaniac" does not truly apply to you.

Having a high sex drive is fun. Nymphomania is not. I've studied it a bit and it seems crippling and absolutely miserable."

Most of my peers knew it to be a gender specific term i think, but I think its use for woman, and never any use of, "satyriasis" was then more likely b/c the practice of labelling woman in a belittling, or even subhuman/submen way somehow was more acceptable than the reverse. Why there is no real male version of slut or tramp, and the suggestion that the male version is stud, is only true to the extent that it means a man that fucks a lot, whereas it does not hold the same negative stigma. The first time I ever heard the term satyriasis was in the movie The Big Lebowski. (Short clip, but you can go to 32 seconds in and start there.) http://www.anyclip.com/movies/the-big-l ... /#!quotes/

 

[SexySteph]

I find the word "nymphomaniac" to be highly offensive. It basically means a woman who's sex drive is *abnormally* high. Why is there no equivalent word for men?

I masturbate a lot; up to 12 times a day. This does not affect my daily life at all. Just because I have a high sex drive does not mean I am a "nymphomaniac" or abnormal in any way. Sexual drive is a spectrum; some women and men have little to no drive, some have very high drives. I understand that I'm on the upper end of that spectrum and there is nothing wrong with that. It is not a kind of psychological condition.

I've never known it to be a gender specific word as I believe it used to be, and still is, considered a sexual disorder. It might have been slang-ified I guess but the reality of nymphomania is not a fun "high sex drive" or even a healthy promiscuity, it's incredibly unhealthy and dangerous, a literal addiction.

 

[Nordling]

The male equivalent would be "satyromaniac," although I wonder if psychologists use any term ending in "maniac" nowadays.

 

[Cereborn]

Most of my peers knew it to be a gender specific term i think, but I think its use for woman, and never any use of, "satyriasis" was then more likely b/c the practice of labelling woman in a belittling, or even subhuman/submen way somehow was more acceptable than the reverse. Why there is no real male version of slut or tramp, and the suggestion that the male version is stud, is only true to the extent that it means a man that fucks a lot, whereas it does not hold the same negative stigma. The first time I ever heard the term satyriasis was in the movie The Big Lebowski. (Short clip, but you can go to 32 seconds in and start there.) http://www.anyclip.com/movies/the-big-l ... /#!quotes/

There is a very troublesome way we assign sexual experience by gender. Men, as you say, don't get judged or belittled for having too much sex, because having sex is generally viewed as proof of masculinity. Multiple sexual partners is like collecting trophies. Men who have the most sex are considered superior men. I understand why women would resent the fact that so many men are celebrated for promiscuity when women are shunned for the same behaviour. But I'll ask you to consider the dark side of this attitude as well: that there is a lot of pressure on men to be sexually superior. If a man doesn't have sex that much (or, God forbid, is a virgin) it is a source of extreme embarrassment. And no man, no matter how wealthy or powerful, is above being ridiculed for any sexual shortcomings he has.

As for satyriasis, I think the closest example to that I can think of is Michael Fassbender's character in Shame. Even though he is a good-looking man who has no trouble wooing the ladies, he still regularly employs prostitutes and spends a lot of time on porn, but he's never really satisfied. It's not portrayed as a positive thing.

The challenge facing women is a bizarre mixture of contradictory models of behaviour. I think it's best summed up by this exchange I saw online recently.

-Show me ur boobs.
~No.
-OK, slut.

There is a prevailing idea among many men (read: assholes) that breaks down like this: "A slut is a woman who has sex with someone else. A bitch is a woman who won't have sex with me." Historically, in most of western society, there has been pressure on a woman to open her legs whenever a man demands it of her, but never to open her legs when she wants to. And those historical attitudes are still in evidence today. So many men can't really comprehend the idea that sex is something women enjoy and can actively participate in. They still think of sex as something men do and women allow to be done to them. And following that logic, a woman who allows too many men to have sex with her must be of weak character. Generally, a man likes to think that he has some special gift with women, and therefore when he gets a woman in bed, it's not because she is inclined to do that sort of thing, but because she couldn't resist his particular masculine charm. A woman who goes to bed with plenty of men just because she enjoys it means that he does not have the masculine superiority he thinks he has.

So when I hear a guy calling a woman a slut, my immediate response is always, "What's wrong with sluts?" Not perfect, I admit, but it always makes him stop and think for a second.