Not here to pass judgement at all. I am a wife of a man who's having on off-line affair with a webcam girl

[Herfriend]

Hello all. As the title says, I'm in no way passing judgement on anyone here. And no, as far as I know, no one here is the "other woman." She's in Eastern Europe/Asia, and according to him, hardly speaks English, much less gets on websites. That's all I'll say about that.


Have any of you had, or know anyone who's had this happen to you? Where a man says he's going to divorce his wife and marry you? Is it common? Do you all recognize when men are being "too good to be true?" I know some women don't no matter where they are or what they do.

I'm just trying to understand it all. We've been together 36 years.

I'm completely devastated, so I went to the internet looking for support groups for this type of predicament, and sadly, found none. I came upon this website and thought I would see if any of you experienced this, and if it's everyday occurrence with married men.

Mine is divorcing me for her. However, this isn't where the deception stops. He has literally put us in financial hardship over this. Over 100K, in 1 1/2 years, and still doing it. We'll have to declare bankruptcy. I don't know how he'll support her and her 2 kids, as most of his money will go to me, indefinitely. He also went on a dating site and met a woman. This is such a messed up situation.

Would any of you want to be warned about a man with a violent temper and abusive? Especially if you had children? Would you believe it if you heard it? Even if you had seen proof (police reports, videos, texts, etc...)

This goes so much deeper, but this is only the tip of iceberg of what I'm dealing with.

Anyway, I thought I would reach out and get your take on it, and if in your opinion, you think it's that serious or she knows she met a sucker? He talks to her while she's in the room on messenger; when she gets home, and pretty much all the time. He's spending upwards of 8k on her per month. I think he's paying all of her bills, and then some.

Thank you for your time.

 

[melanieoncam]

Personally I would be horrified at the thought of any type of relationship with a customer. I sell an image on a screen nothing else.

Likely when the money suddenly stops flowing he will never hear from her again.

Hope you can get yourself a good lawyer, get rid of that idiot and salvage some of the money, especially since you say you are dealing with domestic violence on top of financial abuse. Find a safe place to go and get out now!

 

[Carmita Bonita]

Wow I am so sorry this is happening to you. I'd absolutely want to know if someone was violent or abusive especially if I had kids. Even without tons of proof, I'd be likely to believe you anyway because that is a risk I would not want to take at all.

As to whether he's being taken for a ride or it's legit I'd say from the info given I'm like 80% sure she's scamming him based on the elements we often see here of men being used with promises of commitment. He could just so happen to be the guy forking over the most $ at the moment. I'd say good for him being a scumbag getting used and I hope she never meets him and continues to milk him BUT it is so messed up it's coming at the expense of you and your children.

It isn't uncommon for men to be love-conned in the promises of marriage and a happy ending when it comes to foreign women on camsites--many times they are instructed by their studios to act this way. (I.e see all the other threads on this forum "does she love me"/" is this for real?" etc hell, even 90 day fiance currently has a man who is promised marriage from a woman via a chatsite who is just spending $ despite red flags as to it not being legit).

I personally think he's being suckered in and used. I hope for nothing but the best for you and your kids--good riddance to that fucking asshole. I hope he wanders around her country aimlessly when she won't meet up. For all we know, she could already BE married and this is just part of her job.

As for me personally, I would never be interested in a man whether I met him through camming or not that is cheating on their wife and leaving their kids abandoned. I was raised by a single mother and have no respect for men who leave kids withdrawing financial support in order to chase where thier boner takes them like my own dad.

 

[SaffronBurke]

I don't have any additional advice, but I am so sorry that you're dealing with this. I hope you live a happy life without this abusive jerk, but it sucks that this is the way you're getting out of the situation. I very much hope that she's just stringing him along for the money and that she leaves him hanging when it's time to tie the knot. Most guys don't deserve that sort of thing, but I'd to see her stuck in the same predicament you are now, when he leaves her for a shiny new girl.

 

[Beawaresweety]

First of all, I'm so sorry for you.

Have any of you had, or know anyone who's had this happen to you? Where a man says he's going to divorce his wife and marry you? Is it common? Do you all recognize when men are being "too good to be true?" I know some women don't no matter where they are or what they do.

Second of all, no. If a man said that he's going to divorce his wife and marry me, I'd think it was a bad joke. If the things got serious on his part, I'd politely explain to him that there's no chance of meeting me, I'm a cam-girl and I only exist on the Internet and provide a fantasy (mostly sexual). I've never tricked anyone into thinking they stand a chance, and I believe that 99% of models on the forum (if not all) have never done that to a member neither.

Camming is a business after all. Some prefer to build it up honestly, some prefer to play that popular in some regions love-con.

If she made him believe she's going to meet and marry him, she's a good scammer/player.
I bet $50 that's just a hustle and she doesn't have any intention of meeting him IRL.
"Love" is gonna end as soon as money stops coming.

Your husband is a huge jerk, though. You deserve better. I'm sorry one more time and I hope you'll get through it with minimal negative impact.

 

[AudriTwo]

Hugs for all the stress, disrespect, and pain this son of a bitch put you through. I'm so sorry. I know your currently grieving over your marriage ending and I don't mean any offense, but let me be the first to say congratulations. Excited for the rest of your life without this sack of shit.

I'm guessing she is stringing him along too, and I'm sure she knows enough English. English is a requirement in EE schools. But in case this is a 90 day fiance situation, and she thinks this is her ticket to the US, I'd tell her. For her and her children's safety.

If he is violent like you say, I would also tell her when he and you are no longer in the same house. For your safety. In case he reacts negatively. I don't want anymore harm to come to you or your family.

Again, hugs. Please get yourself also a therapist during this transition for your emotional well-being!

 

[Beawaresweety]

But in case this is a 90 day fiance situation, and she thinks this is her ticket to the US, I'd tell her. For her and her children's safety.

Okay, let's imagine she's being serious about all this stuff AND does believe this is her ticket to the US.
If I were her, I'd never consider marrying someone from the cam-site who abandoned his wife he has been for 36 years with, for me even if he were sweet as fuck to me.
What if the same is gonna happen to me? And I'm in the US (i.e. foreign country), with my kids, totally unsafe and vulnerable.

I guess, I just don't want to believe that a woman can possibly be so careless to put her kids in danger.
So she better be a good, dishonest player.

 

[JoleneBrody]

I don’t know what to say, women like her are not really welcome here. It’s a behavior we as a group don’t really approve of but I just want to give you my love and say I’m so sorry you are going through this.
Get you a good lawyer. You deserve better and you WILL have a better life once you get away from him. He’s a shit stain.

 

[JoleneBrody]

If you decide to reach out to her after you are safe and away might I also suggest you tell her he is putting himself in debt to give her money. Chances are he has led her to believe he is rich and as soon as she knows he is actually not, he’s gonna be dumped and divorced. Fuck him.

 

[AudriTwo]

Okay, let's imagine she's being serious about all this stuff AND does believe this is her ticket to the US.
If I were her, I'd never consider marrying someone from the cam-site who abandoned his wife he has been for 36 years with, for me even if he were sweet as fuck to me.
What if the same is gonna happen to me? And I'm in the US (i.e. foreign country), with my kids, totally unsafe and vulnerable.

I guess, I just don't want to believe that a woman can possibly be so careless to put her kids in danger.
So she better be a good, dishonest player.

It's possible he never told her about his soon to be ex-wife or lied about the status.

I hope she is hustling too omg.

 

[paige_orion]

I wish I could give you so many hugs. I cannot imagine the devastation you must be experiencing right now, the heart-ache and the heart-break while you say good-bye to a marriage that has been part of your life for literal decades. But from what you have said about his temper, and his willingness to throw aside his family and bankrupt you all for another.... I hope you can quickly build a new life that is vastly better than the one before. A new life for you and your children, free from abuse and fear and betrayal and heart-ache and unhappiness. You are so much better off without such a person in your life. But I know that does not ease the devastation you are feeling now, watching the foundation of your life crumble and wondering how you are going to pick up the pieces when the person you love has torn it all to shreds.

So many others, if they were in your shoes, would come here with anger and judgment, lashing out in their own pain. But you have come here seeking understanding, and in spite of everything you are experiencing, you are still looking out for the well-being of this cam-model and her family, asking whether you should warn about abuse. I think that shows such a big heart, and putting up with abuse for so many years means you have such a resilient spirit and a strength many could not even imagine... You deserve a million times better than what your soon-to-be-ex has put you through.

As for whether such things are common... Like the other have said, love-scams are common in certain EE regions. A vast, vast majority of these women are not approaching the situation with malice or even a hint of seriousness. They are taught this tactic by their studios, and it works. It's another business strategy, which means there is no love there, no intentions of taking it further, no intentions of actually meeting up or building a life together. Once the money is gone, they move on to the next person. Of course, there is a small chance that it might be an attempt to leave their home country - and in that case, I do think they should be warned about the abuse. Definitely send all of the proof you can, simply to show that you aren't being Angry and trying to cause trouble or sabotage their relationship, but that you genuinely wish her to know all of the facts and wish her to be safe. If she's got kids, it is so important for her to be aware of!

And although love-scamming isn't uncommon, I think a vast majority of cam models would never use this strategy as a hustle. It gets so complicated and sticky and uncomfortable when you blur the lines between fantasy and reality, and most cam models have zero intention of ever stringing a regular along. It is pretty common to get married men as regulars, but most of them are quite happy in their marriage and would have no intentions of leaving, and the cam model is quite happy being a fantasy/friend and everyone knows exactly where they stand. Cam models are just another brand of entertainment for most of these regulars, and their marriages stay happy and secure, and everyone wins. With a vast majority of cam-models, if they feel a regular is forming an unhealthy attachment or has delusional expectations, they will attempt to set them straight or will disengage entirely. If I heard that the member was getting divorced and has bankrupted their family in order to be with me... There are no words to describe the horror and disgust I would feel. I would feel alarmed, unsettled, and would block that member so fast. Because clearly, they could not keep a healthy attachment.

I am so sorry you and your children have to go through this. I do not believe he will be getting a happily-ever-after from this situation, but I hope that without him in your lives, without the lies and abuse and police reports and the heart-ache.... I hope you will be able to build for yourself the happily-ever-after you have always deserved.

 

[Pia]

Even in the darkest times there's light, I mean, in the other hand you dump him, get a lawyer and start living without his abusive ass. Don't worry that much about the model, I don't want to be mean but if you can help, do it also don't put yourself in danger. Be safe.

 

[Danigirl]

So sorry your husband is a douchebag. I don't know of any verified model on this site who would condone such behavior and I'm definitely betting she's conning him so he deserves it. You don't. Even if she's really in it to marry him, it's probably for a green card and she thinks he is rich. He'll be in a ton of trouble because there's no way they'd approve a visa for her if he's declared bankruptcy so soon to applying. So either way if she's conning him or not, she won't be over here.

 

[MarieElise]

Would any of you want to be warned about a man with a violent temper and abusive? Especially if you had children? Would you believe it if you heard it? Even if you had seen proof (police reports, videos, texts, etc...)

Basically everything, everyone else posted above me is 100% true, in this situation.

I would never take a relationship with a cam customer to this level. If I were her I would have assumed he was a psycho, way before it got to this point (even if he were paying well), and blocked his ass. However what people are saying about certain studios encouraging their models to lie about feelings, is true.

I would not need proof to believe it were true, unfortunately. But I know some women would.
My father also did similar to my mother, after 20 years of her pure devotion, and love.
Now he is alone and bitter, and she is in a way happier, healthier relationship.
It's like her life began, for real, when he left her. In terms of happiness, and her getting to express who she truly is, (without a million over domineering orders from a total moronic macho asshat everyday).

I really hope that you can get somewhere safe, as a first priority.

I am basically just posting, because I want to send you a million virtual hugs, and to let you know that you are not alone. Hang on in there