Looking for advice about not being stupid..

[Asphyxia]

I've lurked on here forever, and first off I know this has been addressed before, I know how frowned upon it is, but I still want to share my situation and get opinions because there's no one else I can talk to who can relate.

About a year ago I found this girl. She had just finished a show, and was hanging out. I was immediately attracted to her personality, talent, and quirkiness. I hate to use the cliche of love at first sight, but I definitely had something spark inside me. If I was smart I would've stopped it there, but I'm a hopeless romantic, so I didn't.

I hardly came on MFC before her, maybe once a week? If that. I wasn't interested in associating with anyone, nor did I find anyone in the years before who made me want to as much as she did. I started coming in her room more and more often though, and found out we're pretty much the same age, and had quite a lot in common. I told myself it was just infatuation and swept my feelings under the rug, it worked for a while. I went on dates with other people, I tried to keep my mind off her, but it didn't help. In all honesty there are very few people in my entire life I've felt this attracted to, and while I won't call it love, I refuse to discount the possibility of it turning into that someday.

The problem is we haven't talked much outside of MFC...only because I'm not sure if we should. I feel like she's shown interest with the way she acts towards me and the compliments I've gotten, but I also tend to over analyze everything in life...If we'd met irl I would've talked to her about all of this long ago, but for some reason it seems like I have to wait even longer now. I've been very careful with showing how I feel, save for a few cutesy things I did to cheer her up. It's hard though, really hard.

One thing I know for sure is that I absolutely don't want to lose her as a friend, but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to make these feelings go away...or do I just give in and start talking to her more? Life is too short, and I'm at a point where I care more about finding someone to share it with more than anything else, I wish this didn't happen, but I can't help it. Which is why I came here to ask what you guys think I should do. It's sort of a really shitty situation overall but I recognize that I need to take care of it sooner than later. Ask me whatever else if you want, and if you're reading this and feel like it's directed at you, I'm sorry.

Side note : Since meeting her and becoming more involved in the community I just wanna say I've gained a huge amount of respect for you guys, seriously. You're all awesome and shouldn't let anyone get you down

 

[Omne35]

Only my opinion but I think you have two realistic choices. First is to stop visiting her room. You are obviously causing yourself pain with the uncertainty and longing.

Second is keep going there and wait for her to suggest anything other than camming sessions. If she sees you in any light other than as a customer she is fully capable of telling you. I have to think you've been throwing off signals a blind and deaf penguin would pick up on.

I think the idea of telling her how you feel is only going to involuntarily force you into choice one. If she sees you as a customer, even one she is very fond of, telling her you want to see here and have a real life relationship is going to almost certainly going to get you banned. Consider it a sort of self preservation reflex in a lot of models. A lot of them are used to hearing this and usually nothing good comes from it ( there have been exceptions but the model has to be involved too). Even if this resolves your "problem" do you really want her final opinion of you to be negative?

It's been a year and according to you she hasn't expressed interest in a real life meeting. I would take that as the answer and either start to simply take pleasure in the time you do have together or move on.

 

[Serenity_Tam]

This can be such a hard situation. I know how easy it can be for members to feel a connection with us and many of us have genuine friendship with our members. In fact when I had to stop camming for a bit due to my poor health I kept in contact with a few members despite the fact I didn't know if I would ever be able to cam again.

That said because I met them on MFC that creates limits on our friendship. If I did a group meet up or went to an expo I would be happy to meet them there, but I would be more than reluctant to meet in a y otherway. I personally believe you can't trily ever know someone- I am even apprehensive about people I meet IRL. Like if people I know super well IRL can burn me I feel like it would be easier with an internet friend. No one knows my cam name and my birth name- if things turned sour with me and a person I don't want thwm to be able to ruin my future. So if I met someone in camland I will always be my cam self.

A lot of us are online only entities. I have in recent years chosen to be more of my real self, but many of us on cam are not all of who we are. We are running positive, fun, and many times sexual places for people to be. So keep in mind the person you know may be a real person in cam land only.

If you feeel you must be unburdened by your feelings I don't think it would be wrong to say something, if done politely. Politely would be in an email when she could read at her lesuire, not live on cam. I am not sure what benefit it is when people do this, personally for me when it is said usually in my head it goes like this "NNNOOOOOOOO WHYYYYYYYYYY"

Speaking for myself I have had members confesses this type of friendship, some I have had to ban because the way they phrased it or wouldn't let go of it, or for their own good and sanity. Some remain in my room knowing even more clearly I keep that boundary up for everyone.

You will hear gals who have the odd exception, but remember it is excessively unlikely and since she has initiated no outside contact I think you know somewhere inside you can be a great internet friend but you are just that - an online only entity as we are.

 

[mynameisbob84]

As always, the answer lies within an episode of Adventure Time...

 

[justjoinedtopost]

I don't know if this is the beginning of something real, I don't know if this is just a passing infatuation.

Conventional wisdom says it is an illusion; sit back and enjoy it while it lasts.

If you decide you cannot accept that, then proceed just as you said... "in all honesty". And if you are truly unlucky (or incredibly fortunate), you may just get the same in return.

 

[Asphyxia]

Only my opinion but I think you have two realistic choices. First is to stop visiting her room. You are obviously causing yourself pain with the uncertainty and longing.

Second is keep going there and wait for her to suggest anything other than camming sessions. If she sees you in any light other than as a customer she is fully capable of telling you. I have to think you've been throwing off signals a blind and deaf penguin would pick up on.

I think the idea of telling her how you feel is only going to involuntarily force you into choice one. If she sees you as a customer, even one she is very fond of, telling her you want to see here and have a real life relationship is going to almost certainly going to get you banned. Consider it a sort of self preservation reflex in a lot of models. A lot of them are used to hearing this and usually nothing good comes from it ( there have been exceptions but the model has to be involved too). Even if this resolves your "problem" do you really want her final opinion of you to be negative?

It's been a year and according to you she hasn't expressed interest in a real life meeting. I would take that as the answer and either start to simply take pleasure in the time you do have together or move on.

Well she has sort of expressed interest in me off-site, but like I said I'm not sure if it's meant to be flirty or just friendly, it's hard to tell mostly because she's a camgirl, I always second guess things. If I start to talk to her more I know it would be great but I can't help but view her as someone more than a friend, and while right now I'm able to keep a level head, I'm not sure if I could once we got closer. If she doesn't feel the same way it's just going to make it worse and I don't want that, but at the same time like I said I don't want to lose her as a friend. I also wouldn't tell her about it until we had talked more off-site, I get that she might be used to this and I don't want to fall into that group, I've been extremely careful about that. It's hard enough knowing I have the member generalization tied to me, but it's completely understandable.

This can be such a hard situation. I know how easy it can be for members to feel a connection with us and many of us have genuine friendship with our members. In fact when I had to stop camming for a bit due to my poor health I kept in contact with a few members despite the fact I didn't know if I would ever be able to cam again.

That said because I met them on MFC that creates limits on our friendship. If I did a group meet up or went to an expo I would be happy to meet them there, but I would be more than reluctant to meet in a y otherway. I personally believe you can't trily ever know someone- I am even apprehensive about people I meet IRL. Like if people I know super well IRL can burn me I feel like it would be easier with an internet friend. No one knows my cam name and my birth name- if things turned sour with me and a person I don't want thwm to be able to ruin my future. So if I met someone in camland I will always be my cam self.

A lot of us are online only entities. I have in recent years chosen to be more of my real self, but many of us on cam are not all of who we are. We are running positive, fun, and many times sexual places for people to be. So keep in mind the person you know may be a real person in cam land only.

If you feeel you must be unburdened by your feelings I don't think it would be wrong to say something, if done politely. Politely would be in an email when she could read at her lesuire, not live on cam. I am not sure what benefit it is when people do this, personally for me when it is said usually in my head it goes like this "NNNOOOOOOOO WHYYYYYYYYYY"

Speaking for myself I have had members confesses this type of friendship, some I have had to ban because the way they phrased it or wouldn't let go of it, or for their own good and sanity. Some remain in my room knowing even more clearly I keep that boundary up for everyone.

You will hear gals who have the odd exception, but remember it is excessively unlikely and since she has initiated no outside contact I think you know somewhere inside you can be a great internet friend but you are just that - an online only entity as we are.

I'm certain that her cam self is her real self, at least for the most part, I've seen and talked to her when she was going through things and that was genuine. She's not really the kind of person that changes herself on cam to be a certain way either, she tries sometimes just to pull in more people but she does it jokingly and any regular can tell. Sometimes she opens up more and will talk to us about things that are bothering her or problems and I can relate to them completely, it's not really something you'd fake.

If I did say something I would NEVER do it when she was on cam, or when she was getting ready, I know better than that. I've seen people do it too and it's always cringe inducing. Or just showing their feelings in general so often, idk. I could be wrong with this but I feel that it would get annoying or weigh down on my conscience if I had regulars telling me they loved me all the time.

I definitely get what you're saying in the first part of your post though and I think that's the real problem. When we get down to brass tacks the reality is that I'll always be someone she met on MFC. Even if I say that I'm different, it means nothing. Even if she feels I'm different there will always be an apprehension when it comes to making anything more from this, it sucks, but I get it.

As always, the answer lies within an episode of Adventure Time...

View attachment 59942

It's not just an infatuation though, and I know because this isn't something that happens to me often, hardly ever. I know exactly what I want in a person, I'm very particular. I've been interested in a lot of girls and it's just a different feeling, I don't know how to explain it any more than that. It's not the feeling of being wanted, it's not an ideal image I've sculpted in my head, it's something I've been looking for since before we met, and genuinely feel that I found in her. Again though, I wouldn't call it love when we've never met in person, and I know very well that things could be completely different if that happens so it's not that I have an expectation in mind either. It's just that I'm a guy and shes a girl, and the possibility is there.

 

[Omne35]

It's not just an infatuation though, and I know because this isn't something that happens to me often, hardly ever. I know exactly what I want in a person, I'm very particular. I've been interested in a lot of girls and it's just a different feeling, I don't know how to explain it any more than that. It's not the feeling of being wanted, it's not an ideal image I've sculpted in my head, it's something I've been looking for since before we met, and genuinely feel that I found in her. Again though, I wouldn't call it love when we've never met in person, and I know very well that things could be completely different if that happens so it's not that I have an expectation in mind either. It's just that I'm a guy and shes a girl, and the possibility is there.

Consider this, you are seeing her in a fixed setting that's pretty artificial. Meeting someone in this type of situation isn't the same as meeting them at work or socially, by definition they are acting in a role, a cam model. You aren't seeing her react to everyday situations or other people. It may seem like you know her well but you're only seeing a sliver of what she's like as a person. Given this as a possibility do you think you might be projecting what you want her to be and that might be causing your feelings? I don't mean she's an ideal image but you may be creating that "something" you've been looking for based on a limited knowledge of what she's like. You say you don't have any expectations but obviously you have quite a few if you are feeling emotions as strong as what you say. If it was just a guy and a girl thing you would feel this way about all the cam models.

When you meet people in real life you see more of what they are and that includes things that aren't ideal. In this case you haven't seen anything that contradicts the "something" so the feelings continue. You haven't seen her frantic or stressed out over things like bills or a broken water heater. You also haven't argued with her or had her angry with you. You've seen pretty much the good stuff, which would include things that make you feel like a protector if she is hurt or upset.

The main reason I'm bringing this up is that I've been there, done that. Not with a cam model but on online relationship many years ago. The reality can be vastly different than the model you build in your mind. Just dealing with someone before they've had their morning coffee can be an adventure.

I may be completely wrong but sit down and actually list out what you know about her and her life. Family, upbringing, school, friends etc.. Consider what emotions you've seen from her, including negative ones. Unless you know a lot more about her than I think you do you might not have a sound basis for your feelings after all.