Leaving your hometown

[VeronicaChaos]

Last week a friend of mine from highschool visited me in the second city I've lived in since leaving our hometown 5 years ago, and it got me thinking. I could write an essay about how leaving was the greatest decision of my life, and how it's changed the way I view life and broadened my horizons in ways that weren't possible back home, but I'm more curious about what you guys have to say about it. Have you left your hometown? Do you regret it? Did you move back? Are you still there? Do you plan on moving away at any point? If so, what's stopping you?

I do think some people are perfectly capable of never moving away and being happy, but it seems like the vast majority of people would benefit from it. However, that's my personal bias. What do you think?

 

[fandango]

I grew up in quite a small town and while it was a great place to grow up there wasnt much to do there and the pace of life was kinda slow. When I was 18 I moved to go to university and it was the best thing I ever did. After I graduated and had to move back home for a while I realised very quickly that I needed to get out, it was great seeing all my old friends and I still love going back there for visits but I cant stay there its just too boring.

Now I live in London I love it, there is so much to do, so many places to go and always something happening. I couldnt imagine ever going back to small town life.

 

[AerynShade]

I grew up in a small town in the Midwest. While it was a safe-ish place to grow up, it was also dreadfully boring, and the majority of people were bigots who hated PoC, non-heteros, non-Christians, and non-gender conforming peoples. Fun times.
I moved to a bigger city for Uni where even more people were vocal about their bigotry, but also more people were accepting. For awhile it was the most dangerous city in the US. It was still better than my hometown.

Two years ago I sold all my shit, bought a ticket to Europe, and started living abroad. BEST. DECISION. EVER.
I've learned a lot about myself and the world since I've been gone. I can't see myself ever moving back to my home state. I have a hard time even imagining moving back to the US.

 

[JickyJuly]

My hometown is someplace I'm kind of proud to be from. It's unique and rough. It's an underdog. I left at 24 and moved to Tennessee which i also miss having moved to Florida. Living in the Florida is nice, but it's such a small town. It's nice seeing different places and becoming a part of them a bit. But, I miss lots of things about Michigan. They have way more ethnic food. Here it's all Cuban. I miss Halo Burger. I miss people not thinking I have an "accent' or say weird words. I miss my family... some of them. I miss being able to hop over to Canada like it's nothing. If Michigan had endless summer and palm trees, I never would have left I guess.

 

[MaxFlower]

I'm in the beginning stages of moving out of my hometown/state. I only know a handful of people who moved away from around here, but they either came back after a year or two, or it was only for college, or they were from families that moved around a lot. Most of my close friends have been in the state their whole lives like myself. But I don't remember the first house I lived in--this place I'm currently at is the only place I've KNOWN and I'm ready for a change.

I visited Vegas this summer and fell in love with the difference. I don't think I'm going to move there to live forever, but I'm planning to move there and make it my first (necessary) big life change.

I actually see myself being the kind of person to move around the country a lot. Maybe once I do it this first time, I'll move every few years (as long as I can afford it). I have commitment issues.

The only thing stopping me from picking up my life and moving NOW is money. But this idea and inspiration to move has pulled me out of my depression and now I have something to work for. I'm aiming to be in a new place shortly after the new year begins.

 

[ACFFAN69]

I moved from Toronto to a college/retirement town temporarily to get my bachelors degree. After this I moved to my current location for my current job. It's got a mix of big/small city feel. Both cities are only about a 3 hour drive back home though. I work from home so nothing is holding me back from moving again other then inertia and temporary convenience. A year ago I was dancing around the idea of moving across the continent to Vancouver BC as I have a few friends there and the climate is preferable.

From my experience, those that decide to move strictly to "run away and start fresh" never end up happy. They generally aren't recognizing what made them unhappy in the first place and fall back into old habits. There is that old Latin quote from Horace: "They change their sky, not their soul, who rush across the sea". This is, of course, coming from someone that has never lived in a small "dead-end" town. Toronto is a town that is culturally diverse with a ton of opportunists.

I think it also depends on what your goals and current level of happiness is. For some any town is as good as another and if the person is happy with their current situation then why move? I used to think that it was important to always evolve, change and improve. All my friends that didn't move haven't changed nearly as much that those who have. Thirty years later they still hang out on weekends and do similar things they always have, but they seem happy. As I get older I have a greater respect for simple happiness.

 

[Snowie1969]

I still live in the city i was born in and grew up in. No need for me to leave anytime soon unless a job comes up with some serious payment to cover all the expenses i need to make to move there. My house is bought and my mortgage/ month is laughably small! If I were to move and rent a place, my cost of living would quadruple!

Still.. i have seen the city change around me, and mostly for the better. Some daring architecture, clever planning and a world class mayor.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

Loathe my hometown. Older family members died, younger ones moved away, and I wound up being the last one left. Felt lonely. On top of that, it grew from a small country town into a congested mess.

Can't even stand to drive through it anymore.

 

[Shaun__]

I do not have anyplace I would call a hometown. My parents divorced when I was a baby, so I was always going from one place to another. I moved to the area I am in now years ago to get a job, and I stayed since I still have one. When I retire I want to leave here though, and go make nonwork related memories somewhere else.

 

[VeronicaChaos]

From my experience, those that decide to move strictly to "run away and start fresh" never end up happy. They generally aren't recognizing what made them unhappy in the first place and fall back into old habits. There is that old Latin quote from Horace: "They change their sky, not their soul, who rush across the sea". This is, of course, coming from someone that has never lived in a small "dead-end" town. Toronto is a town that is culturally diverse with a ton of opportunists.

I think it also depends on what your goals and current level of happiness is. For some any town is as good as another and if the person is happy with their current situation then why move? I used to think that it was important to always evolve, change and improve. All my friends that didn't move haven't changed nearly as much that those who have. Thirty years later they still hang out on weekends and do similar things they always have, but they seem happy. As I get older I have a greater respect for simple happiness.

I definitely agree with you on the getting older and having more respect for the simple things for sure. I disagree that moving to start fresh is a bad thing, but yeah it depends on your reasons. If you're trying to run away from your internal problems, a therapist is probably a better investment. But lots of problems are caused by external forces; such as having a negative social circle, or living in a city you can't afford or that has no opportunity. In my case, my hometown is really poor and most of my friends got into drugs which I didn't want to get sucked into. In my new town I met those same sort of people, but I wasn't in any obligation to befriend them and hang out with them, like you are when you already have long standing friendships with people and care about them. The fresh start allows you to look at things from a level playing field and really think about the sort of company you seek and the lifestyle you want to have, without the past weighing down and influencing those decisions. The worst part is seeing that toxic environment influence your friends and wishing they would leave as well and join you on the other side.

 

[KoriNicole1]

I live in an insanely small town in east Texas. I was sent away to boarding school at 13 (not because I was bad, it's a long story) and I did that for about 2 years. It was such an eye opener for me to be with people from all over the world, they became like family to me and honestly it felt like I'd been living in a box my whole life prior to that. I've moved about 30 miles away for a year. But other than that circumstances, school, etc. have all been my excuses for leaving. But I am in the process right now of saving money to move away. Most likely to Austin. That has always been the plan for me, to move away. I'm hoping to accomplish that by next year!

 

[ZephyrCat]

You always post the coolest topics. : )

I grew up with Jerry Falwell as my neighbor in a very religious, small town. Nothing but churches and steakhouses and jerks. Moved to a bigger city for college and met SO many amazing people and learned so much. I then moved to Los Angeles. I have to leave for now to sort of reset and also because I miss my friends SO I'm going back to the city where I moved to for college. Lots of vegans and artists and a huge sense of community. I've changed in each city that I've lived in. I could never go back to my hometown to live and had I stayed, I would have been miserable. My dreams are too big for a town like that (As cliche as that might sound) NO regrets - and even the hard (or seemingly regrettable) times have shaped me. I'll be back in LA one day, but I'm excited for my next move!

 

[gigolo_joe]

I have moved twice since leaving my hometown. I wasn’t fond of my hometown especially during my high school years. My cousin had married a girl from New Orleans and after getting out of school I packed my Ford Maverick with my few possessions and stayed with them til I found a job and an apartment. New Orleans was rich in culture (different people), live music, arts and cuisine. I enjoyed it and I'm glad I was able to do that. I would have never experienced that in my hometown. I have since moved and while it is not as colorful as New Orleans it is still a nice place to live. I’m glad I moved from my hometown it is has definitely broadened my horizons and has influenced my views of life.

 

[ThunderWeasel]

I actually LIKED my hometown. For a long time, I wanted to move back there... then I saw what idiot "city planners" had done to it. The place I knew no longer exists, and the MESS that's there now is not a place I'd want to be in.

 

[pg240]

I really like my hometown and might still be there if it had presented sufficient economic opportunities for me. I liked smalltown living and actually kind of miss it. But my profession took me to larger cities and I grew to like that, too. In the end, it's mostly about you, not your residence. Still enjoy occasional visits to the old hometown, but feel more and more like a visitor as I know fewer and fewer people there.

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

Left. So much happier. No ragrats

 

[BiancaBaker]

I moved 6 mins away from my hometown 11 years ago. I would love out of MA but not for another 8 years unfortunately.

Then to Florida I go forever.

 

[Lelo1]

Left, I went back one to see, instantly remember why I left.

If I had to do it again. I think I would have tried to keep in touch with my parents more. At the time I though I needed to do every thing by myself. Turned out having no one to talk to just meant I made a bunch of bad desisstions.

Really it could be any one. Just some one who will call you out on your shit; and be supportive.

 

[Gen]

When I was 19 I moved to another province. I'd already lived on my own before that so it wasn't like moving out for the first time, but of course moving anywhere new you kind of have to re-establish yourself, find new places, meet new friends, etc. Honestly because it was still in the country, the culture wasn't drastically different (though certainly some changes!) so it wasn't like, some eye-opening, soul-changing experience. It was just nice to go places without constantly running into people from elementary school, haha.

I probably benefited from it in that it gave me a bit of space between my family and I, and some shitty experiences back home. But maybe moving somewhere with a different language or drastically different culture would've felt like more of a change?

I'm super glad I did it though, I made some nice friends, dated some interesting people, had a really great job and worked through some issues that would've been harder to do at home. I knew the whole time that it'd be temporary, and so I moved back to my hometown after a few years, which is what I wanted to do from the get go. I'm happy I moved to the new city and happy I moved back! Both have been awesome.

 

[Empress Mika]

I think it really depends on what you get out of the place you chose to live in. I grew up in a major city but my family and I moved when I was 18 to a much, much smaller city across the country. Being young, I wanted more of what I was used to back in the larger city so I moved. After a few years as a young professional, I had my time. For me, there just isn't any place like home (where, to me, is where my family is). I have since moved back and am very happy to be back in a smaller town, to not have that hustle lifestyle (although now I hustle online but it's different when it's a "normal" job) and to be near my family again. Luckily for us cam models, we can live mostly wherever we want and still have our job so... take advantage of that and find what and where makes you happy! It'll also show on cam so it's a win/win!

 

[David_Lee_Loca]

Still live in my hometown, but I hope to leave one day. It's not like my city is super-terrible, but we have our problems and people here are rude as hell considering it's a small-ish Midwest town. I'm glad to say I grew up here, but I know I'd be a lot happier in a new environment. I don't like the way my entire STATE is headed and I would love to move within the next 5 years or before I start having kids. I don't have anywhere particular in mind yet, I just know I want it to be warm. I don't think I could ever miss the snow-pocalypse that we get every year.

 

[n_i_c_u]

The city I grew up in is kind of big, but is divided into counties, each with their own identity (race, creed, income...that kind of stuff). Common first words to get to know someone is "what high school did you go to"? The answer one gives, apparently, says a lot about a person and their lot in life. My family and I never really ventured out into the communities around us. I guess they were scared of other people not like them.

I moved to a smallish town for college but the economic and race levels were more relegated to neighborhoods: "What side of Broadway Ave. did you grow up on?" apparently decided your lot in life. But, this is where I figured out that weirdness is cool; Anything was better than the same ole same ole and I met cool peoples (on the wrong side of Broadway) and this helped to nurture my current reality...

I did move back to my hometown, but, found the the most culturally diverse neighborhood/ community I could find (never heard of the place growing up). No particular set of individuals dominate the cultural makeup and I see every kind of person imaginable living and visiting, and it all seems fluid and easy. It's almost like all the outer realities in the city congregate here as one for awesome weirdness...which is cool.

 

[gingerhobbit]

I grew up in a small college town in Arkansas.

Left to join the Army when I was 19 and haven't been back since, except for a couple of very brief visits. Most of the people I grew up with are living the exact same lives they were when I took off 20-something years ago. Don't regret getting out of there at all.

Been living in Florida most of my adult life now, and I'm thinking it's time to relocate. Portland, Oregon looks like the next stop.

FWIW, I think everybody should get out of their hometowns and see other places. The world is too fascinating not to.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Just over a year ago, I left my "hometown" which never felt like home, but is the place I lived the longest and where most of my family is. I did it hastily and foolishly, but I wouldn't change it. All's well that ends well. I honestly felt like I had met everyone and done everything in my old city, and it seemed a little suffocating. It was like I couldn't go ANYWHERE without running into people I knew. Which is great, familiar faces are nice and comforting, but sometimes I just wanna do my grocery shopping without having to stand and chat for 20 minutes. And I have lots of new places to go and experiences to experience here, New Spice is the spice of life.

Here, I can go out and buy my frozen pizza and ice cream in peace. Well, okay, that's not true. Replace nice and comforting familiar faces with random stranger faces. But I feel much less rude telling a stranger I'd like to excuse myself, than someone I've known since elementary school. I love the feeling of anonymity here.

I also think moving was good for me because it was hard to figure out how to tell people from my old city about camming, since they'd known me so long and it felt like some would be quick to judge. I would spend a lot of time worrying about whether or not my friends would "accept" this new part of my life, even though I knew that if they didn't, I'd be better off without them. I felt very torn on whether it would be better to tell them and risk the loss, or be dishonest about the job that I love and that has improved my life so much. It was stressful to feel like I always had to watch myself to make sure I was keeping the right things under wraps. Here, when I meet new people, if they don't like what I tell them about myself... No real loss. It's a lot better to not feel like I'm in hiding. Hella liberating. And I can just ignore what people back home say, because whatever, out of sight and all that.

The feeling of independence I gained from leaving "home" is priceless.

 

[gigolo_joe]

Small town gossip can be brutal!

 

[bud9752]

" Everybody dies Famous in a small town"

 

[Sevrin]

I was born in one place, got moved to another place in another country at 3, then to another continent at 9, then back to where I was born at 15, and that's where I've stayed. I've seen enough of other places to last me at this point.

Which would be my hometown?

 

[nikki_bbw]

I just moved out of my hometown to Las Vegas earlier this year. It's so difficult not having anyone near me for support that sometimes I think I was too impulsive and didn't think it through enough before coming here. I'm originally from So Cal, but it wasn't the good hippy cultural urban part of So Cal that I'd love to be a resident of (unfortunately can't afford that cost of living by myself right now). The city I came from was like a small close-minded city by California standards. Not alot of industry or recreation for younger 20 and 30 somethings. I couldn't wait to leave. Vegas has started to grow on me lately and I'm loving the affordable housing and the hodge podge of people. When I go to the bank the manager is from England. I had the cutest girl come to my door the other day to sell me a new cable package and she was from Siberia! I love broadening my horizons as far as the people who come into my life. I want to make new friends, try different experiences, and most importantly get out of my comfort zone. None of which was happening for me in my hometown. It's so stagnant there it's not even funny.

So yes I sometimes want to cry and pull my hair out because all of my fam is back in Cali, but I'm seeing changes within myself that I don't think would have happened had I not taken that leap. Vegas is not the place I want to be forever (I really want to end up in San Diego), but it's a nice change of scenery if you can get over the 110 degree days. Blegh, my electric bill is freaking outrageous!