Just me rambling

[AmberCutie]

So I've had a couple of outbursts lately, both on Twitter and in different sections of the forum... not to mention the fact that I went all emo (right on hormonal schedule!) on cam on Friday night. But that's just me. I constantly try to keep my frustrations and feelings in a constructive place. Sometimes they burst out. I'm human.

By putting myself out there like I do, I need to be weary of the things I say. I'm always trying to give a positive impression to new models and even to other MFC members, and generally that's just the way I am. But I'm not perfect by any means. I've certainly got my negative opinions on certain things, I get irritated at the same things that the next girl does, it's just how I handle them that keeps me "who I am". It's tough some times.

The other problem I have with putting myself out there, is that I take attacks on this community very personally. When I hear or see something negative about this forum I can't help but feel somewhat responsible. And of course I try looking for answers as to "how" and "why" immediately, not realizing that by asking I might open myself up to hearing things I don't want to and having to try not to get emotional about it. Also, when someone takes advantage of private access here, or does something to hurt another member/model here by using information on this forum, it really just feels like taking advantage of ME and MY generosity. It really gets me worked up to the point where I just want to give up and take it all away from them. But in doing so, I'd take it away from all of the great-spirited, sweet people that I've come to know and love via the Internet and MFC.

So for the last 2 days, I hardly checked my Twitter, didn't put much time or effort into keeping up with the forum, and certainly didn't log on to MFC to be on cam (sorry I canceled my Saturday Shower Show! ) nor to watch other girls. It was a sweet break. And today when I got up, I was ready to tackle some issues here on the forum that I had been avoiding due to the frustration I harbored for the last couple of weeks. I still have one huge issue to handle, though I don't know how, but I'm starting to feel the relief already.

Going into this week with as much of a positive attitude as I can, I plan to just let go of worries when I get on cam and do my best to catch up to where I need to be. I'm quite a bit behind (token-wise) where I'd normally be at this time of the month, partially my fault, partially to be blamed on tax season I would assume. While I need to personally strive to stick to a schedule and be proactive about doing well, I also need to accept the fact that my success is sometimes out of my hands and based on luck and good timing. Sometimes a girl can put on her most high-energy show, hustle her ass off, and still come up with less tokens than she anticipated. (Much like Friday night's oil show... any other time of the month/year those shows are GREAT but hurr durr I decided to do mine on the same day as the US Tax deadline. Doh!)

So, anyway... this post really isn't an apology for any of my outbursts or for my actions. I don't feel I need to apologize for just being myself. But I just wanted to let all my friends and followers know what was happening and how I'm feeling. As much as I strive to be "your fantasy, digital girlfriend, web-stripper girl", I've got feelings and frustrations that will surely leak out from time to time, and hopefully you keep on surviving them with me.

 

[NaomiRose]

You're awesome!

 

[JessicaLynn]

Hey Amber!
Cheer up! We all need to take a break from everything every once in awhile. You have to keep yourself happy before you can think about others (I don't want to sound mean lol) but its the truth, lol.

PS. Thanks for having me on here I'm fairly new to MFC and the whole modeling thing, but glad that I found you and your site

 

[morment]

I actually enjoyed seeing your feisty side on twitter the other day, just my :twocents-02cents:

 

[AmberCutie]

I actually enjoyed seeing your feisty side on twitter the other day, just my :twocents-02cents:

I guess I find all sortsa ways to make people smile or laugh, huh?

 

[mistahbah]

We :romance-heartbeating: Ambah!

 

[LailaBaise]

We love you Amber!!! xxx

 

[Nerdy_Boy]

Amber, I wouldn't have it any other way, than you just being you, with everything that comes with that. Your have created a great community, and as sole admin you take on a heavy load on your shoulders. When things go wrong, everyone looks to you to solve it, and that is alot of pressure for one person. I can see how frustration can set in, and I'm glad you try to work through it, inorder to keep this community open to the great people on your site.

It's totally understandable you take it personal, because you have created a wonderful community and hurts when someone takes advantage of your generosity. There is no need for you to apologize, sometimes you get upset and emotion. I think we all know you are doing the best you can with all of your responsibilities. And at some point you need to take a break from it all. You certainly deserve time to yourself to refocus.

I have only been on MFC for 7 months, and 1 1/2 months on these forums. And when someone attacks you or this community, I take it personal. I'm sure I'm not the only one with this same sentiment, so you are not really alone, we are here to support you any way we can.

We love you, Amber

 

[AshaSnow]

For the record, you are a queen in helping to foster a feeling of community in the world of MFC. Without this forum I would have much less to get excited about on a daily basis. I would not get to interact with other girls or premiums nearly as much -- I don't really watch models' cams very often if at all so I really appreciate having a place where I can stay in the loop and say what I want and listen to other girls' stories and what's on the mind of the guys who support us. So thank you for putting up with as much as you do and for making my little lonerly world just a little bit friendlier

 

[Felicity]

Sometimes I wish that mfc would crash for a week solid so that everyone would get a mandatory vacation away, and nobody would have to worry because everyone would be in the same boat.

What you wrote feels exactly like how I have been feeling, but I can't agree more with Asha. Everyone here loves you, but it's also not fair to put so much responsibility on you because you never signed up to be den-mother for thousands of people signed up here. (I don't know if there's that many people, but sometimes it feels like it!)

I lub you. :love6:

 

[AmberCutie]

Thank you so much you guys. :love7:

 

[Kittycatpurr]

You do a stellar job keeping the forum together along with everything else. I daresay the people that take it upon themselves to make digs about it are what I like to call armchair activists - in other words they're very good at being critical but don't actually have it in them to make any effort in their lives beyond digging at other people. I say, if you're going to spend time trying to rip something to shreds you should be prepared to come up with a viable alternative and do it better or STFU and stop being a whiney arsehole. Life is full of overinflated windbags full of opinions who aren't actually capable of doing anything worthy of comment themselves. Ignore them because their opinions are worthless.

I think you do a fucking fab job with all of your responsibilities and I for one would feel a lot less involved in my own camlife if this forum didn't exist (and many thanks to Fluff aka KarmelKiss for telling me about it in the first place). So, give yourself a large pat on the back Amber because you definitely deserve it and a whole lot more. I think you're ace :-D (and i shall be sending dog poo bombs to anyone who says otherwise)

 

[Sevrin]

:romance-grouphug:

Huggles to Amber. :romance-inlove:

 

[Eva_ChangeN]

You do a stellar job keeping the forum together along with everything else. I daresay the people that take it upon themselves to make digs about it are what I like to call armchair activists - in other words they're very good at being critical but don't actually have it in them to make any effort in their lives beyond digging at other people. I say, if you're going to spend time trying to rip something to shreds you should be prepared to come up with a viable alternative and do it better or STFU and stop being a whiney arsehole. Life is full of overinflated windbags full of opinions who aren't actually capable of doing anything worthy of comment themselves. Ignore them because their opinions are worthless.

I think you do a fucking fab job with all of your responsibilities and I for one would feel a lot less involved in my own camlife if this forum didn't exist (and many thanks to Fluff aka KarmelKiss for telling me about it in the first place). So, give yourself a large pat on the back Amber because you definitely deserve it and a whole lot more. I think you're ace :-D (and i shall be sending dog poo bombs to anyone who says otherwise)

couldn't say this any better!

 

[Walter_Mitty]

I think the position you find yourself in is uniquely difficult because, unlike the non-models here, you are your business. If I worked for say, Bank of America and someone said something negative about BofA or choose to do business with Citibank instead I wouldn't take it personally. But if I was the sole proprietor of a business whose product I was very proud of and whose customer base I was very in touch with and valued a great deal, then someone being negative about me or my customers constitutes a personal insult. That can't be an easy situation to be in, especially when you are the product/service. (I say this not in attempt to objectify you as a person, simply to try and frame the conversation in the context of a person trying to make a living running her own small business.)

I think what further complicates matters for your line of work is that it is difficult to monetize what you do. There's obviously a few dozen people willing to throw tokens your way out of say, solidarity, but I'd have to figure the reason most of the tokens that come your way do so is because people are paying for something. That something is going to differ on a person by person basis, be it a perceived emotion connection or an oil show in group. The bottom line is, for most of your customers, you're trying to convert emotions (ranging from sympathy to lust) into tokens and that ain't easy. Moreover, it's an emotional investment on your part and if it doesn't pay off, well, I'd be pissed too.

In the end, you wind up personally and emotionally exposed, competing with dozens of other models, most of whom are in the same boat you are. It's not a 9 to 5 in a cubicle or even the odd shift at Starbucks, it's a set of demands on you, your body, and your time that are wholly unique to what you do. I'm not a psychiatrist so I won't bother trying to tell you how to "feel" better about it, but I am a financial analyst so if I can be of any assistance to you on the token flow side of things, please don't hesitate to contact me. Sometimes we have money, sometimes we don't, but I think all of us on this forum are rooting for you and at the end of the day we'd rather see you take your breaks and blow off your steam than lose it altogether. Keep up the good work.

 

[AmberCutie]

Wow. Walter, you blew me away with the way you worded that post. Thank you!

I think it's funny the extreme opposite approaches a webcam girl can take to her job. One would think that the ultimate approach would be to mask all personal emotion, fake all of her interactions so they favor whomever they're trying to get money from, and ONLY put their best foot forward. I can't imagine doing it this way, nor do I understand how the girls who DO survive the industry for very long.

I think the thing that does keep me going is that my approach is to be as real as possible without putting my safety at risk. So you'll get the occasional blog post like the one above from me, you'll get the occasional outburst of anger or tears, and you can bet your ass you'll only get genuine interactions from me, whether they're flattering to you or not. I'm never going to try and trick you into giving me money, I want you to WANT to.

I don't know if we'll ever really verify which one ends up being more profitable in the end, but all I know is that I will be able to survive the camgirl life much longer being able to be open about my thoughts, opinions, and feelings. Once my camgirl career is over, said, and done, I can look back knowing I was still myself for those years (minus the personal details). So I wonder if the "fake" cam girls would look back at that time and feel like they lost themselves in their job for a few years and ever regret it. I dunno, if their bank accounts are full, maybe they will never give 2 shits.

 

[burnside986]

Just so we're clear, I can still objectify you, right?

 

[bobdontdance]

Amber:



In full disclosure, I "perved" around MFC for a teeny bit as a guest before I signed up and did anything. When I was ready to dip my actual toe into the chat waters, I wanted to have a decent idea of what the site was like, what a lot of the girls were like, and how I wanted to proceed. I decided to also use Twitter as a major part of my "persona." I think I went about it the opposite of just about every other guy or girl who signs up to MFC to watch the girls in action. I started tweeting with cam girls before I had ever met them. I started to put myself "out there" and try and become part of the community before I did it in chat. And after watching you on cam (and staying quiet as a guest), you were definitely one of the ones I tried to reach out and speak to.

Why? Precisely for all of the reasons you mentioned above. You aren't a plastic Barbie cam model. You have good days and bad. You get pissy and sarcastic at times when treated irresponsibly or rudely. You speak your mind and you let your emotions show on cam and on Twitter. You know what that makes you? The exact same as every friend, co-worker or family member each of us run across in our daily lives. A person, no more and no less. A wonderfully sexy, large-breasted person, but a person all the same.

You're allowed to have bad days, and you're allowed to "take days off" (although I'm sure some lesser people out there will tell you otherwise). Every day isn't going to be a bed of roses, and every one of us who reads this forum and follows you on Twitter or MFC knows this. Honestly, when those emotions of yours get out and we see them, it only adds to your allure as a person to get to know. Well, it does to me, at least. I try to step up my game in tweets and in chatting to make you laugh, and I sit back in wonder as you truly do promote SUCH a sense of COMMUNITY amongst the other cam girls.

When it comes to attacks on this forum/community, no one can blame you if you take it personally. My job for years has been to do the exact opposite, watch in silence as people are verbally abused and sit back and take it and smile. I've never been self-employed, so I've not only ever had the 100% hands-on attachment to the situation, but I'd have lost that job if I did react as I wanted to. You don't have that need or situation. You work for YOU. EVERY single aspect of your "job" directly comes back and touches you, hugs you, or sadly, kicks you in the gut from time to time. And with that being the case, it is completely okay for you take such a direct emotional response to matters.

And I'll forget the fans for a moment (although I do understand, of course, that they are a HUGE part of this and that there are so many that adore you) and focus on the other cam girls. I look at the treatment you get on Twitter and on this forum from so many of the cam girls that I find witty, beautiful and fun on MFC. You have so much support from all of them because of who you are and how you respond to matters. If they aren't proud to have you as a peer and someone to chat with and share with, then they are newer girls who look up to you for making your cam "world" what it has become. I know there are MANY nice cam ladies reading your topic post about this and nodding their heads in agreement, thanking you silently for putting so eloquently the thoughts that they have every single day.

So, take a moment to enjoy what you have become to so many of us who truly matter, on both sides of the camera. Understand that none of us would be here reading, responding, and agreeing with your post right now if we didn't find you a truly fascinating, intoxicating, three-dimensional person to have in our lives. So let Amber be Amber as Amber needs to be, always.

 

[Kori_Love]

I am very thankful for everything that you provide for us models Amber, and I'm sorry some people feel the need to take advantage. I wish I had something more clever to say or advice to offer but all I can do is show appreciation. Keep your head up!

 

[TashaDutch]

forget all the haters.. and think about all the girls and guys you helped getting together on here...
always loved you at mfc.. but when i found the forum.. all i could do is admire you..
you work soo hard.. and most of all that work is for others and not yourself.. all that can get is appreciation!
but you know.. people are people.. jealousy and just beeing a jerk from nature.. does happen...
keep on going sweetheart! you're doing an awsome job!

 

[SakeBito]

And ya know, if you ever need a body to disappear we are here for ya, I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin....