FrenchKitty said:
Nordling said:
I guess I don't understand "rape play." Is it rape or even abuse if one desires it? How can you experience the pain, humiliation, fear, panic, and a bazillion other horrid feelings when you consent to do it?
There are no safe words in a dark alley.
I agree with AllisonWilder, rape play isn't rape; it's "rape fantasy put into action", and (personally) in my rape fantasies, men always "forcefully" do to me everything i'd want them to do but am too shy/ embarassed to ask for, and own up to wanting.
ETA: not saying that women say no when they mean "yes", here. What I mean is more along the lines of : I tell you beforehand what i'd like you to do, but during the actual action, I don't want to be reminded that I told you i wanted it. See what I mean? ok I'm not making this any clearer..........
A lot of women like to have the control taken away every now and then, I do too, but having sex with a chosen partner and having someone you want force themselves on you (with both of you being aware of it) is kind of sexy, because you do want it, you're just pretending you don't.
The real thing is very different, nothing like that. We might imagine in our heads horrific things happening like that, but in practise it's not something desired.
I guess for me it does depend on who's saying it, I don't like rape jokes, if they're joking about the act. I mean there are some said between friends that I've never been offended by, like the whole "well it's not rape if you shout "Surprise!!!" " said in text that sounds wrong, but said by someone male or female who clearly thinks rape is wrong in a silly atmosphere I've never seen it bothering anyone. Growing up most girls I knew had experienced some kind of force at some point, some of it pretty horrific, none of them have ever been insulted by the word, and have all actually used it in a jokey way.
The retarded jokes don't bother me, my god sister has severe learning difficulties (Reye's syndrome), I don't see the connection, I would never call her or someone else with those issues retarded, but I frequently call other people retarded/stupid. Some of my closest friends are gay, and I call people gay, so do they. I do draw the line at racist jokes though, sometimes if it's really not meant then it can be alright, but I find those who do say racist jokes are actually slightly racist. I mean I'm part welsh (my grandmother being from north wales) and the whole sheep shagging thing doesn't bother me at all, one of my best friend's very welsh, fluent speaker, and she encourages the jokes. But my cousins are chinese and so are a lot of my friends, actually all my friends are from all over the world, and I can't see how any jokes on that level would be funny.
I once dated a very dark black guy, and someone I was friends with said something about "a cheshire cat" telling me not to turn the lights out. Oh har fucking har. She had whispered it in my ear whilst I was sat next to him in a club.
I think the difference is that "rape" is just a word, it's not an act, it can't hurt us, the word "gay" comes from happy, I do associate it with homosexuality, but I don't associate the insult with homosexuality, the word retarded comes from en retard meaning "late", it's not the official word for a learning disorder, it's just saying you're slow, which many of us can be! Racist words... well they are made for the purpose of hurting someone, the words themselves hold the power.
I don't know, has anyone who's actually been raped find it insulting when someone says "facebook rape" or something similar? I don't, as far as I know no one else I know who's been through it finds it insulting, but that might just be the people I'm friends with.