Is it socially acceptable to say "rape" casually?

[TacoBelle]

Started a new thread for this topic:

Reading this made my stomach flip-flop. Gross.

In addition to the gross-out factor here, this illustrates something I've been wondering about: the casual use of the word "rape." I'm not trying to be the PC police here, but I would've thought that a lot of women would be uncomfortable with that -- hell, I'm uncomfortable with it. On MFC, I've heard lots of people, both models and members, use it casually and jokingly. Is this really okay with everyone? Has it just evolved into part of the lingo?

A while back this loser I had banned went to my profile wall and made jokes about the fire that my family had just been in, and I think I said something along the lines of "Yeah, YOUR ass is gonna burn, baby, burn when some dude with STDs shoves his cock up your ass." But yeah, you're right...it's not cool to speak casually about such a cruel, violent act, so consider that my WTF moment.

As far as MFC members thinking dirty talk means saying shit like "Damn, I wanna come out there and rape you".....they're probably idiots who never tip and take up most of the screen telling the model "what he wants to do to her". Either way, BAN the creepo. Also, if he's one of those guys with a rape fantasy fetish, he's better off finding a cam site and cam model that allows that sort of thing, and discussing it PRIVATELY with that model. The term 'rape' being used in a model's public chat is definitely gonna make somebody very uncomfortable.

I've also seen models get pissed off with the lack of tips, and fire back with comments like "I hope you all get raped by..... (or "I hope you all die.....")!" :? That's pretty uncalled for.

But are you're referring to models and members talking about rape in a *giggle, giggle* sort of way? You mean, like the guy says "You keep teasing me like that, and I might just come out there and rape you...", and then the model giggles and bats her eyelashes and says "Haha...yeah, you know you want this..." Like that?

I wasn't specifically thinking about using it in a sexually teasing kind of way, although to me that would still be a poor choice of words. Sometimes it's not even used with the literal meaning of the word intended, such as "The bank is really raping me with all these ATM charges." Just seems to me that, even when used like that, there's so much negative emotion tied up with that word that some people are going to find it jarring at least, potentially much worse than that if they happen to have personal experience with it.

 

[TacoBelle]

Is this really okay with everyone? Has it just evolved into part of the lingo?

I believe the word "rape" has become more socially acceptable to use depending on the context. It used to be such a serious topic (similar to murder, deaths, etc), but they are still jokingly used often. I honestly think it's perfectly fine in today's world to refer to ATM fees raping you OR threatening sexual favors (when the feeling is most blatantly mutual). To be honest, I'd feel much more comfortable saying "If you keep teasing me like that, I'm gonna come over there and rape you!" as opposed to "If you keep teasing me, I'm gonna come over there and suck your dick (or some other sexual act)." It just seems to convey a much more playful atmosphere because both member and model understand it is merely said in a hypothetical situation. Once she starts getting more descriptive, it crosses the boundary into serious and could potentially turn people off.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I know some people are sensitive to the word, but I'm not. I use the word casually and hear it being used as well. Everyone has something that's sensitive to them, but I'm not going to walk on egg shells because of it.

 

[Shaun__]

I try to stay away from rape jokes out of concern with making women uncomfortable. It is bad enough that I am terrible about sending hug emotes without adding to the creepy factor.

They are just so cute I can not help myself.

However I do not mind if a model friend jokes with me about rape, but only a friend. Not some random model whose room I clicked in when the main page refreshed the avatars at the wrong moment.

 

[LadyLuna]

I think, in a circle of friends where the joke is understood, it's okay.

Any other situation, it's not.

I prefer not to use it in a joking manner when talking about people, or animals. However, hearing that someone got "raped by the bank" or some shit like that, I can handle easily.

 

[AmberCutie]

It's akin to saying something like "omg if you keep doing that I'm gonna kill ya" or "ugh I want to strangle you" when frustrated.

Killing is just as illegal and scary and wrong as rape, amirite?

But this is something said constantly. Casually. Jokingly. It doesn't mean that there will be an actual murder taking place. Words don't have to be so goddamned serious.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I also wanted to add that I try my best to be sensitive to friends. Like when things are bad I always say, "fuck, I want to shoot myself in the head!!!" Well, my close friends father shot himself in the head, so I try my best not to say that around her. If I knew a friend was raped, I might try to refrain. But I think it's the same as saying, " that's so gay." " you are retarded." For me, it's not a big deal.

 

[Jupiter551]

I tend to not use it, but I think it's just come out of internet/gaming culture. 'OMFG I just got raped by alliance as I zoned out'. 'our team got completely raped'. This is pretty common language in online games and has been for years, I think it has probably trivialised the word - which doesn't and shouldn't mean it trivialises the act.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

Random story that I think is slightly relevant...maybe not? Ha
So I had this heavier friend. She was having a bad day. When I have a bad day, I eat ice cream. So I said, "Fuck them. Let's go eat ice cream all day." She started bawling and thought I was calling her fat? :shock:
I just can't deal with people like that. It's all about intentions.
Sorry for all the replies, I'm on a caffeine high.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

its come up in my room a few times. While I hear what amber says - I am personally sensitive to it. Especially when its used in a way "I just wanna rape that asshole" in my chat. I politely ask them to use another word, such as 'ravage'

 

[Nordling]

It's probably always a poor term to use, but when it's used literally, the creep factor goes way up. I've used it as metaphor, but rethinking, I probably should have found a better word.

Also, I'm not fond of the F bomb when used literally, as in "I want to fuck you." Seems to me that it's relegating the sex act to a mere mechanical function of pleasure--which is fine--but it's not particularly complementary to the person you say it to, unless you really mean to be "objectifying."

 

[IsabellaSnow]

How many of you have been fraped? lol think of where that word comes from! Yeah it's become a pretty casual word, not the real use for it, but you get people who hug-rape you, or you might say you rape your friends because you love them so much you might jump on them every now and then in a funny/silly way. Or maybe you're in a big field of rape. ahem..... the plant, not the action....

I think it gets used as a casual word because really it's so horrific, it's nicer to use the word lightly, but some people, probably older generations wouldn't find it as funny as we do the idea of raping someone's phone and sending the same bloody pervy indian guy from uni halls dirty messages to come to my room. It was NOT funny for me, well, it was kind of funny, but not as amazing as it apparently was for my friends, poor guy, he really did think I wanted him... That'll teach him for stealing my bacon first week of freshers!
I guess it's started being used as anything that's an invasion of someone privacy, so the term is kind of true, but those things are done to be funny. The real original term is NOT remotely funny or casual, at least it shouldn't be! In fact it just shouldn't exist in the first place!
As Lollipop just said, a guy saying they want to rape my or another girls arsehole isn't funny or cool, because it's a more serious sense of the word. Also it's who it comes from, your best friend saying to you "I'm going to come over there and rape you" Just means they'll probably jump on you so you fall over, I'd roll my eyes/laugh, whilst if a member said that, whether or not they were trying to use it as a term of endearment/to be funny, I would be freaked the fuck out!!!

 

[HarmlessSquirrel]

It's akin to saying something like "omg if you keep doing that I'm gonna kill ya" or "ugh I want to strangle you" when frustrated.

Killing is just as illegal and scary and wrong as rape, amirite?

But this is something said constantly. Casually. Jokingly. It doesn't mean that there will be an actual murder taking place. Words don't have to be so goddamned serious.

Yeah, I figured a lot of people would feel this way, but as Shaun says, I avoid using it because I'm not sure when I might happen to be around someone who is sensitive to it and might have a very good reason to be. I guess it has, in fact, just become part of the lingo. I'd heard it before but not nearly so much as I do on MFC. Most of my gaming is done solo, so I don't hear it from that.

I see a few people have weighed in on the not-so-comfortable hearing it side of the issue since I started typing this, and yes, how and when it is used also matters.

Anyhow, I'm not looking to add to the list of words that thou must not say (I hate that crap), but I was wondering how people felt about it, especially women, so this seemed like a good place to ask.

 

[Beach_Love]

As someone who does not give a fuck about being PC or what others think I'm gonna chime in w/ a big fat NO. While it has become culturally acceptable, in the minute or two I thought about it having seen this topic I decided I am no longer going to use it (not that I think I ever did that much). Here's why, actual Rape is far to prevalent to use the word casually or in a flippant manner. I would hate to unknowingly use it in front of someone who has direct or indirect experience with it. It would make me really sad to think I brought up that horrible experience (theirs or someone they know) and I don't want anyone to think I condone it in any way shape or form. That being said if you go see Daniel Tosh or any other comedian that's known for their blue material and you don't want hear Rape jokes, you're gonna have a bad time.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Here's why, actual Rape is far to prevalent to use the word casually or in a flippant manner. I would hate to unknowingly use it in front of someone who has direct or indirect experience with it. It would make me really sad to think I brought up that horrible experience (theirs or someone they know) and I don't want anyone to think I condone it in any way shape or form.

Well, I've had experience with the real thing, and it really doesn't bother me. Like none of my gay best friends care about people using gay as an insult. They say "oh my god, you're so gay!" as much as I do. Like if a friend tells me to stop being such a girl etc. If a man uses the word rape in a sexual way, whether or not they're joking, that I don't like, i'm not going to flip out though because it's the act, not the word that bothers me. I mean let's face it, how many people get raped and say the word "rape" repeatedly in their head? The word afterwards can become very scary, but it's still not the same word you're using to say you're facebook raping someone, to me they are very different words. Personally I prefer it being used as a light term because although the act of rape can be horrific, it means you don't have to fear the word as much. But that's just how I feel, out of other girls who've experienced these things I haven't met any of them who've ever expressed any kind of care hearing the word thrown about in that term, they actually all use it a lot. What would annoy them is people saying it happened when really they're crying wolf.
I swear this kind of stuff rarely bothers the people who've actually experienced it, it's always the people who haven't who make a big fuss and then it winds those who have experienced it up. Like when a child falls over, if no one makes a fuss they'll just get back up and carry on playing, it's when everyone rushes over and makes a fuss that the child realises it's been hurt and starts crying/hurting, whilst before the child had fallen, felt the pain, accepted it and moved on.

 

[Rose]

This kinda goes along the lines of 'that's retarded' and 'that's gay' for me. It's not a word I use often though but in certain settings I don't necessarily think it's uncalled for.

Some background why I'm ok with it:
Growing up, I was friends with several mentally handicapped students and more than a few gay students in school. Every single one of my handicapped friends would use "that's retarded!" in regards to something being stupid. Hell, I remember an incident where one of them called a school bully retarded because he thought it was ok to be a bully. Surprisingly, getting called retarded by someone who's mentally handicapped got him to stop bullying people. Absolutely all of my gay friends ever have used "that's so gay". I have yet to have a gay or transgender friend that didn't use that term. Why? I have no farking idea but it's just something they've always said. I even had a friend who would say that about clothing he didn't like and then would flip his hand out and cock his hips, very stereotypical and very hilarious.

So, if my mentally challenged friends and gay friends can use those terms in conversation, I don't see why I can't so long as the company around me when I'm using said terms is appropriate. Ie. it's ok to say that around my good friends but probably not in front of my grandpa. :twocents-02cents:

 

[Beach_Love]

Isabella, thank you for your perspective. My reply was honest knee jerk reaction upon seeing another really great discussion topic here on ACF. Other than "Rape Van" I don't think I've ever used really used the word casually. It's actually kinda weird now that I think about it b/c I find most "offensive" subjects funny, and don't hesitate to joke about them.

 

[LuckySmiles]

I'm a fan of the term "eyerape" in a joking manner... hundreds of thousands of men and women are eyeraped every weekend at your local pub.
Sexy lady with lowcut top mentions to her companion,"Dude, creeper in the corner, is eyeraping me."
Eyerapers can be someone you do not find attractive with a socially awkward stare undressing you with their eyes, or even that hot guy that gives you the up and down on a stroll back from the restroom...
Eyerapists come in all shapes sizes colors and genders...
Women eyerape men, but are usually more discreet, some argue the stare has to be considered uncomfortable to charged as an eyerape.
occasionally Eyerape can even lead to marriage.

:twocents-02cents:

 

[AllisonWilder]

I'm not a fan of the word, not because of what it is or the act or anything, but because it's just not a sexy word. I can imagine that nothing would kill my lady boner faster than someone saying they were going to rape me, even if I know it's jokingly. Then again, I'm a rape survivor and I've gotten to know many other rape survivors since then so maybe I'm just too sensitive to it. I never call anyone out on using it casually, but it's one of those things I'll just always remember being said and that can be a bit of a turn off.

In the grand scheme of things it's not really that big of a deal, it's just such a powerful word that I'd rather use something silly and sexy.

 

[RogueWarrior]

To be honest, I'd feel much more comfortable saying "If you keep teasing me like that, I'm gonna come over there and rape you!" as opposed to "If you keep teasing me, I'm gonna come over there and suck your dick (or some other sexual act)." It just seems to convey a much more playful atmosphere because both member and model understand it is merely said in a hypothetical situation. Once she starts getting more descriptive, it crosses the boundary into serious and could potentially turn people off.

Herein lies the crux of the discussion. If a female says this it takes on a very different connotation than if said by a male. I believe that is why the members take on this has been very different than the models. If a girl says "I'm gonna take you home and rape you" it pretty much is taken that she is gonna be all over you. If a guy says the same thing, it conjures up images of forced penetration without mutual consent.

Double standard? Sure. The world is full of them.

From the previous posts, I have more, but will stay on topic for now. :-D

 

[AmberCutie]

A new question to throw in the mix:

Is it wrong for girls to have rape fantasies? It's a pretty common one.

 

[AllisonWilder]

I don't think that a fantasy that's acted out between consenting adults could ever be wrong.

 

[Rose]

I don't think that a fantasy that's acted out between consenting adults could ever be wrong.

Yes but no. There are some illegal measures that could be acted out between two consenting adults that would still be wrong for moral reasons. Cannibalism for one example....

In the context of Amber's question, I don't think it's wrong so long as any of those fantasies are acted out between consenting adults that have discussed the details prior.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

A new question to throw in the mix:

Is it wrong for girls to have rape fantasies? It's a pretty common one.

Not at all. Why would it be?
A fantasy is only a thought, and if anything, the girl is a victim in her fantasy. What harm can that do?

 

[AmberCutie]

A new question to throw in the mix:

Is it wrong for girls to have rape fantasies? It's a pretty common one.

Not at all. Why would it be?
A fantasy is only a thought, and if anything, the girl is a victim in her fantasy. What harm can that do?

I just wondered what responses would be to that, since to some people it's wrong to even say the word in a casual way I can only assume those people would also say a girl is wrong to be turned on by fantasy of it.

 

[Jupiter551]

I have always thought rape fantasy is more about letting someone else (you trust, and want to have sex with) take control - so I've always thought of it as more like bondage, without the silly rubber masks and stuff

 

[PlayboyMegan]

A new question to throw in the mix:

Is it wrong for girls to have rape fantasies? It's a pretty common one.

Not at all. Why would it be?
A fantasy is only a thought, and if anything, the girl is a victim in her fantasy. What harm can that do?

I just wondered what responses would be to that, since to some people it's wrong to even say the word in a casual way I can only assume those people would also say a girl is wrong to be turned on by fantasy of it.

Ahhhhh I see where you are coming from now! That's a good point. I guess the only difference is with rape fantasy, it's in your head. With joking about rape, it's said out loud where it can trigger others.
Of course, I still stick by what I said previously.

 

[HarmlessSquirrel]

A new question to throw in the mix:

Is it wrong for girls to have rape fantasies? It's a pretty common one.

Not at all. Why would it be?
A fantasy is only a thought, and if anything, the girl is a victim in her fantasy. What harm can that do?

I just wondered what responses would be to that, since to some people it's wrong to even say the word in a casual way I can only assume those people would also say a girl is wrong to be turned on by fantasy of it.

Ahhhhh I see where you are coming from now! That's a good point. I guess the only difference is with rape fantasy, it's in your head. With joking about rape, it's said out loud where it can trigger others.
Of course, I still stick by what I said previously.

Exactly. The reason why saying it casually (among people you don't know that well) could be a problem is that someone present could be upset by it. You can think about anything you like, and nobody else is going to be affected. And presumably if you decide to share the fantasy with someone else, it would be someone you know pretty well and would have a good idea as to whether or not it would bother them.

 

[Shaun__]

A new question to throw in the mix:

Is it wrong for girls to have rape fantasies? It's a pretty common one.

I always wonder who is doing the raping in those fantasies. I suspect it is a man they would like to have sex with.


A

or B

 

[WickedTouch]

A new question to throw in the mix:

Is it wrong for girls to have rape fantasies? It's a pretty common one.

Not at all. Why would it be?
A fantasy is only a thought, and if anything, the girl is a victim in her fantasy. What harm can that do?

I just wondered what responses would be to that, since to some people it's wrong to even say the word in a casual way I can only assume those people would also say a girl is wrong to be turned on by fantasy of it.

Ahhhhh I see where you are coming from now! That's a good point. I guess the only difference is with rape fantasy, it's in your head. With joking about rape, it's said out loud where it can trigger others.
Of course, I still stick by what I said previously.

Exactly. The reason why saying it casually (among people you don't know that well) could be a problem is that someone present could be upset by it. You can think about anything you like, and nobody else is going to be affected. And presumably if you decide to share the fantasy with someone else, it would be someone you know pretty well and would have a good idea as to whether or not it would bother them.

Personally I don't think that the term rape can ever be used to mean something which is inoffensive. It's too bad a deal to be used in an acceptable way.

Rape in itself is more about violence and control, where sex is the weapon that is used. In light of that, when used in a rape fantasy scenario, I would imagine that such a fantasy would be high on the sex and control... but way down on the violence. Consider this.... would your favourite fantasy guy be as appealing if he were to use you as a punch bag first, hit you with a brick perhaps, strangle you to near unconsciousness and then have sex with you... most certainly not!

I think therefore to use it in a casual sense, without knowing who has experienced and suffered in that way, would be tactless at best and offensive at worst.


So for me... a big thumbs down... I say its always gonna be socially unacceptable.

:handgestures-thumbdown:


:twocents-02cents: