Is going on camsites cheating?

[fandango]

I don't think the other woman (or man, for that matter) ever has any responsibility when it comes to someone else cheating on their partner.

I would only agree with that if the third person didn't know that the person doing the cheating was in a relationship. If they knew the other person was in a relationship or married and still did it anyway then they are just as responsible and shitty as the cheater.

Camming is different though and a cam model can't be considered in that way as she is just doing her job.

 

[nekogasuki]

If they knew the other person was in a relationship or married and still did it anyway then they are just as responsible and shitty as the cheater.

Like I said, I would never knowingly be "the other woman" because I would feel shitty doing it. I guess to be more clear, when I've been cheated on, my inclination has been to invest emotional energy (anger and blame) into the other person. If they're a stranger, what a waste of time! They don't know me. They made no commitments to me. If it was a friend, that would be different because there are relationship terms with friends as well as partners and the friend would be in violation. Basically, I think we are inclined to divert blame from our cheating partners because it softens the betrayal and that seems like a waste of time to me. Is it shitty to knowingly be the other person? I do think so, yes. Is it as shitty as being the person who agreed to be in a closed relationship and violated their partner's trust who they supposedly have a close bond to? I don't see how.

 

[Mikey_P]

Like I said, I would never knowingly be "the other woman" because I would feel shitty doing it. I guess to be more clear, when I've been cheated on, my inclination has been to invest emotional energy (anger and blame) into the other person. If they're a stranger, what a waste of time! They don't know me. They made no commitments to me. If it was a friend, that would be different because there are relationship terms with friends as well as partners and the friend would be in violation. Basically, I think we are inclined to divert blame from our cheating partners because it softens the betrayal and that seems like a waste of time to me. Is it shitty to knowingly be the other person? I do think so, yes. Is it as shitty as being the person who agreed to be in a closed relationship and violated their partner's trust who they supposedly have a close bond to? I don't see how.

You are speaking more towards HOW YOU navigate these situations. Most of us are not speaking about diverting energy or anger to the other person and taking the blame and anger away from our partner but assigning blame to the other party as well, probably not equally to the person who is directly cheating on us but recognizing that a person who willingly gets involved with a person who is in a relationship is some modicum of scum.

You are using a 'universal we' while you really are just speaking about your experiences and people like you. I get the need to blame the other person because you probably still love your cheating partner and unconsciously need to 'hate' someone other than them but what you explain is far from how everyone handles things, just how some do it.

 

[nekogasuki]

You are using a 'universal we' while you really are just speaking about your experiences and people like you.

Where did I say I was talking about everyone? I just reread both of my posts and there's a whole bunch of "I think," "in my experience," "I would never," etc. I try not to speak in absolutes in general, so if it came across that way, it wasn't intentional.

Also, sorry for derailing the topic everyone! I didn't realize it would lead to such a tangent.

 

[fandango]

Like I said, I would never knowingly be "the other woman" because I would feel shitty doing it. I guess to be more clear, when I've been cheated on, my inclination has been to invest emotional energy (anger and blame) into the other person. If they're a stranger, what a waste of time! They don't know me. They made no commitments to me. If it was a friend, that would be different because there are relationship terms with friends as well as partners and the friend would be in violation. Basically, I think we are inclined to divert blame from our cheating partners because it softens the betrayal and that seems like a waste of time to me. Is it shitty to knowingly be the other person? I do think so, yes. Is it as shitty as being the person who agreed to be in a closed relationship and violated their partner's trust who they supposedly have a close bond to? I don't see how.

The original quote had nothing to do with who to direct your anger towards or being as shitty as the cheating partner. Your original statement was that the third party never has any responsibity for someone cheating. The keywords being never and any. If that third party knew that you were together even if they only knew your partner and didn't know you then they still take some of the responsibility. The only way the third party could have no responsibility at all is if the cheating partner told the third party that they were single.

I agree that the anger should be directed at your partner but if they both knew what they were doing I don't get how only one person can be totally 100% to blame. That person might get 100% of your anger but the responsibilty is on both of them to some degree.

 

[nekogasuki]

Your original statement was that the third party never has any responsibity for someone cheating.

That's fair. Sorry, I misspoke. What I meant is that - while a personal is responsible for their own behaviors and ideally shouldn't behave selfishly to hurt even strangers - they aren't responsible for the cheater's behavior as the cheater is the one cheating. I'm going to back out of the thread now because I don't want to further derail the conversation. I just wanted to say that I wasn't trying to make any value claims about your original post or offend you.

 

[Mikey_P]

Where did I say I was talking about everyone? I just reread both of my posts and there's a whole bunch of "I think," "in my experience," "I would never," etc. I try not to speak in absolutes in general, so if it came across that way, it wasn't intentional.

Also, sorry for derailing the topic everyone! I didn't realize it would lead to such a tangent.

"I don't think the other woman (or man, for that matter) ever has any responsibility when it comes to someone else cheating on their partner. I'm saying this as someone who's been cheated on by multiple people and I've never held the people my exes have cheated with accountable."

In the above quote you create a universal and it doesn't matter that you used the seemingly magical words "I don't think" because you continue to say "ever has any responsibility" which you apply to all cheating scenarios and not just to yourself. If you wanted to create a logically consistent statement it would read more like-- 'I will never blame the person who cheated with my partner because they do not have any responsibility to me.' You also give rebuttals to other post with your personal experience while applying it to the world as a whole. So, YES, you did apply a universal, even if it wasn't your intention to do so.

Ready for the bird brains to click chill pill! LOL

 

[Gen]

Ready for the bird brains to click chill pill! LOL

You can just tag me next time, you know your argument is pedantic and ultimately pointless because it doesn't really matter if she was being universal or individual, either way she is just one person sharing her thoughts just like the rest of us. I clicked chill pill because getting all up in arms about something so small seemed chill pill worthy, and judging by the bird brain comment, it did bother you, so take the chill pill and relax a little. It's just the internet

 

[Mikey_P]

You can just tag me next time, you know your argument is pedantic and ultimately pointless because it doesn't really matter if she was being universal or individual, either way she is just one person sharing her thoughts just like the rest of us. I clicked chill pill because getting all up in arms about something so small seemed chill pill worthy, and judging by the bird brain comment, it did bother you, so take the chill pill and relax a little. It's just the internet

Ya know you aren't the only bird brain but I'm glad that you know who you are!!!!

 

[Gen]

Ya know you aren't the only bird brain but I'm glad that you know who you are!!!!

And here I thought I was special! And on Valentine's Day of all days.

 

[girlfriendcutie]

Personally, I would never be upset if i had a significant other who visited a camsite, watched porn, or went to a strip club.

Ive been in the adult industry (stripping and camming) long enough to come to my own conclusions when it comes to men and sexual desires. I believe men are hard wired and programed to want to look, fantasize and be around beautiful young women. No man is immune to this. Expecting a man to only have desires for his wife/girlfriend exclusively is silly in my book.

Of course, it's always helpful for both parties to set boundaries and limitations on if fantasies can be turned into reality.

Just like traffic jams happen at 5pm, or a dog barks at an intruder, men look and have desires to talk dirty with beautiful women. Its going to happen whether their girlfriends or wives approve of it or not. Not even famous family men are immune.

 

[uncoveredmanhole]

I have to go with the definitive no until I hear a view I hadn't considered.

my masturbation life is entirely my own. it's inalienably my right. So, too, for any partner of mine. So whether or not it's done amongst friends or strangers rather than alone is irrelevant to the relationship, just as whether or not we eat lunch alone is.


I suppose there is probably some D/S kink involving orgasm denial where a partner may feel cheated on if their sub does cumshows, though, since it undermines their role-play.

and in a parallel universe I guess you could carry on an emotional affair with a client in actuality rather than only role-play/fantasy, and you'd basically be involved in long-distance cheating. not something I think partners need to fear about camming though.

 

[uncoveredmanhole]

Ive been in the adult industry (stripping and camming) long enough to come to my own conclusions when it comes to men and sexual desires. I believe men are hard wired and programed to want to look, fantasize and be around beautiful young women. No man is immune to this.

...gay men hehe

 

[girlfriendcutie]

...gay men hehe

touche

 

[fandango]

I wasn't trying to make any value claims about your original post or offend you.

I wasn't offended, and I hope you weren't either. Just simply a different opinion that's all.

 

[Ambers Troll]

I have to go with the definitive no until I hear a view I hadn't considered.

my masturbation life is entirely my own. it's inalienably my right. So, too, for any partner of mine. So whether or not it's done amongst friends or strangers rather than alone is irrelevant to the relationship, just as whether or not we eat lunch alone is.


I suppose there is probably some D/S kink involving orgasm denial where a partner may feel cheated on if their sub does cumshows, though, since it undermines their role-play.

and in a parallel universe I guess you could carry on an emotional affair with a client in actuality rather than only role-play/fantasy, and you'd basically be involved in long-distance cheating. not something I think partners need to fear about camming though.

Your personal fantasy life only becomes cheating when you deny your partner the option to understand you through it. Deliberately hiding it from them makes it a 'no go' area for them, where you won't let them in; somewhere they are not welcome to see. Most close partnerships don't like this very much. Bring in someone else to share in that, where they were willing, I would call that cheating (even if you pay to bring someone in).

btw: It doesn't make the model the other woman/ man... their partner knows, and they have no way of knowing what you share with yours. That argument is ridiculous.

 

[Mikey_P]

Your personal fantasy life only becomes cheating when you deny your partner the option to understand you through it. Deliberately hiding it from them makes it a 'no go' area for them, where you won't let them in; somewhere they are not welcome to see. Most close partnerships don't like this very much. Bring in someone else to share in that, where they were willing, I would call that cheating (even if you pay to bring someone in).

Meh. I don't want to be in such a smothering relationship where I'm not allowed to enjoy things away from my partner. I have an interest in motorcycles, small planes, hang gliders, going to meditation retreats and a lot of these things I prefer to do alone--- Is it only sexual things, even solo sexual things that my partner 'SHOULD' have access to or is it all things? Is it just the secretive nature and are you over exaggerating how secretive and important interacting on camsites is for the average guy?

Really this right here??? ""Your personal fantasy life only becomes cheating when you deny your partner the option to understand you through it.""

I strongly disagree. Why is it necessary for a person to put everything about themselves on the table for their partner to understand? What is there to really learn about me that relates to going to a camsite?

I will never tell a partner that around 4-5 times a day I click on MFC, look for something interesting and usually leave because mostly boring models are on, then every 2 days or so I might hang out in a quality models room for about 20-60 mins and tip inconsequential amounts of money. Why would I? Why upset a partner over something so meaningless? Why put the easily butthurt type of women that I date into a position where they might think that there's something missing from our relationship when there isn't? What more does a partner learn from me because she knows this?

Disclosure for the sake of disclosure is BS and wasteful.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Why put the easily butthurt type of women that I date into a position where they might think that there's something missing from our relationship when there isn't?

Devil's Advocate, but why date women who are easily butthurt?

 

[Mikey_P]

Devil's Advocate, but why date women who are easily butthurt?

Well in my experience the other qualities that they have make up for their butthurtness. I always end up with slightly conservative 'proper' lady types or free spirit types but mostly 'proper' ladies.... So if a woman is mostly awesome and will just get butthurt over values/moral type issues, then I can deal with a bit of hypersensitivity.