In need of some guidance. :(

[dreamy peach]

Hey, guys. Please pardon my n00b status, I obvi new around here but I like ACF a lot so far.
I am 18 years old and a college student. I really need some guidance, because I have no one to talk to about this matter. I thought maybe coming to veteran cam girls with their own stories and experiences might help.

I started camming right when I turned 18, this past June. The summer was great, and I went away to college. While I was there, two hours away from home, someone anonymously sent my very conservative, right wing, strict, Christian mother photos, videos, and my MFC profile. She disowned me for months and only through intense work I have built up her trust in me again.

The thing is this... I'm camming again. My problem is that I have a conflict with wanting to please my mom and be a daughter that would make her proud, but I don't want to change who I am for her. The fact of the matter is that I have a passion for camming and I truly to enjoy it. I am extremely sexually liberal and I do not think of camming as degrading myself at all. My mother, however, is so set in her ways that she could never believe I could have a job in the sex industry and not be a whore.

I don't know what to do. If she finds out again, she would definitely disown me for good and I would lose my family. But on the other hand, I love it and it's the only way I can make enough money to stay in school. What would you do?

 

[Ambers Troll]

It seems that you have decided... I would live with the secret for now and do my best to hide it. Given the difference between you, the end result might be a broken relationship anyway. Can you live with this relationship being destroyed if it means being yourself?

I don't think our vote will help you much....best of luck

 

[MsMarxxx]

this is tough... obviously family is important, but is it more important than living the life you want to live and being yourself? that is what it boils down to ultimately. like ambers troll said, i don't think our votes are really going to make this decision for you... i just say follow your heart so that whatever you decide to do, you can be okay with the outcome.

 

[mynameisbob84]

How set are you on camming? Do you view it as a career or just something to do until you figure out what you want to do in life? If it's something that you're passionate about, that you want to (and legitimately think you can) make a living doing for the foreseeable future, if it's where you see your career lying, if it makes you happy, if you feel it's worth risking your relationship with your family over, then you absolutely should cam. You're young, but you're an adult, and that means you get to make your own decisions in life now. Just be sure it's the right decision.

If however, it's just a cool little job you've stumbled across that you enjoy for now, but don't plan on doing in any long term capacity, it's probably not worth the risk and the damage it could cause. There's nothing wrong with camming, and in a perfect world, your parents would see this, but sadly, life is often about compromise.

No matter what you choose, if you do ever find out who outed you, be sure to anonymously mail them a nice parcel of fresh dog shit.

 

[JoleneBrody]

First of all, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Secondly, I'm a firm believer that any parent who could disown their child over their personal legal sexual choices is not a good person and in no way is deserving of your life or love. I'm sure it was very shocking to see you in a way no parent would ever want to see their child (let's be honest, having missionary sex on your wedding night is not something a parent wants to picture either cuz icky!) Making the choice to disown you is HER doing, not yours.

My parents are interesting. My Father is a rock n' roll Evangelical pastor and my mother is an extreme Messianic Jew activist. (not together still obviously and Neither of which were raised in strict homes though, they both became religious later in life.) while I do not openly discuss my personal nude involvement because ick, my family knows that I own a production company and work in the adult industry... and despite wishing I was in a diff biz they respect my choices and love me regardless because that's what good people do.

You are under no obligation to allow poison into your life, family or not.

full disclosure, I have a very different view on family than the majority of the world and I know this. This is just my opinion. I do not value family as much as most.

 

[KOTJ74]

I think my biggest concern is this situation would be that someone is able to find out your personal information, to include your mother and her address, and then anonymously send her your videos, photos, etc... Figure this out, and I think you've solved a huge part of your problem.

Another thing is that you need to determine which is more important to you and then follow your heart with it. Personally, family and friends come first in my life, but that's just me. Other people could care less about family and they like to do the "Lone Ranger" thing. Also, with how your labeling your mother, maybe there is something more that's interfering with the relationship besides cam modeling? Not telling, just asking, and I don't even need to know.

Also, there are lots of ways to make money in this world. More numerous than I'm sure anybody can count. So even if the cam modeling thing isn't in your best interest, just find something else you like, put a neat spin on it, then do it well.

Another thing to keep in mind is that for a lot of people, they don't need to go to college at 18. I mean hats off to you if you do, but you can also go out and establish yourself in other areas, and then come back a short ways down the road and hit the books again. I took a similar route with my life, and it actually worked out great, and even made my college experience better, because I had legitimate adult experience to back my studies, and it made it easier to complete projects.

Another possibility would be to take some time to sit down with your mother and discuss it thoroughly. Maybe she'll even start to understand your side of things, and you may understand her perspective more as well. But regardless of what you choose, you're the one who is going to have to deal with the consequences no matter if they are good or bad, so choose wisely. Best wishes.

 

[dreamy peach]

How set are you on camming? Do you view it as a career or just something to do until you figure out what you want to do in life? If it's something that you're passionate about, that you want to (and legitimately think you can) make a living doing for the foreseeable future, if it's where you see your career lying, if it makes you happy, if you feel it's worth risking your relationship with your family over, then you absolutely should cam. You're young, but you're an adult, and that means you get to make your own decisions in life now. Just be sure it's the right decision.

If however, it's just a cool little job you've stumbled across that you enjoy for now, but don't plan on doing in any long term capacity, it's probably not worth the risk and the damage it could cause. There's nothing wrong with camming, and in a perfect world, your parents would see this, but sadly, life is often about compromise.

No matter what you choose, if you do ever find out who outed you, be sure to anonymously mail them a nice parcel of fresh dog shit.

I'm not sure if I'm always going to cam, but I'm not really sure of anything about my future right now. What I can say is that I think that I will always want to work in the sex industry, possibly on the marketing side of porn or something like that. And I can see myself camming for the next few years. It does make me happy.
It was some bastard that stalked me because I didn't want to give him a show for free.

 

[dreamy peach]

First of all, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Secondly, I'm a firm believer that any parent who could disown their child over their personal legal sexual choices is not a good person and in no way is deserving of your life or love. I'm sure it was very shocking to see you in a way no parent would ever want to see their child (let's be honest, having missionary sex on your wedding night is not something a parent wants to picture either cuz icky!) Making the choice to disown you is HER doing, not yours.

My parents are interesting. My Father is a rock n' roll Evangelical pastor and my mother is an extreme Messianic Jew activist. (not together still obviously and Neither of which were raised in strict homes though, they both became religious later in life.) while I do not openly discuss my personal nude involvement because ick, my family knows that I own a production company and work in the adult industry... and despite wishing I was in a diff biz they respect my choices and love me regardless because that's what good people do.

You are under no obligation to allow poison into your life, family or not.

full disclosure, I have a very different view on family than the majority of the world and I know this. This is just my opinion. I do not value family as much as most.

Yeah it was pretty traumatic. I've had a lot of mental issues and over the summer I went to a mental hospital. I almost failed out my senior year and was doing drugs, so my mom got treatment for me. After that everything was supposed to be good between us because her trust was restored in me. At this point I'm alone at college, managing my life and getting great grades. I was proving to her that I was better.... And then some dickhead ruined everything.
I wish I had parents that supported me. You're really lucky

 

[Sevrin]

On the one hand, you don't owe your family an explanation, but they are obviously very important to you, and it appears that having to deceive them is difficult for you.

I've no specific advice, but I hope you have folks in your real life who will support you through this. Internet buddies are all fine and good, but you're going to need a hug now and then. If there's no one in particular you feel close to, please check out the counseling services available through your school.

 

[gothicfeline]

ok.. I am a parent and I say if it was my daughter i'd support her and point her to here for any help she needed. I don't believe love, real love can have a limit put on it. its not I love you only if you do want I want. that is just getting what I want and is selfish. I don't always like what my kids do but I love them any way. hell my oldest step son tried to kill me and we now are close. oh and for you own safety block you state and any state with family..

 

[AmberCutie]

Camming without your family knowing really does get to you in personal ways after even a short while. I caved in and told my mom (and my husband's close family that we sometimes spend time with) after only about 4 months of camming. Having to "live a lie" essentially will take its toll on you, so please consider that when making this decision. And you mentioned having some mental issues recently, so I can only assume this might affect you even more emotionally than others.

If I was in this situation, my first goal would be to find a way to talk to my mom about it and find a middle ground so that I could still have the love of my parental unit while I continued my adult industry endeavors. If there is absolutely any way for her to understand the reasons you do it and how you feel about it and accept it (not like it, she may never actually like it) then your life will be much easier if you continue down this path.

 

[TacoBelle]

I'll just be blunt here. Money talks. If you really want your mom (or other family member or friend) to approve but they're dead-set in their religious/moral/stick-up-their-ass ways despite everything you try to convince them about the good parts of the adult industry... then maybe they'll be more understanding if they know that you're making good money.

Example:
I told my sister cause we're super close. After realizing I wasn't joking, she proceeded to berate me and try to convince me that no good could ever come of that. This went on for a few months. Her trying to convince me that I was going to regret it, etc. Until the day that I called her to explain that I had just paid the final amount on loans that had hung over my head for years. I had the luxury to quit a job where I was working 45-60 hours a week where I got treated like shit daily. I no longer had to drive 14 hours a week just to get to and from the shitty job. I was able to buy all of my family decent Christmas presents. I had a stocked fridge. I was finally happy for the first time in a long time.

My entire life had changed for the better. It took her seeing that to make her believe it. Now, this approach might not work, especially if you're not making a "livable" wage from camming, or if your family member is especially stubborn/religious. But if you want to keep your mom in your life, you have to either lie about camming (I don't recommend for reasons that @AmberCutie stated above) or make her understand that you're going to keep doing this with or without her support. HOPEFULLY, she'll listen to your list of pros and open her mind to the possibility that you're still the same person and you're bettering your life. But if she won't (or can't) understand that, then you'll have your answer. Knowing that your daughter is doing something that most people find degrading is probably what's wrong... she might think that she needs to "save" you. So show her how it empowers you instead.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

First of all, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Secondly, I'm a firm believer that any parent who could disown their child over their personal legal sexual choices is not a good person and in no way is deserving of your life or love. I'm sure it was very shocking to see you in a way no parent would ever want to see their child (let's be honest, having missionary sex on your wedding night is not something a parent wants to picture either cuz icky!) Making the choice to disown you is HER doing, not yours.

My parents are interesting. My Father is a rock n' roll Evangelical pastor and my mother is an extreme Messianic Jew activist. (not together still obviously and Neither of which were raised in strict homes though, they both became religious later in life.) while I do not openly discuss my personal nude involvement because ick, my family knows that I own a production company and work in the adult industry... and despite wishing I was in a diff biz they respect my choices and love me regardless because that's what good people do.

You are under no obligation to allow poison into your life, family or not.

full disclosure, I have a very different view on family than the majority of the world and I know this. This is just my opinion. I do not value family as much as most.

I agree so much with this response.

While I doubt my parents want to see me doing it I know they would never disown me for it. They may question the safety of it...which I would explain. It would send my dad into hyper protective mode protecting me from potential stalkers...BUT in the end I know they would laugh about it and carry on with life.

Family is only worth having in your life if they love and support you. A supportive loving friend is way more important than a judgemental jerk related by blood.

Hugs...

 

[Violet Dawn]

I am in the boat of I have not told anyone except my younger sister. So I cannot really relate much to the whole having your parents find out thing, but my little sister can. My dad is a woman objectifying, perverted businessman, but he genuinely does care about us. And he found out my sister lost her virginity at 14. He was mad for a bit, then he didn't care. Then he found out she smoked marijuana, mad for a bit then didn't care. She and I were pretty surprised as my dad is, well, bluntly kind of sexist and comes off really strict... but over time he just seemed to accept things.

My point is maybe your mother will be super upset about it for a while, years even, but if she loves you she will grow to accept your decisions. I see no reason that she should disown you other than selfish or ignorant reasons. So if the time comes that she will find out again, tell her the whole truth. Tell her how it makes you feel, tell her how you feel when she is angry with you, tell her how you are still her child but this is what you want. You're still her daughter. If she loves you she WILL accept it. Maybe not now, or next year, or in 5, but eventually she will. And if she doesn't, then sorry to say you really don't need people like that in your life. It is hard, since our parents take care of us for 18 years, but don't let that burden you to submit to her expectations. If this is what you want go for it.

 

[KristinKervz]

Based on what little I know of you, you seem to be very mature and level-headed for your age. Your ability to analyze your emotions and communicate them clearly is impressive. Kudos to you.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Like others have said, I can't make the decision for you, but I can tell you what I'd do if I were you. Let me be clear, I love my family unconditionally. But I'm selfish. I think that I love my freedom to express myself even more than I love any human being. I may adjust my lifestyle a bit occasionally, but I will never change who I am. I am a slutty brat, a complete attention whore. I have no problem admitting that to anyone. I've tried to change and I was very unhappy being "normal." It has taken me a long time to accept and embrace the fact that this is ME. If my family gave me a choice between them and camming, I'd have to tell them goodbye. Not because I love camming particularly more than my family, but because I need for the people in my life to not only love me for me, but to RESPECT PEOPLE'S PERSONAL CHOICES.

My sexuality defines a HUGE part of me. If you're like me, you may never be happy without openly embracing your sexuality. Just food for thought.

 

[Ambers Troll]

Most of you posting here are still pretty young... project your future to having your own children, your parents grandchildren. It really is a delicate thing how you deal with family (for your parents too). Think of your teenage children rebelling against you and looking to their grandparents... it does become complicated.
Childhood does not stop at 18 or 50.

Having said all this some parents are toxic, their children should just abandon them (I did with my sweet hearted but non- protective father even though we speak regularly. The relationship is superficial. He still chose to marry an abuser).
Usually you give a little with parents/ children to maintain the relationship, in short you share what is important and hide what you will fight about. I see my sister and mother do it all the time for the sake of their children/ grandchildren.

I really like the idea of full disclosure of the kind that applies to partners, but family are not. Usually what happens is that you hurt the other person for no good reason, imagine if it was your mother who was camming and you found out. Most likely you would rather she didn't share that.

At around 20 most of us have the 'chat' with our parents about how they ruined our lives...to me this was the impression I got from the OP. Think of someone like Katy Perry and her conservative parents, they must hate say 'Hummingbird heartbeat' and love it for its honesty as well.

 

[Puffin]

I'm leaning to yes on the poll but left unselected, because really it all depends on the situation and there isn't enough information to say for sure. I would however try and comunicate with your mum and at some appropriate moment when you two are together and alone, perhaps show her the Cam Girlz movie, the trailer is good enough.

 

[eyeteach]

I'm certainly not a model and being as you asked your question to models I humble beg your indulgence as I give my opinion. First of all, congrats on the great grades! Never underestimate just how important a great education will be for your future, so way to go making and maintaining those outstanding grades young lady!

Did your mother actually come out and literally threaten to disown you? Can any parent reading this actually disown their child simply for refusing to lead his/her life differently than what the parent might desire? If that is the case then honestly what are you losing? If mom and dad or grandparents or aunt or uncles or anyone want to live vicariously through you then damnit do not change your life to suit them; the only person that winds up being miserable is you, and you do NOT deserve to be miserable. "To thine own self be true."

You're not doing anything illegal and you have your own set of morals. People are always going to judge when they shouldn't and, if you allow them to, will come out of nowhere giving you advice and telling YOU how you should live your own life; do not listen to them.

I find it hard your mother will stop loving you because you've found a way to make money by doing something you do enjoy. Will she be disappointed? Obviously by your original post yes she will but there again you have to live your life. Do it in a way then makes you happy and leaves you healthy. You have so much to give, think long and hard before you you'd let someone prohibit anyone from keeping you from giving.

Please have a from me...

 

[Minnie]

I started camming at 18 back in 2003. My sister doesn't talk to me after 13 years of her not talking to be because of what I do for a living on the internet. it has become her problem not mine.

As for my mother, she has accepted it in her own way . Mom's part-time Seven Day Adventist. Not in the way I fantasized it would be the reality of it. I had this fantasy idea that me and my mom would be at the dinner table sharing stories about our work days and she would listen so attentively that would see me a super star hero. Like how I would see my mom when she would tell her nursing stories of working in the ER. NOPE reality is most people will not understand our jobs and they really don't want to hear much about it the happy to stay in the clouds or sand thinking we make buckets of money and it's soo easy.

From reading your post you kind of answered your own question. You have to live your life for you and do what makes you happy. Sure your mother might not like what you are doing and your young where her approval kinda of matters right now but honestly it will eat you up if you are worried about her approval.

She already found out told her opinion. then you probably went back into feeling like a kid again where you were expecting sometime of punishment almost like you broke the lamp in the living room because you were playing ball in the house. It takes huge practice of doing what you believe in and filtering out your mothers opinions about it.

If you love camming and really enjoy it and you see it as something that you can survive happily on then do it. Worrying about family approval will take up a lot of your energy you need to do your job and build the confidence you need to handle the job.

 

[Albert_1]

Living your life to make someone else happy at the expense of your happiness is a surefire way to be miserable.