Husband or no husband?

[alexasblue]

Does anyone a suggestion on how to approach a situation where a member has seemed yo become attached to me but then found out that I am married. How do I keep him around (he hasnt unfollowed and still pops in from time to time) but at the same time not hurt his feelings by my real life? I kinda feel like I it should be a non issue but im new so looking for advice from experienced models.

 

[thinkinboutit]

10 years here (ish, I took a break). I don't talk about my personal life with clients. & I ignore those kind of questions. That being said, I don't personally interact outside of working hours, and keep the majority of conversation related to what I'm doing on cam. I understand depending what site you work on, the dynamic might be a bit different. There is a bit of nuance to maintaining strong boundaries and being social. If anyone becomes pushy or weird, drop them like a hot potato. I promise you there are plenty of respectful clients out there who won't make you feel uncomfortable.

I have learned from personal experience to keep a brick wall of separation between my cam persona and real life information.

ETA: Also, the stress of trying to maintain an overly-attached client will become intolerable. Regardless of how much they spend. That energy is much better spent on those who make your time on cam pleasant and aren't weirdos.

 

[Coffeelounge]

I would just continue to be honest as you can with him if you feel the need to bring it up anymore, it's important to be honest I think he would appreciate that the most and also help comfort him enough that he won't mind coming to visit you still!

Sure it may be a little disappointing if he has the hots for you but I think honesty would be much more respected than trying to be misleading and potentially hurt someone's feelings even more

 

[Deleted member 45270]

I understand that it's hard to reject a big tipper, because you're rejecting money - in the short term. As thinkinboutit said, it will get intolerable. Also have a look at some of the posts on this forum from people who didn't want to admit they were getting played by the models they were tipping a fortune on.. some want to take out their anger on the model.

So to rephrase, do you really WANT a guy who thinks he can get with you? Or would you rather have people respecting your time/personal life?

You're there to work, not date, and this guy should be told the same if he doesn't understand that. It's better to keep it on the same page.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

I'd be making him feel weird for making it an issue. "You dug into my personal life and found out something I keep private and YOU"RE the one upset?.. that's fucking odd"

Reality is you may well lose him but if he stayed because he thought you were single he was 100% about to become at best: problematic at worst, dangerous.

In general, these days I make sure people know its none of their business.

For years however I was openly married while I cammed. Frustratingly it kept me somewhat safe from the obsessive ones. People would say "Oh I would never do that, you belong to another man" like I'm a fucking prized collectible baseball card or some bullshit. I was glad that I had that barrier, but annoyed that it took a MAN taking 'ownership' of me to create it.

 

[AudriTwo]

Regs have a shelf life. I dyed my hair red and it chased away a big spender. People are weird and can get possessive.

Dont beat yourself up if he tantrums himself off.

You could pretend y'all are poly and you are a slutty housewife. Usually when a member learns im married and gets weird about it, i play the poly card even though we aren't anymore.

Parasocial Members:

 

[misterical]

From a member's perspective, I'd rather not know. Not because I would entertain any fantasy of a relationship with the model but it just doesn't seem like it's any of my business. Similarly though, I'm sure there are guys who would get a massive kick out of knowing the model was married. I mean, I was in a room recently with a guy who has a fetish for fucking anthills so anything is possible.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

I mean, I was in a room recently with a guy who has a fetish for fucking anthills so anything is possible.

I need as much info as possible lol

 

[yummybrownfox]

I mean, I was in a room recently with a guy who has a fetish for fucking anthills so anything is possible.

A fetish for anthills. Not a fetish of fucking anthills, right? "Fucking" is just a filler word, I assume? Lol.

 

[misterical]

A fetish for anthills. Not a fetish of fucking anthills, right? "Fucking" is just a filler word, I assume? Lol.

No. Actually having sex with anthills. He fantasised about the ants getting inside one of those little cock cage things (no idea what they are called) and biting him where he could do nothing about it.

 

[misterical]

I need as much info as possible lol

See above. He used to visit a model I also used to visit. He never went private. She just entertained him for free by describing the ants biting his cock. The other part of it is that according to her, he was visiting her on his phone while out shopping with his elderly mother. All throughout the shopping trip he had a butt plug in as well. The ants alone weren't enough for him.

 

[misterical]

One of the more disappointing aspects of visiting camsites is that it hammers home how vanilla I am....

 

[misterical]

No. Actually having sex with anthills. He fantasised about the ants getting inside one of those little cock cage things (no idea what they are called) and biting him where he could do nothing about it.

He had this other weird thing as well. This was on streamate and he would change his username to incorporate the name of the model he was visiting along with the reference to anthills. Very odd.

 

[RuthStrawberryblonde]

Just cam, do what you do - that's it if he wants to stick around as a customer who likes you he will. At any time for any reason he could find another performer or even quit cam sites. He's been attracted to you, he must like your show so I sure he will figure out what he wants to do.

 

[alexasblue]

This has been very helpful!!!! Also learned more about anthill fetishes than I ever expected to so thats was a bonus!

 

[misterical]

This has been very helpful!!!! Also learned more about anthill fetishes than I ever expected to so thats was a bonus!

It's good to be prepared. You never know when alexasblue_anthillfucker will visit your cam room.

 

[SnarkyKitten82]

I've always been VERY transparent about having a husband with my viewers, in fact, I got him as a registered model on my SC account, mainly so I wouldn't get in trouble for having a unverified user walk by/playing computer games in the background. For my viewers in the room its a way to satiate their cuckold kink; as my husband and I do cuckold sessions every now and then. I've had viewers say they are madly in love with me, wishing to marry me, etc, but I make it clear: I am not strictly monogamous when it comes to sex, but I am VERY strictly emotionally monogamous with my husband!! Once they understand that, it's up to them to carry a torch for me, so do, some don't, I let that be up to the viewer. Another thing my husband and I specialize in is non nude vanilla stuff, I only go nude in prvt and do more normal stuff; I don't do anal, squirting, pussy stretching, and other extreme stuff. I do get complaints about it, but nope, sticking to my guns, I tell them they can leave, Im not forcing them to stay. I'm actually pretty shocked how jaded many are to vanilla sex, and want only the hardcore extreme stuff. I actually raised the prices of my prvt shows through the roof for the sole purpose of keeping the weirdos OUT and asking for all kinds of gross stuff on the cheap; or using it to treat me like trash, calling me all sorts of degrading names. I'm here to provide an online fantasy, not be a personal punching bag.

 

[misterical]

I've always been VERY transparent about having a husband with my viewers, in fact, I got him as a registered model on my SC account, mainly so I wouldn't get in trouble for having a unverified user walk by/playing computer games in the background. For my viewers in the room its a way to satiate their cuckold kink; as my husband and I do cuckold sessions every now and then. I've had viewers say they are madly in love with me, wishing to marry me, etc, but I make it clear: I am not strictly monogamous when it comes to sex, but I am VERY strictly emotionally monogamous with my husband!! Once they understand that, it's up to them to carry a torch for me, so do, some don't, I let that be up to the viewer. Another thing my husband and I specialize in is non nude vanilla stuff, I only go nude in prvt and do more normal stuff; I don't do anal, squirting, pussy stretching, and other extreme stuff. I do get complaints about it, but nope, sticking to my guns, I tell them they can leave, Im not forcing them to stay. I'm actually pretty shocked how jaded many are to vanilla sex, and want only the hardcore extreme stuff. I actually raised the prices of my prvt shows through the roof for the sole purpose of keeping the weirdos OUT and asking for all kinds of gross stuff on the cheap; or using it to treat me like trash, calling me all sorts of degrading names. I'm here to provide an online fantasy, not be a personal punching bag.

Honestly, some of the guys I see in rooms worry me. It's bad enough that they are in model's rooms but at least the model has a say over what happens there. It really concerns me that these guys are out there in real life, interacting with women in person. I feel very vanilla in comparison to some of the dudes I see kicking about. It's the language used that bothers me. There's a world of difference between horny dirty talk and degrading abuse but I feel like some of these guys have lost sight of where the line is. I love your zero tolerance policy. Unfortunately there are models who often can't afford to be that discerning which is a real shame and they just end up having to soak that abuse up like a sponge. It has to have an effect on them mentally.

 

[SnarkyKitten82]

Honestly, some of the guys I see in rooms worry me. It's bad enough that they are in model's rooms but at least the model has a say over what happens there. It really concerns me that these guys are out there in real life, interacting with women in person. I feel very vanilla in comparison to some of the dudes I see kicking about. It's the language used that bothers me. There's a world of difference between horny dirty talk and degrading abuse but I feel like some of these guys have lost sight of where the line is. I love your zero tolerance policy. Unfortunately there are models who often can't afford to be that discerning which is a real shame and they just end up having to soak that abuse up like a sponge. It has to have an effect on them mentally.

Thank you, that is so kind of you, Misterical!! TBH I'd be much more financially secure if I did just go along with the whims of sickos, but I'd much rather have to eat ramen noodles with my dignity intact. And I know it's just a matter of time that I'll gain a big following in my room and make more and more. I'm already seeing positive results, a lot of people are LOVING the way I do things in my room. As my husband taught me: "Just be yourself. Those who appreciate who you are will congregate around you..and really, do you want to waste your time getting attention from those who don't appreciate who you are?" (NO!)