How would you handle this?

[juniper]

I just started camming, and I absolutely love it. I'm making more money from it than my job waiting tables, and I really do enjoy camming. I am very open with my friends and family and have told a few female coworkers about my new ventures online (they were asking why I keep giving up my shifts - it's because lunch shifts aren't worth my time when I could be investing that time into my camming.) Everyone has been supportive and even interested.

That being said, I do have one issue that is really bothering me. Some of my male coworkers have heard about me camming, and now guys I considered decent and even friends of mine, are making some pretty objectifying comments, asking for my username and where I broadcast, and have even asked for free pictures, etc. Additionally, I've noticed many of them have started to think it's okay to randomly touch me. I have anxiety issues regarding being touched by men, especially without warning, which most of them do. I'll be ringing something in or rolling silverware and they'll just put their hand on my lower back etc.

I am a strong girl. I speak my mind. But for some reason I get this anxiety about telling these guys how awful they're being and they need to fuck off. It's making me uncomfortable and I don't know if I should confront them privately, what to say, if I should say anything to my very conservative boss, etc.

Someone please tell me I'm not crazy.

 

[AnneDVille]

You're not crazy. Unfortunately this is the reality of how people react to sex workers and why a lot of models choose to keep their cam life a secret as much as they can

 

[RubyClaire27]

You're not crazy. You deserve to be treated like a normal human being- because you are.

My friends all know I cam. And not one of them has tried to touch me inappropriately. I'd confront them privately. "Look. Camming is a side job for me. It helps pay my bills. People pay to watch me cam. If you're not paying, you're not getting anything. Not even a nude that I've already taken. Why? Because if you go into a restaurant, you don't get to sit there and eat off other people's plates. If I started a job washing cars, would you ask me to wash your car for free? I hope not. Keep your hands off me or I will go to the boss because you are sexually harassing me. You get one warning and this is it."

I don't think you would have to bring up camming to your boss, if you have to escalate. Just tell him/her that the guys have been getting touchy-feely and that it makes you uncomfortable.

 

[SaffronBurke]

Light them on fire.


Kidding, obviously.

Just be very firm with telling them no, if they persist, cut contact. If they're touching you - ah, that's sexual harassment. Bring it up to a manager - all they need to know is that coworkers are touching you and it makes you uncomfortable.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

Same thing happened with me.
Suddenly every male I knew somehow wanted to know EVERYTHING about my work,watch me, WORK with me and share their porn/jerk off habits with me (wtf lmao)
A simple "none of your buisness" is enough. If they persist I would absoutely tell your boss and just leave camming out of it. I had to quit my regular job finally due to the harassment I was getting from even my conservative bosses. You are definately not crazy.
Sorry you're dealing with this crap

 

[juniper]

Gosh, thanks for all of the support and encouragement ladies! I truly appreciate it and it gives me more resolve in doing what I need to in order to confront this. I would really like to cam full time in the future and no longer wait tables, but that still is no excuse to let their behavior continue. It's seriously shitty guys feel entitled to women's bodies just because they're sex workers!

And I feel so silly because if anyone came to me with this situation, I would tell them to demolish those guys. But when it's me, I feel so unsure of myself. Thank you for all of your support!

 

[Blake Devine]

You can't establish a boundary while being concerned about their feelings. You're brave for being so open about it. No one knows at my day job but sometimes dudes don't get it when they're crossing the line. I just say "don't touch me like you know me." I don't raise my voice or anything but the message gets delivered. I have noticed a big difference in how guys talk to me on social media. On my personal account its way more respectful. On my social media accounts for camming they message me super sexual things out of nowhere. Unfortunately, people will usually make assumptions when they know. Keep your chin up and don't feel bad for saying you feel uncomfortable.

 

[Ambers Troll]

Not crazy.

I have had people I don't know/ strangers on a few occasions massage my shoulders in public. I have never really been too bothered by it, but do wonder how this happens to a 100kg muscular white guy who could easily kick their ass if he got offended by the invasion of personal space.

Don't be shy to defend your boundaries. Make sure it is clear and simple.

 

[MajesticMelody]

I just started camming, and I absolutely love it. I'm making more money from it than my job waiting tables, and I really do enjoy camming. I am very open with my friends and family and have told a few female coworkers about my new ventures online (they were asking why I keep giving up my shifts - it's because lunch shifts aren't worth my time when I could be investing that time into my camming.) Everyone has been supportive and even interested.

That being said, I do have one issue that is really bothering me. Some of my male coworkers have heard about me camming, and now guys I considered decent and even friends of mine, are making some pretty objectifying comments, asking for my username and where I broadcast, and have even asked for free pictures, etc. Additionally, I've noticed many of them have started to think it's okay to randomly touch me. I have anxiety issues regarding being touched by men, especially without warning, which most of them do. I'll be ringing something in or rolling silverware and they'll just put their hand on my lower back etc.

I am a strong girl. I speak my mind. But for some reason I get this anxiety about telling these guys how awful they're being and they need to fuck off. It's making me uncomfortable and I don't know if I should confront them privately, what to say, if I should say anything to my very conservative boss, etc.

Someone please tell me I'm not crazy.

Welcome to the cam world. I made the same discovery after doing the exact same thing. Guys will think your some super horny freak who wants to constantly fuck when they find out your a sex worker. I wanted to be open about it with people too, but every time someone found out, they always began to treat me differently. Especially guys. Thinking they can say anything to you and trying to fuck. You should tell em "Umm if you wanna talk dirty, you can go buy some tokens and jack your dick mfer" lmao. And also, You may understand it, but half the world still looks down on what we do. It's fucked up and it will take generations for women to be able to be treated better when being in this industry. Always speak up for yourself though. Tell those dudes to fuck off

 

[AliceKarina]

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I made the mistake of telling my best guy friend, who I knew has always had a crush on me. I don't know if he watched me or not but I eventually gave him my snapchat. Why? I don't know. It got weird quick and he asked for free stuff all the time. I lost a real life friend that I thought I would always have. I guess in the end it pays to pretend, and it's just easier to lie. The harassment is awful and I hope you find a way to tell them firmly that you took work online to avoid men touching you like they had a right to your body and if they want they can tip to watch you

 

[mutantdonut]

and have even asked for free pictures, etc.

I'm wondering if they asked for more free stuff from you since you're friends with some of these coworkers. This snippet triggered me a bit. When i was just a tutor, my roommate asked me (somewhat of a pressuring method of asking) to tutor his niece and nephew FOR FREE under the assumption i would do him a solid, all because we were cool with each other. I'm not comparing tutoring to sex work by any means, but it's people operating under the assumption that you'd willingly give charitable handouts based on your job specialty, and all because you have a good rapport with them personally. Examples: if you're a hair stylist, that must mean free haircuts to friends and family. Massage therapist? Must mean free massages. You get the picture. I probably should've posted this in the "Pet Peeves" thread.

 

[LilyBlueBBW]

Whether or not you are a camgirl is none of anyone's business. If those men are assaulting you and yes they are assaulting you, beat their fucking asses or tell your supervisor or both. You are not crazy and you are not a whore and you dont deserve to be treated like a whore cause you work in a subsection of the adult industry. Dont ever tell people what you do cause a lot of those hypocritical fucks do a lot of the same shit but will criticize you and act like their shit doesnt stink. You say that your boss is conservative but that dude probably watches porn like every other fucking man on the face of this planet. If those assholes at your job keep ripping you about camming, tell em off and stop taking their shit. Waitresses dont make that much money and camming is a way to keep things afloat but by no means should you be continually keep being accosted because of it.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

I'm wondering if they asked for more free stuff from you since you're friends with some of these coworkers. This snippet triggered me a bit. When i was just a tutor, my roommate asked me (somewhat of a pressuring method of asking) to tutor his niece and nephew FOR FREE under the assumption i would do him a solid, all because we were cool with each other. I'm not comparing tutoring to sex work by any means, but it's people operating under the assumption that you'd willingly give charitable handouts based on your job specialty, and all because you have a good rapport with them personally. Examples: if you're a hair stylist, that must mean free haircuts to friends and family. Massage therapist? Must mean free massages. You get the picture. I probably should've posted this in the "Pet Peeves" thread.

This always enrages me. If you choose to randomly do work for someone for free/discount that's fine. The idea that someone shouldn't have to pay and being butthurt about it because they are friends though...yeah no, friends don't try to take money out of friends hands.

 

[juniper]

I'm wondering if they asked for more free stuff from you since you're friends with some of these coworkers. This snippet triggered me a bit. When i was just a tutor, my roommate asked me (somewhat of a pressuring method of asking) to tutor his niece and nephew FOR FREE under the assumption i would do him a solid, all because we were cool with each other. I'm not comparing tutoring to sex work by any means, but it's people operating under the assumption that you'd willingly give charitable handouts based on your job specialty, and all because you have a good rapport with them personally. Examples: if you're a hair stylist, that must mean free haircuts to friends and family. Massage therapist? Must mean free massages. You get the picture. I probably should've posted this in the "Pet Peeves" thread.

Oh my god, yes. I also have my own photography business that is pretty well established, and I still have coworkers or friends ask me to do their engagement/wedding/maternity/newborn photos for free, and it puts me in an equally uncomfortable position. What a great parallel.

 

[schlmoe]

The touching, grabbing, etc. is nothing less than sexual harassment/creating a hostile workplace. Tell your boss, and you do not need to explain ANYTHING about your private life (off work activities). If he does nothing, he is violating Federal Law. It depends on how far you want to push it. Your options include quitting to making an EEO complaint.

Listen, this has nothing to do with you being a camgirl. No woman (no body) should have to deal with this at the workplace. That's why there are Federal Laws to deal with it. Some states have even more stringent harassment laws.

Even if you were a stripper, you would not have to put up with this. Bouncers would physically let the dude know that behavior is not tolerated.

Now here's where you might think I'm being a dick. In the future, you may want to be a little more circumspect in sharing. Not because I think what you do is shameful or wrong, but because I know that the general public is not as accepting as the folks around this forum

 

[juniper]

Now here's where you might think I'm being a dick. In the future, you may want to be a little more circumspect in sharing. Not because I think what you do is shameful or wrong, but because I know that the general public is not as accepting as the folks around this forum

God, why are you being such a dick and trying to look out for me?!

Obviously kidding

Sometimes I forget that others aren't as open or accepting, and I have no filter. I think it's definitely a lesson learned.

 

[yummybrownfox]

Some of my male coworkers have heard about me camming, and now guys I considered decent and even friends of mine, are making some pretty objectifying comments, asking for my username and where I broadcast, and have even asked for free pictures, etc. Additionally, I've noticed many of them have started to think it's okay to randomly touch me. I have anxiety issues regarding being touched by men, especially without warning, which most of them do. I'll be ringing something in or rolling silverware and they'll just put their hand on my lower back etc.

Someone please tell me I'm not crazy.

HUGS to you. You are not crazy, or a "chick who's just uptight and overreacting" (something that guys like that would probably say). This is sexual harassment. After you've told them to not put their hands on you, you need to go report this. I am hoping that one of the guys behaving this way is not your boss? I only ask because I once had a boss who'd stare and say things like "Is it just me, or are your boobs getting bigger?"

I was shaking my head in agreement while reading your post, because I (and other models, from what I've heard) have also noticed that many guys act differently the moment they find out you're a cam girl. They start treating you as if you're an easy lay. You can't have a normal conversation with them anymore, because they will just make it sexual. They will nag you for the name of the site(s) and your screen name, they will ask you to hook them up with a freebie on the site, and say "You should let me join you in doing a show sometime."

 

[Ambers Troll]

 

[juniper]

I seriously watched this movie for the first time a few days ago. Are you inside my brain?!

 

[Osmia]

Oh my god, yes. I also have my own photography business that is pretty well established, and I still have coworkers or friends ask me to do their engagement/wedding/maternity/newborn photos for free, and it puts me in an equally uncomfortable position. What a great parallel.

I do a fair amount of website development work for someone who (without getting more specific) is truly, concretely, doing God's work promoting international peace through his scientific research and other activities. I really admire him and what he does, and occasionally it crosses my mind that maybe I wouldn't mind doing it for free to support his cause.

After about 0.5 second, I come to my senses and realize that getting paid, even when I might be willing to do it for free, is the best way to keep things straight and uncomplicated.

• I'm not wealthy and I need to support myself. I need the money, and the primary reason (not the only reason) I work is for the money, and working for anyone for free violates this obligation to myself.
• When you do a job for free, there's inevitably a reduced level of commitment and expectations on both sides, even if it's not acknowledged. This is never a good thing.
• If I screw something up, what recourse does he, the customer, have? He can't withhold part of my fee. I don't want my customers feeling like they have no bargaining power with me. It's not good for the relationship.
• Eventually, I'd start feeling resentful at doing all this work for nothing, and would have to either start demanding payment or stop working for him. These outcomes would be awkward at best.

The bottom line is that getting paid fairly with money (not even barter) prevents so many complications and unwelcome interpersonal issues between you and the customer. It's well worth getting to a place, psychologically, where you can explain these things to your friend, relative, etc., in a straightforward, businesslike way.

 

[Ambers Troll]

There is a Tim Minchin quote about Snow White and how girls and boys are taught about love that also comes to mind. About the handsome prince stealing that first kiss and from that tiny act of sexual assault love blossoms. When it comes to consent we are taught some very mixed messages.

As a teenager my group of friends were very predatory and confused when it came to girls. I will admit to pushing consent/ breaking consent on more than one occasion. That perverted creep is still always lurking under the surface, luckily adults can control their actions, and women should expect every man to do so.
It is inappropriate to push our own little perverted fantasies on every woman we think about. I suspect cam models get this reaction from men because it is seen to be giving permission to be honest about their fantasy that they always had over the model. In reality it is still inappropriate, especially when it is acted on.

Don't think that every man is a creep, there are many of us, but not every man. There are many men, who don't see every beautiful woman they meet as some form of sexual fantasy, they may have a brief moment but then move on to other thoughts. These men you can safely trust to keep as friends.

 

[marvelb0y]

To summarize: Guys act like unreasonable instinctual animals when any whiff of sex is involved. The animal brain that allows us to tip unreasonable amounts to a model is the same one responsible for this type of behavior. This is not justification for their behavior but the reality. My advice is keep your worlds separate.

 

[Guy]

To summarize: Guys act like unreasonable instinctual animals when any whiff of sex is involved. The animal brain that allows us to tip unreasonable amounts to a model is the same one responsible for this type of behavior. This is not justification for their behavior but the reality. My advice is keep your worlds separate.

Not all guys have that mindset.

 

[Guy]

To summarize: Guys act like unreasonable instinctual animals when any whiff of sex is involved. The animal brain that allows us to tip unreasonable amounts to a model is the same one responsible for this type of behavior. This is not justification for their behavior but the reality. My advice is keep your worlds separate.

What's responsible for their behavior towards her is their attitudes towards women.

 

[LilyBlueBBW]

Not all guys have that mindset.

Maybe not all of them but a fair lot of them do think that way and its despicable. These same assholes are the same ones who will come into a girl's room and sit for yours and never tip a damn thing. These same assholes are the ones who will beg for freebies until they are blue in the fucking face and then call you a nigger or a bitch if you tell em off. These are the same ignorant fucks who will toss $100 bills up in the strip club on saturday night but will act all santicificed(sp?) and spiritual and hypcritical in church on sunday morning. You are never supposed to tell people that you work in the adult industry because a lot of folks are ignorant judgmental assholes and if you dont believe me, google how belle knox got exposed. It doesnt matter if you work in mainstream porn or a cam site or even if you do something minimal like phone sex work, you shut the fuck up and you dont tell your business to the rest of the world because it can backfire on you tremendously. Its hard to keep seperate lives but that is necessary if you want to keep your sanity and a paycheck.

 

[Mila_]

There is a Tim Minchin quote about Snow White and how girls and boys are taught about love that also comes to mind. About the handsome prince stealing that first kiss and from that tiny act of sexual assault love blossoms. When it comes to consent we are taught some very mixed messages.

Being asked "can I kiss you" is the quickest route to dry panties. It is better to escalate and interpret her reactions than to fish for permission. If the girl doesn't want to kiss you that is what doing a cobra is for:



I get some radical feminists won't rest until every act of romance is twisted into some form of sexual abuse, some of them even justify the idea that "marriage is rape" but if you want to actually get that girl you are pining for, assuming the sale by going for that kiss is a must. Until the girl says "no" or does something like a cobra you shouldn't assume she doesn't want you.

If someone comes to my home I don't ask them "Do you want anything to drink?" I will simply get a can of Coke for me and one for the other person. They can drink it if they want to or leave it there, but it is absurd to think I am imposing drinking coke on you just because I handed you the can. Unless I am force-feeding you coke, drinking it or not is a choice the other person makes.

 

[SaffronBurke]

Being asked "can I kiss you" is the quickest route to dry panties.

Funny thing - I hate kissing. If I try to avoid it, people get whiney about why won't I kiss them - because it feels weird and gross to me, get your mouth away from me. At least if they ask first, I can explain and not have the awkward avoidance dance followed by whining, or the "you don't seem to be that into me" if they manage to surprise me with it and I don't kiss back.

 

[Guy]

Maybe not all of them but a fair lot of them do think that way and its despicable. These same assholes are the same ones who will come into a girl's room and sit for yours and never tip a damn thing. These same assholes are the ones who will beg for freebies until they are blue in the fucking face and then call you a nigger or a bitch if you tell em off. These are the same ignorant fucks who will toss $100 bills up in the strip club on saturday night but will act all santicificed(sp?) and spiritual and hypcritical in church on sunday morning. You are never supposed to tell people that you work in the adult industry because a lot of folks are ignorant judgmental assholes and if you dont believe me, google how belle knox got exposed. It doesnt matter if you work in mainstream porn or a cam site or even if you do something minimal like phone sex work, you shut the fuck up and you dont tell your business to the rest of the world because it can backfire on you tremendously. Its hard to keep seperate lives but that is necessary if you want to keep your sanity and a paycheck.

I already know about what happened to Belle Knox. I didn't say that models should not keep their camming secret. What I meant was that you should not generalize.

 

[SoTxBob]

I'm sure you have the idea already but I will restate it as redundance to drive it home... You need to develop "a filter" and make it a strong and almost indestructible one. I have seen innumerable girls that say "he was a trusted friend" or "We were besties since grade school. I never thought she would treat me like this." It's not anyone's business what you do so stop giving out details that can bite you in the ass years from now.... Some say 'Oh, I'm not worried' or 'I don't care.' Tell your bestie and then a few years after you've moved on to another job or a BF you wanna keep, she [or they] let it slip that you had your cookies all over the net for others to see. as in an innocuous conversation over a party, 'Oh didn't you used to do that?' Many, as has been said, judge harshly bc its sexwork. Then there's the other obvious reason for a duality and keeping life separate. Stalkers. It fell into the 'He was a very good friend on mfc. I thought I could trust him.' It was very messy with him trying his best to hurt her by releasing all her personal info in chats and doing his best to ruin her at home with her family. That was a hard lesson to learn for her since she was so outgoing and friendly.
Also, when a guy touches you, assuming it was more than a bump or an elbow nudge type, whatever happened to the good old reactionary face slap and "don't you ever touch me like that again !!"

Good luck camming BTW !!

 

[justjoinedtopost]

Not crazy.

I have had people I don't know/ strangers on a few occasions massage my shoulders in public.

Had a boss that wanted to put a hand on my shoulder every time every time he talked to me. Hated that shit from the start. Got mad and shoved his arm off me one day. Would have been better the first time it happened to let him know, "Hey, I don't like people touching me." Put up with it for too long.

The bottom line is that getting paid fairly with money (not even barter) prevents so many complications and unwelcome interpersonal issues between you and the customer. It's well worth getting to a place, psychologically, where you can explain these things to your friend, relative, etc., in a straightforward, businesslike way.

Don't ever build a computer for family, even if you make a couple hundred bucks.