How to tell a model WHY you WONT take her pvt?

[NotYou]

So this is very specific.
I have known a model for a year, i mean visited her and spoken lots, tipped.
She sometimes asks me why I never take her for a private show, and I genuinely really want to.
I know the exact reason I will not, and it's because she keeps other sites on when she does pvt shows in each site (I think she is on about 3 or 4 sites). I know this because of the sounds for "incoming pvt show" and also if we are talking she will say to me "hold on I have a pvt on another site"


So, this is obviously the reason why I do not (or will not) take her for a private, even though I really want to but I don't want to be an arsehole and say this is the reason why, nor do I expect (although really I do) her to turn off all other sites JUSt for me since she doesn't for anyone else.

Usually, if she asks, we are chatting about other things beforehand, so i am able to skirt around the question and ignore it. She never seems to genuinely get annoyed or angry by this or by me not taking her, but I know she knows I want a show with her in pvt, and I think she wants one with me too (that sounds arrogant or something but I mean it in the sense because I have followed her for 1 year or so now).


My question/s: should I continue how I am, or is there a way for me to tell her politely the reason why, and if she'd like for me to take her for one, then she needs to pause/stop (put to spy mode) other sites?
I have always felt bad being rude and ignoring it, maybe more so at the fact I WANT a show with her but just don't want to be doing a cam2cam with other people seeing it and/or hearing me too.
So should i continue as is, or is there a way for me to explain the reason/s?

 

[AngelicaVee]

If you have a good relationship it shouldn’t be an issue! If she gets offended by you asking politely, it’s not your fault. Wanting true one on one time and privacy in your shows together is completely reasonable and understandable. If she isn’t willing to turn off the other sites, you two just aren’t compatible in terms of privates.

 

[curious68]

I would be honest and say that if I pay for private, I expect your full attention and no other sites watching. If people want to spy via cb, that's fine (am I right in thinking CB spies cannot interact via chat?)

I might also suggest, even if not true, that her broadcasting to multiple sites actually has a negative affect on the broadcast to CB, lagging etc

 

[Carmen_Monroe]

Just tell her that it’s because it doesn’t feel like a true private when you know that you are actually not really private with her because of the other sites. She asked you to take her private so feel free to tell her why it won't happen and that splitstreaming a private is a no go for you. A professional model should be able to handle it. In the end it is your money and i as a Model, would understand if you don’t want to spend it on something that doesn’t make you happy.

 

[Trixxi_Love]

A few thoughts :
1) you probably are not the first of her viewers to realize that she is multi streaming

2) if other viewers are not “complaining” about how she is doing this procedure - whether they dislike it or don’t mind it, she will have no idea what impression it makes or

3) she KNOWINGLY is multi streaming without regard to how her viewers feel about their privacy being ignored, and in my mind this is bad form of “customer service” ... But

4) it is her business to conduct how she chooses. It comes to my mind she may have a large financial goal to meet in such sense that ignoring her viewers privacy concerns no longer is at her attention. She may be multi streaming say ... in earnest to purchase a new car and her goal of getting the car far supersedes any concerns she has for her viewers.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Yeah I don't think it would be an issue. I would say something like, "It's not personal, in fact I'd really enjoy a private show with you, but I don't enjoy privates that are being streamed on multiple sites." Maybe she hasn't thought about this as a possible member perspective, maybe it will leave the door open for her to consider making an exception for your private and you can both come to a middle ground (added tip, higher rate, idk), but I don't see it being taken offensively at all.

 

[Lure0001]

@Brett M Be Frank with her & tell her because she's streaming on multiple sites . If she accept to shut down the other sites when you do pvt or c2c and give you her full attention this will be great . If she refuse to do it then your a member like anyone in her room or may be a waste of Space . Try to experience this with her & see what will happen .

 

[thealixlynx]

So this is very specific.
I have known a model for a year, i mean visited her and spoken lots, tipped.
She sometimes asks me why I never take her for a private show, and I genuinely really want to.
I know the exact reason I will not, and it's because she keeps other sites on when she does pvt shows in each site (I think she is on about 3 or 4 sites). I know this because of the sounds for "incoming pvt show" and also if we are talking she will say to me "hold on I have a pvt on another site"


So, this is obviously the reason why I do not (or will not) take her for a private, even though I really want to but I don't want to be an arsehole and say this is the reason why, nor do I expect (although really I do) her to turn off all other sites JUSt for me since she doesn't for anyone else.

Usually, if she asks, we are chatting about other things beforehand, so i am able to skirt around the question and ignore it. She never seems to genuinely get annoyed or angry by this or by me not taking her, but I know she knows I want a show with her in pvt, and I think she wants one with me too (that sounds arrogant or something but I mean it in the sense because I have followed her for 1 year or so now).


My question/s: should I continue how I am, or is there a way for me to tell her politely the reason why, and if she'd like for me to take her for one, then she needs to pause/stop (put to spy mode) other sites?
I have always felt bad being rude and ignoring it, maybe more so at the fact I WANT a show with her but just don't want to be doing a cam2cam with other people seeing it and/or hearing me too.
So should i continue as is, or is there a way for me to explain the reason/s?

I would just be straightforward. Otherwise eventually she might think you're just acting weird for no reason.

 

[MarieElise]

So this is very specific.
I have known a model for a year, i mean visited her and spoken lots, tipped.
She sometimes asks me why I never take her for a private show, and I genuinely really want to.
I know the exact reason I will not, and it's because she keeps other sites on when she does pvt shows in each site (I think she is on about 3 or 4 sites). I know this because of the sounds for "incoming pvt show" and also if we are talking she will say to me "hold on I have a pvt on another site"


So, this is obviously the reason why I do not (or will not) take her for a private, even though I really want to but I don't want to be an arsehole and say this is the reason why, nor do I expect (although really I do) her to turn off all other sites JUSt for me since she doesn't for anyone else.

Usually, if she asks, we are chatting about other things beforehand, so i am able to skirt around the question and ignore it. She never seems to genuinely get annoyed or angry by this or by me not taking her, but I know she knows I want a show with her in pvt, and I think she wants one with me too (that sounds arrogant or something but I mean it in the sense because I have followed her for 1 year or so now).


My question/s: should I continue how I am, or is there a way for me to tell her politely the reason why, and if she'd like for me to take her for one, then she needs to pause/stop (put to spy mode) other sites?
I have always felt bad being rude and ignoring it, maybe more so at the fact I WANT a show with her but just don't want to be doing a cam2cam with other people seeing it and/or hearing me too.
So should i continue as is, or is there a way for me to explain the reason/s?

I think if you are sensing that she would really enjoy a private with you, then you are probably right, and she probably won't mind pausing the split stream to have one with you. Maybe I'm wrong, but I know what it's like to have members who visit a lot, who are really cool, who tip etc etc who I end up really wanting to go private with. So if there's something small getting in the way of it like that, that I could fix, I know I would. I would not think they were an asshole for asking/ being straight up especially when I asked them about a private or was hinting around at it.

 

[Danigirl]

It's one of the reasons I don't do privates often. I can quickly kill the other sites and many have the option to put in spy mode. If I accept an exclusive then I kill the other sites. Anything else goes to spy. I think it's rude to do anything in a private that others can see without tipping. Maybe she doesn't want to kill her room count by going to spy or exclusive. That's the main reason I only take from a certain few members I know will be worth more than what I make in free. It can take hours to build a room and a minute to kill it.

 

[yummybrownfox]

I think you should tell her. That's not being an asshole. She asked you that question, and might continue asking you that question every so often until you answer her. If you've known each other for a year and get along well, I would hope that you'd be able to nicely tell her something like this without her getting offended.

Also, I think it's standard for models streaming on multiple sites to quickly exit the others (Or set their room to "Away" mode?) to do the private show. I know that's what I'd do. So what you're asking is totally understandable.

So this is very specific.
I have known a model for a year, i mean visited her and spoken lots, tipped.
She sometimes asks me why I never take her for a private show, and I genuinely really want to.
I know the exact reason I will not, and it's because she keeps other sites on when she does pvt shows in each site (I think she is on about 3 or 4 sites). I know this because of the sounds for "incoming pvt show" and also if we are talking she will say to me "hold on I have a pvt on another site"


So, this is obviously the reason why I do not (or will not) take her for a private, even though I really want to but I don't want to be an arsehole and say this is the reason why, nor do I expect (although really I do) her to turn off all other sites JUSt for me since she doesn't for anyone else.

 

[bamdicted]

I think the consensus is that, yes you should tell her that for you private is just you and her interacting, no other sites public.

Maybe you could suggest scheduling a private at the end of her stream, that way closing the other sites would not disrupt any nation from those sites.

 

[rockin_rod]

Brett I have just gone through this exact same situation with a studio model I really like, have been visiting and tipping in open chat for months. She asked me quite often (although with no pressure) if I wanted to go private, and eventually I agreed, because I wanted to try it. Got to say, it was a great experience and although I knew we may be spied on, it just felt so nice and personal with only us two interacting and chatting, she used my name a lot too.

I thought I had seen the light, but maybe a week later we did it again but this time, she never used my name and suddenly I realised I could faintly hear different tip noises and pm alerts from at least another 2 or 3 sites in the background. I said nothing during the rest of the private, but found it really off-putting and ultimately I did not enjoy the experience anywhere near the same.

After the private ended, I asked her about staying live on other sites and she said yes she did, it was required by the studio due to loss of tip incomes if she shut down all live feeds during private........ I explained how it felt and that I was unlikely to ever do private again, but happy to stay in public chat. I did tip generously through both privates as well as the per minute rate, fwiw.

But I do feel conflicted, as the first (true) private was so good; and sometimes she is clearly in private on another site but it just feels wrong to me to keep watching someone else's desires acted out, even if they align with mine sometimes. So I bail and visit again later. Hmmmm. So it even affects my enjoyment of public feed, which is weird because normal tip menu actions from other users doesn't make me feel as weird as knowing it's private on another site.

 

[NotYou]

Thank you everyone for the responses and I am glad everyone is unanimous with the answer.
So, I just now asked her if she was ready for our cam2cam show, and her response was actually completely unexpected. She said she had thought about it and she wouldn't feel right in a show with me because we are friends and that it would feel a bit awkward and strange. Now, I can completely understand that so it's ok, no problem.

Is that just an excuse to be used or do any of you (or have) you used this reasoning with a member before because you genuinely feel like it would be weird because you're "friends"?
She has seen my photos and she is definitely one of the kind of models who will always speak her truth and mind and she says she finds me attractive (and has always said she'd enjoy cam2cam with me). So this was unexpected yet i think it makes sense? Like I say we have spoken lots since she joined a year ago.


What are everyone's thoughts on this? It seems too weird for her to say it and NOT mean it how she said it because it's a loss of tokens. Would love opinions on this


Edit:
Just for the record, I responded with the fact I do understand and asked if she is sure. She said yes. But it definitely threw me and I was (am) unsure what to say, do or think. I am hoping you ladies (and gents) can tell me if it is something you have experienced/felt before (it's not in some weird love way don't worry)

 

[MarieElise]

Thank you everyone for the responses and I am glad everyone is unanimous with the answer.
So, I just now asked her if she was ready for our cam2cam show, and her response was actually completely unexpected. She said she had thought about it and she wouldn't feel right in a show with me because we are friends and that it would feel a bit awkward and strange. Now, I can completely understand that so it's ok, no problem.

Is that just an excuse to be used or do any of you (or have) you used this reasoning with a member before because you genuinely feel like it would be weird because you're "friends"?
She has seen my photos and she is definitely one of the kind of models who will always speak her truth and mind and she says she finds me attractive (and has always said she'd enjoy cam2cam with me). So this was unexpected yet i think it makes sense? Like I say we have spoken lots since she joined a year ago.


What are everyone's thoughts on this? It seems too weird for her to say it and NOT mean it how she said it because it's a loss of tokens. Would love opinions on this


Edit:
Just for the record, I responded with the fact I do understand and asked if she is sure. She said yes. But it definitely threw me and I was (am) unsure what to say, do or think. I am hoping you ladies (and gents) can tell me if it is something you have experienced/felt before (it's not in some weird love way don't worry)

Yes, that has happened to me before. If I chat with someone too much, and it just gets to a certain zone or level where having a show with them would be too awkward.

It happened with a guy that used to message me here on ACF, and then also talked about buying my clips (it wasn't Force 10, or any of the male models, someone else who I was messaging here). It just felt really weird, and I didn't like it. I don't know why. I never had feelings for him or anything. It just got uncomfortable, because we chatted too much. I'm not sure if that would make sense to anyone else whatsoever, but it's 100% the truth. I chat with tons of my regs via DM on SM, and that has never happened, but I chatted with this guy a little more often, and a little more in-depth, and it just got strange. On SM it's like a sentence or two here and there, maybe a few times a week or a month, with maybe 10, 20 or 30 different people (depending on how often I'm streaming live). This ACF guy was way more chatty than that.

 

[Deleted member 57880]

Yes, that has happened to me before. If I chat with someone too much, and it just gets to a certain zone or level where having a show with them would be too awkward.

It happened with a guy that used to message me here on ACF, and then also talked about buying my clips (it wasn't Force 10, or any of the male models, someone else who I was messaging here). It just felt really weird, and I didn't like it. I don't know why. I never had feelings for him or anything. It just got uncomfortable, because we chatted too much. I'm not sure if that would make sense to anyone else whatsoever, but it's 100% the truth. I chat with tons of my regs via DM on SM, and that has never happened, but I chatted with this guy a little more often, and a little more in-depth, and it just got strange. On SM it's like a sentence or two here and there, maybe a few times a week or a month, with maybe 10, 20 or 30 different people (depending on how often I'm streaming live). This ACF guy was way more chatty than that.

This totally makes sense to me and I experienced this with a regular on AW. We got so platonically close that it felt like a needle scratch going from us talking about some really personal things going on in our lives and then attempting to segway straight into the sexual stuff. We had a break for some months then had a final goodbye, because we had moved into very different territory and were more like mates hanging out.

It's when you get in depth, just as you say. So strange how if they are not that close to me I find it easy to be sexual, but if they become more of a friend I feel shy and awkward! I avoid getting too close with people now, after learning that lesson. Funnily enough I have his number as a friend now, and we occasionally text platonically to see if the other is alive and well. He knows about a stalker I have and checks in to see if all is well. I am talking a few texts every two months, and we never ever stray into anything beyond platonic. We will never meet, as he now has a girlfriend and has no need for cam right now, but he was a good friend to me during some tough pandemic times, and I appreciated his support and how much he cheered me up! I would never ever cam with him again though lol, even if he wanted to; I wuld tell him to visit another girl because it would be too awkward!

 

[Deleted member 57880]

This totally makes sense to me and I experienced this with a regular on AW. We got so platonically close that it felt like a needle scratch going from us talking about some really personal things going on in our lives and then attempting to segway straight into the sexual stuff. We had a break for some months then had a final goodbye, because we had moved into very different territory and were more like mates hanging out.

It's when you get in depth, just as you say. So strange how if they are not that close to me I find it easy to be sexual, but if they become more of a friend I feel shy and awkward! I avoid getting too close with people now, after learning that lesson. Funnily enough I have his number as a friend now, and we occasionally text platonically to see if the other is alive and well. He knows about a stalker I have and checks in to see if all is well. I am talking a few texts every two months, and we never ever stray into anything beyond platonic. We will never meet, as he now has a girlfriend and has no need for cam right now, but he was a good friend to me during some tough pandemic times, and I appreciated his support and how much he cheered me up! I would never ever cam with him again though lol, even if he wanted to; I wuld tell him to visit another girl because it would be too awkward!

And this was after me moving in with the shady dude I met on cam in my first week when I was naive and very trusting (the one who fleeced me for money and had several other girlfriends including one in Russia who threatened to kill me and had booked a one way flight...fun times! I think I mentioned it here before on this site maybe). One of the most stupid things I have ever done ,but hilarious as a story..oh the life lessons I have learnt through camming. Never ever date or meet a client, even as a one off platonic meet (that's where the stalker came from) and do not get too close to a client, because it changes the dynamics.

 

[curious68]

So, I just now asked her if she was ready for our cam2cam show, and her response was actually completely unexpected. She said she had thought about it and she wouldn't feel right in a show with me because we are friends and that it would feel a bit awkward and strange.

I think she probably read this thread

 

[MarieElise]

including one in Russia who threatened to kill me and had booked a one way flight..

Holy fucking shit!
Well, you can't blame yourself for being idealistic and wanting something to work out, I think most people can relate to that. I'm sorry that you had this experience though, this sounds very chaotic and intense. I am glad that you can understand what I mean because after I typed it out I was sure it was honest, but I also wasn't quite sure it didn't sound kind of nuts. It doesn't really make sense to me how or why that happens, but it definitely does happen. There is definitely such a thing as getting too friendly.

 

[dark_mermaid]

Thank you everyone for the responses and I am glad everyone is unanimous with the answer.
So, I just now asked her if she was ready for our cam2cam show, and her response was actually completely unexpected. She said she had thought about it and she wouldn't feel right in a show with me because we are friends and that it would feel a bit awkward and strange. Now, I can completely understand that so it's ok, no problem.

Is that just an excuse to be used or do any of you (or have) you used this reasoning with a member before because you genuinely feel like it would be weird because you're "friends"?
She has seen my photos and she is definitely one of the kind of models who will always speak her truth and mind and she says she finds me attractive (and has always said she'd enjoy cam2cam with me). So this was unexpected yet i think it makes sense? Like I say we have spoken lots since she joined a year ago.


What are everyone's thoughts on this? It seems too weird for her to say it and NOT mean it how she said it because it's a loss of tokens. Would love opinions on this


Edit:
Just for the record, I responded with the fact I do understand and asked if she is sure. She said yes. But it definitely threw me and I was (am) unsure what to say, do or think. I am hoping you ladies (and gents) can tell me if it is something you have experienced/felt before (it's not in some weird love way don't worry)

I think she's genuine about it and I'm really sorry for it, but you waited much too long to tell her such a small thing. Asking to turn other sites off is really no big deal at all. I'd feel strange too if someone waited a full year before a private show too and didn't tell me why for such a long time. To me it would have clearly shown you're not interested in private shows.

 

[Deleted member 57880]

Holy fucking shit!
Well, you can't blame yourself for being idealistic and wanting something to work out, I think most people can relate to that. I'm sorry that you had this experience though, this sounds very chaotic and intense. I am glad that you can understand what I mean because after I typed it out I was sure it was honest, but I also wasn't quite sure it didn't sound kind of nuts. It doesn't really make sense to me how or why that happens, but it definitely does happen. There is definitely such a thing as getting too friendly.

I didn't stick around to find out if she would actually kill me, luckily, but yeah it was a chaotic time for sure lol. I packed and left. She was only 26 I think. I hope she didn't move in with the guy, because he was one crazy son of a gun.
But yes, definitely a thing as getting too friendly. Definitely. I am not sure why either, but it just happens. I would love to know why from a psychology point of view!

 

[rod]

I didn't stick around to find out if she would actually kill me, luckily, but yeah it was a chaotic time for sure lol. I packed and left. She was only 26 I think. I hope she didn't move in with the guy, because he was one crazy son of a gun.
But yes, definitely a thing as getting too friendly. Definitely. I am not sure why either, but it just happens. I would love to know why from a psychology point of view!

Guess it is like IRL, you talk long enough you do form a friendship of sorts and before you know you're in that 'friend zone'. Unless you have some sexual moments before so you can to move to a FWB relationship then you may be stuck in that zone, which isn't necessarily a bad thing lol.

 

[Deleted member 57880]

Very true!! Yes, it's often hard to change from friend to lover. But often friendships can be more enduring than being lovers anyway so also like you say, not necessarily a bad thing at all!

Guess it is like IRL, you talk long enough you do form a friendship of sorts and before you know you're in that 'friend zone'. Unless you have some sexual moments before so you can to move to a FWB relationship then you may be stuck in that zone, which isn't necessarily a bad thing lol.

 

[Billyboy]

I have one model friend on CB whose room I don't visit anymore. I'd had a number of private shows with her. We have become friends over the course of the year and we just talk a few time a week on Snap. It got to the point where it was awkward seeing her naked, even though she said come to her room any time. So I guess I friend zoned her.

I give her the odd offline tip, plus I send her a parcel of Aussie chocolates and Tim Tams from time to time (I assume it is to the studio).

 

[Deleted member 57880]

I have one model friend on CB whose room I don't visit anymore. I'd had a number of private shows with her. We have become friends over the course of the year and we just talk a few time a week on Snap. It got to the point where it was awkward seeing her naked, even though she said come to her room any time. So I guess I friend zoned her.

I give her the odd offline tip, plus I send her a parcel of Aussie chocolates and Tim Tams from time to time (I assume it is to the studio).

I hope she knows how to drink tea through a Tim Tam! Please tell me you showed her this?! I once worked with an Aussie and she showed me this wondrous practice! I went a bit nuts for Tim Tams when I stayed in Oz in 2019. They are too good!

 

[NotYou]

Yes sadly, I did take too long haha.
I truly didn't know if it was ok for me to mention the whole thing to her despite getting on well with her - in fact, I thought that was more of a reason I could NOT say anything.
I will still tip her and everything else is fine still, she is a fantastic and fun woman. We always get on and have lots of fun and laughs so it's not all lost.

At least now I know in future at least ask - without being a dick or rude, of course. Worst case scenario she says no or bans me for asking lol.

Thanks, everyone and I appreciate that you have done similar (friend-zoned a regular) so this is good. I definitely do think she was sincere with this, like I said before, she is one who probably says too much honestly with stuff and she seems like she doesn't like to lie, even for the job (of course this could just be good acting, but I don't think it is). She is always quick to tell guys no etc for things

 

[NotYou]

I have one model friend on CB whose room I don't visit anymore. I'd had a number of private shows with her. We have become friends over the course of the year and we just talk a few time a week on Snap. It got to the point where it was awkward seeing her naked, even though she said come to her room any time. So I guess I friend zoned her.

I give her the odd offline tip, plus I send her a parcel of Aussie chocolates and Tim Tams from time to time (I assume it is to the studio).

I found out about Tim tams a short while ago from a US Model. For me, in England, if I want to try some I have to buy some from Amazon and it's expensive (for me, for some biscuits). £7 for 11 biscuits (200g)
They better be like Gold for that price if I ever try them.

 

[rockin_rod]

I hope she knows how to drink tea through a Tim Tam! Please tell me you showed her this?! I once worked with an Aussie and she showed me this wondrous practice! I went a bit nuts for Tim Tams when I stayed in Oz in 2019. They are too good!

It works best with coffee for me! I have a cam friend in Europe who I send them to every so often, and I showed her how to do the Tim Tam slam (suck coffee through it like a straw). Will have to ask her to do it on cam one day and show others. Awesome!

 

[NotYou]

Do any of you Australians need a [whatever the opposite to sugar daddy is] so you can send Tim Tams to someone?.... asking for a friend

 

[MarieElise]

[whatever the opposite to sugar daddy is]

Sugar baby lol
ETA; Maybe a Biscuit Baby in your case haha. Or Cookie Baby as they say here.