I recently contacted a model, whose profile information made it very easy to find her real name - two google searches in five minutes. I actually found this forum researching the best approach to let her know. As expected, it did not go well.
My first email was met with confusion and hostility (I was too vague). The next was as detailed and open as possible describing how the information was easily found, how to correct it, plus links to abandoned social sites that could be used to connect the dots. She thanked me then, and again for additional links. She immediately disabled many of her real-name social sites, probably ones she needs or uses. Possibly to hide them from me, which was curious because I had just told her about them. We briefly discussed the nature of the business. I probably got too philosophical or personal, as I tend to do and never received a reply. The entire exchange was about 10 total messages over an afternoon.
Here's the problem:
She never removed the profile information that makes her traceable!
It's still there, and anyone who searches will find it instantly. She told me how the fear of being outed is a huge stress (I understand completely). She is also very careful about removing information from photos etc. so I'm utterly confused why this wasn't fixed. I'm not going to contact her directly since my last message was ignored. If I crossed a line, a direct "I will manage my own privacy. Please don't contact me again" would have made that very clear.
Here's my impression and assumptions from a single experience:
This situation is too complex, too charged and involves too much risk to ever have a happy ending. Despite good intentions, YOU become her biggest fear. Not those with ill intent who never reveal information they've discovered. Not all her friends and family who might find out. Not the 1000s of people who might recognize her online. You. A model has to assume the worst. So for a person that knows her "secret", when she knows absolutely nothing in return, that "worst" is going to be pretty scary.
Every explanation of how you discovered the info is proof of your creeper nature.
Every mention of personal information will be seen as invasion.
Every suggestion will be seen as manipulation.
Every mention of risk will be perceived as a veiled threat.
So the rule is don't ever contact a model regarding personal information. Ever. Just don't. Ever, ever, ever. For those of you with exceptional social skills who might actually be able to broach such a delicate subject with the sensitivity and eloquence required, also don't. When a model is panicked by the thought of being outed, that vulnerability will trump any logic. All that will be accomplished is you managed to upset a person you were trying to help. And if when she is eventually outed, you became suspect #1 by trying to prevent it.
Rationalize all you want about putting the model's safety first and "taking one for the team" just understand you won't be providing peace of mind, just a reality check. And that's only if they trust you enough to consider your advice, which is unlikely.
And Ladies, my only suggestion if you receive such a notice is: don't reply without taking the time to process the information.
Those of you who ignore this advice and still try, post the outcome so some can hopefully benefit from the information,