How to make new members feel comfortable

[TheProfessor]

Sorry for asking so many questions, but my last question brought up this question that I experienced today.

It really is just like in real life. You have a group of friends who get along very well and have a new friend you want to be included. Well, in MFC, some models have a group of people who regularly chat often and these people know each other very well.

Today, I saw a new member was speaking up giving some input to the conversation and jokes. I was excited because hardly anyone new ever speaks up in our group. But then I noticed he suddenly went quiet after a while. So I PM'ed him asking him what's up. He responded that we all have our inner circle of jokes and etc and didn't want to interrupt so he left. Completely understandable I suppose.

How do we prevent this from happening?

 

[Ann_Sulu]

Not that I feel my room is off-putting, but I would love to see replies to this post. I'd especially love it if people would say how to make members feel perhaps more comfortable chatting. I started charging 10 tokens for pm per shift, and it's great that they're giving me money just to chat, but I feel quiet rooms are soo off-putting. I hate it when my room turns into that. There are even quite a few who are either cheap/don't realize I charge for pm that shoot me MFC mail for free instead of chatting. I wouldn't mind if these were things like "do you do x or y in private?" but instead it's "Hey how are you how's the weather there?" I've before said to these guys to try saying this stuff in chat, but then I just have dead silence from them. So yeah, would love to know what's the best way to make new members feel comfortable in my room.

 

[schlmoe]

Not that I feel my room is off-putting, but I would love to see replies to this post. I'd especially love it if people would say how to make members feel perhaps more comfortable chatting. I started charging 10 tokens for pm per shift, and it's great that they're giving me money just to chat, but I feel quiet rooms are soo off-putting. I hate it when my room turns into that. There are even quite a few who are either cheap/don't realize I charge for pm that shoot me MFC mail for free instead of chatting. I wouldn't mind if these were things like "do you do x or y in private?" but instead it's "Hey how are you how's the weather there?" I've before said to these guys to try saying this stuff in chat, but then I just have dead silence from them. So yeah, would love to know what's the best way to make new members feel comfortable in my room.

The Prof and you had 2 very different questions. If I read yours correctly, you are looking at getting more conversation in the room, AND more people chatting. Let me say first that IMO, with texting; tweeting; and even email; conversation is becoming a lost art. With you, it may even be more difficult because you are staring into a camera and you don't get anywhere near the same reaction that you would get talking with friends while drinking coffee in your living room. It must be difficult for you to keep the conversation going when the only reaction is a squirting cock emote.

The good news is that conversation is a learned behavior, and you can get better with practice. I think that if you want to get more people chatting in the room, the "10 tokens for PM" needs to go. You are selling yourself too short AND you are not giving any incentive to get more conversation in the room.

My experience in other model's rooms is they will start off with the most innocuous ice breakers. "How are you guy doing?"; "What did you guys do today?", things like that. If that doesn't do it, then try including yourself in this, like "I just got back from xxxx, and the traffic was terrible"; "I just got my hair cut, what do you guys think?" or something similar. Try to limit questions that only require a yes/no answer. Keep on going, sooner or later you will find a common ground with at least one of the dudes in your room. I have seen a room go on for an hour long debate that started with her choice of beverage that day.

It doesn't have to end with everyday stuff.

Do you play music? "Hey guy, what do you think about this song? I just added it to my playlist"

Are you a gamer? "I just played this new bad ass game, anyone else here try it yet?"

Sports? "Who do want to win the Super Bowl (or insert other event)?"

It's Winter, sooo "It is really chilly in here, anybody have any ideas on how to warm me up?"

And it goes on and on...

Pretend you're Jay Leno (hopefully without the "Leno chin", lol), it's up to you to keep the chat going. Until you get better, it may not be a bad idea to keep a short list of "chat-starters" close by (discretely out of camera view )

Of course, if you already tried these things, then you just wasted 3 minutes. Sorry about that! :mrgreen:

 

[TheProfessor]

Not that I feel my room is off-putting, but I would love to see replies to this post. I'd especially love it if people would say how to make members feel perhaps more comfortable chatting. I started charging 10 tokens for pm per shift, and it's great that they're giving me money just to chat, but I feel quiet rooms are soo off-putting. I hate it when my room turns into that. There are even quite a few who are either cheap/don't realize I charge for pm that shoot me MFC mail for free instead of chatting. I wouldn't mind if these were things like "do you do x or y in private?" but instead it's "Hey how are you how's the weather there?" I've before said to these guys to try saying this stuff in chat, but then I just have dead silence from them. So yeah, would love to know what's the best way to make new members feel comfortable in my room.

Schlmoe pretty much hit it on the head. 10 tokens is an absolute steal in the perspective of a member. But that is exactly what causes your room to go silent. Get rid of that 10 tokens business indeed. Current customers will hate it, but new people who visit your room will actually feel like they want to be heard and stay.

I have two of my favoriate models that proves exactly that point. One loves the 1 on 1 interaction and spends her night PM'ing, making most of her revenue via tips and privates. But this makes her room extremely quiet and makes any new people we get feel extremely awkward / out of place. The other model keeps PM'ing very strictly off the table and only accepts them from close member-friends, even then will only read them if the member says it's important and to read the PM in public chat.

Another thing I've seen done is a model will pull public topics from PM's. Meaning someone PM's them then model will speak up and say "OH! A PM from someone reminded me of ______" and uses that topic the person was going to ask. It gives validation you're paying attention to that member and brings up participation from other members as well.

Don't mean to gang up on you :-D I simply really wish for more models on MFC I can conversate with more than just about cumshows, tokens and toys.

 

[Ann_Sulu]

Yeah I agree with what you guys are saying. And I would up the price on PM, but then I just get bored from no one chatting anywhere...it used to be 50 tokens , and that wasn't per shift. At least that way I earn tips and stay away from being bored. I try chatting about stuff, but eventually I find myself on repeat about stuff, and no one responding. Idk I have like only quite shy cheap guys for the most part I guess.

Not a joke almost on a daily basis I get guys who ask in pm why nobody is chatting.

I just figure I or my members must be the one making them uncomfortable (I don't think, so but yeah no idea)

I cam for about 8 hrs a day, so I'd like to try to make sure I'm not doing something wrong lol.

Also I do the "someone PMed me such-and-such" thing all the time, sometimes it works sometimes nada.

I want to also say this is not normally a terribly smallish room. Like 20-50 people regularly, more of course once a show is started. I've cammed at different times too still people prefer to chat privately-only about non-privaty stuff :/

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I think many members are very insecure and find it difficult interacting with women/people in real life, for some that means they love that they can interact on myfreecams without feeling nervous and self conscious, for some they still feel nervous and self conscious. Being anxious they won't have anything to talk to the model about, or that they won't fit into the room. Some get scared off by inside jokes or other people finding it easier to interact. It's unfortunately not really something you can prevent as a model except to make sure none of your regulars are rude to new members and that they try to include them, like respond nicely to messages from new members, thank them and cheer them for tips they send. It helps when you have socially competent regulars. Most of my regulars are pretty good socially, but there are a lot of really socially inept members lurking around which can make conversation fairly testing.

When I visit rooms as a member room vibe is very important. When there are guys leering at the girl in a gross way and she doesn't do anything about it, it tends to put me off, and if you get members who are generally really irritating being allowed to run wild in a model's room. I know some models get less irritated by the constant "show tits bb" "you're so hot, ohhh yeah, oh yeahhh bb. I'm touching my cock right now" or even "come on gets, let's tip her a yellow wall!" every 5 seconds followed by them tipping nothing, but personally it drives me crazy. Possibly more so because I'm a model, but I know members get annoyed with that stuff too.

As a member all you can do is try and include the new person, just in the same way as you might someone in real life. If they don't want to hang out with that model/group every time that's ok, I'd recommend not harassing the person asking them why they've left. If someone is so put off by a group having inside jokes then it means they're not keen to have any inside jokes of their own if it means spending any time with the model. If I were at a pub and saw a group of people who seemed cool I might chat to them, I would probably also leave and move onto something else rather than spend the whole night with them. It would be weird if someone from that group desperately asked me why I'd left and might stop me from going to hang out with them again. Members come and go all the time. It's how it works. Not every member cares about building a relationship with a camgirl and her room.

 

[TacoBelle]

He responded that we all have our inner circle of jokes and etc and didn't want to interrupt so he left.

My room is exactly like that. All of the regulars and I have INSANE amounts of inside jokes, usually just acknowledged by one-word sentences. I am so afraid that new guys are going to feel out of place and unwelcome, so I go out of my way to involve new people. When someone is new to the room, I verbally thank them for stopping by, welcome them, and explain what we're doing for the night. When the regulars start up with some inside joke, I try to explain it to the new people. For example, when the chat fills up with regulars just saying "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww so cute!" about everything in sight (the dog, the walls, the keyboard), I have to explain that I banned someone last week because that's ALL he would say (occasionally adding 20,000 more Ws to aww.)

It's very tricky to keep a welcoming room while still engaging old regulars. But if the model seems friendly and inviting, most guys will stay to give her and her room a chance.

 

[ComicOzzie]

This is why I tend to lurk in a model's room until I feel comfortable joining in on the conversation. Sometimes I never feel comfortable enough to start chatting, so I eventually leave.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

This is why I tend to lurk in a model's room until I feel comfortable joining in on the conversation. Sometimes I never feel comfortable enough to start chatting, so I eventually leave.

I know this is a surprisingly common attitude with members, but it's one that makes me sad. A model brought this up recently and it really got me thinking. You always seem like a chatty, friendly person Ozzie. I never get the impression that you're the sort of guy to go into a models room and not feel comfortable typing a few words to her.

She's a person who's paid to talk to you, how on earth could you fuck it up after being an acf regular?! Models don't ban people for saying simple things and vaguely joining in on the chat. In fact, most of the people in her room she probably barely knows, and all of those people started exactly where you're starting.

It's pretty easy, be friendly and polite, don't dominate the chat and keep the topic light and on subject. Once you start talking and interacting the room conversation will still go on, but you're a part of it. As soon as you start chatting and tipping you're no longer an outsider and are part of the group.

A girl in real life you find sexy? Sure, take a bit to think about how you'll address her or whether you even will, again though, you wouldn't want to take too long before making a move. In that situation you actually have something at stake, she's not being paid, she could reject you for you.
A model? Erm no, it's time to leave those fears of chatting to a girl in your reality. Unless you really are an obnoxious prick, which she probably wouldn't find out until after knowing you a while, she's not going to reject you for you. She's a random stranger on the internet.

I can understand not feeling in the chatty mood, or even of checking out a models room and staying quiet at first sussing it out for like one session. But continuously lurking trying to find out if there's a space in the convo you can get into then if not, back out and leave? Seriously, grow a vagina. You're adult men for christ sake! Start acting like it and type those words to the pretty lady.

 

[schlmoe]

Seriously, grow a vagina.

Somewhere a shy and lonely member is saying to himself: "If it was only that easy".

 

[AllisonWilder]

This is why I tend to lurk in a model's room until I feel comfortable joining in on the conversation. Sometimes I never feel comfortable enough to start chatting, so I eventually leave.

I can understand not feeling in the chatty mood, or even of checking out a models room and staying quiet at first sussing it out for like one session. But continuously lurking trying to find out if there's a space in the convo you can get into then if not, back out and leave? Seriously, grow a vagina. You're adult men for christ sake! Start acting like it and type those words to the pretty lady.

It's really not all that simple, though. I mean, trying to break into conversation in a room where there are clearly established regulars and inside jokes can feel a lot like approaching a group of people engrossed in a private conversation in a bar. I almost never talk in certain model rooms, not because I'm just lurking or being shy, but because it just doesn't feel like there's really a place for me to join in.

 

[JerryBoBerry]

This is why I tend to lurk in a model's room until I feel comfortable joining in on the conversation. Sometimes I never feel comfortable enough to start chatting, so I eventually leave.

I can understand not feeling in the chatty mood, or even of checking out a models room and staying quiet at first sussing it out for like one session. But continuously lurking trying to find out if there's a space in the convo you can get into then if not, back out and leave? Seriously, grow a vagina. You're adult men for christ sake! Start acting like it and type those words to the pretty lady.

It's really not all that simple, though. I mean, trying to break into conversation in a room where there are clearly established regulars and inside jokes can feel a lot like approaching a group of people engrossed in a private conversation in a bar. I almost never talk in certain model rooms, not because I'm just lurking or being shy, but because it just doesn't feel like there's really a place for me to join in.

And you've grown a vagina too!

 

[wjr3]

I think many members are very insecure and find it difficult interacting with women/people in real life, for some that means they love that they can interact on myfreecams without feeling nervous and self conscious, for some they still feel nervous and self conscious. Being anxious they won't have anything to talk to the model about, or that they won't fit into the room.
...snip...
It helps when you have socially competent regulars. Most of my regulars are pretty good socially, but there are a lot of really socially inept members lurking around which can make conversation fairly testing.

It's very true that some of us can't play the role of "charming and talkative" within a group. I tend to be socially inept. In particular, conversation that involves current cultural stuff (music, movies, TV, games) is a total fail with me because those things are not a part of my everyday life. But it hasn't stopped me from being a regular with numerous models.

The ideal situation is when I can sit back and enjoy a model's interaction with the socially competent members, throwing in only an occasional public comment and/or short PM exchange with the model. The models that I've revisited usually accepted how I am rather than encouraging me to be a bigger part of the group. And yes, I have tipped to show appreciation for the model's time and efforts to entertain.

I'm often more comfortable having a one-on-one conversation with the model, usually outside of cam sessions. The tips (or equivalent) based on those times frequently outweigh the live-on-cam variety.

Just my :twocents-02cents:

 

[ComicOzzie]

This is why I tend to lurk in a model's room until I feel comfortable joining in on the conversation. Sometimes I never feel comfortable enough to start chatting, so I eventually leave.

I know this is a surprisingly common attitude with members, but it's one that makes me sad. A model brought this up recently and it really got me thinking. You always seem like a chatty, friendly person Ozzie. I never get the impression that you're the sort of guy to go into a models room and not feel comfortable typing a few words to her.

She's a person who's paid to talk to you, how on earth could you fuck it up after being an acf regular?! Models don't ban people for saying simple things and vaguely joining in on the chat. In fact, most of the people in her room she probably barely knows, and all of those people started exactly where you're starting.

It's pretty easy, be friendly and polite, don't dominate the chat and keep the topic light and on subject. Once you start talking and interacting the room conversation will still go on, but you're a part of it. As soon as you start chatting and tipping you're no longer an outsider and are part of the group.

A girl in real life you find sexy? Sure, take a bit to think about how you'll address her or whether you even will, again though, you wouldn't want to take too long before making a move. In that situation you actually have something at stake, she's not being paid, she could reject you for you.
A model? Erm no, it's time to leave those fears of chatting to a girl in your reality. Unless you really are an obnoxious prick, which she probably wouldn't find out until after knowing you a while, she's not going to reject you for you. She's a random stranger on the internet.

I can understand not feeling in the chatty mood, or even of checking out a models room and staying quiet at first sussing it out for like one session. But continuously lurking trying to find out if there's a space in the convo you can get into then if not, back out and leave? Seriously, grow a vagina. You're adult men for christ sake! Start acting like it and type those words to the pretty lady.

Quite frankly, sometimes I don't don't feel like chatting, especially if its a new model (to me) and I have no tokens.

 

[sweetiebatman]

Its a very difficult situation, you can't know what makes people tick and most of us with any kind of social awareness will fit in given a bit of time, but as people have said there will be a proportion of MFC'ers who lack that skill of being able to talk & relate to people for a myriad of reasons and that is exactly why MFC appeals

The only time ive ever in a room is where ive been given a hard time for trying to make conversation with a model and the resident white knight/"big" tipper (in his own mind anyways!) thought he owned her! which is why I find the way you girls manage your rooms fascinating and to be honest i dont envy you one bit haha, It must be like trying to take a class of First School Pupils!

 

[MyraNorth]

This is why I tend to lurk in a model's room until I feel comfortable joining in on the conversation. Sometimes I never feel comfortable enough to start chatting, so I eventually leave.

[...]
A model? Erm no, it's time to leave those fears of chatting to a girl in your reality. Unless you really are an obnoxious prick, which she probably wouldn't find out until after knowing you a while, she's not going to reject you for you. She's a random stranger on the internet.

I can understand not feeling in the chatty mood, or even of checking out a models room and staying quiet at first sussing it out for like one session. But continuously lurking trying to find out if there's a space in the convo you can get into then if not, back out and leave? Seriously, grow a vagina. You're adult men for christ sake! Start acting like it and type those words to the pretty lady.

In some cases, this is probably really good advice, and if it's "just" shyness and waffling and someone just needs to let go and jump in, yeah, cool, grow those vaginas/balls! And as camgirls it's obviously great/important to have members chatting (hence much of the convo in this thread). But man, general social anxiety disorder is a thing, and plenty of other complex reasons someone might so intensely shy, so to any of those people reading this, I want to say I value you too in all your quietness and I do not agree with "just grow a vagina" or believe that you are somehow less adult.

 

[Sevrin]

Quite frankly, sometimes I don't don't feel like chatting, especially if its a new model (to me) and I have no tokens.

Well said. I'm not generally shy about chatting, but I'm a *lot* more likely to participate if I have tokens to spend. If I'm watching pennies, however, I either stay away from MFC altogether, or just log on as a guest. I've been doing a lot of the staying away thing recently.

 

[Gen]

Quite frankly, sometimes I don't don't feel like chatting, especially if its a new model (to me) and I have no tokens.

Well said. I'm not generally shy about chatting, but I'm a *lot* more likely to participate if I have tokens to spend. If I'm watching pennies, however, I either stay away from MFC altogether, or just log on as a guest. I've been doing a lot of the staying away thing recently.

Even I feel this way when I perv sometimes! And I know how valued conversation can be, and I do try to chat (especially in quieter rooms) but somehow I'm still shy at times. I'm not really sure WHY, and I do try to make myself talk (because again, I know it's hard when nobody's chatting), but then I feel weird about leaving (do I have to say goodbye??) and also not tipping if I don't have tokens.

 

[schlmoe]

In some cases, this is probably really good advice, and if it's "just" shyness and waffling and someone just needs to let go and jump in, yeah, cool, grow those vaginas/balls! And as camgirls it's obviously great/important to have members chatting (hence much of the convo in this thread).

True to a certain extent.

But man, general social anxiety disorder is a thing, and plenty of other complex reasons someone might so intensely shy, so to any of those people reading this, I want to say I value you too in all your quietness and I do not agree with "just grow a vagina" or believe that you are somehow less adult.

Yes, a thousand times YES! I have lots of experience working with people who suffer from this type of anxiety. They are usually OK one-on-one, but add more people in the mix...forget it. And I'm not even talking about speaking (typing) to a hot, naked girl. So keep trying the conversation ice breakers, you may eventually find some common thread, or they may continue to enjoy watching in silence

Better to be silent than to continuously post squirting cock emotes :whistle: