How to be a supportive partner to a model

[myfirstusername]

Hello
I've been lurking here for a number of years. I've enjoyed reading the threads and learning, though I've never really had anything to say for myself before. Additionally, I've been a patron of camming websites for about 5 or so years, starting on Chaturbate and quickly moving over to MFC.
I also know about and have read the large number of "in love with a cam model" threads here....this isn't that hopefully, though I am in love with a model....I'll explain:

There's a much longer story here, but the relevant details are: I met a model on MFC in 2020, she stopped camming when quarantine ended in her country to return to university. We stayed in touch sporadically via signal and telegram. We're the same age, work in the same industry (different specialties), and fostered a soft spot for each other. No money changed hands. We met in person in July of last year, quickly fell in love, and agreed to be exclusive within several weeks. We consider each other boyfriend/girlfriend, and we've been managing to see each other about once a month since we met. She has long-term plans to move to my country, but it's going to be at least a year long process for her to obtain a working visa and some certifications she needs to find employment in our field.

My question:
Partly because her job was terrible (fine in general, but long hours and low pay) and partly to make it easier for us to spend time together, she recently returned to modeling for income and the flexibility it offers. I'm pretty open-minded and it doesn't bother me, but I'll admit that both of us are in new-to-us territory. I've never dated a sex-worker before, and none of her previous partners ever knew anything about her time on mfc. I want to make sure I'm being supportive without crossing any boundaries, but setting good boundaries is puzzling us. We communicate pretty well in general, we're cautious and respectful of each other's feelings, and we've also discussed it with our respective therapists, so I think we're doing fine for now. I'm interested in hearing from other models with long-term partners....any advice? Anything one or both of us might not be thinking of or planning for? If there are any partners of people in the industry here, I'd love to hear any advice you have to offer as well!

Thanks in advance

 

[MarieElise]

Hello
I've been lurking here for a number of years. I've enjoyed reading the threads and learning, though I've never really had anything to say for myself before. Additionally, I've been a patron of camming websites for about 5 or so years, starting on Chaturbate and quickly moving over to MFC.
I also know about and have read the large number of "in love with a cam model" threads here....this isn't that hopefully, though I am in love with a model....I'll explain:

There's a much longer story here, but the relevant details are: I met a model on MFC in 2020, she stopped camming when quarantine ended in her country to return to university. We stayed in touch sporadically via signal and telegram. We're the same age, work in the same industry (different specialties), and fostered a soft spot for each other. No money changed hands. We met in person in July of last year, quickly fell in love, and agreed to be exclusive within several weeks. We consider each other boyfriend/girlfriend, and we've been managing to see each other about once a month since we met. She has long-term plans to move to my country, but it's going to be at least a year long process for her to obtain a working visa and some certifications she needs to find employment in our field.

My question:
Partly because her job was terrible (fine in general, but long hours and low pay) and partly to make it easier for us to spend time together, she recently returned to modeling for income and the flexibility it offers. I'm pretty open-minded and it doesn't bother me, but I'll admit that both of us are in new-to-us territory. I've never dated a sex-worker before, and none of her previous partners ever knew anything about her time on mfc. I want to make sure I'm being supportive without crossing any boundaries, but setting good boundaries is puzzling us. We communicate pretty well in general, we're cautious and respectful of each other's feelings, and we've also discussed it with our respective therapists, so I think we're doing fine for now. I'm interested in hearing from other models with long-term partners....any advice? Anything one or both of us might not be thinking of or planning for? If there are any partners of people in the industry here, I'd love to hear any advice you have to offer as well!

Thanks in advance

Congrats, it sounds like you guys have built something cool.

Open communication is my only advice, but also open communication about boundaries and space. I'm one who doesn't want a partner in the house or area when I'm live camming, because I just don't truly believe that most people can "get it". So I can't relax if someone is in the house when I'm camming. Different people are different though. Just being open to communicating boundaries is super helpful.

 

[CallMeMaria]

I would suggest that you treat it as any other work. She goes to work, and you let her get on with it. Dont sit in her room, camsite or physical. She probably will not need your help and you being present virtually or physically may actually hold her back.

Talk about whether you want her to be open and honest to her customers about being in a relationship or if you are ok with her presenting as a single girl. Many men on cam sites like the thought of a single over a taken girl. I myself proudly present as married - but I know I am missing out on a certain type of spender who wants to "woo" me and impress me, I think in the back of their mind they like to think they have a chance.

If any jealousy pops up - bring it up and discuss it straight away. Talk about boundaries, both hers and yours.

 

[myfirstusername]

Congrats, it sounds like you guys have built something cool.

Open communication is my only advice, but also open communication about boundaries and space. I'm one who doesn't want a partner in the house or area when I'm live camming, because I just don't truly believe that most people can "get it". So I can't relax if someone is in the house when I'm camming. Different people are different though. Just being open to communicating boundaries is super helpful.

I would suggest that you treat it as any other work. She goes to work, and you let her get on with it. Dont sit in her room, camsite or physical. She probably will not need your help and you being present virtually or physically may actually hold her back.

Talk about whether you want her to be open and honest to her customers about being in a relationship or if you are ok with her presenting as a single girl. Many men on cam sites like the thought of a single over a taken girl. I myself proudly present as married - but I know I am missing out on a certain type of spender who wants to "woo" me and impress me, I think in the back of their mind they like to think they have a chance.

If any jealousy pops up - bring it up and discuss it straight away. Talk about boundaries, both hers and yours.

I appreciate the advice! Both of you mentioned location/physical presence. I'll admit we hadn't discussed it, because it hasn't come up. She only works when we're not visiting each other. I have no intention of spending time in the same room when she's working, physically or virtually. But it's definitely something to talk about before it comes up! Thanks!

 

[MollyDark]

Maybe try asking her how you can best support her - not being a smart ass either. Just ask her. She might not know until something comes up and she can voice that when it happens. Just be understanding if she needs quiet time. And never ever ever bring up her work in an argument. No throwing it in her face that she had to use all of her energy to make her money and is exhausted and cant cater to your specific needs (within reason, of course). I don't have a partner, but I feel like, from past relationships, this is something that I would request......hope that helps!! Oh and all of the above too!!!

 

[cbhours]

and none of her previous partners ever knew anything about her time on mfc

Is that because she wasn't seeing anyone when she was working as a cam model or because she worked at a studio and doesn't continue doing any aspect of her work at home?

 

[EasternPromis]

Is that because she wasn't seeing anyone when she was working as a cam model or because she worked at a studio and doesn't continue doing any aspect of her work at home?

This also caught my attention, or was she just not telling her partners what she was doing at the time?

 

[EasternPromis]

I think it comes to two things 1) Communicate what you’re uncomfortable with and what is your hard dealbreakers 2) Find out what she needs from you.

I’m married and I think my husband is extremely supportive.
What his boundaries - no video calls with cam2cam, no dick ratings and in general to minimize seeing other men & their dicks as much as possible.

How he helps - he’s engineer with degree in cybersecurity, gamer and he used to stream on Twitch. So he fixes all my technology, he’s good at picking technology to buy, he set up OBS and audio, widgets etc, he comes up with various solutions aka type of fence and window coverage so neighbors and passers by can’t see into house because I use natural light for filming content.
He takes some of my photos or videos if I need it quick and high quality with rear camera, he makes BG content with me sometimes and is generally not being difficult (not without a little whining and eye rolls here and there lol).
He takes some of my social media photos when we out and about because I feel embarrassed to use tripod in public.
He sometimes answers my onlyfans messages and he’s very pleasant and can upsell well.
He doesn’t visit my stream, he doesn’t follow my social media or onlyfans.

In our house I have dedicated room, “my office” where pets not allowed, furniture picked and arranged how I need it, windows facing the way I need sunlight.
He has his own office aka gaming room.
When I was streaming only it didn’t matter for me if he’s home or not as he’d usually play games in headphones in his office.
I now stream very rare, I create content full time, sometimes I make content while he’s home and I tell him as such and he’s not bothering me.
I sometimes show him something funny from social media that I made, some funny comments and I of course complain about various topics just like after any other job.
Oh and he helps me with English phrases in social media because English not my first language but his is.

 

[myfirstusername]

Is that because she wasn't seeing anyone when she was working as a cam model or because she worked at a studio and doesn't continue doing any aspect of her work at home?

This also caught my attention, or was she just not telling her partners what she was doing at the time?

She was single when she started camming, didn't want to tell her brand-new bf immediately (conservative country) and then by the time they started getting serious, she was back to uni and just never told him what she did

Maybe try asking her how you can best support her - not being a smart ass either. Just ask her. She might not know until something comes up and she can voice that when it happens. Just be understanding if she needs quiet time. And never ever ever bring up her work in an argument. No throwing it in her face that she had to use all of her energy to make her money and is exhausted and cant cater to your specific needs (within reason, of course). I don't have a partner, but I feel like, from past relationships, this is something that I would request......hope that helps!! Oh and all of the above too!!!

I think it comes to two things 1) Communicate what you’re uncomfortable with and what is your hard dealbreakers 2) Find out what she needs from you.

I’m married and I think my husband is extremely supportive.
What his boundaries - no video calls with cam2cam, no dick ratings and in general to minimize seeing other men & their dicks as much as possible.

How he helps - he’s engineer with degree in cybersecurity, gamer and he used to stream on Twitch. So he fixes all my technology, he’s good at picking technology to buy, he set up OBS and audio, widgets etc, he comes up with various solutions aka type of fence and window coverage so neighbors and passers by can’t see into house because I use natural light for filming content.
He takes some of my photos or videos if I need it quick and high quality with rear camera, he makes BG content with me sometimes and is generally not being difficult (not without a little whining and eye rolls here and there lol).
He takes some of my social media photos when we out and about because I feel embarrassed to use tripod in public.
He sometimes answers my onlyfans messages and he’s very pleasant and can upsell well.
He doesn’t visit my stream, he doesn’t follow my social media or onlyfans.

In our house I have dedicated room, “my office” where pets not allowed, furniture picked and arranged how I need it, windows facing the way I need sunlight.
He has his own office aka gaming room.
When I was streaming only it didn’t matter for me if he’s home or not as he’d usually play games in headphones in his office.
I now stream very rare, I create content full time, sometimes I make content while he’s home and I tell him as such and he’s not bothering me.
I sometimes show him something funny from social media that I made, some funny comments and I of course complain about various topics just like after any other job.
Oh and he helps me with English phrases in social media because English not my first language but his is.

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences and thoughts!

 

[inertvolcano]

Former partner of a sex worker here. The most helpful thing that I figured out was that if I started to feel jealous of her work, I wasn't actually jealous of her work. I had some need going unmet. I wanted more time together or more attention or something. Figuring that out and knowing to not make it about the work was really helpful. We didn't last in the end but it was due to different life goals, not the work itself. Good luck.

 

[Vixxen81]

I am also married and the #1 rule is -- my body, my show. No jokes about leaving money on the table because I didn't want to do something.

The 2nd rule is no cam2cam. Tried that once and a very gorgeous man was staring back at me and yeah. That was way too personal for his comfort level and quite frankly mine, too.

The third one is mine -- no pet names. No honey, baby, sweetie, princess..., nope. All off the table.

Seems to be going well, 10 years so far.

 

[MarieElise]

Former partner of a sex worker here. The most helpful thing that I figured out was that if I started to feel jealous of her work, I wasn't actually jealous of her work. I had some need going unmet. I wanted more time together or more attention or something. Figuring that out and knowing to not make it about the work was really helpful. We didn't last in the end but it was due to different life goals, not the work itself. Good luck.

My SO gets like this sometimes too. It's more about attention.

 

[inertvolcano]

My SO gets like this sometimes too. It's more about attention.

Yeah, it was like I had a fuel gauge but for how much attention I was getting and if it gets down in the red that's when I start feeling jealous about things. I just need to refill on attention by getting some one on one time and cuddles and then I'm good again. The majority of the time I am not a jealous person at all.

 

[MarieElise]

Yeah, it was like I had a fuel gauge but for how much attention I was getting and if it gets down in the red that's when I start feeling jealous about things. I just need to refill on attention by getting some one on one time and cuddles and then I'm good again. The majority of the time I am not a jealous person at all.

Idk I’m not sure I have all my emotional definitions right these days, but to me that doesn’t count as true jealousy either. Jealousy is more sexual. Like if I get pissed off at a nurse cause she gets to give my guy a prostate exam, or something like that. Just a random example, (not something that has actually happened or anything). I’m not good with emotional definitions though, I only just discovered boredom was an emotion, last week, when I googled it on cam.

 

[Nunyabizness]

That's my biggest problem with a cam girl. I don't get enough quality time with her. But that is a bigger story than just quality time. Maybe one day I will go into detail, but not likely since I don't want to put her life with me on display for everyone. I respect her privacy.