How to accommodate work and private life?

[AudriTwo]

Yes we have met on a camsite. I have talked to her about the risks of this type of payment but she doesn't seem concerned by the protection of her identity and I wouldn't be surprised if she would give her personal address to receive gifts from her viewers

im guessing she is from EE or SA? this is typical for a model in those countries to do because low risk. the chances of a westerner to go to their podank town in their country is slim since most visitors of camsites are from the US, CA, AU, or WE. if she is in a studio, she sees other models doing the same and is probably encouraged by her managers/models to do so.

completely reasonable to not want her to hand out your address to receive gifts and money if you two move in together. are PO boxes a good alternative in your area if she were to move in?

 

[ArcticKitty]

amber's rule is you have 15 minutes to delete your post, if not post stay up. the internet is forever.

Damn, I need to up my game so my grandchildren will be suitably shocked!

 

[Danigirl]

So you met on a cam site, know this is her job and how she supports herself but now want to change how she does things? You may say you're not insecure, but your posts here indicate you are. Insecure doesn't mesh with this field as far as relationships go. You barely meet and it will only get more pressure if she moves in.

Quite frankly, if I knew my partner was posting this about me and my job on a forum, I'd be pissed. You've shown you don't accept her job which is where you met her. It's a bit hypocritical and naive.

 

[ArizonaDream]

If you're already having these hangups at a distance, you're not going to handle her working in the next room over where you're not allowed for hours. You really need to rethink this as you're trying to change a situation you already know about and literally met her using. You're leading her on saying you accept her but come here talking about how you hope you can change her.

To be honest as I said before in one of my previous messages, it would be way more easy for me to handle that situation when we will live together.

I'm not trying to change her but as AudriTwo said it well, something like a schedule must be set to allow us to separate work and private life. No one is working 24/7 and is available anytime in a regular job so I don't see why it should be different when you are a camgirl.

 

[ArizonaDream]

So you met on a cam site, know this is her job and how she supports herself but now want to change how she does things? You may say you're not insecure, but your posts here indicate you are. Insecure doesn't mesh with this field as far as relationships go. You barely meet and it will only get more pressure if she moves in.

Quite frankly, if I knew my partner was posting this about me and my job on a forum, I'd be pissed. You've shown you don't accept her job which is where you met her. It's a bit hypocritical and naive.

I'm accepting her job otherwise I would not be here looking for advices. I don't see what's wrong with that. It's just a new situation for me and I want to see how people in the same position are accommodating work and private life.

 

[MarieElise]

. No one is working 24/7 and is available anytime in a regular job so I don't see why it should be different when you are a camgirl.

That's not true. I know lots of self-employed people who choose to answer emails pretty much as long as they are awake, realtors being one field where they have that choice, and some choose to do it that way. When I worked in healthcare I had remote access to my work email and the server too, and chose to answer emails outside of my scheduled hours, when the clinic was overwhelmingly busy. When people were in crisis. I'm afraid that just flat out isn't true.

Growing up my parents were both self-employed and were all about work pretty much 24/7. So nope.

 

[jillianna]

If you're already having these hangups at a distance, you're not going to handle her working in the next room over where you're not allowed for hours. You really need to rethink this as you're trying to change a situation you already know about and literally met her using. You're leading her on saying you accept her but come here talking about how you hope you can change her.

This exactly! You don't sound like you are going to be the type of guy that is going to be supportive of her in the way that she needs in this line of work. Your post is really concerning as it smacks of trying to control her business decisions. Also you are condescending that she can't make decisions for herself and is able to keep her own self safe. How would you feel if she was questioning your work decisions and putting her two cents in beyond a normal relationship?!? Whatever job it is you do... It's her show/her career/her life and if you are lucky enough that she is letting you into her world to share, you should be respectful of normal relationship boundaries. You don't get to make those decisions for her..even if you met her through camming.. You can express your concern but ultimately she calls the shots on her career.

I think everyone that works from home in any way has to deal with time and space boundaries away from work, so if you are wanting her to get offline to spend quality time, that's totally within the realm of normal relationship conversations and negotiations, but you started your OP way too far into her personal space. You need to take a big step back.

 

[ArcticKitty]

To be honest as I said before in one of my previous messages, it would be way more easy for me to handle that situation when we will live together.

I'm not trying to change her but as AudriTwo said it well, something like a schedule must be set to allow us to separate work and private life. No one is working 24/7 and is available anytime in a regular job so I don't see why it should be different when you are a camgirl.

Honestly, I really think it would be best if you and your girlfriend sat down together and for her to educate you on what a model's day is often like. I am not a model but I know for instance that a model's work includes off-cam time that she can't invoice users for, including emails and social media and maybe personal site maintenance in addition to time spent preparing to go on stream. Then there's acknowledging offline tips with a thank you note (offline tips are weighted more in the camscore algorithm that ranks page placement), time spent researching and possibly time at ACF. I know I missed some things here.

And then there is producing content, which is done on spec unless it's commissioned by a client. A short clip of playing with her new toy takes a lot longer in recording and editing.

So yeah, talking about things and learning would be a really good thing since you have plans together.

 

[Ozzie_]

I am just a site member, and am not in a relationship with a model, so take this with a grain of salt.

I agree with much of what has been said, also I disagree with some.

Work / life balance needs to be created in all people's lives. (the balance is different for each of us of course) If you concern is genuinely about how her work may encroach on quality time for your relationship, then, that is a legitimate concern to have. But also you as a partner should be aware that you need to be mindful of what she HAS to do to grow her business / work.

The two of you need to sit down and have a long genuine honest and open discussion about where each (and both) of you are and where you both want to be in this relationship.

Good luck to you both.

 

[ArizonaDream]

That's not true. I know lots of self-employed people who choose to answer emails pretty much as long as they are awake, realtors being one field where they have that choice, and some choose to do it that way. When I worked in healthcare I had remote access to my work email and the server too, and chose to answer emails outside of my scheduled hours, when the clinic was overwhelmingly busy. When people were in crisis. I'm afraid that just flat out isn't true.

Growing up my parents were both self-employed and were all about work pretty much 24/7. So nope.

Maybe but that would be the best way to make a burnout and ruin your sentimental life. Life is not only about working, it is also necessary to know how to put your work aside at a given time to give yourself a chance to have a fulfilled life.

Look at the other side of the fence. Would you put up with an absent husband for long because of his work?

 

[MarieElise]

Maybe but that would be the best way to make a burnout and ruin your sentimental life. Life is not only about working, it is also necessary to know how to put your work aside at a given time to give yourself a chance to have a fulfilled life.

Look at the other side of the fence. Would you put up with an absent husband for long because of his work?

Please don’t lecture me. I have a strong 6 year long relationship and my partner has no issues with that . If that’s not for you or other people, great, I would never cross the boundary and try to infer it should, so don’t try it with me. I simply pointed out that you made a gross over generalization that was completely false to back up what appears to be this weird skewed bias you have, and justify it.

You’re arguing a point I didn’t make and I’m not in a relationship with you. My partner and I are great and solid. Mind your own. You’re the one asking for relationship advice, not me.

As far as the rules and agreements we have negotiated , I’ll be real blunt here, that’s none of your business and involves us and only us. And it’s abundantly clear from my first post that I’m not willing to go there on a public forum for a complete stranger. Don’t project your shit onto me or my love.

 

[ArizonaDream]

This exactly! You don't sound like you are going to be the type of guy that is going to be supportive of her in the way that she needs in this line of work. Your post is really concerning as it smacks of trying to control her business decisions. Also you are condescending that she can't make decisions for herself and is able to keep her own self safe. How would you feel if she was questioning your work decisions and putting her two cents in beyond a normal relationship?!? Whatever job it is you do... It's her show/her career/her life and if you are lucky enough that she is letting you into her world to share, you should be respectful of normal relationship boundaries. You don't get to make those decisions for her..even if you met her through camming.. You can express your concern but ultimately she calls the shots on her career.

I think everyone that works from home in any way has to deal with time and space boundaries away from work, so if you are wanting her to get offline to spend quality time, that's totally within the realm of normal relationship conversations and negotiations, but you started your OP way too far into her personal space. You need to take a big step back.

I agree with the end of your message but not at all with the beginning. It's quite unpleasant because I feel like I am being judged on my ability to accept that job or not.

I have always supported her at 100% with her choices otherwise I would not be here looking for some advices in order to handle this new situation in the best possible way.

You might have been in the business for years but I'm not and I find it totally normal to ask myself questions cause as much as you think the opposite, it remains a particular job for a vast majority of people.

I have accepted it and will support her, no question about it. I just wanted to get feedbacks from people who have been in that situation.

By the way, she has the total freedom of choosing her life path and it's normal, it's her life. She surely can keep herself safe but I'm sorry to be worried about the protection of her identity. I thought it was a fundamental rule to respect for a camgirl.

And yes, if there is something about my job that bothers her, I would like her to tell me about it. I might or might not be able to do anything about it but she should definitely let me know about her concerns. That's how I expect a relationship to be.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Please don’t lecture me. I have a strong 6 year long relationship and my partner has no issues with that . If that’s not for you or other people, great, I would never cross the boundary and try to infer it should, so don’t try it with me. I simply pointed out that you made a gross over generalization that was completely false to back up what appears to be this weird skewed bias you have, and justify it.

You’re arguing a point I didn’t make and I’m not in a relationship with you. My partner and I are great and solid. Mind your own. You’re the one asking for relationship advice, not me.

As far as the rules and agreements we have negotiated , I’ll be real blunt here, that’s none of your business and involves us and only us. And it’s abundantly clear from my first post that I’m not willing to go there on a public forum for a complete stranger. Don’t project your shit onto me or my love.

Wow, do you really need to be rude like that? I think there is a misunderstanding then because I wasn't aiming at you personally but I was talking in a general way when I said that it was necessary to have a break from work instead of working 24/7 cause as someone said, work / life balance needs to be created in all people's life to be able to enjoy it to the fullest.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Honestly, I really think it would be best if you and your girlfriend sat down together and for her to educate you on what a model's day is often like. I am not a model but I know for instance that a model's work includes off-cam time that she can't invoice users for, including emails and social media and maybe personal site maintenance in addition to time spent preparing to go on stream. Then there's acknowledging offline tips with a thank you note (offline tips are weighted more in the camscore algorithm that ranks page placement), time spent researching and possibly time at ACF. I know I missed some things here.

And then there is producing content, which is done on spec unless it's commissioned by a client. A short clip of playing with her new toy takes a lot longer in recording and editing.

So yeah, talking about things and learning would be a really good thing since you have plans together.

I am just a site member, and am not in a relationship with a model, so take this with a grain of salt.

I agree with much of what has been said, also I disagree with some.

Work / life balance needs to be created in all people's lives. (the balance is different for each of us of course) If you concern is genuinely about how her work may encroach on quality time for your relationship, then, that is a legitimate concern to have. But also you as a partner should be aware that you need to be mindful of what she HAS to do to grow her business / work.

The two of you need to sit down and have a long genuine honest and open discussion about where each (and both) of you are and where you both want to be in this relationship.

Good luck to you both.

Thanks to both of you for your advices. i will surely have a chat with my girlfriend about that subject.

 

[MarieElise]

Wow, do you really need to be rude like that? I think there is a misunderstanding then because I wasn't aiming at you personally but I was talking in a general way when I said that it was necessary to have a break from work instead of working 24/7.

Omg dude this is brain dead and I’m stepping out of this thread. Being available 24/7 and working 24/7 are not the same thing. I’ve reached my patience limit for explaining simple concepts today. Byeeeeeeeeeeeee. Good luck with this “relationship” of yours lmfao.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Omg dude this is brain dead and I’m stepping out of this thread. Being available 24/7 and working 24/7 are not the same thing. I’ve reached my patience limit for explaining simple concepts today. Byeeeeeeeeeeeee. Good luck with this “relationship” of yours lmfao.

?? And it's me who is condescendant!

If you don't see that it's mentally tiring to be available 24/7 and if you don't see the benefits of completely leaving the webcam world for a few hours each day then it's your point of view but I'm not sharing it at all. By the way it's not because we don't have the same opinions that you need to be disrespectful.

Bye

 

[AudriTwo]

If you don't see that it's mentally tiring to be available 24/7 and that it could lead to concessions then it's your point of view but I'm not sharing it. It's not because we don't have the same opinions that you need to be disrespectful.

my father is a workhorse. works no joke 24/7 for his business. us kids joke that he will retire and rest when he is dead in the ground. the man had hernia surgery and was put on bed rest for 3 weeks. that did not stop him from doing manual labor and bleeding all over his office carpet and work truck. got his sutures reclosed and went back to the office the same day. he was mentally tiring us when we kids try to get him to slow down and go back on bed rest. some people just like to work. that's how some people's brains operate. when my father isn't working or doing anything productive, he gets manic and cant settles down. his adhd get out of control.

if your cammodel girlfriend wants to work as much as possible, that shouldn't be an issue because let's face it this is a vain industry, and her time could be limited. she's probably trying to work as much as possible now, so she can retire when she is in her 40's or 50's.

sure you have a different viewpoint towards life/work. and that's neat. but if your girlfriend doesn't share the same, why should she change to appease you?

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Maybe but that would be the best way to make a burnout and ruin your sentimental life. Life is not only about working, it is also necessary to know how to put your work aside at a given time to give yourself a chance to have a fulfilled life.

Look at the other side of the fence. Would you put up with an absent husband for long because of his work?

Women do this ALL THE TIME. Especially military wives. And the thing with that is - they know what they're signing up for. It can be hard, of course.. but if they marry a man in the military they KNOW to expect him to be gone. It's one thing to marry someone and have them want to abruptly change careers and you're like "woah I didn't sign up for this" but if you already KNOW you have issues with things that come with the job she already has then why are you trying to force this relationship to work. Her values regarding work life balance sound fundamentally different from yours. I agree with you about needing to switch off from 'work" mode sometimes - its good for my mental health. But what's good for me isn't good for everyone. If I met and started dating someone who felt like they couldn't switch off their availability (there are plenty of jobs that are like that) I would probably stop dating them. Because for me it's important to have a partner that can be present. I wouldn't try to make them work the way I think they should though.

Take a look at this girls values - how she spends her time, her money, her energy. What she puts effort into and what she doesn't. IF THOSE DONT LINE UP WITH WHAT YOU WANT IN A PARTNER then no matter how much you love her or want to be with her, this is a fundamentally flawed relationship.

 

[ArizonaDream]

my father is a workhorse. works no joke 24/7 for his business. us kids joke that he will retire and rest when he is dead in the ground. the man had hernia surgery and was put on bed rest for 3 weeks. that did not stop him from doing manual labor and bleeding all over his office carpet and work truck. got his sutures reclosed and went back to the office the same day. he was mentally tiring us when we kids try to get him to slow down and go back on bed rest. some people just like to work. that's how some people's brains operate. when my father isn't working or doing anything productive, he gets manic and cant settles down. his adhd get out of control.

if your cammodel girlfriend wants to work as much as possible, that shouldn't be an issue because let's face it this is a vain industry, and her time could be limited. she's probably trying to work as much as possible now, so she can retire when she is in her 40's or 50's.

sure you have a different viewpoint towards life/work. and that's neat. but if your girlfriend doesn't share the same, why should she change to appease you?

It's a great exemple that you are putting over the table of something that I clearly would like to avoid (For my personal life). But I totally respect people like your father. I'm wondering where they are finding their mental and physical energy. It's impressive but it can be really impacting for the mind and body as your story clearly shows.

Women do this ALL THE TIME. Especially military wives. And the thing with that is - they know what they're signing up for. It can be hard, of course.. but if they marry a man in the military they KNOW to expect him to be gone. It's one thing to marry someone and have them want to abruptly change careers and you're like "woah I didn't sign up for this" but if you already KNOW you have issues with things that come with the job she already has then why are you trying to force this relationship to work. Her values regarding work life balance sound fundamentally different from yours. I agree with you about needing to switch off from 'work" mode sometimes - its good for my mental health. But what's good for me isn't good for everyone. If I met and started dating someone who felt like they couldn't switch off their availability (there are plenty of jobs that are like that) I would probably stop dating them. Because for me it's important to have a partner that can be present. I wouldn't try to make them work the way I think they should though.

Take a look at this girls values - how she spends her time, her money, her energy. What she puts effort into and what she doesn't. IF THOSE DONT LINE UP WITH WHAT YOU WANT IN A PARTNER then no matter how much you love her or want to be with her, this is a fundamentally flawed relationship.

I'm pretty sure that even if she plans to work hard, my girlfriend would not be ready to sacrifice 100% of her time for her job and as well as I know her, she will surely keep time for herself so I'm confident that we are going to have the same opinion on that subject.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

It's a great exemple that you are putting over the table of something that I clearly would like to avoid (For my personal life). But I totally respect people like your father. I'm wondering where they are finding their mental and physical energy. It's impressive but it can be really impacting for the mind and body as your story clearly shows.




I'm pretty sure that even if she plans to work hard, my girlfriend would not be ready to sacrifice 100% of her time for her job and as well as I know her, she will surely keep time for herself so I'm confident that we are going to have the same opinion on that subject.

Then why aren't you having the conversation with her instead of here?

 

[Deleted member 45270]

I'm pretty sure that even if she plans to work hard, my girlfriend would not be ready to sacrifice 100% of her time for her job and as well as I know her, she will surely keep time for herself so I'm confident that we are going to have the same opinion on that subject.

Well it seems like how much she's sacrificing is already an issue for you. When I'm in a "work first" state, relationships have stunted and disappeared for it. I don't regret it, because those people would not be able to be compatible with my life anyway. I am the breadwinner, I am my own boss, I am entirely responsible for every dollar I make and if I have the time/energy to make more money to secure my future, I will do it. Nobody's earnings are guaranteed. Every self-employed person deals with this, not just camgirls.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

I'm confident that we are going to have the same opinion on that subject.

Clearly not, because you are here whining about how she runs her business.

 

[jillianna]

It's a great exemple that you are putting over the table of something that I clearly would like to avoid (For my personal life). But I totally respect people like your father. I'm wondering where they are finding their mental and physical energy. It's impressive but it can be really impacting for the mind and body as your story clearly shows.




I'm pretty sure that even if she plans to work hard, my girlfriend would not be ready to sacrifice 100% of her time for her job and as well as I know her, she will surely keep time for herself so I'm confident that we are going to have the same opinion on that subject.

So you just took everyone on a roller coaster ride to say she has the same opinion as you?? Ummm.... okay......that's not what you started this conversation with Why were you blowing up the forum concerned about your relationship then? It seems like you are just arguing so people will agree with you. What you don't realize is that you came into a group of people with a strong entrepreneurial spirit to complain about your girlfriend's hours of work. Anyone that has their own business understands the sacrifices of long hours outside of even those that are directly paid. She has made the decision to be in this line of work. If you support her then you will see that it's no different than if she opened her own accounting firm, laundry facility, or restaurant. Working for yourself is hard work and requires longer than normal hours. ( ie. Earlier Olive Garden comment.) If you want to be in a relationship with her you are going to have to let go of the reigns as you already aligned yourself with someone who is probably more independent than most and has the drive to succeed in her business on her own. I repeat what I said earlier... it's not your place to decide what her job entails; it's your job to be supportive and to tell her if you have some need inside the confines of your relationship (for additional connection time). I concur that you guys might want to get some counseling to talk about appropriate boundaries in a relationship, but I guess this is where you come back and say you fully agree on everything.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Then why aren't you having the conversation with her instead of here?

Because the time she's dedicating to her job doesn't bother me actually

 

[ArcticKitty]

Because the time she's dedicating to her job doesn't bother me actually

Then what does bother you ??

 

[AmberCutie]

If you don't see that it's mentally tiring to be available 24/7

Dude, it is definitely tiring. But sometimes that's kind of just the nature of the business when you're in the job of "people pleasing" to make your income.

*also 24/7 is an exaggeration, because clearly there is sleep. But I think you should be prepared that there may be many days where your love interest may be answering DMs on Onlyfans, or sending a video that was requested to a tipper on her cam site, for example.

I've been at this for nearly 13 years. The only times I completely ignore notifications on my phone for work stuff might be only when I'm in a movie theater, or at a planned event/dinner. And of course while sleeping, but sometimes I wakeup at 3am and look at my phone and decide to respond at that point. These are things you may need to accept are reality of your love interest's life.

 

[Marceline]

Because the time she's dedicating to her job doesn't bother me actually

But what bothers you is if camsite members send her messages when she’s not online and sends her “just because” tips when she’s offline, right?

It’s understandable to be worried about her possibly revealing personal information by accepting payment through means that would show that info, but those other things, that goes with the territory of being a cam model. Not everyone talks to members when they’re offline, but it is a part of a lot of cam models hustle. The goal is to make money, like with any job. If chatting with people outside her “normal” working hours makes her more money, even if it’s just people tipping because they want to tip with no expectations for anything in return, then you should see it for what it is, part of the job. It’s already been said here, there’s a ton of work that goes into camming even when you’re not streaming.

Considering that the two of you met through a camsite, it sounds a lot like you’re insecure and worried that she may end up liking or wanting to be with one of the people who sends her those tips or messages her when she’s not camming. That’s what I’ve taken from this whole thread, anyway. But, that’s where trust comes into play. You have to trust the person that you are with. If you think they’re going to leave you or be “controlled by offline tips” like you mentioned earlier in this thread, your relationship is more than likely going to fail.

Have a conversation with her instead of complaining about it here. Or if you want to be completely upfront with her, go ahead and show her this thread.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Clearly not, because you are here whining about how she runs her business.

The way I write may make you think that I'm complaining but I'm not. As I said multiples time, I just want to find the right attitude to handle that situation in the best possible way.

 

[ArizonaDream]

So you just took everyone on a roller coaster ride to say she has the same opinion as you?? Ummm.... okay......that's not what you started this conversation with Why were you blowing up the forum concerned about your relationship then? It seems like you are just arguing so people will agree with you. What you don't realize is that you came into a group of people with a strong entrepreneurial spirit to complain about your girlfriend's hours of work. Anyone that has their own business understands the sacrifices of long hours outside of even those that are directly paid. She has made the decision to be in this line of work. If you support her then you will see that it's no different than if she opened her own accounting firm, laundry facility, or restaurant. Working for yourself is hard work and requires longer than normal hours. ( ie. Earlier Olive Garden comment.) If you want to be in a relationship with her you are going to have to let go of the reigns as you already aligned yourself with someone who is probably more independent than most and has the drive to succeed in her business on her own. I repeat what I said earlier... it's not your place to decide what her job entails; it's your job to be supportive and to tell her if you have some need inside the confines of your relationship (for additional connection time). I concur that you guys might want to get some counseling to talk about appropriate boundaries in a relationship, but I guess this is where you come back and say you fully agree on everything.

Well the topic has deviated from the original subject to talk about the boundary between working time and private life after many posts only. But I agree with your point of view and I'm ready to support her.

 

[ArcticKitty]

...Anyone that has their own business understands the sacrifices of long hours outside of even those that are directly paid. .. If you want to be in a relationship with her you are going to have to let go of the reigns as you already aligned yourself with someone who is probably more independent than most and has the drive to succeed in her business on her own...

Marry me, Jillianna? Between your enterprises and my classes, part time job and art, we would have a blast whenever we get time to see each other!