How to accommodate work and private life?

[ArizonaDream]

Hello

It's been a year that I'm in a true relationship with a camgirl. She recently came back to work after a few months away from the caming world and I need your advices to know how to deal with that situation more easily.

Have you already been in the same position ? How do you guys conciliate work and private life when you are in a relationship ? And above all, which limits do you set to protect your couple?

Thank you

 

[MarieElise]

Hello

It's been a year that I'm in a true relationship with a camgirl. She recently came back to work after a few months away from the caming world and I need your advices to know how to deal with that situation more easily.

Have you already been in the same position ? How do you guys conciliate work and private life when you are in a relationship ? And above all, which limits do you set to protect your couple?

Thank you

I think there's a translation error where you use the word conciliate. I am not sure what you mean by that.

Boundaries, open communication, and trust are important in any relationship. I feel especially so when dating a sex worker. I think you should perhaps maybe be asking your partner this question, and discussing this with them. What any of us do in each of our individual couples, if we are part of one, is only really gonna be relevant or individual to the rules, boundaries, and agreements we have made with our individual partners. It's not something that can cross over from couple to couple in my experience, because each person and relationship has its own agreements, boundaries, context etc with people being so different and all.

I hope that makes sense, and is helpful.
I'm not 100% sure I truly understood what you are asking or meaning there.

 

[IsabelaHarlow]

Work is work, private life is private life. Who I am in front of the camera is not who I am in my free time. Firstly you have to understand what your girlfriend is doing, and know that it's not something personal involved in her interactions with her members. They have a fantasy, she fulfils it behind the camera. He is happy, she's happy with the money she's getting. You should know that it's strictly business and nothing else involved in what's happening there, and that should give you peace of mind.

 

[Ozzie_]

I think there's a translation error where you use the word conciliate. I am not sure what you mean by that.

Boundaries, open communication, and trust are important in any relationship. I feel especially so when dating a sex worker. I think you should perhaps maybe be asking your partner this question, and discussing this with them. What any of us do in each of our individual couples, if we are part of one, is only really gonna be relevant or individual to the rules, boundaries, and agreements we have made with our individual partners. It's not something that can cross over from couple to couple in my experience, because each person and relationship has its own agreements, boundaries, context etc with people being so different and all.

I hope that makes sense, and is helpful.
I'm not 100% sure I truly understood what you are asking or meaning there.

I think you've covered it:

1. stop (someone) being angry or discontented; placate.
   "concessions were made to conciliate the peasantry"
   
   2. ARCHAIC
   
   gain (esteem or goodwill).

Similar: assuage reconcile win over make peace with

 

[ArizonaDream]

Thank you very much EliMarie for your answer. Yeah you understood pretty well but you are right, there is a translation error: The word "accommodate" would describe better what I wanted to say. But it's confusing and since it seems impossible to change my post, i will make a new topic.

The admins can probably delete that subject and keep the new one.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Thank you very much for your answer Isabela. You understood what I wanted to say well but there is a translation error in my message: The word "accommodate" would describe better what I wanted to say. But it's confusing and I don't want to create any misunderstanding issues so since it seems impossible to change my post, I will make a new topic. You can copy your message in the new subject so I can answer you there. Or I will quote your message if you want.

Admins can delete that subject and keep the new one.

 

[AudriTwo]

Treat it like she is working at olive garden.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Treat it like she is working at olive garden.

Could you detail your point of view please? Do you mean that I should consider that job like any other?

 

[AudriTwo]

Could you detail your point of view please? Do you mean that I should consider that job like any other?

Bingo.

 

[ArizonaDream]

More easily said than done I would be okay with that if we agreed on the boundaries that should not be broken but we have a different point of view about it.

For example, it makes me feel uncomfortable to see that she's sharing social medias with her viewers, even if I know that these are not her personal ones but it means that she can be reached anytime and it bothers me a lot to see that people can write her or call her outside her working hours and outside a legit platform.

I know that it's a common practice but are you allowing that too when you are in a relationship?

Another thing that bothers me is that she's ready to sell content either off-site which means that she will use a mean of payment that will probably reveal her identity (I can't accept that) or in a legit platform but then viewers will have the possibility to tip her without asking for any service in return.

How would you deal with that? I feel like it would go beyond how a camgirl and her viewers should interact.

Am I asking too much and should I relax or is she going too far?

The situation is even more uncomfortable for me knowing that we are in the process of living together but it will only be possible in a few weeks.

 

[mika_kedi]

Dude, you have 4 threads on the same subject. Chill.

but then viewers will have the possibility to tip her without asking for any service in return.

How is that a bad thing?

 

[ArcticKitty]

OK, this is your RL girlfriend who cams, yes?

I would think that she already is fully aware of the need to take precautions about her PI and does so. Sure, if you're concerned, you can ask her about it, I just think she thought it through early on and has it covered. Re content, cam sites are sharecropper systems; that's their business model. If she can make money outside of it and stay within the site's TOS, then more power to her.

I don't know what you mean about tipping her without asking for any service in return. Speaking for myself, I've never asked for anything when I tipped a model, except for a song request or a hand of blackjack. I'm in a room because I like it there, which means it's entertainment which I *should* be tipping for because she took the time and trouble and preparation to be there. It's that simple for me.

 

[AudriTwo]

More easily said than done I would be okay with that if we agreed on the boundaries that should not be broken but we have a different point of view about it.

For example, it makes me feel uncomfortable to see that she's sharing social medias with her viewers, even if I know that these are not her personal ones but it means that she can be reached anytime and it bothers me a lot to see that people can write her or call her outside her working hours and outside a legit platform.

I know that it's a common practice but are you allowing that too when you are in a relationship?

Another thing that bothers me is that she's ready to sell content either off-site which means that she will use a mean of payment that will probably reveal her identity (I can't accept that) or in a legit platform but then viewers will have the possibility to tip her without asking for any service in return.

How would you deal with that? I feel like it would go beyond how a camgirl and her viewers should interact.

Am I asking too much and should I relax or is she going too far?

The situation is even more uncomfortable for me knowing that we are in the process of living together but it will only be possible in a few weeks.

you should relax. members tipping her without any service in return is like every models favorite tip. she is sharing social media because it's a part of the job. she sees other models doing the same, sees that it works, so she is recreating. she is trying to grow her audience, and social media is one of the best ways to do so organically. people will contact her during off-hours, and she has zero control over that, but she has to learn to create boundaries with users too. some models choose to be 24/7 contact, some choose only certain hours they will respond to social media, some won't do any social media at all. if she just started she is in the process figuring out what hustle works best for her. if you aren't comfortable her answering her work messages while you are spending time together, that is a reasonable request. i recommend setting a work schedule where she spends a couple of hours on social media. my husband and i have strict no phones in bed, at the table, or on the couch rule, because i used to get tied up hustling and would ignore him.

you are coming across as way too controlling and insecure. this is a job, she isn't trying to cheat on you. while boundaries are important and i respect that you are trying to communicate what makes you uncomfortable, your boundaries are coming across as controlling and could possibly hinder her. if you can't handle having a cammodel girlfriend, you two need to have an adult conversation.

your feelings about offsite payments aren't off though and are a very valid concern. recommend not using any that has strict no adult services in their tos. easy peasy lemon squeezey. create onlyfans or something, and use that for payments. take the 20% cut for the security. or crypto. crypto is the best way to receive payments anonymously. i recommend sending everyone to my site for offline tips because it helps my placement in the long run.

 

[Marceline]

it makes me feel uncomfortable to see that she's sharing social medias with her viewers, even if I know that these are not her personal ones but it means that she can be reached anytime and it bothers me a lot to see that people can write her or call her outside her working hours and outside a legit platform.

It's really common for models to have at least some form of social media, like Twitter. Whether a model is talking to a member offsite or on the camsite, it's still work most of the time. Sure, there's models who just legitimately enjoy talking to their member friends and don't view it as work. But even if that's the case with your girlfriend, so what? Are you going to next not want your girlfriend talking to any other men or having male friends?

Another thing that bothers me is that she's ready to sell content either off-site which means that she will use a mean of payment that will probably reveal her identity

If she is wanting to take payment through a site like PayPal, then I would recommend you telling her to come to this forum and searching the terms PayPal and offsite payments to see exactly what seasoned models have to say about that. It's not a smart decision.

in a legit platform but then viewers will have the possibility to tip her without asking for any service in return

I don't understand why you would be upset about this? Because they are tipping her just for enjoying her as a person to make her smile? Shouldn't you be happy for her in these occasions? Also, stuff like this isn't exclusive to camming. When I was a bartender I'd have guys either tip me insane amounts for just one drink or sometimes for literally nothing at all. I've had multiple times where I ended up making hundreds off one man over the course of a few hours just for serving him drinks and being friendly. The only guys who ever got upset over this were the guys I dated who ended up being just all around terrible boyfriends/dating partners. Not saying you're one, OP, but yeah.

I would be okay with that if we agreed on the boundaries that should not be broken but we have a different point of view about it.

In the end, it is your right to be uncomfortable about her job or certain aspects of it, just like it's her right to keep on working her job and doing it exactly how she wants to do it. If the two of you cannot agree on certain boundaries that will end with both of you being happy, then the two of you just aren't compatible for one another. TBH, and I'm not saying this to be a dick, it seems like you have a good bit of jealousy issues and insecurities, and those don't go away just because the person you are with stops doing the things that make you jealous and insecure. If it's not her talking to members offsite, it's going to be something else that you don't like. With her job, it could be knowing she will chat and pm regulars. In real life, it could be her going out with her girlfriends and casually chatting with a guy at a bar. You can't control someone else's actions, and you shouldn't want to. What you can control is the way you react to their actions, your thoughts and your feelings.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Dude, you have 4 threads on the same subject. Chill.


How is that a bad thing?

Yeah sorry for the multiple threads xD As I said I'm waiting for the admins to delete the useless subjects

It's my real life girlfriend yes even if we will be able to live together in a moment only.

To answer your question, I would feel like the viewer would be tempted to control the model by sending her money regularly without asking her anything in return. I don't know how to say it properly but it kind of goes beyond the limits that should be set between a camgirl and a viewer as it is a one side transaction without implying a service in return. Well, I might be wrong but I feel it like that.

 

[ArcticKitty]

I'm not controlling anyone if I show my appreciation with tips.

 

[Marceline]

To answer your question, I would feel like the viewer would be tempted to control the model by sending her money regularly without asking her anything in return. I don't know how to say it properly but it kind of goes beyond the limits that should be set between a camgirl and a viewer as it is a one side transaction without implying a service in return. Well, I might be wrong but I feel it like that.

Or maybe some people are just legitimately nice people who realize that the person who has been entertaining them is working a job and they want to compensate them for the happiness the model has brought them? This doesn't go beyond the limits of a cam model and viewer at all.

I like watching YouTube videos. There's a handful of creators on there that I really like. I've gone out of my way to find ways to donate money to them, or I've bought merch (when they haven't had any other ways to accept money) that I didn't necessarily want, just so that I could support them and show my appreciation. I don't want to control them. I don't want to bang them. Or even get any sort of recognition, honestly. If someone has spent their time and energy doing something that ended up giving me hours upon hours of enjoyment, I want to repay them for that.

 

[AudriTwo]

Yeah sorry for the multiple threads xD As I said I'm waiting for the admins to delete the useless subjects

amber's rule is you have 15 minutes to delete your post, if not post stay up. the internet is forever.

 

[ArizonaDream]

OK, this is your RL girlfriend who cams, yes?

I would think that she already is fully aware of the need to take precautions about her PI and does so. Sure, if you're concerned, you can ask her about it, I just think she thought it through early on and has it covered. Re content, cam sites are sharecropper systems; that's their business model. If she can make money outside of it and stay within the site's TOS, then more power to her.

I don't know what you mean about tipping her without asking for any service in return. Speaking for myself, I've never asked for anything when I tipped a model, except for a song request or a hand of blackjack. I'm in a room because I like it there, which means it's entertainment which I *should* be tipping for because she took the time and trouble and preparation to be there. It's that simple for me.

I'm not controlling anyone if I show my appreciation with tips.

Yes it's my real girlfriend even if we have to wait a few time to live together.

Thank you for your point of view. I would not have any problem if tips are sent during the streaming session but I would find it more awkward if someone regularly send her money through western union or any another mean of payment outside her working hours. That's what I meant.

 

[AudriTwo]

Yes it's my real girlfriend even if we have to wait a few time to live together.

Thank you for your point of view. I would not have any problem if tips are sent during the streaming session but I would find it more awkward if someone regularly send her money through western union or any another mean of payment outside her working hours. That's what I meant.

how did you two meet? dating site or camsite? if she sees no problem with risks if taking those types of payments, well then time to have a conversation with the stress its bringing you.

 

[AmberCutie]

Once a thread has replies, please stop making new ones. I delete the duplicates with no replies. (I've merged 2 threads together and update the title.) If I keep having to administrate so many of your posts you may have your post ability limited.

 

[ArizonaDream]

you should relax. members tipping her without any service in return is like every models favorite tip. she is sharing social media because it's a part of the job. she sees other models doing the same, sees that it works, so she is recreating. she is trying to grow her audience, and social media is one of the best ways to do so organically. people will contact her during off-hours, and she has zero control over that, but she has to learn to create boundaries with users too. some models choose to be 24/7 contact, some choose only certain hours they will respond to social media, some won't do any social media at all. if she just started she is in the process figuring out what hustle works best for her. if you aren't comfortable her answering her work messages while you are spending time together, that is a reasonable request. i recommend setting a work schedule where she spends a couple of hours on social media. my husband and i have strict no phones in bed, at the table, or on the couch rule, because i used to get tied up hustling and would ignore him.

you are coming across as way too controlling and insecure. this is a job, she isn't trying to cheat on you. while boundaries are important and i respect that you are trying to communicate what makes you uncomfortable, your boundaries are coming across as controlling and could possibly hinder her. if you can't handle having a cammodel girlfriend, you two need to have an adult conversation.

your feelings about offsite payments aren't off though and are a very valid concern. recommend not using any that has strict no adult services in their tos. easy peasy lemon squeezey. create onlyfans or something, and use that for payments. take the 20% cut for the security. or crypto. crypto is the best way to receive payments anonymously. i recommend sending everyone to my site for offline tips because it helps my placement in the long run.

Thank you I appreciate your advices. Well, I will accept her job way more easily when we will definitely live together but it's in the process and we are waiting for that moment. That's why I'm a bit concerned by the situation.

I don't wanna get to the point where we would spend less time together because of her viewers so you're right, the best way would be to set a schedule.

I will talk with her about the different adult platforms like Onlyfans where it is possible to sell content and get paid safely. Could you name a few if you don't mind? I'm not aware of the more recent ones.

 

[MarieElise]

Thank you I appreciate your advices. Well, I will accept her job way more easily when we will definitely live together but it's in the process and we are waiting for that moment. That's why I'm a bit concerned by the situation.

I don't wanna get to the point where we would spend less time together because of her viewers so you're right, the best way would be to set a schedule.

I will talk with her about the different adult platforms like Onlyfans where it is possible to sell content and get paid safely. Could you name a few if you don't mind? I'm not aware of the more recent ones.

I have not used spankpay personally, but I think that one might be 90%. Maybe models around here have more experience with it, and there are catches though. I hesitate to ever talk of something unless I have a reasonable amount of personal experience w it.

If you two are living together then you have a right, to be concerned if she does anything that could possibly lead to her identity/ location being found out imo. However, you having issues with people sending her tips for what you see as nothing, is definitely not helpful to her career, and comes across more like you being a bit insecure and overinvolved, in something you shouldn't be. Just like boundaries are important with viewers, boundaries are also important inside relationships too.

 

[ArizonaDream]

It's really common for models to have at least some form of social media, like Twitter. Whether a model is talking to a member offsite or on the camsite, it's still work most of the time. Sure, there's models who just legitimately enjoy talking to their member friends and don't view it as work. But even if that's the case with your girlfriend, so what? Are you going to next not want your girlfriend talking to any other men or having male friends?



If she is wanting to take payment through a site like PayPal, then I would recommend you telling her to come to this forum and searching the terms PayPal and offsite payments to see exactly what seasoned models have to say about that. It's not a smart decision.



I don't understand why you would be upset about this? Because they are tipping her just for enjoying her as a person to make her smile? Shouldn't you be happy for her in these occasions? Also, stuff like this isn't exclusive to camming. When I was a bartender I'd have guys either tip me insane amounts for just one drink or sometimes for literally nothing at all. I've had multiple times where I ended up making hundreds off one man over the course of a few hours just for serving him drinks and being friendly. The only guys who ever got upset over this were the guys I dated who ended up being just all around terrible boyfriends/dating partners. Not saying you're one, OP, but yeah.



In the end, it is your right to be uncomfortable about her job or certain aspects of it, just like it's her right to keep on working her job and doing it exactly how she wants to do it. If the two of you cannot agree on certain boundaries that will end with both of you being happy, then the two of you just aren't compatible for one another. TBH, and I'm not saying this to be a dick, it seems like you have a good bit of jealousy issues and insecurities, and those don't go away just because the person you are with stops doing the things that make you jealous and insecure. If it's not her talking to members offsite, it's going to be something else that you don't like. With her job, it could be knowing she will chat and pm regulars. In real life, it could be her going out with her girlfriends and casually chatting with a guy at a bar. You can't control someone else's actions, and you shouldn't want to. What you can control is the way you react to their actions, your thoughts and your feelings.

Of course she can have male friends, I'm just trying to make sure that her job doesn't interfere with our private life.

I'm not insecure either but I have to admit that my best friend lived a terrible time with a camgirl and ended in a miserable state. That's why I was looking for some advices about the things I should accept or not in order to continue to live a peaceful relationship.

 

[ArizonaDream]

how did you two meet? dating site or camsite? if she sees no problem with risks if taking those types of payments, well then time to have a conversation with the stress its bringing you.

Yes we have met on a camsite. I have talked to her about the risks of this type of payment but she doesn't seem concerned by the protection of her identity and I wouldn't be surprised if she would give her personal address to receive gifts from her viewers

 

[ArizonaDream]

Once a thread has replies, please stop making new ones. I delete the duplicates with no replies. (I've merged 2 threads together and update the title.) If I keep having to administrate so many of your posts you may have your post ability limited.

Of course, I just wanted to avoid any misunderstanding issue with the previous topics. Thanks for deleted them

 

[Marceline]

Yes we have met on a camsite.

Out of curiosity, have you two actually met in real life or has your relationship been only long distance?

 

[ArizonaDream]

I have not used spankpay personally, but I think that one might be 90%. Maybe models around here have more experience with it, and there are catches though. I hesitate to ever talk of something unless I have a reasonable amount of personal experience w it.

If you two are living together then you have a right, to be concerned if she does anything that could possibly lead to her identity/ location being found out imo. However, you having issues with people sending her tips for what you see as nothing, is definitely not helpful to her career, and comes across more like you being a bit insecure and overinvolved, in something you shouldn't be. Just like boundaries are important with viewers, boundaries are also important inside relationships too.

Yep, you're right. We should both set some limits and stick with them so that her job won't interfere with our private life and I won't interfere with her job either.

I will try to find out more informations about Spankpay.

 

[ArizonaDream]

Out of curiosity, have you two actually met in real life or has your relationship been only long distance?

Yes we have met multiple times and will meet again until we move together

 

[SMuser69]

Yes we have met multiple times and will meet again until we move together

If you're already having these hangups at a distance, you're not going to handle her working in the next room over where you're not allowed for hours. You really need to rethink this as you're trying to change a situation you already know about and literally met her using. You're leading her on saying you accept her but come here talking about how you hope you can change her.