How Do You Reconcile This?

[LylacDoll]

OK, this question is going to take a couple rewrites to make it concise.

How do you reconcile the fact that while regulars can be very nice to you in not just funds but in how they talk, or hang out in your room, 99% still see you just as an object? How do you keep yourself from being lulled into thinking that these people actually give two bits about you? Just constant vigilance, and checking in with yourself that these people are not even so much as acquaintances but just people paying for a product?

I try very hard to keep this in mind when interacting with any of my potential clients, if only for personal safety, and that's all fine and dandy, but as someone who is a naturally warm person, whose persona on cam is likely very much a GFE kind of experience, I worry that I will lose sight of this and wind up having less control over situations than I like. Is it time to just suck it up, and big-girl-dominant panties and entirely short circuit the problem to begin with?

 

[Ann_Sulu]

I think of it in the way of how I used to have major social anxiety. Camming helped a lot with it. I have always tried to treat my members cordially, but I've always known that anonymity encourages some to say what they feel they normally can't, and the job makes it feel less like the cammer is real, but rather ones and zeros. I get that. I've thought that way about members before to get over my own social issues, so I can't completely fault it. Lots of people have difficulty expressing themselves to others, and the internet draws them for that exact reason.

I try very hard to keep this in mind when interacting with any of my potential clients, if only for personal safety, and that's all fine and dandy, but as someone who is a naturally warm person, whose persona on cam is likely very much a GFE kind of experience, I worry that I will lose sight of this and wind up having less control over situations than I like. Is it time to just suck it up, and big-girl-dominant panties and entirely short circuit the problem to begin with?

Streamate has been a good help to me with that in the sense that I can't exchange contact info offsite, so no one can ever get too close. If they hang in chat all the time, I often enough get whisked to paid to where I know they'll need to find something else to do at least. Not saying folks can't get too attached there, but I make it VERY clear that I won't do anything that mind end up in meetups, or chatting outside of my scheduled hours. MFC it was much more mentally exhausting. On the one hand I'd want to be there for someone going through a hard time, but on the other I could tell that might turn into something bad if they felt I was just what they needed when they needed me. I have social media too, but as a rule I make certain not to constantly check it and have people feel I will always be there 24/7.

 

[Ambers Troll]

This was a question you should open up to members, you see them fail at setting boundaries all the time....they mistake the model/ member relationship as sometime more far more than models do.

Just constant vigilance, and checking in with yourself

is exactly the way to go when you are a more sensitive type of personality.

I would say don't fear being yourself, more empathetic types of people may feel the effects of less sensitive types, but that doesn't make them weak or delicate. In my experience they are far less fragile than their sensitivity may appear, you won't lose control of the situation. You may become a bit more guarded/ careful with what you share and what you take on emotionally from others, but that is appropriate.

Rather than avoid anyone who expresses any emotion you can choose a more humane approach if you want that. When you get something laced with some form of emotional manipulation, you can learn to listen to it, understand it, but not get entrapped into it. You will need to have good control of your own emotional state not to act on what is pushed onto you though....don't let anyone rush you to action/ response.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

There's a lot of variables in what you're asking, and their outcomes. There's members whom want nothing more than to objectify you. Then there's members whom are genuine and treat you like a good acquantance or distant friend that you might meet up with for a beer with no intentions other than a good discussion. Then, when it's over, shake hangs or give a quick friendly hug goodbye and part ways knowing you will talk to them again at some unknown point in the future.

From the models I've come to know a little better, it's from being a regular in their room and earning some trust/respect with them through my actions. We still haven't gone into very in depth personal things such as close friends might. But, that is good since it helps keep a degree of separation as well. We do message each other infrequently via apps. But, no immediate response is expected on either end. A couple of them know my real name, and contact info since I sent them gifts from their wishlist. But, I don't expect to learn the same from them, nor do I ever think they'll magically call out of the blue saying "Hey, I'm in your area. Let's go grab a beer!" If anything, I'd expect them to send Guido to my door if I disrespect or piss them off.

I don't really have a good answer for you @spiralingnymphette Hopefully, it's something that comes with experience, as you learn the differences between the different types of members and their personalities. As having good interaction with your members helps you out in the long run. Of course, you could always go the cold, dominating bitch routine. But, it might not be the crowd your looking for.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

I honestly don't believe my regulars see me as an object. They've been through too much with me.. loved me at my worst.

That doesn't mean that I'm not careful though. I understand that while they care a great deal, sometimes there are people that either through lack of social skills, maybe some mental health issues or just.. really powerful fantasies/loneliness could easily read too much into our friendship and then when it blows up, which it will when someone wants way more than you can give.. turn nasty. Even people I thought were friends in my real life can turn nasty when burned. So if-things-go-south... i need to have my ass covered.

I treat all my relationships like that to a certain extent. Trust is earned, and I try to remember that.. things happen. I had a friend in highschool that became an incredibly violent asshole after a concussion. He was the sweetetst person. He then tried to kill himself a few times before getting treatment and eventually healing.. but it was .. 5-6 years of hell for him and he was suddenly the most horrible person. I've also seen a member with a brain tumor go from the kindest person to outing a model on social media over an argument.

 

[Lee2791]

Why do you cam? Is it to make ends meet or is it something more important to you?

 

[Ann_Sulu]

Why do you cam? Is it to make ends meet or is it something more important to you?

Personally it's a bit of both to me, but not sure how that pertains to the thread. Simply because you're sensitive, doesn't mean you don't enjoy it. Can be quite the opposite actually. There are good and bad sides to every job, but that doesn't mean one should throw the baby out with the bath water.

 

[HiGirlsRHot]

OK, this question is going to take a couple rewrites to make it concise.

How do you reconcile the fact that while regulars can be very nice to you in not just funds but in how they talk, or hang out in your room, 99% still see you just as an object? How do you keep yourself from being lulled into thinking that these people actually give two bits about you? Just constant vigilance, and checking in with yourself that these people are not even so much as acquaintances but just people paying for a product?

I try very hard to keep this in mind when interacting with any of my potential clients, if only for personal safety, and that's all fine and dandy, but as someone who is a naturally warm person, whose persona on cam is likely very much a GFE kind of experience, I worry that I will lose sight of this and wind up having less control over situations than I like. Is it time to just suck it up, and big-girl-dominant panties and entirely short circuit the problem to begin with?

Why do you think 99% of your regulars view as an object? I suspect that's not even close to being accurate on MFC, and unlikely on Streammate or Chaturbabe. If anything I'd be more afraid of your regulars developing too close a relationship with you. Many of them do. How would you explain the "just because" tips, if they don't care about you as more than just a sex object?

 

[opphs]

I'm trying hard not to fall into the "not all men" trap here. There are surely at least as many bad members as there are good ones and models obviously benefit from being wary and having their shields up. Still, I feel like @spiralingnymphette 's post is a bit cynical and unfair. Many regs genuinely care for their faves and vice versa. I know I certainly do.

 

[Luckyfoxxy]

OK, this question is going to take a couple rewrites to make it concise.

How do you reconcile the fact that while regulars can be very nice to you in not just funds but in how they talk, or hang out in your room, 99% still see you just as an object? How do you keep yourself from being lulled into thinking that these people actually give two bits about you? Just constant vigilance, and checking in with yourself that these people are not even so much as acquaintances but just people paying for a product?

I try very hard to keep this in mind when interacting with any of my potential clients, if only for personal safety, and that's all fine and dandy, but as someone who is a naturally warm person, whose persona on cam is likely very much a GFE kind of experience, I worry that I will lose sight of this and wind up having less control over situations than I like. Is it time to just suck it up, and big-girl-dominant panties and entirely short circuit the problem to begin with?

My solution is: I just don't care. The people who watch me are to be abused and left penninless and that's what they come into my room for.
I understand that might not be very helpful for your hustle - but you could practice not giving a fuck and not letting people close whilst simultanously being GFE - it might drain you, but GFE is generally draining, you are giving someone an experience of having a relationship with you that is far too close than you can afford and they are often strangers. You have to either fake it or find a way to distance yourself while keeping the loving attitude.
Constant vigilance goes without saying, you risk being scammed or being pushed around and used otherwise. Sexwork is a tough girl gig.

 

[LylacDoll]

Why do you think 99% of your regulars view as an object? I suspect that's not even close to being accurate on MFC, and unlikely on Streammate or Chaturbabe. If anything I'd be more afraid of your regulars developing too close a relationship with you. Many of them do. How would you explain the "just because" tips, if they don't care about you as more than just a sex object?

I can see where you and @opphs are coming from, and I certainly do believe there are good people out there, and people who genuinely care about the camgirls they support. It's not that I think all men are bad. But as a soon-to-be newbie camgirl, I feel like it's a fair statement to say there will be some who try to take advantage of that, or try to push boundaries because they're a reg, or things of that nature. So until I have enough experience under my belt to be able to trust my gut intuition about people, I do have to be a bit more cynical than not, if only for personal safety. But again, not saying all men, but in from my particular experience level it's probably safest for me to view it as nearly all men.

Personally, I'd like to be at a point similar to where @Miss_Lollipop is, in terms of not feeling like my regulars view me as an object, and being comfortable but still aware of reality and to a degree cautious. But just as trust is earned, especially with clients, I kind of feel like I have to build up that trust in myself first to know that I'm not being overly optimistic about people's character. I suppose, in some ways, it just boils down to experience.

I don't think I could approach it quite as @Luckyfoxxy does, but I also can't say for certain yet. In some ways I could see it being less draining to take such a distanced approach, but it's hard for me to articulate what ways that would be. It doesn't seem like it would be in my nature to do things that way though.