How do you handle blackmail?

[EmptyKins]

This has never happened to me. And it's made my ptsd flare up in ways I can't control. About five years ago, I wasn't in a very good place mentally and physically. I had moved to Florida for rehab and spent almost four years in and out of halfway houses and detox centers. I attempted to enter the SD/SB world out of a place of desperation. It did not go well, but I have extreme respect for the people who can make such arrangments work! There was one man I met via SA and we hit it off immediately. It was never a sexual attraction, as far as I knew of, he had a girlfriend and I decided to never meet him in person, because I was a junkie at the time and I didn't want him to see me so low.

After I escaped Florida I got clean in my home state 1000's of miles away and have been clean ever since (almost 3 years!) We have been exchanging emails during this whole time. He tells me about his gf woes, I tell him about my life, he constantly admonishes me to move in with him, and I constantly decline.

I trusted him too much, mostly because he was never overtly sexual and said he felt like my father figure which is its own issue in itself but it made me feel safe. When he offered to send me money a few weeks ago, it was the first time I said yes. I accepted a total of $325 via google wallet under my camgirl name. The money was for me to make it to my sister's baby shower in a different state. In return, he asked me to mail him a usb with all my videos on it. I declined, and instead sent him a download link to all my manyvids uploads. He was satisfied with that and said he probably wouldn't watch them as he felt too much like my father.

That was in August. After I visited my family, he became increasingly needy in our emails. Constantly asking me to come live with him so he could "get my life on track". I kept saying no thank you, my life may seem chaotic to a successful businessman, but to me, it's improving every day and I just got my own apartment thanks to my new content site venture.

I began to notice a few red flags. If I didnt reply to an email right away he'd send paragraphs saying things like "I guess I'm not important to you."
If I replied saying I was busy creating new content for my business he'd belittle my efforts and say I'd be nothing without his help. The $325 to visit my family was the only "help" he ever gave me. And I realized I was wasting alot of time replying to his emails, especially given how emotionally draining they became.

I sent him an email saying, "I'm sorry I do not want to be friends anymore. It's nothing personal, you are a great guy, I hope you find who you are looking for in life."

He replied with explosive anger, so I blocked him on manyvids, and blocked his email.

I checked my spam folder last night and found this, the subject of the email is my mom's address:
(Sorry it's only in chronological order if you read from the bottom up)

This was the final email I got from him:

Since I missed the "48 hour" deadline for lack of knowing it was in my spam folder I quickly replied with this:

I sent that yesterday afternoon. I have not received any reply. To be clear, I'm not concerned with all my content being leaked along with my real name. I've accepted that could happen and it would be horrible but I knew it was an option signing up to cam years ago.

I'm just terrified he has my mom's address, and I don't know what to do. Is it something I should tell the cops? I know his full name, because he sent me his drivers license once. I think he may have traced my ip, or maybe I slipped up and forgot to remove a geo tag in a picture. Or he went super deep and looked up my rape case after I opened up about it, he was asking alot of questions but I didn't think he could trace me from my answers since rape is so common in south florida.

I'm scared of cops, and I've never had any positive help from them whether it was reporting my sexual assaults or interacting after a suicide attempt. I can put aside that fear if you guys think it's a good idea to file a report?

Tl;Dr
I'm a recovering idiot whose past is potentially putting my family in danger from a threatening member/former friend. Please tell me what to do and how to do it safely? Any personal experience to share? I'm sorry for the oversharing this whole post contains, I know it's very cringeworthy :/

 

[MicaVerano]

Omg I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I don’t know if this is the best idea, but I’d call authorities. That’s seems too much to handle and put you and family in risk. Stay strong!

 

[Emberblaze]

If you were in canada my advice would be to contact the police. However I'm not sure how that would go in the US.

Hopefully a US model that has experienced similar can chime in here.

 

[Phoenix4987]

This guy acts like he owns you cause he sent you $325 fucking dollars, which you gave him something in return for. That should have been the end of that. Who the fuck are these people!?

 

[mynameisbob84]

If it were me, I'd report it to the police. Blackmail is illegal and you have evidence.

That said, my circumstances are different to that of a cam girl.

 

[EmptyKins]

I think I made this post too personal. I apologize for all the depressing details. Since I don't have any irl friends, my brain does this crazy thing where it pretends you are all my friends because we have similar experiences. Thank you for the advice. I'm composing an email to the police department in his city but I keep second guessing myself and wondering if this is even serious or if it's paranoia. Idk if I'll send it until it's thoroughly researched, but I learned my lesson and won't be trusting anyone in this way ever again.

 

[Ambers Troll]

No threat, he is angry but wouldn't do that to your mom (actually a nice guy deep down). Safely ban and ignore.

A sad read, hope he gets to move on from this soon, he will make his next model (next few models) very happy when he learns to relax and just enjoy those he likes....way too uptight.

 

[eric00017]

I agree with everyone who said to report him to the police, there is no reason you should have been treated that way and now you worry about your family being contacted. You don't deserve any of this and I would nip it in the butt and call the police. Even if they can't do anything they can put a scare in his ass and he will leave you and your family alone. I am so sorry you have to deal with people like this. you are no idiot, just maybe too trusting.

For anyone really new, this should be a lesson, NEVER share any personal info with anyone on MFC or any other camming site no matter how well you think you know them or trust them. there are some very weird people out there.

 

[AudriTwo]

Contact the police. Since you have his name you can file a no contact junction so he can't contact you or your loved ones. Call the none emergency line. Ask to speak with a FEMALE officer.

 

[BoobieT69]

Damn...yeah I agree with everyone,call a non emergency line in your area and show them what you`ve shown us.Regardless of the situation blackmail is a big no no especially when he got rewarded for his money.

 

[SaiyaJordan]

Yeah, report him. But idk maybe you can talk it out with him.
My best friend actually threatens to blackmail me by sending my family screenshots of our shows we did on SM on how much money I spent on her. Without going too much into it, it was basically someone new asshole her in her life she dated briefly made her choose between us and it was really bad, but we talked it out and she dumped his ass. There’s more to it but we’re back a great terms again.
But idk if many people if not at all could talk and work things out like I did with my best friend (I will never call my cam model. She’s more than a cam model to me). But best of luck and hope things work out!

 

[DaphnyLewis]

Holy s..t !! what a sad and crazy story !! I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I will ignore and ban him in the first place , I'm not sure I will call the police, because I have bad experience with them .... Stay strong and give time to yourself and don't worry,the time will solve the problem and you!

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Agree with reporting him. If he truly cared about you, he wouldn't be acting as he is. Hopefully this is the end, and he realizes the wrong he's done and moves on without doing this to someone else in the future. But, sadly, it most likely isn't.

On a positive note, congrats on getting your life cleaned up and in order. It's a hard-fought battle to win, and am happy to hear of anyone who's done so.

 

[LylacDoll]

In total agreement with @AudriTwo on this. Also, I do *not* suggest engaging in any contact with him further. He sounds like the kind to feed off of any contact as fuel for his fire, and will just keep trying to get under your skin. Talking it out isn't going to get you anywhere with him. For the one comment above calling the guy harmless: there is no way to really know that. He shows so many red flags for being dangerously manipulative (nagging and guilt tripping you to move in with him so he can help "get your life on track" (control you), the emotional manipulation that comes from someone setting themselves up to be perceived as a father figure, then constantly using disappointment and disapproval as leverage) that I don't think one can safely say that he's harmless. (I underestimated the severity of a situation with an online stalker in the past, and quickly found out writing someone off as harmless was far from prudent, so I hate to see others do the same, and get potentially hurt by it)

 

[JickyJuly]

No threat, he is angry but wouldn't do that to your mom (actually a nice guy deep down).

I know the world is going to hell in a hand basket, but if this is what counts as a "nice guy" now, we're way worse off than my cynical, black heart even realized. Please give men a little more credit than this. Nothing about this man was nice. Even his "help" is actually just buying videos and expecting them delivered to his doorstep instead of getting links like the other boys.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

I know the world is going to hell in a hand basket, but if this is what counts as a "nice guy" now, we're way worse off than my cynical, black heart even realized. Please give men a little more credit than this. Nothing about this man was nice. Even his "help" is actually just buying videos and expecting them delivered to his doorstep instead of getting links like the other boys.

"Help" wouldn't have conditions on it. Not even asking for a link. To me, it's a transaction as he gave it ith conditions.
When I've helped out friends, the only "conditions" I've ever placed on it is when they say they'll pay me back my response is "No worry, pay back when/as you can. If not, happy birthday."

This guy is just a manipulative asshole.

 

[EmptyKins]

No threat, he is angry but wouldn't do that to your mom (actually a nice guy deep down). Safely ban and ignore.

A sad read, hope he gets to move on from this soon, he will make his next model (next few models) very happy when he learns to relax and just enjoy those he likes....way too uptight.

I stopped talking to him for over two years because he was too emotionally manipulative. When a hurricane hit florida earlier this year, he sent me a message saying he had broken both arms after being hit by a tree....when he was trying to save newborn puppies whose "mom had run off". I didn't think I was so gullible, but the puppy story really hooked me. So I agreed to drop what I was doing and move into his "empty downstairs apt" to assist him with his injury and housework while camming on the side. Part of me really felt bad for him, even though he hadn't ever given me money, he said things like "I'm always the one there for people when they need me. But now when I need help the most everyone is gone. Even my girlfriend left me."

Even typing this now I feel so stupid for falling for it all. Thankfully once I accepted the offer and he saw how I was going to help him he fessed up and said it was all a test. That I passed. He could trust that I'm not a "money hungry cyber whore" (who uses the word cyber so frequently!?)out to take his literal popsicle stand empire. Er, it's a shaved ice stand, no offense to popsicles.

No response to my final email in the first post. I'm taking it as a good sign. And after considering his previous lies I'm far less inclined to think he's more than tough talk.

Thank you for the advice. You girls (and most guys) that replied really helped. And I'm emailing a female detective to ask if he will be told when I file the no contact junction and how to prepare for any reaction.

 

[mynameisbob84]

Yeah, report him. But idk maybe you can talk it out with him.
My best friend actually threatens to blackmail me by sending my family screenshots of our shows we did on SM on how much money I spent on her. Without going too much into it, it was basically someone new asshole her in her life she dated briefly made her choose between us and it was really bad, but we talked it out and she dumped his ass. There’s more to it but we’re back a great terms again.
But idk if many people if not at all could talk and work things out like I did with my best friend (I will never call my cam model. She’s more than a cam model to me). But best of luck and hope things work out!

With respect, you deserve (need) a better best friend. Anyone who would threaten to blackmail you or use the fact that you've financially supported them against you is not your friend. Forgiving someone for doing that simply because they were dating an asshole at the time isn't emblematic of the type of relationship anyone should aspire to.

You may view her as more than a cam girl, but she clearly views you as less than her best friend. The fact that she ultimately decided she valued your money more than her now ex-boyfriend and thus stopped trying to blackmail you doesn't change that. (Not trying to be a dick, just trying to illustrate that unless you're like, a really bad person and have done things that I'm unaware of or something, you deserve more than you're apparently willing to settle for).

 

[CharlieCharma]

I was blackmailed by a sugar daddy when I was like 19. It was a terrible time. Nothing helped. I was humiliated. I finally just went to my family and laid it all out to them.

Now I just don't give a fuck. All the family that isn't shit is still here. I should of sued the assfuck though. He made my life hell.

My suggestion would be document everything, tell family or friends that you trust what is going on. Then get a lawyer.

 

[Rose]

For starters, I'd recommend not contacting this guy in any form or fashion at all. I think it's safe to say that you can honestly believe anything this garbage person says to be complete lies. If he's willing to lie about two broken arms and abandoned puppies, he is the lowest of the low scum. It definitely sounds like he never had your best interests at heart and was always looking for a way to manipulate or hurt you. Avoid at all costs. Keep every.single.transaction.ever from this guy. Print it out and save hard copies if you have to or email it to a separate email account that he has zero knowledge of.

You can always call the non emergency police line and tell them an ex (which this guy technically is) is blackmailing and threatening you, giving you very good cause to 1) fear for your safety, 2) fear for the safety of your family, and 3) fear of further harassment. You may be able to find a lawyer, possibly even pro bono?, and get some guidance on what information you need to have on hand and who you need to call for help/protection.

As scary as this sounds, you may even possibly consider telling your family. You don't necessarily need to tell them everything, but you can tell them an ex partner is now threatening you and blackmailing you. At the very least, you can give them his email and information and tell them to preemptively block him everywhere and be on the lookout. If they act like assholes and don't help keep you safe, you didn't need them in your life anyways good riddance! If they're decent people, they'll actually help keep you safe.

Possibilities: this guy is just looking to control you and won't actually do harm; in which case ignoring him will totally work and you'll be relieved of the burden of keeping secrets from your family even if it causes momentary emotional hardship. Or this guy is out for whatever he can fuck up; in which case you need as much protection and support as you can get asap. Immediately call family and tell them you have reasonable cause to feel physically unsafe, immediately call the authorities and tell them you feel in immediate danger and need a restraining order or something due to blackmail and malicious threats, and immediately find a way to get a lawyer or home security of some sort (dude, even a baseball bat would be better than nothing.)

Mostly, you did nothing wrong. Yes this is stressful, but ditch the guilt. Safety is first and foremost. The two worst case scenarios are that he tries to hurt you and/or you lose family/friends. Family/friends are replaceable at the end of the day and removing the negative ones that judge you will just make way for new people that will love you unconditionally. As long as you are safe, the rest will work itself out. Hang in there. This will be a bumpy road no matter the outcome. Do your best to take care of you, stay safe, and practice self care.

 

[JoleneBrody]

Yeah, report him. But idk maybe you can talk it out with him.
My best friend actually threatens to blackmail me by sending my family screenshots of our shows we did on SM on how much money I spent on her. Without going too much into it, it was basically someone new asshole her in her life she dated briefly made her choose between us and it was really bad, but we talked it out and she dumped his ass. There’s more to it but we’re back a great terms again.
But idk if many people if not at all could talk and work things out like I did with my best friend (I will never call my cam model. She’s more than a cam model to me). But best of luck and hope things work out!

you're a fool

 

[Pure_emotion]

OK so he has your mom's address , what he gonna do with it? Go there like an idiot and say ..hm...i gave your daughter 325 $ a hundred years ago and then i became a total asshole blackmailing her? I wouldnt be scared at all, just stop all communication with him on all chanels. Just ignore him completely till he gets your point. He likes to be needed and now that you are in a better place than the one he found you in the past he got mad cause he feels useless. I wouldnt be worried at all , but if he tries to find you in real life or something serious liek this yes, I would call the police and show them the evidences you got. I doubt he will ever do anything like this though.

 

[EmptyKins]

Okay I may have fucked up. I got a very long reply from him today, the first since cutting him off after this thread and your helpful answers:





I lost it. And I replied:



I think I replied because his paragraphs of nonsense made me realize his initial threats are complete bullshit.
If he replies again I will be very careful in not getting riled up, and I will ignore/block everything he attempts. Did you know if you block someone on gmail they still show up in your spam folder? Is there any way to completely block him, aside from deleting my whole email account?

 

[CoffeeKnight]

Okay I may have fucked up. I got a very long reply from him today, the first since cutting him off after this thread and your helpful answers:



View attachment 73989 View attachment 73990

I lost it. And I replied:


View attachment 73992
I think I replied because his paragraphs of nonsense made me realize his initial threats are complete bullshit.
If he replies again I will be very careful in not getting riled up, and I will ignore/block everything he attempts. Did you know if you block someone on gmail they still show up in your spam folder? Is there any way to completely block him, aside from deleting my whole email account?

With Gmail if you click the little gear in the upper right hand corner you can create a filter for his email address and tell Gmail to send it right to trash. That way you never have to see it. Sorry you have to put up with that.

 

[yummybrownfox]

I have to run downstairs and put these towels in the dryer, and I've only skimmed through these dude's long-ass messages to you, but here's what I have to say so far just from what I have read.....

I love how this jackass is trying to make it sound like sending him videos was for YOUR benefit only and not his. *facepalm* Man, please. There are sugar daddies who will straight up give you $500 cash for having a cup of coffee and conversation. And this clown is acting like he's your fucking savior.

And honestly, when the "What do you do?" question comes up during a meet with a SD, I wouldn't even want to mention camming, because you know they're gonna be all up in your business...asking for details of the site, your screen name, and what kind of shows you do. And then suddenly the "Maybe I can perform with you sometime? *wink, wink*" text. Nah, man. It's unlikely that you will be falling in love and marrying your SD, so he doesn't even need to know all your business like that. In the future, just say that you are a model, or that you work from home in customer service or something.

I had a dude message me talking about he's looking for a sugar baby who's exclusive to him only...won't make him wear a condom during sex...and will delete her SB profile for him immediately. HAHAHA!!! Man, fuck that.

 

[yummybrownfox]

Okay, I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said on here. Block this crybaby on every possible platform that you can, and don't give him any more of your time. He sounds exhausting. He was never a friend of yours, and no sd/sb relationship should ever end in the SD throwing it in your face that he gave you X dollars for this and that.

And from what I've read on the SA forum, it is standard for sugar babies to get $500 per meet (Unless you're doing a monthly allowance). This assclown gave you $325 and fucking got sexy videos in return. This was not him being a friend and giving you money "as a gift" or "just because." Funny how he claims to feel like a father figure to you, yet didn't waste any time asking for your videos. Hmmm...is that what fathers do? No amount of money is worth the headache and stress this loser has put you through.

If you decide to continue going the sugaring route, it would be a good idea to use some of the tags in your SA profile. Tags such as "no strings attached" or "friends with benefits." You will want to stay away from the men who have tags like "Marriage minded."

When they ask you "So what are you looking for on here?," just be upfront about what you're looking for. Anyone who accuses you of "leading him on" is full of shit (and butthurt) if you're 100% upfront from the very beginning about your intentions.

Established Men is another decent SD/SB site, in my opinion, though I feel it's not as popular as SA is. Plus SA has a forum.

 

[EmptyKins]

Blocked him into the trash folder, thank you CoffeeKnight for the information on how to do so.

I'm coming down from the adrenaline burst of anger that prompted me to respond. Trying not to overthink it and feel bad for my reply. Thank you, Shelly, for the advice and validation. I was starting to believe the negative things he said about me, I guess because he took a whole month to write these paragraphs on my flaws. If he contacts me outside of all the blocking I'll file a no-contact order in his city, as others suggested.

 

[Boerman]

Stories like this really piss me off. Cam girls should be able to have real friends. But blackmailers and other jerks make it damn near impossible. I have several really good friends on MFC. I've always been a real friend, helping them in many ways, sending small gifts and sometimes even sending money when the need is real. It would never cross my mind to ask anything in return. But they always have to be so concerned about their privacy and personal security. I understand their needs and I try to always be mindful of them. My best friend of five years is a good example.I used to send her little things like souvenir t-shirts from my travels. I'm probably the only person who knew when she got married and I sent her a substantial wedding present. She trusted me and she knew that her trust was justified. But then some asswipe who she thought she could also trust found her facebook page and got info on her friends and family. He threatened to out her if she didn't do free skype shows with him. He's been doing that for four years now. She lives in constant terror of him. I've tried to convince her that she has more power over him than he has over her, but she's afraid to assert herself. He's married, has kids and works in some capacity at a church. I've tried to convince her to turn the tables on him. Here's what I'd tell him: "Hey, asshole, we're done. You're not going to call me, PM me, email me.......no contact with me ever again. Think not? Well, here's the deal. Over the last few months I have made casual friends with many of the people on your facebook page. Your wife, your friends from church. And I have recorded some skype video of you naked and playing with yourself. You wanted me to watch, didn't you? What would your wife think if she saw some of that? What would your kids think if they knew what kind of person their dad really is? How long would your job last if the people at church knew about you? If I get one more contact from you, I'll send copies of your emails and PMs to all if them along with links to videos of you. Life as you now know it will be over in an instant. And you had better hope nobody contacts any of my family or friends because I will assume it was you and I will destroy your life. WE ARE DONE."

The best way I have found to deal with a bully or blackmailer is a full on scorched earth approach. Quietly gather as much damaging information as you can on them. Then present them with the real possibility of their total destruction.

She and I are in almost daily contact. I even talked with her husband recently on skype. He's a great guy and I'm glad they are together. But after they got married, they moved and they won't give their address to anybody, not even me. Afterall, that guy was once a trusted friend too. If I could get my hands on that guy, I'd beat him like a rented mule for all the harm he caused.