how do you get over being manipulated and lied to by a model?

[yoyoman123]

i know most the people here will side with the model, and defend them regardless of how they act or apologize for their behavior even though it is morally wrong
just from the perspective from having dealt with a model who lied to me, since the very beginning until the end. I started looking up the behavior of lying, compulsive lying and how to try to talk to someone who does this to you and what I found was this person falls under the traits of a narcissist and the way doctors and counselors described this person sounded exactly how i felt and how they acted.
I understand its a business and I don't really care about the money spent. I am just asking how do you get over with having been lied to, manipulated and used for so long? A lot of people I talked with just suggest "move on" but it is years of my life and still affects me.

I tried to discuss this with the model and they just doubled down on their lying, and nothing I could do or say would change their behavior towards me.
I had lengthy discussions with someone who experienced this as well, and the most he could do is end it with the model as their behavior would not change as well.

 

[Marceline]

i know most the people here will side with the model, and defend them regardless of how they act or apologize for their behavior even though it is morally wrong
just from the perspective from having dealt with a model who lied to me, since the very beginning until the end. I started looking up the behavior of lying, compulsive lying and how to try to talk to someone who does this to you and what I found was this person falls under the traits of a narcissist and the way doctors and counselors described this person sounded exactly how i felt and how they acted.
I understand its a business and I don't really care about the money spent. I am just asking how do you get over with having been lied to, manipulated and used for so long? A lot of people I talked with just suggest "move on" but it is years of my life and still affects me.

I tried to discuss this with the model and they just doubled down on their lying, and nothing I could do or say would change their behavior towards me.
I had lengthy discussions with someone who experienced this as well, and the most he could do is end it with the model as their behavior would not change as well.

Most of the people on this forum are actually very understanding and do not blindly side with and defend models when there is obvious wrongdoings.

Without any more context other than "she lied" it's hard to give pinpoint advice, but I'll try.

If this person is truly a narcissist then you really need to consider yourself lucky that you have found out their true nature and have cut things off. Being in any sort of contact with narcissists is absolutely mentally draining. I've dated people with narcissistic personalities and have had family members who were narcissists. The best thing you can do is get that out of your life. Go zero contact. Block her on all platforms. Narcissists are incapable of admitting when they are wrong and there's no reason to have any conversation with them unless you're looking for drama.

I know you don't want to hear just a generic "you need to move on", but you really do. You could find another model to spend your online time with, but take what happened with the original model as a lesson learned. And not just a lesson about how some people are not to be trusted, but as a lesson in not getting too attached to a cam model to the point where it is negatively affecting your life and mental health. You could also find different hobbies away from the internet world. The best way to move on from something is to distract yourself with more positive things and eventually those bad memories will fade more and more until it is no longer an issue whatsoever in your life. If you still have problems moving and getting over what happened, then maybe consider talking to a mental health professional about it, because the inability to move on could just be indicative of a deeper issue.

 

[MarieElise]

I'm not defending anyone, but as an individual who worked in the mental health field for over 10 years, and has a graduate degree in counseling, I just wanna say that you cannot diagnose someone based upon internet interactions. Nor can a counselor, or clinical psychologist ethically, do a diagnosis from limited interactions in this context. You have to go to school, get a graduate degree, and a post degree clinical supervision, to be throwing around heavy mental health diagnoses. It is also taught to all of us, that it is highly unethical, to perform a diagnosis on anyone we are personally involved with, or related to, and not seeing on a professional one on one basis.

I am not defending anyone. I just don't want to live in a world where such serious diagnoses as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (which is the actual diagnosis, not Narcissist), are being thrown around in a non clinical context. Whether they are accurate or not.

That is a very serious diagnosis, which should be given by a qualified professional, after in depth, long term evaluation only.

Do you, focus on your mental health, and don't worry about this person any further, or blame them for issues that you are going through. Focus on yourself, and working through your own issues.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

“She lied” is a pretty broad statement and I refuse to blindly side with her or you without knowing more details.

are we talking she lied that she isn’t a natural blonde? Or, are we talking that you fell for the “I love you, you love me”scenario?
World of difference and need far more context

 

[Finchomatic]

@yoyoman123
As others that have already said to you as you mentioned. It's best to just move on.
I had to recently after what I thought was an actual online friendship, which to me now feels like it was nothing more than a sham and one sided respect.

It will hurt emotionally for a while. But eventually you will stop thinking about it and life will go on

 

[yoyoman123]

Marceline you seem like some of the more emotionally mature individuals i have spoken to about this. Its basically years of abuse, lying, and manipulation and I am on month 1 of having no contact with this person. I tried to end on good terms, I tried to have some sort of closure, but it was impossible and now I am dealing with the aftermath and wondering how to proceed.

 

[Derek_Zoolander]

I would suggest making good friends in real life. Interactions with cam models are necessarily very transactional even if they are good at distracting you from that fact. It’s not a criticism on the models, it’s a job. Being scammed is obviously another matter but I would guess if you were looking for more than a transactional relationship from a model, people will think you deserve to be scammed on some level.

 

[yoyoman123]

actually quite the opposite, i've a long history on the site in question and had no issues with previous models and never had this problem before. The person in question would lie for no reason, and continue lying until everything was confusing. I would tell them I have no problem if its "very transactional" and they would be the one who would be offended if it was, and talk badly about me because I would treat it that way. To say I deserve "to be scammed" is pretty bad, I think no one deserves to be lied to and manipulated over what should be a very simple thing. I talked with long term members of the site and they all agree that its common knowledge that all models lie, manipulate, and scam. I don't want that to be my takeaway from the experience or to become that jaded.

 

[Marceline]

I tried to end on good terms, I tried to have some sort of closure, but it was impossible and now I am dealing with the aftermath and wondering how to proceed.

One thing I've learned over the years about "getting closure" by talking to a toxic person is that most times it's a lose/lose situation. If someone is toxic and they're treating you negatively and you want to cut all ties, but get closure from them first, there's usually one of three ways trying to get closure will go.

1. They will either be very sweet and try to get you to stay, only to revert to the way they previously were after some time has passed.

2. They will be mean or dismissive, which will only lead to more bitter feelings, but perhaps a little more resolution to stay away from them.

3. They will agree with you that this is for the best and end things civilly. Even though this seems like the best outcome, more often than not it will lead to you questioning if you really did the right thing by cutting them out because of how well the handled it.

In the end, you're the only one who can give yourself closure. You're the only one who can get yourself over what happened. When you're done with someone treating you badly there is no use in drawing out the process. Nothing they can say will magically make you feel better about the whole situation. Block them out and start the healing process on your own.

The person in question would lie for no reason, and continue lying until everything was confusing.

I talked with long term members of the site and they all agree that its common knowledge that all models lie, manipulate, and scam.

Now, a lot of cam models are not totally up front about certain details of their personal life. This sort of misleading is in no way on par with scamming. Like, if a model isn't honest about being in a relationship or having kids that's one thing. That's to protect her identity and also some people are just not comfortable talking about that in a setting where it's supposed to be all about sexiness and fantasies. That's fine and member's should respect that. However, where it crosses the line into not being okay/manipulative/scammy is if a model lied about those things and then proceeded to make a member believe that she had feelings for him, that they were in a real relationship and essentially love scammed him. That's messed up and definitely not alright and if that's what happened then I'm sorry that happened to you.

 

[uzhvecher]

I would tell them I have no problem if its "very transactional" and they would be the one who would be offended if it was, and talk badly about me because I would treat it that way.

This model is very manipulative. I understand your attachment but try to reframe things appropriately in your mind, meaning this person was never who you thought they were, that it's a relief to be away from them, and you can start focusing on more meaningful relationships, wherever you might find them.