How did you learn about [everything] sex?

[NotYou]

I just watched a show on tv where it had celebrities and their kids discussing and watching clips from over the years/decades, on how we here in England approach and teach/learn about everything sex. From masturbation and periods, to intercourse and having babies.

We Brits have always shied away from sex and we don't like it being taught in schools. It showed a clip for another country (Norway) where it was quite explicit with a woman touching the penis and all sorts (and this was meant for children).
We are very odd because we are too nervous to discuss with our children what is what etc yet we don't want our education teaching either. So they only learn the very very very basics in secondary school (11yrs and upward).

So I was wondering, how did everyone here find out about sex? Was it something your parents, schools and country shy away from and don't like to discuss? Or are any (or all) of them (parents, school, country) much more open?
When being taught, was you shown cartoons? Diagrams? Real life men and women?

What would (or do) you want/expect for your children from schools, and what do you think you should teach?

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Here in the US, it's very similar, I'd say. It's such a taboo subject that most adults don't discuss it openly, I remember SexEd in middle school which I think was about 12 which covered topics such as what is considered foreplay as well as the simple facts of the reproduction. They didn't get into things such as how difficult it can be for pregnancies, child birth, as well as everything that happens afterwards. I think if they really covered how much of a pain in the ass kids can be when it comes to responsibilities, feeding, finances, impact on social life, etc. I think it might have helped reduce teen and unwanted pregnancies.

Personally, I think education falls to everyone involved. It starts with the parents being open about things, and the schools should enhance it with factual and unbiased teachings. They should cover some of the different views when it comes to Pro-Life/Pro-Choice, yet leave their personal opinions out of it and let the children decide for themselves.

As to myself, I was exposed to sexual things at an early age. I found my dad's stash of magazines when I was about 5 or 6, and it took off from there. I already knew a little about sex, as I was in the room when conversations with my older sibling and parents occurred. Growing up, I regularly looked at my dad's magazines. I also remember him renting Caligula shortly after it came out, and while I didn't sit in the room with him I did see a fair amount of it from walking around the house. I also went to my first R-rated movie alone when I was 11 or 12 and no one batted an eye.

It's kind of odd looking back on things such as this. My parents were open to discussing things such as sex, drugs, alcohol, etc. Their view was it's better to have it be an open discussion, and they knew it was going to happen at some point. They just wanted my sibling and I to be safe doing it as well as be smart about it. If we were going to have sex, use a condom and other forms of birth control. If we were at a party and going to drink, they wanted us to call and say we would either need a ride home or were going to stay there and come home in the morning. While they didn't condone any kind of drug use, they also had the same rules for it as well.

The interesting thing about all of this is that my sibling and I are almost polar opposites when it came to these things. They went full bore into it all, whereas I learned from it and made wiser decisions and was much more reserved. Same parents, same rules and teachings from them. I think what helped is that I saw the path of destruction my older sibling left, and the pain such problems caused the family (immediate and extended). I also saw how they destroyed their life at such an early age and continued on for years after.

I have very similar views as my parents, and pretty much applied the same rules to my child.

Went a little off-topic, I guess.

 

[AudriTwo]

I never had sex ed because Christian school. Well, no we did. The only sex education we got was abstinence and wait till your married because that what Jesus wants. I don't ever remember Jesus teaching abstinence in the bible, but cool. After graduation, there were a bunch of weddings. Those horny kids wanted to fuck, they were 18, so they rushed into marriage. Majority got divorced or started having babies at 19 because they didn't have any safe sex education.

My parents never discussed sex with me. My aunt was the person who did. My aunt was also a sex worker. She knew my cousin and I's parents wouldn't have those conversations, so when we would spend our summers at her house, she would. She was also the one who took me to my first obygn appointment to get birth control because I was comfortable enough to tell her when I was becoming sexually active. A lot of my sex positive outlook comes from my aunt. She also told us that sex is great and we should never be ashamed of having it when we are ready. Don't rush into sex because others, and it's okay to say no.

I don't think without my aunt I probably would of married young because I thought to have sex you needed to be married or had a teen pregnancy.

I do believe it's important for schools to teach the biology of sex, female ovulation and ways to practice safe sex. I used to volunteer for a program where we would go into schools and help teach their "bodys are changing" classes/assemblies which had basic sex ed tied in. Provide tools, lessons, or flat out teach the lessons. We saw a decrease in teen pregnancies in the area with the help of this program.

 

[SaffronBurke]

I wasn't taught diddly squat in school. While I went to public school, my hometown is very Catholic, so they didn't teach us anything beyond "Here's puberty, girls are gonna get periods, please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD wear deodorant"

I had a brief explanation of where babies come from as a small child (probably around the time my sister was born, she's 18 months younger than me), but for some reason I didn't realize for ages that the vagina was actually a hole in the body, I thought everyone had external parts only and sex was just rubbing the penis between the labia.

When I was 8 or so, my pediatrician gave my mom a book intended to give to me as a teen. I was a nosy kid who read a ton, so I wound up taking the book from where it was in storage and reading it when I was 9. It was a VERY thorough book on sex. There was a chapter for each reproductive system, including internal and external line drawings and explanation of changes brought on by puberty. There was a chapter on birth control, outlining all available methods and their effectiveness, which should be combined for maximum efficiency, overall pros and cons. There was a chapter on STD's, a chapter on pregnancy, and a few more chapters that I can't remember. It was very straight forward and clinical, very "Here's facts, make your own decisions".

 

[Lelo1]

Sex Ed from my parents kind of started and ended with the 'where do babies come from' book. At the time, It was probable progressive, But looking back, the book treats gender as binary.

My parents encourage the abstract concept of having sex only with some one you love, and only for the purpose of procreation. Which is kind of teach a flawed model, it can lead to people thinking sex is love.

School had the sex is dangerous talk. Complete with a banana wrapped in a condom. And a condoms purposely stapled through the middle to a paper about STDs. It mostly focused how dangerous and scary STDs are.

I really had no idea what a clitoris or vagina was, how the anatomy worked, or what it actually looked like till getting to 3rd base. This was back when most porn did not dare to show more then a camel toe.

I think most of my options, understanding and likes, came from reading books.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

I watched a lot of Talk Sex with Sue Johanson as a pre-teen with my Mom and older sister lmao.




I learned SO much from that alone. Sex Ed at school was kind of a joke here-more focus on abstinence and I can't remember being taught in detail how to put on a condom. My Mom is the coolest Mom and I never felt embarrassed or shamed when I wanted to ask something. At 16, she put me on birth control pills all she asked was if I needed them--no judgement or 'I'm going to lock you in your room' shit or being banned from even talking to boys again. I'm sure some parents felt horrified my Mom allowed me to do these things but looking back now--a lot of my friends/people I knew who had conservative parents who pushed abstinenece would end up pregnant super young. I fully intend to raise my future kids the same way my Mom did and make sure they know they can talk to me and ask questions about anything.

I'd love for all highschools to have condom machines in the bathroom. I wish this was a bigger thing in the US. As sexualized as advertising, celebrities and culture can be here--people are stuffy as hell and I'd imagine the huge uproar resulting.

 

[Ai_Senpai]

It was really taboo for me as I went to a catholic school because it was the closest school to where we lived at the time. We were taught more about sexual diseases and why we shouldn’t be having sex before marriage. We were NEVER taught how to use protection. I constantly had it drilled into me especially in RE which is why I struggle with sexual shyness in relationships now... my parents were open about it so it was always conflicting and I never wanted to talk about it.
It’s ruined a few relationships for me and I’m only just starting to get less shy about it since I started camming. I feel like this whole new person now it’s so strange!
Sorry about the life story!

 

[curvyredhead]

My mom gave me a couple of books about my body and that touched on some sex-related stuff, she also had a couple of big talks with me. She was the first person I told when I was ready to loose my virginity and was very open about female sexual health and wanted to make sure I also understand my body, sex, disease, pregnancy, options, consent, etc. I had a long talk with my first Gyno who was wonderful and answered all my questions
I listened to a lot of Howard Stern (feel free to judge me), and had access to the internet early in life
I had three pretty decent sex ed classes, 1 in middle school and 2 in high school

 

[Danigirl]

I grew up in a VERY religious household complete with private Christian school which is way worse than a catholic school. I have always been a bit of a nympho and curious. Seriously, my barbies and dollhouse figures had orgies only I had no idea what that was exactly. I figured out masturbation pretty quickly way too young (didn’t know what it was, just knew it felt good) and once my mom caught me and she had a disgusted look on her face. So I thought whatever I was doing was disgusting and that has messed with me for a long time.

Sex was only supposed to happen in marriage and you were supposed to let your husband have it whenever you wanted. That was actually taught to us by the damn pastor’s wife in my 10th grade version of sex ed called “family values”. I got kicked out of class cause I said that submitting to your husband and giving it to him whenever he wants because it’s your Christian wifely duty was complete bullshit. The principal even had a sermon on how horrible it was for a teenager to be on birth control and how it makes her a slut. He did get a lot of flack for that when upset parents talked to him about how birth control also helps with things like heavy periods and cramps etc. still, parents and school completely failed. Most I learned watching porn when I stole my brother’s palm pilot while he was sleeping.

I went to private Christian university and was 21 when I first had sex. My parents found out and refused to help pay for college for my senior year if I went back to my then older bf. They even grilled him about fucking me. I moved out and finished college while working full time.

I still have issues with actually orgasming during sex. I can rarely do it. Masturbating is no problem but just a mental block during sex. My husband is freaking amazing and patient. He loves that I cam, encourages me and helps me with the tech aspects as I have zero patience with that.

Wow that was long sorry. Just hate how awful and judgmental people can be about sex. My son will not have the same issues.

 

[melezouriou]

Most got covered in high school (Catholic school): biology of sexes, sex act, reproduction, contraception, venereal diseases, homosexuality. Through textbook with drawings and video with actual naked people. Mostly it was just clinical and just describing what is what with little to no moralising, the most focus went to reproduction and venereal diseases and how to practice safe sex (with insistence that we were too young and dumb for the responsibilities and while it's natural we thought about it, best to wait till ready).

If I had kids, i'd be happy they go through same course.

 

[paige_orion]

I was always a voracious little bookworm. People rarely saw me without a book in my hands, and I read at a pretty advanced level - grown up adult fantasy novels when I was still in elementary school. While the adults may have shielded me from non-age-appropriate movies, people went out of their way to give me access to literature they liked, and never once shielded me from it. Like... I remember being gifted the Dragon Prince & Dragon Star Trilogies by Melanie Rawn when I was around tennish, which wove together the lives of DOZENS of characters and all sorts of the heavy and beautiful and tragic aspects of being humans - which did involve sex and how it can be a fun & beautiful thing, but it also dealt with rape and assault with pretty heart-breaking accuracy, and even delved into the complexities of adultery and how someone can love and betray at the same time (as well as a million other topics). But even at that young age, those were topics that I had already come across in other books and was familiar with.

Whenever I re-read the books I devoured as a child, I'm kinda bemused that the shy-little-wallflower kidling me wasn't phased by some of the more graphic sex scenes! But then, when I was younger, I felt like a little alien, learning more about these strange utterly fascinating human creatures through endless stories! Books gave me a very thorough education on humanity at a pretty young age, with all of its beautiful bits and messy parts!

It's probably a good thing, because I can't remember EVER getting the sex-talk from my parentals, and the sex-education in my school was as basic and clinical and awkward as you could possibly get.

 

[Fatquack]

I got the standard (for my country) proper (and mostly boring) sex education at school and from my parents. No big deal, nothing moralising, No interesting stories about it.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

This thread reminds me of a couple of Monty Python skits:

 

[Fit_babe]

I live in a very rural area in the south U.S. often refered to as the Bible belt. So even though I went to public school, we were taught abstinence only and even had to sign an abstinence "pledge" when I was 10 or so. Our Sex Ed only covered using deodorant and STD scare tactics in junior high LOL. Luckily, my mother is very open about sex and talked with me about it often. She became pregnant with my little brother when I was 12 so she taught me everyyyything and even had me in the delivery room to watch. We also had an agreement that whenever I thought I was ready, I could go to her with no questions asked, and she would take me to get birth control, my first check up, ect. Even with that said, I still waited til I was an adult to lose my virginity. Once that happened though, conversations with my mom got realllll interesting

 

[Innocent_Intentions]

When I was 9 I remember my mom giving me “the talk” while doing my hair. It went something like “boys have penises, girls have vaginas. When you put them together, it’s called sex and that’s how babies are made....don’t have sex”.
After that, sex wasn’t brought up until middle school where we had sex ed which informed me about what to do when I got my period, but didn’t really teach me jack about sex.
The bulk of my “sexual education” came from porn, threads about masturbation, and my now husband.

 

[Useful-Title]

Long story short: my mother gave me the “talk” at a young age. Was more of the “Good Touch, Bad Touch” variety, but lessons were learned.

In Jr. High we had Sex Ed. where we learned about the male and female anatomy...and that we should be safe while having sex.

High School Sex Ed. was more going over what is considered consent (her drunk = no, you drunk = no, etc...).

College Human Sexuality course covered all the anatomy stuff again. Went in depth on pregnancies, birth control, women’s cycles, the hormonal balance in people (meaning we covered both sexes).

As for sex itself...at some point when I was in Junior High or early on in High School I found a copy of Masters and Johnson’s work. *I knew how to get around in a college library.

 

[AllieBumblebee]

Honestly, I'm Scandinavian, and I just... always knew? I know we had books on how babies are made at home, I remember the book, it was a cis man explaining to a kid how their sibling came to be. I assume mother bought it to explain when she was expecting my siblings. Elementary school had detailed books and these wood puzzles of the human body, where the woman had puzzle pieces so you could show her pregnant or not pregnant. I played a lot with those before 3rd grade, they were fascinating.

In 4th grade, school sat us down and handed out tampons and pads, talking about periods.
In 6th grade, it was periods and eggs and sperm and puberty.
In 8th grade, it was STDs and condoms and birth control, and more detailed scientific talk about how babies were made and born. Sadly, our teacher wasn't up to talking about consent and LGBTQIA+ things... I was furious about it.

I've always been an inquisitive person and a researcher, so when my friends and I started having sex in 8th and 9th grade (note: age of consent is 15 here), they always came to me to ask questions. I have no shame and no TMI line, really, so I've always looked shit up and explained it to others. I still do, I held condom lessons just the other week. I honestly love researching and educating about it.

 

[CatOwned]

I went to Christian school. In the rural South. During the Reagan era.

There was no sex education, just lots of sermons about how premarital sex would damn you to hell, literally.

So I learned about sex the way all of us kids did: through rumors, whatever porn we could sneak, and fumblings in the dark with 'bad' girls.

Funny how many pregnancies abstinence causes.

 

[Wade W Wilson]

Somewhere between health class and discovering the Spice channel on cable.