this was an old record, maybe 2011
Just let it go.
I went through something similar. I ran across a young lady from one of the photo sites (at least at that time, video now). She had only modeled for a few months five years earlier, then disappeared.
All I had of her was two partial sets, but it was enough to tell she really got my motor running. I had to have all her shoots.
For months I scoured the internet. I rubbed elbows with the seedy and the unscrupulous so that I could gaze upon her, the object of my desire. There wasn't torrent site I wouldn't try to get an invite to, nor a proxy I wouldn't use, just to glimpse a little more of her flawless bronze skin. No sacrifice would have been too great (except actually joining the website she modeled for).
Then one night about two years ago something in my head snapped. I was finishing up another wild goose chase, and a little voice inside me said "You are never going to find her". The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I buried my face in my hands and began to sob uncontrollably. Family members came to see what was wrong, but I was too distraught to speak...
I spent the next several months in a deep depression; my spirits eventually lifted, but there is still a part of my heart that will forever remain broken. To this day, I can't look at a map of Russia without getting teary eyed.
If it's not too late already, turn back now. Go find another readhead.