Having to name change/rebrand due to ex husband

[Redvelvetkatt]

This is a weird one, but Im coming to the experts for some support/suggestions. So.. back in may, after who knows how long of coercing my 11 y/o daughter, my ex-husband (its been 10 years) who has also emotionally abused,and harassed me that long, got my daughter ( I have primary care/control we have a court document) to flat out LIE to child services about my camming/clip work saying things that a) she would NEVER have known (we are a sex positive house, but my adult work choices are mine, not for a child) and b) were blatant lies. After both our homes were deemed safe, she never came home, and he registered her for school in the town where he lives without my knowledge...ANYWAY....he has texted me before that he has watched some of my clips, I am not sure how (VPN?) or Im now thinking as a grey when I was on cam. I haven't been online in months, obviously it was a pretty shit situation. But now I am sort of missing it, and am trying to determine how to change names/rebrand EVERYTHING, from twitter, to emails, to my CB. Can anyone suggest the best way, beyond just completely starting fresh? I mean, Im not against that either, its probably time for a rebrand after about 6 years, but any suggestions?
All my love, and thx!
Katt.

 

[MelodyHero]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I really cannot think of a more stressful and upsetting time that must have been.
I hope you stay away from this guy and do what you want in life. I'm happy that you want to continue camming after all that.
I do believe you can do so safely-even though VPNs can be used on his end to get around location blocking. :/

~~This is a bit hypothetical, but I hope you know I mean well and just want to be sure you know how to endure emotional manipulation~~
Remember that He COULD at any time be flat out lying about seeing your cam/clips and could be using just loose intuition to "bait" you into confirming it for him
He may be pretending he is sure in his accusations that you are camming and if you are receptive to any of this baiting he throws your direction he may get a "confession" out of you-so to say-where you reveal yourself by manipulation on his end...
Going forward~
No matter what he says now/in the future when he mentions/comments at all on your work-throw him as many vague trails in different directions as you can and if presented with a straightforward accusation DENY! DENY! DENY! (Lol this is actually a real disinformation technique!)
As far as I know, it's none of his business, so don't disclose anything more than you absolutely need to and disclose information to the right people-don't let him play the middle-man in any conversation about what you do.
It will never be his job to investigate your career choice in this way. I know many cam models who are such wonderful parents and stigma is a baseless criticism of your ability to parent, as you should know.

Don't let him stop you and hold on to what you believe and who you know you are!

You'll be able to rebrand very easily (if that's what you want to do.)
Perhaps being too famous may pose an issue? (wouldn't know what that's like)
Changing your emails, usernames...perhaps stream from a new website or time of day than usual?
Be sure to use completely different photos (even change your look entirely! it could be fun) and maybe this is too paranoid but you can also wipe GPS/personal metadata from any new photos you upload so there wouldn't be a way to "prove" that it is you. Proton VPN is also a vpn service I myself trust if you want to use a VPN. Lastly, and this sounds a bit crazy-just be sure to take into account that facial recognition software using machine learning AI will likely get better and better at ID-ing people...but that is not something I would worry about too much right now...

Anyway-I hope something I said may have helped a little!

Please feel free to ask any questions if you have them-either here or perhaps better so via Twitter; @melodyheromfc **

I'll be happy to help-especially if it is concerning online privacy and privacy protection programs.
Best wishes to you! x

 

[Redvelvetkatt]

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I am in a loving supportive relationship currently (4 years) and he is very understanding and protective of me. Add to that, I do not have communication with the ex via any method aside from email, so I am very careful.
As far as him baiting for info, he knew I was camming, like, 6? 7? years ago, and after my bf and I started dating he had sent me a text saying he watched some videos of me. I dont know what he saw, or where, or what username (as if he paid for them) but nonetheless I was NEVER the person who brought it up. Ever.
Im pretty secure and private with my online life, as I have been camming/ nude modelling since 2000 (Nakkidnerds.com, and the old raverporn.net ! ha! 60 second refresh cams!) so I am hyper aware of security issues (photo data etc)
Luckily I dont cam full time, its more something that I enjoy when the rewards are worth it....and I haven't been online for MONTHS now. Since I cam on CB I think that he potentially was watching me as a grey for who knows how long...ugh.
Again, thanks for your reply !

 

[squirtalot]

Your ex sounds like a horrible person. Is your daughter okay? I wouldn't want a person like that in a parental role

Yes! Go for a total rebrand! New name, New alter ego, It's a fresh start. You can also go a bit further and alter your appearance e.g. A wig, makeup, etc.

You can also block the region in which your ex lives to limit the possibility of him seeing you online

 

[KenzieCams]

This is a weird post to me only because I posted something similar to September. My ex ran off in 2019 across the country because he met a woman and immediately married her. He abandoned our children and stopped paying child support. A real winner. He then found my camming, watched it for months, then decided to tell our oldest child about it (my kids didn't know), in efforts to get him to run away from my house. He gave great detail, even giving my model name and encouraging him to look it up. He also said lies, like I am an escort, sleep with a ton of guys, etc. It messed my kid up.

Sooo, because our situations sound similar, I can tell you what I did with resolution:

1. First, if you have documentation that you both have time sharing, such as a parenting plan, then he is in contempt of that legal document by not allowing you access. Period. Which means you need to go to court no matter what. Even if he disagrees with you, unless your parenting plan says decision making falls on him, he HAS to go through a legal process. He cannot just take the law into his own hands. You have a case.

2. Camming and clip making is a legal profession. Don't feel shame or question your fitness based on this profession.

3. Learn to stop caring who is watching you. After my situation in September, I went to court and had to endure his attorney not only grilling me on it, but also pulling my sites up to view specifics. I also had to tell others in my life I never would have in order to explain the custody situation. People such as my kids mental health professionals and the kids school. Well, these people might judge but whoooo cares. They don't pay my bills.

3. That said, I understand the feelings that causes the mental block, especially when you picture your angry ex looking or even jacking off to your shit. So rebrand if it makes you feel better. For me it was like this:
-ensure the best I can he isn't subscribed to my stuff
-geoblock his state
- delete all old social media. If it doesn't directly make you money, it can go.
- create new social media with new name, but with a logo for a profile pic and all private for now. So even if my kids stumble upon it, they won't know what it is.
-change my name on cam site and onlyfans in order to change the links but keep the followers.

On the legal side, what happened to me, was that I asked for an emergency hearing to suspend his timesharing and got it. I explained to the judge my ex's ill intent and how it harmed our child (who has autism and is medicated for depression), and the judge agreed and suspended my ex's unsupervised rights. This was not without judgement on my line of work, though. He was concerned the kids would ask eventually find out and he was concerned because I do it at home and sometimes they are home. They are valid concerns. So, I:
- Again made sure my kids were blocked on social media from my cam business
- sound proofed my room with panels, sound machine, and special curtains
- installed a motion activated camera outside my bedroom
-am more conscious about my work hours

Now there is no question about my fitness as a parent. What I do is legal, my kids are unlikely to find out, and my ex shot himself in the foot trying to attack me.

All that said, make sure your child is ok. For me, everything calmed down and got resolution, but I can't fix my kid. He knows what he knows. He feels attacked and angry with his dad. His depression got worse. I, too, have a sex positive home, so he's not upset at what his dad said as much as he is upset about the fact that he said it. Whatever yours may feel, make sure she has an outside safe person to talk to if they need it. If you can't get access long enough to ensure it, make sure the judge does.

 

[Redvelvetkatt]

Your ex sounds like a horrible person. Is your daughter okay? I wouldn't want a person like that in a parental role

Yes! Go for a total rebrand! New name, New alter ego, It's a fresh start. You can also go a bit further and alter your appearance e.g. A wig, makeup, etc.

You can also block the region in which your ex lives to limit the possibility of him seeing you online

he is a total piece of shit. and my daughter is "ok". but this has been a hard trauma hit that will no doubt affect her mental health for a long time: its been like watching a slow car accident. I want to save her, but i am a) burnt out from fighting her whole life, and b) powerless in all senses aside from if i had money for lawyers... ugh. i have my region blocked, but he's a fucking pos creep, so . thanks for the advice!

 

[Redvelvetkatt]

Thank you for sharing, it makes me feel less alone. I do believe he has done the same thing, and showed her things she shouldn't have seen. Ultimately we live in a sex positive home, I have taken a sex positive parenting course, and am university educated (two degrees) and one of them was teaching and I taught a lot of middle School sexual health classes. She knew that I was involved in adult work, in a way that was age appropriate, and was totally fine with it. It wasn't a thing, right? But then her dad had to find a way to make me the bad guy. He is a meth addict in recovery after 13 rehab stays. Child welfare didn't care, even when I suggested that with his abuse toward me, and his history, he wasn't who he was pretending he was to them. Didn't matter. In my day job, I work in the field of dating violence prevention, and youth abuse. I know the types of abuse and who to call, but I have been denied 2 protection orders, and systems won't help me. This was long before camming came up. Police told me he looked nice, when I had to call them, and to be nice for the sake of my kid. I am in canada, so our court systems are probably different.
Questions:
Did you have to hire a lawyer to go to court?
Here in canada, what he has done is considered parental abduction, Provincial Enforcement of Parenting arrangements website , and is very serious, but when I reached out to police they just said it has to be dealt with legally. I also dont want to rip her out of the school she is in right now, and my partner, and my stepdaughter are reticent, nervous and wary about her just coming back. She did some awful stuff to all of us, at the urging and manipulation of her dad.
How did you handle the grief, and the anger toward your kid?
Again, thank you

 

[KenzieCams]

Thank you for sharing, it makes me feel less alone. I do believe he has done the same thing, and showed her things she shouldn't have seen. Ultimately we live in a sex positive home, I have taken a sex positive parenting course, and am university educated (two degrees) and one of them was teaching and I taught a lot of middle School sexual health classes. She knew that I was involved in adult work, in a way that was age appropriate, and was totally fine with it. It wasn't a thing, right? But then her dad had to find a way to make me the bad guy. He is a meth addict in recovery after 13 rehab stays. Child welfare didn't care, even when I suggested that with his abuse toward me, and his history, he wasn't who he was pretending he was to them. Didn't matter. In my day job, I work in the field of dating violence prevention, and youth abuse. I know the types of abuse and who to call, but I have been denied 2 protection orders, and systems won't help me. This was long before camming came up. Police told me he looked nice, when I had to call them, and to be nice for the sake of my kid. I am in canada, so our court systems are probably different.
Questions:
Did you have to hire a lawyer to go to court?
Here in canada, what he has done is considered parental abduction, Provincial Enforcement of Parenting arrangements website , and is very serious, but when I reached out to police they just said it has to be dealt with legally. I also dont want to rip her out of the school she is in right now, and my partner, and my stepdaughter are reticent, nervous and wary about her just coming back. She did some awful stuff to all of us, at the urging and manipulation of her dad.
How did you handle the grief, and the anger toward your kid?
Again, thank you

Here, it's also a civil issue and has to go through the court. I originally handled my case without an attorney, doing it on my own the best I could. At my courthouse, they have appointments available you can buy to speak to one and you can schedule 15 minutes with them at a time. I did that until he got an attorney and at that point, I had to get one because I didn't want to get screwed over.

Parental Alienation is a valid concern and it's recognized in the courts here. The court would probably recommend counseling and parenting classes for the parent alienating. If you don't make it to the court, I recommend family therapy. I got mine into therapy and also on medication. I participate in the therapy sessions if we have family issues that need to be addressed. My kid has seen through the BS with his dad and the spell has broken. When that happens, you have to deal with the other side of anger and grief when she realizes she's been manipulated by a parent at the expense of the other. You need a mental health professional to navigate.

You need one for you, too. I have my own therapist to help me process all this. I know what it feels like to feel like you're fighting for your kid's spirit and heart. Anger and grief are appropriate responses. Don't give up the fight. Keep your heart soft. Statistically, alienated kids generally figure out the truth for themselves but sometimes not until they are older. One of the big factors is getting them iut of the alienators possession. That's why I suggest bringing her home first and dealing with damage second. Its not always reasonable though. I get that.

I think the best message you can send her right now is that she's loved and you won't give up on her. You want resolution and you want your family and I think boundaries are important. Be strong mama. Feel the feels, even though they suck. And just know that the truth is always the truth, no matter how badly your ex wants to manipulate it. Your daughter has to eventually accept that and you'll want to be there to help her through it. She's a victim, too. Your ex sucks. I'm sorry you're going through all this.