Have you ever had an experience where your member(s) just get TOO attached...?

[AlyssaMichelle]

Soooo forgive me if this has been posted before. (I haven't seen anything specific to this topic yet!) But I would like to start a kind of thread where we could talk about members that get a little to attached... pretty self explanatory.

For example, one of my favorite members/ highest tipper / regulars right now. He's paid for custom videos, he sends me money via google wallet sometimes, pays for my panties, always tips me good during my shows. Okay, hell yeah, that's great for my bank. However, he paid for my Kik, too... Which I don't mind. He's super nice and fun to chat with, and when I'm bored I'll message him back and forth. I appreciate him as a person. He seems genuine and loves family and all that good stuff.

Unfortunately, the more we talk, the more attached he seems to be getting to me. To the point where he's like "oh we should meet" some day, blah blah blah, and ofc I politely change the topic or brush it off, and we go along talking about something else. But it just bothers me when he's says things like "I would love to wake up to your face one day, you're so beautiful..." shit like that. So, unfortunately, I think if this continues I'm going to have to block him on all my platforms after letting him down easy. Which really sucks because he's a great customer, and kinda my online sugar daddy lol so he's literally my main cashflow from camming. But he's pushing my boundaries.

So yeah, if you ladies have any stories I would love to hear them!!

 

[JoleneBrody]

Models are probably more likely to share in the models only forum.

But have you just let him know that you don't like that kind of talk and asked him nicely to stop?

 

[AlyssaMichelle]

Models are probably more likely to share in the models only forum.

But have you just let him know that you don't like that kind of talk and asked him nicely to stop?

Yeah I suppose your right! I haven’t had much luck with getting replies there though :/

And yes but of course he somehow always finds a way to worm around it though hahah

 

[mynameisbob84]

I would guess this is a pretty universal thing for models and probably comes with the territory. Camming can be a fine line to tread. On the one hand, you want to appear open and friendly and genuinely interested in your highest-tipping members and you want them to become attached enough to continue visiting you and continue spending on you. On the other hand, you don't want them to become too attached or forget that their interactions with you begin and end in a virtual/fantasy realm (at least most models don't. I guess some are happy to let members think what they want so long as they're paying, but I do think most models are better than that).

I think the best thing you can do both for yourself and the member is be brutally clear and honest with him. Let him know that while you enjoy his company and do care for him, you will never, ever view him romantically or as someone whose friendship you could ever enjoy in the real world. Not because of him, but because this is your job and you can not and will not meet clients you meet through your job in real life, for reasons that are as many as they are varied. It's nothing personal, but if he's in too deep to accept that, he should move on.

Either he'll accept it and continue to visit and pay you while keeping a healthy emotional distance (or at least try to) or he'll move on to a different model. You'll have lost a member, but another member will come along to replace him soon enough, and you'll have kept your sanity and probably helped the member keep his too.

 

[ElaySmith]

If this situation occurs often and with more than one regular it could be time to reevaluate how you run your room bc maybe you are saying (or not saying) something that leads them on/gives them hope. Being bluntly honest is usually the best way to go here but on sites like MFC its a little harder to do that bc its expected that you will have some sort of off site communication/daily interactions whether on cam/twitter/kik/snap for your highest tipping regs....and god knows you dont want to offend your biggest tippers. If this continues to be a problem and your unhappy with the amount of offsite contact you have to keep up with maybe consider something like streamate where offsite contact is against the rules.

 

[JoleneBrody]

I would guess this is a pretty universal thing for models and probably comes with the territory. Camming can be a fine line to tread. On the one hand, you want to appear open and friendly and genuinely interested in your highest-tipping members and you want them to become attached enough to continue visiting you and continue spending on you. On the other hand, you don't want them to become too attached or forget that their interactions with you begin and end in a virtual/fantasy realm (at least most models don't. I guess some are happy to let members think what they want so long as they're paying, but I do think most models are better than that).

I think the best thing you can do both for yourself and the member is be brutally clear and honest with him. Let him know that while you enjoy his company and do care for him, you will never, ever view him romantically or as someone whose friendship you could ever enjoy in the real world. Not because of him, but because this is your job and you can not and will not meet clients you meet through your job in real life, for reasons that are as many as they are varied. It's nothing personal, but if he's in too deep to accept that, he should move on.

Either he'll accept it and continue to visit and pay you while keeping a healthy emotional distance (or at least try to) or he'll move on to a different model. You'll have lost a member, but another member will come along to replace him soon enough, and you'll have kept your sanity and probably helped the member keep his too.

aye! You can't be vague or beat around the bush with these types, you gotta be wicked hella clear and if they try to weasel away you grab them by their internet faces and say it louder. You may not have to block him, you may just have to be very direct.

if he still doesn't listen then yeah, band and block city.

 

[OldHippy]

I think the best thing you can do both for yourself and the member is be brutally clear and honest with him.

I'll quote something I read on reddit today, the context it was taken out of is different but it perfectly explains how guys and girls are different.

When a woman is talking to a guy:

• What's subtle to you is invisible to him.
  
  
• What's obvious to you is subtle to him.
  
  
• What's obvious to the point of embarrassing to you, is starting to be visible to him.

Dropping hints does not work.....

 

[MissJasmineUK]

In agreeance with @mynameisbob84 in thinking this is something that comes with the camming territory. Especially members asking for meets! I have a polite reminder not to ask me to meet up in my room rules but this doesn't seem to deter. Do understand not all members read whiteboards or profiles... Would love to hear how other models deal with this.

 

[Shy Cam Guy]

Forgive me commenting as a non-lady As a customer (who has been very entangled a few times with models - works both ways sometimes - and sometimes both parties are happy to pretend and take the fantasy a long way) but you are the one who has too set boundaries I think. I would say tell him straight up and maybe try to be kind about it and hope he isn't an asshole about it when you tell him how you feel. You may (and could) risk losing him as a customer - that's your call but if he's getting too clingy or too pushy please be clear as soon as you can that the relationship is work

 

[AudriTwo]

I stop accepting shows from them if I find them getting too clingy or pushing on hooking up IRL.

Last night had a reg who constantly pushes about me really wanting hook up. I turned down every bit of money I could get from him. He was so determined to do a show, he was willing to spend more. Still didn't accept it. Don't care if I lose a customer, I rather have customers who respect my boundaries and understand that I'm fantasy woman.

Sometimes you have to break the fourth wall.

 

[MissJasmineUK]

I stop accepting shows from them if I find them getting too clingy or pushing on hooking up IRL.

Last night had a reg who constantly pushes about me really wanting hook up. I turned down every bit of money I could get from him. He was so determined to do a show, he was willing to spend more. Still didn't accept it. Don't care if I lose a customer, I rather have customers who respect my boundaries and understand that I'm fantasy woman.

Sometimes you have to break the fourth wall.

This was really helpful, thanks for sharing!

 

[Lucid1]

Sometimes you have to break the fourth wall.

A Rick and Morty reference?

In all seriousness though, I've never understood how guys can mistake ANY interaction with a cam model as being anything more than consensual familiarity. I can't imagine trying to take steps beyond what happens in virtual land. Maybe it's a combination of my age, and the expectations I have whenever I interact with a model, but I'm pretty keen on what kind of behavior/statements would send out negative vibes to a model. About the most inane thing I do with some of my favorite models is try my darnedest to make them laugh, especially when they are having a bad day. Being a Lovense Lush Tester has its perks, ya know

 

[Lelo1]

If you let him talk like that; He may get the wrong idea. Later on he could hold that against you; and claim you lead him along.

If it was me, I would set clear boundaries.

he's like "oh we should meet some day."

"I don't do meetings."

he's says things like "I would love to wake up to your face one day, you're so beautiful..."

"thanks for the compliment, but it's not appropriate to say that to me. I'm not your girlfriend. I'm an entertainer."

Maybe there are better ways to say it. Obviously your not trying to be rude, or abrasive.

 

[AudriTwo]

A Rick and Morty reference?

theater reference.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fourth_wall

 

[SaffronBurke]

"I don't do meetings."

I go one step farther and tell them, "I am comprised entirely of pixels and don't have a corporeal from, ergo, it is physically impossible for you to meet or interact with me off of the internet."

Alternatively, if they've asked me my location already, to which I typically reply "Pluto" or "Risa", I respond to meet up inquiries by explaining that interplanetary travel is just sooooo expensive, it's just not feasible for me to bother with the expense.

They always get pissed and leave my room. Whether it's because they believe what I said or not, doesn't matter to me. It could be that I just gave them a response so unusual that they just don't know how to react, or it could be that I annihilated their fantasy. Either way, I got to troll them slightly and have a bit of a giggle

 

[Phoenix4987]

Just tell them politely:
"Ya Lil stupid ass bitch I ain't fuckin wit chu! I got a million trillion things I rather fuckin do. Than to be fuckin wit you"

 

[bud9752]

I go one step farther and tell them, "I am comprised entirely of pixels and don't have a corporeal from, ergo, it is physically impossible for you to meet or interact with me off of the internet."

Alternatively, if they've asked me my location already, to which I typically reply "Pluto" or "Risa", I respond to meet up inquiries by explaining that interplanetary travel is just sooooo expensive, it's just not feasible for me to bother with the expense.

They always get pissed and leave my room. Whether it's because they believe what I said or not, doesn't matter to me. It could be that I just gave them a response so unusual that they just don't know how to react, or it could be that I annihilated their fantasy. Either way, I got to troll them slightly and have a bit of a giggle

They must have a Star Trek Transporter for you to materialize

 

[JGenius]

A Rick and Morty reference?

In all seriousness though, I've never understood how guys can mistake ANY interaction with a cam model as being anything more than consensual familiarity. I can't imagine trying to take steps beyond what happens in virtual land. Maybe it's a combination of my age, and the expectations I have whenever I interact with a model, but I'm pretty keen on what kind of behavior/statements would send out negative vibes to a model. About the most inane thing I do with some of my favorite models is try my darnedest to make them laugh, especially when they are having a bad day. Being a Lovense Lush Tester has its perks, ya know

I don't think they really believe in interaction with models. I think they pretend to believe. From my personal experience as an ex member now I remember two years ago my first day on lj I couldn't believe peoples could stay in a chat talking about their lives. After some bullying troubles at my job i started to spend my life in Jasmin I had no self respect anymore, I was at college during day or at work and after it was Jasmin. I wasn't at the point where i was about to make a lot of compliment to a camgirl or calling her friend but i remember i told to myself that one day i'd turn this way. But even if I wasn't acting this way i became obsesses about a model at the point to become a trouble for her and myself too. And she forgave me and even made something very nice for me. After my last exams I remember than i started to laugh alone because i couldn't believe I made bullshit like this.
After I was licence graduated and accepted in Master I stopped visiting camsite.

Sorry for the novel (and my english) but it's to say that members of camsites who looks be very attached are like those peoples who spends their times sharing their life on big facebook group with peoples they never met. They get the illusion to get friends or a life

 

[Shy Cam Guy]

I don't think they really believe in interaction with models. I think they pretend to believe. From my personal experience as an ex member now I remember two years ago my first day on lj I couldn't believe peoples could stay in a chat talking about their lives. After some bullying troubles at my job i started to spend my life in Jasmin I had no self respect anymore, I was at college during day or at work and after it was Jasmin. I wasn't at the point where i was about to make a lot of compliment to a camgirl or calling her friend but i remember i told to myself that one day i'd turn this way. But even if I wasn't acting this way i became obsesses about a model at the point to become a trouble for her and myself too. And she forgave me and even made something very nice for me. After my last exams I remember than i started to laugh alone because i couldn't believe I made bullshit like this.
After I was licence graduated and accepted in Master I stopped visiting camsite.

Sorry for the novel (and my english) but it's to say that members of camsites who looks be very attached are like those peoples who spends their times sharing their life on big facebook group with peoples they never met. They get the illusion to get friends or a life

Hi

I agree with this a bit. I have had a few times like this where at some very difficult times of life I ended up drawn to the sites and the cam models were like (very expensive) counsellors who provide a combination of sex and imagined intimacy - they are often a place to go when there is no where else to go - I know that wasn't the primary reason and wasn't my intention. Its how relationships have worked out sometimes. . I've been able to discuss things with a model I couldn't even talk to a counsellor about and vice versa. If models trust you sometimes they share stuff about their problems. They are a bit like a counsellor in that that they listen to customers' bullshit about their lives and how you feel and have no obligation to care or provide any advice. Must be boring though. Having said that I have had long ongoing "friendships" for many years with a few models I met without any sense of obligation either way. We just talk to each other. In a sense in a strange way there can be more of a feeling of intimacy and privacy and ability to share than with anyone else. Unfortunately as with any such relationship like that, attachment, transferrence and dependency can become a problem. The ethics and training on boundaries are somewhat different between counsellors and cam models

 

[JGenius]

Hi

I agree with this a bit. I have had a few times like this where at some very difficult times of life I ended up drawn to the sites and the cam models were like (very expensive) counsellors who provide a combination of sex and imagined intimacy - they are often a place to go when there is no where else to go - I know that wasn't the primary reason and wasn't my intention. Its how relationships have worked out sometimes. . I've been able to discuss things with a model I couldn't even talk to a counsellor about and vice versa. If models trust you sometimes they share stuff about their problems. They are a bit like a counsellor in that that they listen to customers' bullshit about their lives and how you feel and have no obligation to care or provide any advice. Must be boring though. Having said that I have had long ongoing "friendships" for many years with a few models I met without any sense of obligation either way. We just talk to each other. In a sense in a strange way there can be more of a feeling of intimacy and privacy and ability to share than with anyone else. Unfortunately as with any such relationship like that, attachment, transferrence and dependency can become a problem. The ethics and training on boundaries are somewhat different between counsellors and cam models

Well i never asked some life advices to camgirl. Only get somebody talking to me about weather was enough. I even lied about my real names. Only one exception this model i became obsessed with i told her about exam and stress.
But probably one day i'd have started to talk about my personnal life if i was stayed longer on camsite

 

[Shy Cam Guy]

Well i never asked some life advices to camgirl. Only get somebody talking to me about weather was enough. I even lied about my real names. Only one exception this model i became obsessed with i told her about exam and stress.
But probably one day i'd have started to talk about my personnal life if i was stayed longer on camsite

I didn't really mean asking advice and thats obviously not the reason for going in the first place. But as far as I can tell many of the more successful models are those who have great personality and do much more than just perform sex, they talk and build relationships. Do you think all those long private sessions and offline contacts with clients are 100% sex - it may be 100% about getting money but not 100% about sex. Maybe not everydoy is the same.I just meant after a long time when a relationsip of trust has built up both parties can develop enough trust in each other to discuss isseus that they pobably wouldn'tt discuss anywhere else. But evryone is different. Its just happened with me a few times. I was trying to relate to the times when I had ended up at cam sites. Everyone's story after that is different

 

[JGenius]

I didn't really mean asking advice. I just meant after a long time when a relationsip of trust has built up both parties can develop enough trust in each other to discuss isseus that they pobably wouldn'tt discuss anywhere else. But evryone is different. Its just happened with me a few times. I was trying to relate to the times when I had ended up at cam sites. Everyone's story after that is different

Anyway we're both agree on the fact that a wrong use of camsite can lead people to build for themselves a fake reality

 

[Shy Cam Guy]

Anyway we're both agree on the fact that a wrong use of camsite can lead people to build for themselves a fake reality

Yes sure. But we could get very philosophical and debate what reality is. If you get enough fantasy that can be reality