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Have you ever felt you were being used for sex?
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Picnic
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I was driving through the middle of nowhere one night and had a UFO sighting. Terrified the hell out of me, and I would be a liar if I said all the stories about getting fondled by aliens wasn't part of the reason my knees were shaking.
But as far as SO, yes.
D
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Sex? Once. Dated a gal who was 14 years older than me. But, I was 19 and didn't care...
Now... What's this "sex" thing people keep talking about having experienced...
Now... What's this "sex" thing people keep talking about having experienced...
Guy, you've actually asked 3 different questions here.
1. (in the thread title) Have you ever felt you're being used for sex?
is an entirely different question than,
2 (In OP) Have you ever felt that someone who you thought was your SO was actually just using you for sex?
and then,
3 How could you tell that all he cared about was sex? This seems to indicate that there are no other emotions involved, and that this couldn't be temporal, as in that moment he was just using her for sex.
As for myself, 1. yes, 2 no
D
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True, three different questions. But, in a sense, still along the same lines so I took it as such.
However, in regards to question #2, would being used for money count? By this, I mean she quit her job, became more or less worthless (not even sex) and a drain on finances. She then fucked me over multiple times before, during and after the divorce. Getting fucked over like that would count as sex, wouldn't it?
SophiaSophia
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In regards to whether I've felt that way with a partner, not really, but there are of course moments in any relationship where sex can lose the romance and just becomes about getting off. So yes you could say there are points when you might use them or they might use you. But I have never felt I am in a relationship with someone who just wants me for sex.
I have dated people who have just wanted me for sex though. How can you tell? If they show next to no interest when you talk about yourself or your day, showing obvious signs of boredom, or even irritation. If they try to turn everything into something sexual. If you try to talk to them about something and they just want to have sex. If on finding out you're not horny they no longer want to hang out with you. If they always talk about how hot other people are. If they ignore signs that you are not into something or continuously try to push your comfort zones this shows they care about their own gratification over their feelings.
Mmmm if you say you're on your period and they badger you to give them a blowjob or have anal sex I would take this as a warning sign. While you might do these things in a loving relationship, and your partner might ask, I have not had it with a man who loves or even cares about me who would expect me to get them off when I don't get anything pleasurable out of it.
A man who pesters you for blowjobs, accepts them yet refuses to return the favour, or if they do it's a half arsed attempt that's more about their pleasure than yours. Someone lying to you to get you into bed is a pretty good indication. There are lots of tactics which men use to get you to that point, but in my experience, most men are not that great at being subtle about their intentions after they've cum. There is a difference in ages, but not really all that much, it's mainly dependent on the person.
Most of my sexual encounters have been heterosexual so I cannot really offer advice from other sides. But men being used by women for sex seems to be similar though a bit different. Girls often like the companionship so it may be harder to tell if a woman is using you for sex, as she may do what one of my friends once described as "emotional wanking". Which I guess describes the pleasure from acting like you're a loving couple when you aren't one at all. I think men should be aware of this as it can lead to a lot of heart ache, as for most men if they get romantic it is a big deal, while for a lot of women it is part of the experience as much as a one night stand. For women the sex part is often a bigger deal than romantic intimacy. Many men make the mistake of misinterpreting a woman's desire for a connection as a desire for a relationship.
Due to this I actually find that if a man shows obvious signs of "using me" for sex that I gain less pleasure from our encounters, I am more aware of his sexual flaws and I leave the encounters with memories of dissatisfaction, even if I were also using him for sex/pleasure. At the end of the day, no one wants to spend time with someone who acts disinterested in them. If you hired a sex worker it's pretty obvious that you just want sex and they want money, but I imagine most clients would expect an element of sensuality and the sex worker to at least appear interested in them. This is just common courtesy in any sexual encounter that you should never make your partner feel "used". They should be aware it's happening so they can consent to it, but it's still not polite to make them feel objectified.
I have dated people who have just wanted me for sex though. How can you tell? If they show next to no interest when you talk about yourself or your day, showing obvious signs of boredom, or even irritation. If they try to turn everything into something sexual. If you try to talk to them about something and they just want to have sex. If on finding out you're not horny they no longer want to hang out with you. If they always talk about how hot other people are. If they ignore signs that you are not into something or continuously try to push your comfort zones this shows they care about their own gratification over their feelings.
Mmmm if you say you're on your period and they badger you to give them a blowjob or have anal sex I would take this as a warning sign. While you might do these things in a loving relationship, and your partner might ask, I have not had it with a man who loves or even cares about me who would expect me to get them off when I don't get anything pleasurable out of it.
A man who pesters you for blowjobs, accepts them yet refuses to return the favour, or if they do it's a half arsed attempt that's more about their pleasure than yours. Someone lying to you to get you into bed is a pretty good indication. There are lots of tactics which men use to get you to that point, but in my experience, most men are not that great at being subtle about their intentions after they've cum. There is a difference in ages, but not really all that much, it's mainly dependent on the person.
Most of my sexual encounters have been heterosexual so I cannot really offer advice from other sides. But men being used by women for sex seems to be similar though a bit different. Girls often like the companionship so it may be harder to tell if a woman is using you for sex, as she may do what one of my friends once described as "emotional wanking". Which I guess describes the pleasure from acting like you're a loving couple when you aren't one at all. I think men should be aware of this as it can lead to a lot of heart ache, as for most men if they get romantic it is a big deal, while for a lot of women it is part of the experience as much as a one night stand. For women the sex part is often a bigger deal than romantic intimacy. Many men make the mistake of misinterpreting a woman's desire for a connection as a desire for a relationship.
Due to this I actually find that if a man shows obvious signs of "using me" for sex that I gain less pleasure from our encounters, I am more aware of his sexual flaws and I leave the encounters with memories of dissatisfaction, even if I were also using him for sex/pleasure. At the end of the day, no one wants to spend time with someone who acts disinterested in them. If you hired a sex worker it's pretty obvious that you just want sex and they want money, but I imagine most clients would expect an element of sensuality and the sex worker to at least appear interested in them. This is just common courtesy in any sexual encounter that you should never make your partner feel "used". They should be aware it's happening so they can consent to it, but it's still not polite to make them feel objectified.
I don't know if it's only sex, most of times I was used in my life were centered around a use of my trust. Of course we should be able to know that when someone loses interest in you, or attraction to you, it's not necessarily an abusive behavior. People have the right to lose interest in me, and I have the right to suck it in and move on. I had many a shoe thrown at me when I was on the other end of the unpleasant equation of a relationship becoming a dream deferred.
In my humble experience with relationships (especially with trashing them), the vanilla mainstream expectation that your significant other will cater to your Disney fantasy, can be as far fetched as an expectation from an adult industry worker to fulfill your erotic fantasies.
I think people become the most attractive when they let themselves expose their flaws to their significant other, that's where trust kicks in. It doesn't mean that your flaws become perfections, only that you may quit hiding them for a few moments with someone specific Excuse me, I'm starting to feel my age kick in, and becoming a cliche seems like a part of it...
In my humble experience with relationships (especially with trashing them), the vanilla mainstream expectation that your significant other will cater to your Disney fantasy, can be as far fetched as an expectation from an adult industry worker to fulfill your erotic fantasies.
I think people become the most attractive when they let themselves expose their flaws to their significant other, that's where trust kicks in. It doesn't mean that your flaws become perfections, only that you may quit hiding them for a few moments with someone specific
Excuse me, I'm starting to feel my age kick in, and becoming a cliche seems like a part of it...
D
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I don't know if it's only sex, most of times I was used in my life were centered around a use of my trust. Of course we should be able to know that when someone loses interest in you, or attraction to you, it's not necessarily an abusive behavior. People have the right to lose interest in me, and I have the right to suck it in and move on. I had many a shoe thrown at me when I was on the other end of the unpleasant equation of a relationship becoming a dream deferred.
In my humble experience with relationships (especially with trashing them), the vanilla mainstream expectation that your significant other will cater to your Disney fantasy, can be as far fetched as an expectation from an adult industry worker to fulfill your erotic fantasies.
I think people become the most attractive when they let themselves expose their flaws to their significant other, that's where trust kicks in. It doesn't mean that your flaws become perfections, only that you may quit hiding them for a few moments with someone specific
Well said, Dan. I've had similar situations, and think we all have. The one thing that I can't understand is why someone would stick around if they have zero interest in you? This happened to me, with my ex as well as many others I know were lied to for years. I hear people talk about needing to stay because of finances, "for the kids", etc.
We're all adults, if you truly stopped loving or being interested in someone, just pack your shit and leave. No muss, no fuss, no childish behaviours or backstabbing. Two separate lives now.
And, some may disagree. But, when someone decides to leave, no alimony(spousal maintenance) if there's a disparity between incomes. Child support is different, and should be reasonable in amount.
Well, it's hard to draw the exact line in the sand. I wish life were as simple black and white like a teenage blog, where there are right and wrong people. Human beings don't have to be perverted or abusive in order to grow dependent on each other. Being solitary is not just a choice or a circumstance, in many circles it's a social status. Although men might not ovulate, we are also feeling the pressure of having to be ostensibly normal and by thus either in a relationship, or at least divorced with kids, so we can cry into our beer and say "been there, done that".
Coming to think of it, the norm might be more aggressive then most fetish websites
Coming to think of it, the norm might be more aggressive then most fetish websites
SaffronBurke
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This. When I had a SO, we'd go three months or longer with no sex, which was absolutely outrageous to me, so that's like the opposite of being used for sex.
When I was having one-night stands, thank fuck they were only interested in getting off and leaving, I don't know what I would have done if they weren't on the same page.
I love the way in which a thread becomes serious here, and all of a sudden with the swing of a pendulum, it becomes hilarious again
Guy's questions, with their depersonalized vagueness, often resemble a Rorschach test. I doubt if that's how they're intended to come across, but they do lead to some interesting--and revealing--discussion.
To answer the question...with an SO, no. They wouldn't be an SO if they were using me for anything. If they're not an SO, they can use me for sex any day of the week.
You are cracking me up again I love they way we can turn a vague question from an ink blot into a total burlesque.
I love they way we can turn a vague question from an ink blot into a total burlesque.
D
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I know, that's why I think Tinder and JDate are far more dangerous than any webcam platform....Never know what you'll get when you post something on the internet...
D
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I had to look up what JDate was. Never heard of it. In a sense, I agree. Have never met anyone from Tinder when I had an account on there.
I considered Tinder once, but then I saw my hideous former landlord swiping photos in a line in a supermarket, and then I decided that
hell no!
hell no!
AuroraKnight
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Does it really count if you're both fully aware that you're using each other for sex? I've had one or two relationships like that, but aside from that I've never felt used in any of my relationships, romantic or otherwise, because if I did feel used there wouldn't be a relationship anymore.
Emberblaze
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I've definitely used people for sex. But I was honest about my intentions so it was basically consensual. At least one person didn't seem to believe me despite several conversations about it and things turned into a weird dramatic blowup though.
"Shhh don't talk sweetie, I don't care, just take your clothes off."
Most were pleased with the situation.
"Shhh don't talk sweetie, I don't care, just take your clothes off."
Most were pleased with the situation.
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Not that I know of, but when I was significantly younger and significantly shittier I prolonged a dead relationship for nearly a year just because the sex was good...
I've grown up since then and am in a wonderful long term relationship but yeah, it happens. IMO it's cool if it's consensual but yeah. Fuck buddies exist for a reason.
I've grown up since then and am in a wonderful long term relationship but yeah, it happens. IMO it's cool if it's consensual but yeah. Fuck buddies exist for a reason.
I had a dude I dated for about three weeks and once we fucked, he quickly ended it because he just wanted to bang. Which is silly, because if they were honest, I would probably still bang them. Would of save me the trouble and time of dating someone who wasn't interested me long term.
I remember when he was telling me (through text messages) that he wasn't interested in seeing anyone long term and just wants to play the field. But he really enjoyed the sex part. I guess that was nice. But I wasn't buying it. It was not even 8 hours after we boned. I responded, "that's okay, wanna be fuck buddies instead?" He didn't understand, and was still admit on not dating. I get it, you just wanted to fuck one time. But don't lead girls on with this mirage of dating. It's scummy.
Turns out he was a POA and that was his game. I may of fucked up his sex life for awhile when I told everyone... Whoops. Just thought people should know what his intentions are.
I remember when he was telling me (through text messages) that he wasn't interested in seeing anyone long term and just wants to play the field. But he really enjoyed the sex part. I guess that was nice. But I wasn't buying it. It was not even 8 hours after we boned. I responded, "that's okay, wanna be fuck buddies instead?" He didn't understand, and was still admit on not dating. I get it, you just wanted to fuck one time. But don't lead girls on with this mirage of dating. It's scummy.
Turns out he was a POA and that was his game. I may of fucked up his sex life for awhile when I told everyone... Whoops. Just thought people should know what his intentions are.
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I had to really think about this due to being sexually active for 10+ years and I have to say I don't feel I have. When I was single I went into every booty call seeing that person the same way (I assumed) they saw me & I always made sure to get mine the same they got theirs.
I kind of wish more people would try to do this when it comes to casual sex at least. Seems it would make that part of life a bit easier.
I kind of wish more people would try to do this when it comes to casual sex at least. Seems it would make that part of life a bit easier.
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