Have a potential stalker :/ help!

[AvaCharlotte]

Hey guys! So there is a dude I used to messaged a while back before I got into camming etc. He lived in the area and it was kind of a casual sugar daddy arrangement (but not really, he didn't get me a lot). We texted and he had my real name and phone number. Plus he knew the town I lived in. Dumb as hell, I know, even though at the time I didn't know I was going to get into camming. I don't know how I was that stupid because I would never do anything remotely close to that today. Anyways, once I did start camming and having more of a thing going on I stopped talking to him because I didn't want to have contact with anyone who knew both my personal info and my online life. That was at least four months ago and he hasn't stopped texting me since. My "Read" receipts are turned off so he can't tell I'm reading his messages, but I am hesitant to block him because he will think I am still getting his messages so it won't make any difference to him, and if he's saying threatening things I at least want to know about them.

Anyways, his messages have gotten a lot creepier lately. Things like "are you still fucking that little mexican boy?" in reference to my boyfriend, screenshots of my personal social media (that I did not personally give to him) with photos of me and my family members asking about them, and angry messages where he includes my full name and phone number, clearly as a threat. He found me on Reddit where I sell and do a lot of business, but our messages on there are so old and I can't even remember his username to block him. He also lives in my area.

The good news is I've done some reverse searches on the little info I had on him and I now know his full name, address, employer, family members that I was able to find on social media including his ex-wife that he has two kids with, etc. I am considering calling the police department tomorrow. I am doubtful that there is anything they can do but am hoping they can provide advice.

Has anyone been through this before or can anyone give me any useful advice? It's honestly pretty scary. I know the risk of this happening is always there so I'm prepared for it as always, but I'm a college student who webcams to afford rent and my parents don't know about it, plus I'm just plain concerned for my safety.

 

[Brit]

Don't call the police. Go to the station with everything that you've compiled. You may be able to get a restraining order. Know that he will probably leak your info to your family/friends. Be prepared for that and just be honest. If he does do this, you could have grounds for a lawsuit. I would suggest moving, but that doesn't seem feasible as you are still in school. Carry some mace with you if you are scared. Schools often offer free self defense classes for their students and I highly recommend you taking them, even if it's just to boost your own confidence.

 

[AvaCharlotte]

Don't call the police. Go to the station with everything that you've compiled. You may be able to get a restraining order. Know that he will probably leak your info to your family/friends. Be prepared for that and just be honest. If he does do this, you could have grounds for a lawsuit. I would suggest moving, but that doesn't seem feasible as you are still in school. Carry some mace with you if you are scared. Schools often offer free self defense classes for their students and I highly recommend you taking them, even if it's just to boost your own confidence.

Thank you! I sent him a text saying that if he doesn't stop texting me I will go to the police. If he texts me again I will go to the police station. I also got a new phone recently so I don't have anything to show the cops to prove that he's been doing this for a long time....hopefully he doesn't text me again.

 

[AnaBee]

Check with your phone provider, you might still have access to your old messages online or somewhere in their system.

 

[Lelo1]

restrict your personal social media to friends only, turn off tagging.
document everything.
Also, depending on your old phone, your text message may be in the cloud and or backed up to the cloud.
Make sure your using 2-step where ever possible

 

[AudriTwo]

If you have his contact info, you might be able to file a no contact junction. That is probably what the police might suggest, but it's still good to go to them and talk to them so you and they have that interaction on record. Explain this is a history and you don't have any of that, because who normally keeps these weird racist threatening messages saved in a folder? I normally ignore or block out that stuff. Include you asking him not to speak to you or you will go to the police as well and if he calls you out like it's a bluff. He contacted you when you told him not to, that is harassment.

Be 100% honest when reporting this. Don't lie about your job. If they find out you were lying about that during any investigation, it may negativly effect how they handle it. Print out everything you do have. Explain you don't have any of that, because who normally keeps these weird racist threatening messages saved in a folder? I normally ignore or block out that stuff.

You can ask to speak to a female officer.

I'd shut down all social media. You can deactivate it.

 

[AvaCharlotte]

If you have his contact info, you might be able to file a no contact junction. That is probably what the police might suggest, but it's still good to go to them and talk to them so you and they have that interaction on record. Explain this is a history and you don't have any of that, because who normally keeps these weird racist threatening messages saved in a folder? I normally ignore or block out that stuff. Include you asking him not to speak to you or you will go to the police as well and if he calls you out like it's a bluff. He contacted you when you told him not to, that is harassment.

Be 100% honest when reporting this. Don't lie about your job. If they find out you were lying about that during any investigation, it may negativly effect how they handle it. Print out everything you do have. Explain you don't have any of that, because who normally keeps these weird racist threatening messages saved in a folder? I normally ignore or block out that stuff.

You can ask to speak to a female officer.

I'd shut down all social media. You can deactivate it.

I've gone over all my social media to lock it down. I'm surprised I didn't have my personal Instagram already on private. I don't use it very often so I guess I just didn't think about it. I changed my name on facebook to a fake name and went over all the security settings but I am reallllyy trying to avoid deleting it because I have so many photos from years and years on there and it's also the only way I keep up with a lot of people. I tried to just temporarily deactivate it but it still appears in searches.

 

[AvaCharlotte]

So far I haven't heard from him since I texted that, so hopefully it stays that way and that's the end of it.

 

[AudriTwo]

I've gone over all my social media to lock it down. I'm surprised I didn't have my personal Instagram already on private. I don't use it very often so I guess I just didn't think about it. I changed my name on facebook to a fake name and went over all the security settings but I am reallllyy trying to avoid deleting it because I have so many photos from years and years on there and it's also the only way I keep up with a lot of people. I tried to just temporarily deactivate it but it still appears in searches.

i'm pretty sure you can download the data: www.howtogeek.com/345963/how-to-download-your-photos-from-facebook/

so you might want to download it just incase you do choose to deactivate it. change your profile photo to a meme or something. nothing that is identifying. i think you can turn tagging off.

 

[AnaBee]

I feel shitty saying this, but if you are saying you feel worried about your safety but can’t give up social media because pics and it’s “only” way to keeping in touch with people, I’m feeling confused why am I seemingly more worried about your safety then you are?
If someone showed me his intentions aren’t good and send screenshots of my social media I’d be locking all of that down and figuring out how to delete or hide myself.
I hope I’m not coming across as judgmental, but why give him anymore chance of hurting you?

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Some great advice you've already received. Hopefully he stops contacting you, and respects you enough to also not do anything further such as doxxing you or worse.

All the best.

 

[AvaCharlotte]

I feel shitty saying this, but if you are saying you feel worried about your safety but can’t give up social media because pics and it’s “only” way to keeping in touch with people, I’m feeling confused why am I seemingly more worried about your safety then you are?
If someone showed me his intentions aren’t good and send screenshots of my social media I’d be locking all of that down and figuring out how to delete or hide myself.
I hope I’m not coming across as judgmental, but why give him anymore chance of hurting you?

No, you're right. I'll probably download all my pics and just delete it as much as that sucks. I'm a little worried about my parents realizing something is up because they already questioned why I changed my name and I just said safety reasons so if I delete it now they might be super sketched out.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

I know for a modeling and promotion perspective, social media is beneficial. But, from a personal perspective, I don't see it as being a good thing. If you only keep in contact with friends/family via Facebook, is it a worthwhile relationship to maintain?

I see too many people posting negative things, or something that will eventually get them into trouble. Far too many don't think of possible repercussions of such actions.

Apologies for the minor rant

 

[AnaBee]

No, you're right. I'll probably download all my pics and just delete it as much as that sucks. I'm a little worried about my parents realizing something is up because they already questioned why I changed my name and I just said safety reasons so if I delete it now they might be super sketched out.

Your safety is more what someone would think, even if they are your parents. I’m not saying that this is smart, but if I was in your position I’d tell them someone won’t leave you alone and you just don’t want to give them a way to reach you. Good luck!

 

[Sillykitty]

I'm a little worried about my parents realizing something is up because they already questioned why I changed my name and I just said safety reasons so if I delete it now they might be super sketched out.

First I changed my name and said it was because an ex kept trying to look me up, and that I didnt want coworkers to get their feelings hurt when I wouldnt add them back. Then when I deleted my social media I just said I was spending way too much time on it, and that I needed to focus on other things.

Good luck with everything, I hope this guy gets the hint and backs off.

 

[NaomiNyx]

If you really want to keep personal accounts on social media I would recommend saving your photos, deleting your profile, and starting new under a private profile. Its not unheard of for people to make dummy profiles to follow you, so if you block them or go private they still have a way to see your info. Also change your profile picture on your new account to something that isn't an actual picture. Those character creator apps are super cute options for profile pictures.

As for explaining to family, lying is no fun but may be an easier option than explaining things, depending on your situation. My parents aren't very computer savy so I was able to tell them my profile was hacked and there were a bunch of people from high school I didn't care to talk to anymore. Starting resh was easier than going through and purging. Or so they think.

 

[SNATCH]

Agree with what most others said here... Download all your data, etc. & deactivate it. Keep it deactivated. Eventually, the results will fall off search engines. I keep mine deactivated 99% of the time, & reactivate it sometimes if I need to grab photos. I suggest you make a new one, & make a new email to go with it, & don’t use any nicknames, etc that can personally tie back to you, for both the email, email username, name on Fb, & even your Fb link. I have a random quote photo on mine, & a straight up fake first/last name. I just told everyone I had a creeper stalker, & everyone just kind of accepted that, & I switched everyone over to the new one.

I would also set a new profile photo, & put a fake name on the old FB account before you deactivate it. But don’t use the same ones you use for your new account. I say deactivate, rather than delete, because that way you will still be able to access the account if needed/wanted in the future, & deleting it, won’t make any of the stuff non searchable, it will just give an error page if someone clicks on google search results (for example)

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Regarding accounts on FB, IG, etc. Do not install the apps on your phone. Only access them via a computer. The apps will tie into your address book, and other things, which will then have access to your contacts and start making recommendations to you and others due to associations. There's been a number of threads on here about models doing this due to privacy concerns.

 

[AvaCharlotte]

Agree with what most others said here... Download all your data, etc. & deactivate it. Keep it deactivated. Eventually, the results will fall off search engines. I keep mine deactivated 99% of the time, & reactivate it sometimes if I need to grab photos. I suggest you make a new one, & make a new email to go with it, & don’t use any nicknames, etc that can personally tie back to you, for both the email, email username, name on Fb, & even your Fb link. I have a random quote photo on mine, & a straight up fake first/last name. I just told everyone I had a creeper stalker, & everyone just kind of accepted that, & I switched everyone over to the new one.

I would also set a new profile photo, & put a fake name on the old FB account before you deactivate it. But don’t use the same ones you use for your new account. I say deactivate, rather than delete, because that way you will still be able to access the account if needed/wanted in the future, & deleting it, won’t make any of the stuff non searchable, it will just give an error page if someone clicks on google search results (for example)

That's what I want to do but I can't figure out how to deactivate. I went to setting and clicked deactivate and did the whole thing, but then when I tried searching for my profile on my cousin's phone it still popped up.

 

[Lelo1]

That's what I want to do but I can't figure out how to deactivate. I went to setting and clicked deactivate and did the whole thing, but then when I tried searching for my profile on my cousin's phone it still popped up.

The Facebook deactivation page states: Some information may still be visible to other such as your name, photo, & friends list.

That's why SNATCH was suggesting changing the name to a fake name before deactivation.
That way the bogus info comes back instead of your real name.
Same thing for your photo.

Before deactivating you can also try to lock down the account privacy on that account. As in settings, privacy, and set everything to your 'friends only', or 'only me'. Which is one way to hide try and hide your friends list and other things.

 

[SaffronBurke]

The Facebook deactivation page states: Some information may still be visible to other such as your name, photo, & friends list.

That's why SNATCH was suggesting changing the name to a fake name before deactivation.
That way the bogus info comes back instead of your real name.
Same thing for your photo.

Before deactivating you can also try to lock down the account privacy on that account. As in settings, privacy, and set everything to your 'friends only', or 'only me'. Which is one way to hide try and hide your friends list and other things.

When I deleted my Facebook account, they gave me 30 days to log back in and change my mind about it, which makes me think that maybe it leaves the page up during that time, too?

 

[Deleted member 37064]

When I deleted my Facebook account, they gave me 30 days to log back in and change my mind about it, which makes me think that maybe it leaves the page up during that time, too?

Yep, that is common. Same thing for when I deleted my accounts. I went through and deleted everything I could: photos, posts, likes, shares, etc. Was about a two week process to ensure it was done. I downloaded all the data prior to starting. Then just went into activities and started hitting delete on each action. The nice thing about it taking so long (I wasn't really that active on the accounts, just lacked time to sit and do it), is that I felt like in some way it didn't become as noticeable to others as well as allowing some of the stuff to scroll off pages, etc.

Once it was all said and done, it was just a name with little or no data.

How to download all your FB data:
ttps://www.facebook.com/help/212802592074644

How to delete or deactivate your FB account:
ttps://www.facebook.com/help/250563911970368?helpref=hc_global_nav

(You'll need to add an "h" to the beginning. Seems that the forum software, combined with FB, don't like the links and becomes an unclickable link.)

 

[SNATCH]

They don’t leave it up to be visible, it’s hidden, like how MFC hides your model account if you ask to close it, but if you ask MFC to restore it, they can. Same with FB, they just hold it for you for 30 days, same with Twitter when you ask to deactivate. If you wait past the 30 days, it will be gone & you can’t get it back.

But that’s for when you DELETE Facebook, NOT deactivate, those are two very separate things, & have separate processes.

When I deleted my Facebook account, they gave me 30 days to log back in and change my mind about it, which makes me think that maybe it leaves the page up during that time, too?

 

[SNATCH]

That’s why I suggested to change your name & all your info, etc & lock down all your privacy settings to friends only, etc.

That's what I want to do but I can't figure out how to deactivate. I went to setting and clicked deactivate and did the whole thing, but then when I tried searching for my profile on my cousin's phone it still popped up.