Finally Met My Cam Model

[OFFICIALidiot]

I have been waiting for this for a long time. I posted on this forum a while back about the potential of this relationship being a scam. And I know that it could still be that. But there are no indications that it is.

I’m currently lounging on the couch in their living room, 8 days into a 3 week trip to their country. It’s been great, but not perfect. We’ve traveled all over, seeing a bunch of really amazing, beautiful places. They have been a very generous guide and our chemistry has been pretty close to best-case-scenario.

I arrived in the evening. They met me at the airport with a sign and balloons. We went back to their apartment where I was greeted with a candlelit dinner and champagne, rose pedals strewn about. It was a very nice greeting. We hung out and watched a movie. They told me that we’d be sleeping in separate rooms the first night because they were congested. Hearing this, I was a little worried that this trip was not going to meet the expectations that we had been discussing for so long. But at the same time, I was reminding myself that even though we’ve been talking and video chatting for 6 months, we had just essentially had our first date. And as someone that suffers from intimacy anxiety disorder, I’m not one to rush things.

Early afternoon on the second day, we had sex. And we’ve had sex all but one other day because they got their Covid vaccine and was feeling a little under the weather. The fact that we’ve had a lot of sex has assuaged some of my fears that maybe they’re not as into me as I am them. Also, our dynamic is really good. They show a lot of interest in me and our conversations never dip. We laugh a lot and have a bunch of inside jokes already. They took me to meet their family and some of their really close friends, all who seemed to already know a lot about me and were also very friendly and interested. This made me feel a lot better about everything.

I was worried that people may not think I’m serious about this model, that I was making a trip solely for sex, or that I was just a plain old creep. But I didn’t get that sense.

Sounds perfect, yes? Not totally. Kissing has been an issue. We’ve only made out one time (after we had already had sex 3 or 4 times). This feels weird to me and I’m not sure if it should be a red flag or not. I’m kind of afraid to bring it up in conversation because I don’t want them to feel pressured. But for me, it’s really strange that I can count on a certain level of physical intimacy (non-sexual), great conversation/rapport, and really great sex… but no kissing.

This person is currently trying to sort out some stuff with their broadcasting account and so I really font want to add any stress while that’s going on.

Shoild I bring it up? And if so, what’s the best way to do it? Kissing is important to me and it’s hard for me to take a lack thereof as anything but they’re not as into me as all the other factors I mentioned would suggest.

 

[yummybrownfox]

When you're together again, just ask "Is it okay if I kiss you?" You'll either get a yes or no...and she might be surprised that you even have to ask. Maybe she's been waiting for you to kiss her first.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

Basic communication is pretty damn important in a relationship---these are things you should be asking HER not us. There is nothing wrong with bringing up what sort of physical intimacy she is or isn't comfortable with.

 

[anabeauty37]

laughing becouse this post make me think about the greys in my room never happy. you show them boobs they ask ass, you show them ass they want pussy , still unhappy they want feet too! ha
now after u got candies, champagnie, sex, you upset becouse of not enough kisses )

 

[Kekokols]

Intimacy disorder and camsites ... anyways.
kissing, holding hands and so on are too intimate if your partner suffers from PTSD
The rest I won't comment.

 

[OFFICIALidiot]

laughing becouse this post make me think about the greys in my room never happy. you show them boobs they ask ass, you show them ass they want pussy , still unhappy they want feet too! ha
now after u got candies, champagnie, sex, you upset becouse of not enough kisses )

I get why you may think that. But the nature of our relationship has been more romantic than sexual for a while now. I didn’t fly thousands of miles to just have sex with someone. That’s what Tinder is for.

The entire reason we connected the way we did was that it isn’t just about sex for me. Or so I’m told. And I believe it because since I’ve been here, they show me the messages their users send them on WhatsApp. The phone never stops and it’s always just horny dudes wanting to know when they’re going live.

We have been telling each other “I love you.” For a long time now. It’s something I told them at the beginning not to do. I wouldn’t say it back because I knew they said it to other users and I didn’t want the girlfriend experience and I didn’t want someone telling me they loved me for money. Then we got to know each other more and more, and they were pretty convincing in explaining why they loved me. What I felt for them certainly felt like love.

and so I don’t think wanting to kiss this person is unreasonable. I’m in my 30’s and would say I’ve had a “normal” level of sexual activity and this is the first person I ever had sex with before I kissed them. And it’s weird to me. And it got weirder the more we had sex.

I know this seems easy and obvious to some people, but it’s not for me. I’m very open and communicative. We’ve had some really deep and uncomfortable conversations since I’ve been here. But I worry that by speaking up about this will make them feel pressured to have to kiss more. I’m sure they would oblige, but then I would feel like they’re only doing it because I said something.

And like I said, I’m not one to rush intimacy. Maybe kissing is too intimate for them and they don’t feel ready. Maybe it is just a matter of them feeling like it’s my job to make that move and I’m just getting in my own way.

But I’m trying to get opinions about whether or not this is a red flag. Not criticism about my expectations being to high.

 

[yummybrownfox]

^I mean, I feel that I and Carmita Bonita have already given you good advice in this thread. Did you read our posts? It's possible you are totally overthinking this, and making a big deal out of nothing. If you're in a relationship with this woman and have been telling each other "I love you" and having sex, there should be no problem in asking her "Is it okay if I kiss you?" (As I'd suggested earlier). If you did that, that would not be "pressuring her" at all.

 

[OFFICIALidiot]

^I mean, I feel that I and Carmita Bonita have already given you good advice in this thread. Did you read our posts? It's possible you are totally overthinking this, and making a big deal out of nothing. If you're in a relationship with this woman and have been telling each other "I love you" and having sex, there should be no problem in asking her "Is it okay if I kiss you?" (As I'd suggested earlier). If you did that, that would not be "pressuring her" at all.

I did read them, thank you. And I did ask that. There was no hesitation on their part but it just went back to like before. I think we made out a bit on the 4th or 5th day and haven’t kissed since. I don’t want to keep having to ask. It seems weird to me to have to.

 

[yummybrownfox]

I did read them, thank you. And I did ask that. There was no hesitation on their part but it just went back to like before. I think we made out a bit on the 4th or 5th day and haven’t kissed since. I don’t want to keep having to ask. It seems weird to me to have to.

So unless she is OBJECTING to you kissing her, why don't you just make the move yourself each time? Lean in slowly to kiss her. If she didn't want you to kiss her, she'd probably stop you beforehand by telling you or turning her face away.

Some women just will not make that first move, and nothing will happen until YOU initiate it.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

Also some ppl just don't like kissing period ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ you will never know the full details of it until it's all laid out on the table about whether it's something they like & feel weird initiating or whether it's something they're just not into. But being too worried about coming off as pressuring to bring it up isn't going to answer anything. I don't see how a genuine, mature conversation about it would cause any harm. People have different love languages.

 

[yummybrownfox]

I once had to text a guy "Do you like to kiss at all during sex?," (Because it bugged me a little that we'd fucked so many times with no kissing at all) and after that he made sure to kiss me the next time we had sex.

If something is bugging you, just gently (and non-confrontationally) bring it up to the person, so that you don't have to continue stressing yourself out over it.

 

[NotYou]

Maybe you're a terrible kisser and she doesn't want to tell you so she avoids kissing... or maybe she thinks she is.

You can quite easily have a discussion about kissing, even drop it in somehow for a little joke, saying you have more sex than kisses. If course do this within some context. But either way, there are probably dozens of ways to bring it up politely.

If you both have deep and uncomfortable discussions then this is nothing and there might be a simple explanation. Better to ask instead of never knowing.

Worse case she gets upset or annoyed, you say a quick sorry and let's leave it... and be on with your day

 

[Smores]

I have been waiting for this for a long time. I posted on this forum a while back about the potential of this relationship being a scam. And I know that it could still be that. But there are no indications that it is.

I’m currently lounging on the couch in their living room, 8 days into a 3 week trip to their country. It’s been great, but not perfect. We’ve traveled all over, seeing a bunch of really amazing, beautiful places. They have been a very generous guide and our chemistry has been pretty close to best-case-scenario.

Just for those of us who have not been following your story, maybe you could link to the background to this? What is very confusing is how you refer to your model as "they". When I first read it, I was wondering if you were dating twins, or was this a situation where you met the girl and her sister/mom? Why "they" instead of "her" everywhere?

Shoild I bring it up? And if so, what’s the best way to do it? Kissing is important to me and it’s hard for me to take a lack thereof as anything but they’re not as into me as all the other factors I mentioned would suggest.

Others here are saying you should just initiate and try to kiss her, but it's implied to me that you have already done this many times and she is not really reciprocating. Or maybe she is giving subtle body language that rejects or bypasses your attempts.

What I would do is have a conversation with her about kissing, in which you make her feel safe that this is a conversation and not another attempt to actually kiss her. Make her feel safe about the possibility of not liking to kiss or not wanting to kiss, so that she might open up about it. List a bunch of possible answers to the question, with the hope being that one of those matches her feelings and she will then feel safe talking about it.

For example:
"I have noticed that you do not seem to like kissing very much. Can you talk about that?
* Is it too intimate for you?
* Would that mean we are in a real relationship and you are afraid of that?
* Did you have some bad experience with someone and it brings back a memory?
* Do my lips taste funny?
* Do you like kisses done a different way?"

I don't know if you smoke, but it could be a personal hygiene issue and make her feel safe talking about that too. Basically, the idea here is to open up a conversation about kissing in which you make her feel very safe saying negative things. She might have some PTSD that is difficult for her to discuss. She might not want to insult you if you taste funny to her. Just show her you are confident and you are ready to hear anything she might say.

 

[OFFICIALidiot]

So unless she is OBJECTING to you kissing her, why don't you just make the move yourself each time? Lean in slowly to kiss her. If she didn't want you to kiss her, she'd probably stop you beforehand by telling you or turning her face away.

Some women just will not make that first move, and nothing

So unless she is OBJECTING to you kissing her, why don't you just make the move yourself each time? Lean in slowly to kiss her. If she didn't want

Just for those of us who have not been following your story, maybe you could link to the background to this? What is very confusing is how you refer to your model as "they". When I first read it, I was wondering if you were dating twins, or was this a situation where you met the girl and her sister/mom? Why "they" instead of "her" everywhere?




Others here are saying you should just initiate and try to kiss her, but it's implied to me that you have already done this many times and she is not really reciprocating. Or maybe she is giving subtle body language that rejects or bypasses your attempts.

What I would do is have a conversation with her about kissing, in which you make her feel safe that this is a conversation and not another attempt to actually kiss her. Make her feel safe about the possibility of not liking to kiss or not wanting to kiss, so that she might open up about it. List a bunch of possible answers to the question, with the hope being that one of those matches her feelings and she will then feel safe talking about it.

For example:
"I have noticed that you do not seem to like kissing very much. Can you talk about that?
* Is it too intimate for you?
* Would that mean we are in a real relationship and you are afraid of that?
* Did you have some bad experience with someone and it brings back a memory?
* Do my lips taste funny?
* Do you like kisses done a different way?"

I don't know if you smoke, but it could be a personal hygiene issue and make her feel safe talking about that too. Basically, the idea here is to open up a conversation about kissing in which you make her feel very safe saying negative things. She might have some PTSD that is difficult for her to discuss. She might not want to insult you if you taste funny to her. Just show her you are confident and you are ready to hear anything she might say.

I say they to not gender them. It’s kinda complicated because they are trans but for safety reasons, operate in public as their sex assigned at birth.

And the kissing issue hasn’t been something that’s come up many times. I just feel weird about it. We had had sex several times and it seemed like if I never asked, we may never have kissed. I asked. They said yes. They seemed into it. And now we’ve gone back to the having sex with no kissing routine.

but I will heed what some others here have been saying and just be direct about it.

 

[Brit]

You said that the trip has been great, but not perfect. Are there other issues besides the lack of kissing? Seems like maybe there are other things that are causing you to feel like this is a possible a red flag. If something feels like a red flag, it probably is.

 

[Smores]

I say they to not gender them. It’s kinda complicated because they are trans but for safety reasons, operate in public as their sex assigned at birth.

Well, after all the social justice wars in 2020, I know better than to mess with pronouns. Thank you for clarifying.

When people live on a spectrum of gender and sexual preference, they sometimes develop a segmentation between romance and sex. One very common segmentation would be the person who has romantic and sexual feelings towards one gender, but only sexual feelings towards the other gender. Such a person might dream of kissing and holding one gender, but all the dreams of the other gender are about sex, and the romantic part materializes in a different way.

These are extremely personal issues for a person. I would just push this kind of discussion into the list of things I gave in my original post. The only chance you have to get an honest discussion about that type of issue is if you create a safe space in which you are not seen to be judging or trying to push for your own preferred outcome.

 

[OFFICIALidiot]

I see what you’re

Well, after all the social justice wars in 2020, I know better than to mess with pronouns. Thank you for clarifying.

When people live on a spectrum of gender and sexual preference, they sometimes develop a segmentation between romance and sex. One very common segmentation would be the person who has romantic and sexual feelings towards one gender, but only sexual feelings towards the other gender. Such a person might dream of kissing and holding one gender, but all the dreams of the other gender are about sex, and the romantic part materializes in a different way.

These are extremely personal issues for a person. I would just push this kind of discussion into the list of things I gave in my original post. The only chance you have to get an honest discussion about that type of issue is if you create a safe space in which you are not seen to be judging or trying to push for your own preferred outcome.

I see what you’re saying. And I’m always very cognizant of trying to make people feel safe when having these types of discussions. It’s tricky though, because even though their English is good, some of the more nuanced things can get lost in translation.

 

[Aprilsweetart]

I mean , I’ll be honest and I know you’re not going to like it , but sugar babies have had sugar daddies visit before. That’s a thing. And me personally? I view kissing as more intimate then sex , especially if sex is what gets them paid.

I’m sorry , Just an outsider view. Good luck to you

 

[uzhvecher]

I mean , I’ll be honest and I know you’re not going to like it , but sugar babies have had sugar daddies visit before. That’s a thing. And me personally? I view kissing as more intimate then sex , especially if sex is what gets them paid.

I’m sorry , Just an outsider view. Good luck to you

Were I the OP, this is the response that would shake me the most. This is the response that would dwell in my dark places. OP you really need to do a Fred Sanford, get out your budnipper and nip this one in the bud. Now. Best of luck!

 

[KenzieCams]

Is your breath funky?

 

[OFFICIALidiot]

I mean , I’ll be honest and I know you’re not going to like it , but sugar babies have had sugar daddies visit before. That’s a thing. And me personally? I view kissing as more intimate then sex , especially if sex is what gets them paid.

I’m sorry , Just an outsider view. Good luck to you

You’re not wrong either. But that really isn’t what our relationship is. We had that talk early on, and other than helping them out a few times, I don’t give them money. I also don’t tip anymore because they said it makes them feel bad. They just like for me to
Be there while they broadcast.