don't judge please. (venting here)

[AmazingAlexaNY]

so i am stupid but please don't call me a whore here i was just stupid and made a dumb-ass mistake. i am single and only had one boy friend no-one else it's kinda because i was home schooled from age 12 or 13 due too personal reasons don't go out alot lol. im inside alot and kinda a loner. anyways... oh my god i can't believe im going to say this but... i caught HPV just from that one guy... not my ex-boyfriend someone else. i was stupid i know. i am bipolar type 2 and other things so sometimes my brain don't think like most people. anyways i am still very young. i did try to get with someone like around six months ago but got turned down due too having HPV. this one sucks there is no cure and no-one wants me due too it. even with rubbers i hear you can still get it... fuckin oh my god am i messed up for life just because of some stupid mistakes. my room-mate has it too and i love him but he don't see me the same way... honestly he was my boy-friend but now we are just friends now... people often ask me why i still live with him... i am mildly disabled and can't live alone. also he's still a nice guy. i keep hoping will we get back together i still love him so much. i really don't want anyone else part of the reason why he broke up with me was because of my mental health being bad back then. also he never really knew how much i care i have a hard to doing this sometimes... people my friends on chaturbate say i am hot and wanna make love to me. however if they knew i had HPV i bet they would hate me and not even watch me.... all i did was fuck one person bare and then i find out i have HPV fuckin bullshit i was so young and stupid i know... however just one time and boom i got this. i just feel alone here. i hope you guys won't hate me too. i just feel alone. sometimes i just wanna die because my sex life is fucked up now... who would want me... i also have scars too from.... well take a guess. i try not too do such a thing but i still mess up and do it sometimes... however not as often as i used to...

i am alone here. T_T can anyone understand or no?

 

[MarieElise]

so i am stupid but please don't call me a whore here i was just stupid and made a dumb-ass mistake. i am single and only had one boy friend no-one else it's kinda because i was home schooled from age 12 or 13 due too personal reasons don't go out alot lol. im inside alot and kinda a loner. anyways... oh my god i can't believe im going to say this but... i caught HPV just from that one guy... not my ex-boyfriend someone else. i was stupid i know. i am bipolar type 2 and other things so sometimes my brain don't think like most people. anyways i am still very young. i did try to get with someone like around six months ago but got turned down due too having HPV. this one sucks there is no cure and no-one wants me due too it. even with rubbers i hear you can still get it... fuckin oh my god am i messed up for life just because of some stupid mistakes. my room-mate has it too and i love him but he don't see me the same way... honestly he was my boy-friend but now we are just friends now... people often ask me why i still live with him... i am mildly disabled and can't live alone. also he's still a nice guy. i keep hoping will we get back together i still love him so much. i really don't want anyone else part of the reason why he broke up with me was because of my mental health being bad back then. also he never really knew how much i care i have a hard to doing this sometimes... people my friends on chaturbate say i am hot and wanna make love to me. however if they knew i had HPV i bet they would hate me and not even watch me.... all i did was fuck one person bare and then i find out i have HPV fuckin bullshit i was so young and stupid i know... however just one time and boom i got this. i just feel alone here. i hope you guys won't hate me too. i just feel alone. sometimes i just wanna die because my sex life is fucked up now... who would want me... i also have scars too from.... well take a guess. i try not too do such a thing but i still mess up and do it sometimes... however not as often as i used to...

i am alone here. T_T can anyone understand or no?

If you have not been retested yet, I would suggest that you get retested. I know 2 different people who tested positive, then who's bodies got rid of it, and who tested negative again 6 mos - 1 year later. Please don't let your current state of mind affect your judgment. Feeling a certain way, and thinking about things, a certain way, can change quickly. How you feel right now, is unlikely to last forever. Try to keep that in mind, no matter how bad you may feel right now

This part worries me particularly more than the rest; "people my friends on chaturbate say i am hot and wanna make love to me. however if they knew i had HPV i bet they would hate me and not even watch me.... "

No matter how bad you may feel, please NEVER even consider meeting up for real sex w a person you meet on a cam site. To do that would be VERY DANGEROUS.

 

[KenzieCams]

Are you sure it's HPV you have? HPV is a virus. Some like 80% of people get it. Most of the time, your body sheds it within a year. Sometimes it can cause cervical cancer, but they can remove the abnormal cells if the HPV starts causing too many abnormalities, which is why it's important you get regular pap smears and possibly a biopsy. They don't test men for HPV and so they generally don't know they have it.

Catching ANY std doesn't make you a hoe. Anyone can catch STDs, even if they only have sex one time in their lives. Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[AmazingAlexaNY]

Are you sure it's HPV you have? HPV is a virus. Some like 80% of people get it. Most of the time, your body sheds it within a year. Sometimes it can cause cervical cancer, but they can remove the abnormal cells if the HPV starts causing too many abnormalities, which is why it's important you get regular pap smears and possibly a biopsy. They don't test men for HPV and so they generally don't know they have it.

Catching ANY std doesn't make you a hoe. Anyone can catch STDs, even if they only have sex one time in their lives. Don't be so hard on yourself.

thanks i had the doctors re-test me and yes it's HPV. they saw the sores or whatever it's called i am not a doctor. i thought it was herpes or something but the doctors told me HPV. i had it for over a year and it's still there. however the doctors know best i think.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Please check out this awesome link: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/stds-hiv-safer-sex/hpv

Really important you read the end part.

HPV is the most common STD, but most of the time it isn’t a big deal. It usually goes away on its own, and most people don’t even know that they ever had HPV. Remember that most people who have sex get HPV at some point in their lives. You don’t need to be ashamed or afraid.

I know it feels like a lot. But you're not dirty or a whore and you're not going to have your whole life ruined by this. I know of plenty of performers with HPV or who have had it. I'm hoping it's not the kind that can cause cancer (you didn't mention) which would be the big concern here.. but it's just a virus. It usually goes away on its own. And its INCREDIBLY common.

 

[AmazingAlexaNY]

If you have not been retested yet, I would suggest that you get retested. I know 2 different people who tested positive, then who's bodies got rid of it, and who tested negative again 6 mos - 1 year later. Please don't let your current state of mind affect your judgment. Feeling a certain way, and thinking about things, a certain way, can change quickly. How you feel right now, is unlikely to last forever. Try to keep that in mind, no matter how bad you may feel right now

This part worries me particularly more than the rest; "people my friends on chaturbate say i am hot and wanna make love to me. however if they knew i had HPV i bet they would hate me and not even watch me.... "

No matter how bad you may feel, please NEVER even consider meeting up for real sex w a person you meet on a cam site. To do that would be VERY DANGEROUS.

not gonna lie i did that once.... last year i know it was stupid but he well.... can't say it just in case a cop see's this....

anyways.... he did try to meet me again but i blocked him and said sorry no way. i was so stupid at 18/17 i know... i won't do it again. at time i was not thinking.

 

[Lelo1]

Isn't there a hpv vaccine? Couldn't a potential partner could get the vaccinated?
I think they're now encouraging parents to get all their children vaccinated for hpv.

 

[JessicaXOXOXO]

Not sure how to comment on this thread except with my brutal honestly and opinion. Please don't get offended.

1. For over 5 years I was extremely carefree and heavily involved in the nightlife/club scene. I used to get picked up on so much and so often I got bored. I wanted to get a rise out of people. I used to tell men purposefully, "I am not sure if I am "clean." I may or may not have an STD. Does that bother you?" No one gave a shit. Not one single person. Taught me that if I did have herpes or the alike, it wouldn't ruin my sex life at all. There could be several reasons no one gave a shit but the end result; no one gave a shit.

2. I'm HPV positive but never had an abnormal pap smear. I recently had a colposcopy and the results were just cell changes due to HPV but no cancer. No big deal. No treatment or anything needed.

3. Im fertile and had a very healthy baby recently.

4. I have a very healthy sex life. Always have. My partner had the HPV vaccine and he doesn't give a fuck that I have HPV.

So not sure what you are concerned about? ... You can still be fertile, have a healthy sexual relationship, and not have cancer having HPV.

You said "sores" and I am not sure what you mean by that at all. HPV causes warts (treatable) and cell changes that causes cancer. If you have visible sores I am wondering if you have cancerous patches in your cervix or if you are confusing HPV with herpes. None the less, both treatable and not life shattering; even if it seems like it.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Isn't there a hpv vaccine? Couldn't a potential partner could get the vaccinated?
I think they're now encouraging parents to get all their children vaccinated for hpv.

It depends on the strain on hpv but yeah, still a smart idea. You can get it in the US up to age 45 now.

 

[Marceline]

Isn't there a hpv vaccine? Couldn't a potential partner could get the vaccinated?
I think they're now encouraging parents to get all their children vaccinated for hpv.

Yeah, there's Gardasil. I know the Gardasil shot back in the day mainly protected against the strains that had the highest risk of developing cervical cancer, but didn't protect as much against the strains that caused genital warts, but I just looked it up and it seems like there's a more recent version of the Gardasil vaccine which protects someone against a lot more than the previous one and the recommended age gap to get it is much larger now than before.

So, Gardasil 9 would definitely be something a potential future partner for OP could look into. From my understanding, men are usually carriers for it and are generally asymptomatic and it goes away on it's own without them ever even knowing they have it (although, they could still develop symptoms or other diseases from it, it's just not common). Which is why boys/men aren't usually encouraged to get the vaccination like girls and women are. Still a good idea to get vaccinated since HPV is one of the most commonly transmitted STIs (since I believe it is transmitted through skin on skin contact and not bodily fluids, so condoms just decrease the chances but not as much as it does with another STIs and STDs) and if you're not vaccinated and having sex, you're more than likely going to catch it at one point or another.

 

[AmazingAlexaNY]

well doctors told me HPV and forgive me if i don't type things the best or use right words i am mildly autistic this is hard for me.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

well doctors told me HPV and forgive me if i don't type things the best or use right words i am mildly autistic this is hard for me.

No one is upset with you for not using the right words. Just clarifying to make sure we understood. When you say sores if you mean you have visable warts you can have those removed. It wont cure you, the virus still has to go thru your system but it might make you more comfortable.

 

[AmazingAlexaNY]

yes it's genital warts i had it for like almost 3 years now. so i really don't think it will go away like people say.


edit some people say it can go away? uhh i dont think so... not for me at-least. (bummer)

 

[LaceyRoyce]

yes it's genital warts i had it for like almost 3 years now. so i really don't think it will go away like people say.

Have you looked into having the warts removed? There are a few options you can use a cream (which can be pricy depending on ur healthcare) or having them burned off like u do regular warts anywhere else on your body. Im not a dr obv but i had an HPV scare a while back and did a ton of reading. The warts actively shed the virus which mean ur risk of infecting a partner is higher. So if you do have sex you should see a dr about removing them first. They also can grow in number.

Also if they're visable when youre camming id imagine this would help your confidence on cam

 

[AmazingAlexaNY]

well.... i am mostly non-nude an-less you count in private shows where i may flash or show more... it's not due to this. it's only because i enjoy being a tease more and other personal reason's. the people who saw everything are mostly in my fan-club or people who tipped alot. most people don't get too see me full-nude. yes i know they kinda can because im sure some asshole recorded it. i know this shit and it's annoying... i used to think only nude model's get recorded but then i found out nope it's everyone. off topic here (sorry) just upset. about it all. i mean why record someone? i get it if it was just for you (kinda)... some of the models are very hot... so if it was just for you i kinda understand you wanna cum to it and all. however why upload it? cruel assholes. all about cash i guess but you they really get that much for it? i mean come on now. leave us alone. (assholes!) by the way i kinda have a bisexual side. hope it's okay.

 

[MarieElise]

not gonna lie i did that once.... last year i know it was stupid but he well.... can't say it just in case a cop see's this....

anyways.... he did try to meet me again but i blocked him and said sorry no way. i was so stupid at 18/17 i know... i won't do it again. at time i was not thinking.

It's not stupid. It's OK. We all make questionable decisions, especially when we are young. However, if someone else did something illegal, then although it would be normal to have feelings of blaming yourself, I am here to tell you that, what that person did would not have been your fault. Nobody deserves bad things to happen to them, or to be treated poorly by another person. I am so sorry that you have been through all of this.

It looks like there is some great information in this thread though, which I hope helps puts your mind at ease a bit about the HPV situation.

 

[AmazingAlexaNY]

yes i should look into having them removed i guess. it's just i don't handle pain well at all i am a wus. doctors said it can hurt. i have more then a few. so i just live with it.... i almost cryed when they put my IUD in i had to have someone with me so i could do it. haha.

 

[KristinKervz]

I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time! For what it's worth, I know you can have a normal sex life again once you learn more about your condition. You are not tainted

I had, or have HPV. Assuming it went away because I got Talent Tested multiple times for porn shoots and was always cleared. The type I had caused cancer cells in my cervix and I had to have surgery to have them removed. This was when I was 16. Haven't heard anything about it since then, and I just gave vaginal birth to a healthy baby.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

well.... i am mostly non-nude an-less you count in private shows where i may flash or show more... it's not due to this. it's only because i enjoy being a tease more and other personal reason's. the people who saw everything are mostly in my fan-club or people who tipped alot. most people don't get too see me full-nude. yes i know they kinda can because im sure some asshole recorded it. i know this shit and it's annoying... i used to think only nude model's get recorded but then i found out nope it's everyone. off topic here (sorry) just upset. about it all. i mean why record someone? i get it if it was just for you (kinda)... some of the models are very hot... so if it was just for you i kinda understand you wanna cum to it and all. however why upload it? cruel assholes. all about cash i guess but you they really get that much for it? i mean come on now. leave us alone. (assholes!) by the way i kinda have a bisexual side. hope it's okay.

I really want to encourage you to reach out to either cupcakegirls or pineapple support. They may be able to help you with some resources or someone to talk to about all this. Possibly some help advocating for you with your doctor.

Having warts burned off hurts a bit but the creams they can prescribe dont hurt so there should be some pain free options.

In regard to non nude camming im glad you've found a way of camming thats comfortable for you.

Remember too that you have the right to a second opinion if you dont like your doctor or feel comfortable.

Look for doctors that use terms like "trauma aware" "harm reduction" and "sex positive" these folks are usually going to be the best at listening to you. You can call a doctors office and ask if they practice these approaches. Listen to the responses, if they seem confused or reluctant to answer it probably means they're one to avoid. I mention this because i really want you to get quality, compassionate medical care. It seems like your doctors maybe haven't communicated very clearly with you about your options.

Its also totally ok for you to bring a friend to your appointments. I like to make a list of questions i have before appointments.

Also some good news ! The type of hpv that causes genital warts is typically the non cancer causing kind. And this means you can likely can still get the vaccine that covers the other strains.

There's no reaaon u should have to live w a lot of warts on your vuvla. The doctors should be able to find a way to help you get them removed with as little pain as possible ❤

 

[Parking]

I'm not gonna read the whole personal side of the story, but find out if it's a high-risk HPV. One of the best methods really is to have a cervical screening test. It's a lot better than the old fashion pap smear test. If it's not the cancer related one, then it will most likely back away within a year. If serious, then go to a cancer treatment specialist.

 

[AmazingAlexaNY]

thanks for all the help and advise. really appreciate it.