Do you ever feel wrong/guilty of being a cam model

[JyJy]

Do you ever think of the eventuality of people recognizing you? Are you ashamed of what you do for a living? How do you fight all this?
For my Bf and I all this is okay because I'm not hurting anybody and all the eventual people that will come to know about this don't give me food or money or pay my bills, even if sometimes I stop for a few minutes and think. I guess it happens because I'm new.
And you?

 

[SaffronBurke]

What's guilt? Shame? I don't know her.

 

[JyJy]

What's guilt? Shame? I don't know her.

 

[Mia Cherry]

What's guilt? Shame? I don't know her.

Same heeeere!

 

[AudriTwo]

If anyone does they need to get out imho. This job will be so weighing on you mental health if so.

There are work at home jobs.
Ratracerebellion.com.

 

[JyJy]

If anyone does they need to get out imho. This job will be so weighing on you mental health if so.

There are work at home jobs.
Ratracerebellion.com.

I think they have to do so only if they think to it constantly, but if it is only at the beginning and not every single second it's normal (at least from my point of view).

 

[paige_orion]

I personally have been doing fetish work for so many years, I can't remember a time I felt ashamed. In the very beginning, I remember wanting to protect others because they would have trouble accepting the work and it would cause a lot of upset emotions in their hearts. But I never felt shame or guilt for what I did. It was fun and interesting and made me happy and I was good at it. Still, even without guilt or shame, the desire to protect others lasted for a long while. Finally, though, I had to let go of that. I cannot take responsibility for other people's emotions or actions - and worrying about protecting them was only holding me back, hurting myself. All I can do is go with what feels right for my own life. Those who truly love Me aren't phased by my job, and they just want me to be safe and happy.

Guilt is a really tough emotion to handle, and I definitely feel it in other aspects of my life - just not with work. It helps me to remember that guilt and shame are all learned emotions, usually taught when we were young and impressionable. As kidlings, we didn't feel those things. They aren't natural to us. But we were taught to follow someone else's moral code, whether it be a parent or family member or religious institution or even just society as a whole. Many times, these morals are good and healthy and line up with our own internal wishes. Other times, they don't match up with what feels natural or right to us. And trying to follow someone else's moral code/wishes when it doesn't quite align with our own... That's a good recipe for huge helpings of guilt and shame.

With adult work, I often see the guilt/shame stem from two vastly different but still similar situations. Either the guilt/shame comes from following your heart to a job you enjoy, but battling against learned shame, or you are fighting against your own natural desires/morals and modeling isn't something you ACTUALLY want to do, deep down inside. Neither are right and neither are wrong - they just are, and I think it's super important to discover which one applies.

Audri is right - this job can be tough for any model. But those who are battling shame and guilt? That's super tough. It is soooooooo easy to burn out on this job, to feel defeated on slow days and to let the cruel words of troll-people get under your skin, and to feel so isolated because you're home working so often. Shame and guilt make it hard to grow a thick skin. You burn out so much faster when you're also fighting against yourself.

It is possible to overcome guilt and shame in any aspect of your life, but it isn't an easy process. Journaling might help a lot, or even talking with a trained professional who could help you explore the emotions in a safe environment. You spent many years being taught to feel that guilt or shame, and probably years more following its guidance, which can be tough to counter. And can take a long, long, long time. It helps to really, really look at yourself. Try to dissect those feelings of shame. That mean little voice that whispers in your head... What is it saying? If you can figure out the exact message, sometimes, you can figure out where it's from and whether it is something you genuinely agree with or not. It is possible to reprogram yourself, for lack of better word. You see it in therapy all of the time, learning to combat negative internal messages by replacing them with positive ones, etc. The more you practice, the easier it gets. When you hear that voice of guilt, you can confront it and remind yourself that the shame is a gift from someone else, and it isn't you. Remind yourself what you like about the job. Tell yourself it's okay to enjoy your job and enjoy bringing happiness to others. Remind yourself that when you are young, you needed someone else's moral code as guidance, for your own protection and well-being. But now you are an adult and it is okay to follow your own code, even if it deviates from the one you were taught. You deserve to be happy, y'know?

But I also want to say.... Not everyone is cut out to be a model, and that is totally okay! If someone has to struggle so hard to overcome guilt and shame, this maaaay not be the right job for then. Or even if it is the right job, it may not be the right time to pursue it! Because guilt and shame aside, adult work brings its own baggage of stigma that is hard enough to face, and can have serious impacts on one's future and with one's relationships with others. That can be a tough thing to face, even if it's something that a model genuinely wants. But if it's not something that a model actually wants to do... That's a big burden to take on, and personally, I don't know if it would be worth it.

 

[Fatquack]

What's guilt? Shame? I don't know her.

We finally found someone not in your family!

 

[SaffronBurke]

We finally found someone not in your family!

Right? It's so rare!

 

[JickyJuly]

I felt guilty working at Hot Topic. Selling $20 tee shirts to 12 year old kids for just above minimum wage. Phony job.
I felt a little guilty working at a reptile store because we had feeder rodents including frozen ones, but I got to care for SPCA adoptables there too.
If you feel guilty doing this job, you're probably going against yourself when you don't have to. See if you can find a way to stay within your comfort level and still make money.

 

[EmptyKins]

I learned in rehab the very valuable lesson of distinguishing between guilt and shame. Especially in the cam world. 90% of my therapists tried to "save" me from my "cam whore" lifestyle because they themselves couldn't stop projecting their own morals onto me.

Here are the basics I googled because it explains better than my currently tipsy brain can:

Guilt:

a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

Shame:

the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another.

So to answer OP, no. I do not feel guilty for camming and showing the insides and outsides of my lady garden for college, rent money, food, clothing, etc. Because it is MY body. It's not my father's body, try as though he didn't but said he would until I lost my virginity. It's not my grandparents body, try as though they didn't with all of the $5 birthday cards and "when you graduate college we will be so proud!" signatures. It's not my boyfriend's body, try as though he doesn't with all the, "oh, you're in a paid show!? Guess I'll turn up my nickelback song from the other room and text you the whole time about how we need rent money but I NEED CUDDLES WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME MROUGHJBB!"

I do not feel shame either. I used to. Because of childhood trauma and hs trauma and college rape and gang rape after college and blah blah blah people always trying to shame me. Cops saying "why were you wearing such a short dress in the hood, were you looking for It?" Ex saying, "why didn't you call me while you were being gang raped, were you enjoying it?" My dad saying, why were you walking home from work when you were raped, did you want it to happen? That kinda shame crept into my soul and stayed for awhile. It took me about a year to get past it's spell.

So Now? I have no guilt. I have no shame. I cam with me, I phone sex with me. I know who to trust and it's me. No one else.

 

[Goddess_Pandora]

I'd do a lot more than cam work if my husband allowed it. But I respect that he doesn't want me sleeping with other people, so I have fun with cam!

 

[MojitosJourney]

Hi, I often go back and forth from being an explicit model to being a non nude one. Shame has played a role. My happiest has actually been as an explicit model, when I have been challenging my own shame around my sexual desires and just going for it. I now make really explicit videos on my kinkiest fantasies and it actually makes me really happy... and I used to feel guilty just watching porn!!

You -can- work in this industry if you feel shame / guilt about what you’re doing, as long as you’re willing to do emotional work to let that shame go. I’m happy I did.

 

[a_haze420]

0 guilt ever. love this work! even on the slow nights!

 

[Poison_Ivy21]

I only feel guilty when I’m not working!

 

[a_haze420]

I only feel guilty when I’m not working!

lol omg totally "i could be making money right now dammit why am i on my couch"

 

[Deleted member 35180]

Do you ever think of the eventuality of people recognizing you? Are you ashamed of what you do for a living? How do you fight all this?
For my Bf and I all this is okay because I'm not hurting anybody and all the eventual people that will come to know about this don't give me food or money or pay my bills, even if sometimes I stop for a few minutes and think. I guess it happens because I'm new.
And you?

I'm pretty proud of working in an industry that helps lower the violence and rape rates in countries where it is legal and regulated.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entr...dents-of-rape-and_us_58c83be1e4b01d0d473bce8a

 

[Deleted member 35180]

lol omg totally "i could be making money right now dammit why am i on my couch"

Without my cam on

 

[Poison_Ivy21]

lol omg totally "i could be making money right now dammit why am i on my couch"

Or when some random thing prevents you from caming, like a power outage. Then you get pissed at your past self for taking a day off when you could have worked. Much regret!

 

[Deleted member 35180]

Or when some random thing prevents you from caming, like a power outage. Then you get pissed at your past self for taking a day off when you could have worked. Much regret!

I get this when I go on a bad date and I'm like... I shoulda gotten paid for that. Fukkkkk

 

[MollyMidnight]

I feel the kinky "this turns me on" type of shame, not directly from camming but from certain fantasies that tie up with it a little. (ETA: Not because the acts are inherently shameful but because it turns me on to add that aspect to it through certain dirty talk and taking advantage of the fact that I'm always uncomfortable and self conscious so if I can get off on it I might as well)

And I feel guilt when I lie to people about what I do because I don't want to deal with telling them the truth. Or lie to members about certain details about real me that don't fit my on-cam personality. But I know that's just because my natural inclination is to always be completely honest about everything.

As to actually camming, I'm having a good time, other people are having a good time, I'm exploring aspects of myself I didn't previously know, and everyone involved is a consenting adult. I've looked at everything the world told me about cam models, challenged it, and realised it's pretty much all bullshit. I have a job that works with my mental health issues, that doesn't exploit the customers, isn't complicit in financial practices that don't fit my moral view, isn't actively exploiting the planet, doesn't have any connection to anything that tests on animals or uses animal products .... Very, very few things actually fit that description.

If people recognise me, I just hope they can keep their mouths shut for safety reasons. Beyond that, I don't care. I'm open about being a cam model with anyone I find it safe to be open with. The only exception is my bio-family who are unlikely to find me and if that happens then .... well it's not the first time my choices aren't what they want for me.

ETA part 2: I do, however, kink shame myself for kinks I don't judge other people for. One of the things my therapist is teaching me is how to treat myself the way I treat other people in all aspects of my life.

 

[JyJy]

I love this forum and you all help me a lot

 

[Violet Dawn]

I've never felt guilty nor shameful.

I think if you do, then you need to re-evaluate your decision to do it or your morals.

When I was 18 I always felt really nervous about having my nudes and lewds online, even though I wanted so badly to share that part of me. I never did. Eventually I learned if someone isn't going to accept me for who I am they shouldn't be in my life and it really lifted that worry for me. (I was still not shameful, just afraid of what other people would say about me)

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

I did at first but now the guilt has gone away. I love what I do, I'm good at it, and I do so much good with the earnings. I've helped so many people and am completely self sufficient. My earnings are my earnings and nobody ever helped me through school, build my credit or pay my bills. So I don't think they really get to have a say in how I make my money now so long as I'm safe and legal.

 

[Deleted member 35180]

I also forgot to mention I feel really really good about transition off of disability benefits and into paying back to my country in taxes a lot. Feels real good man. All the awesome.

 

[CharlieCharma]

I don't feel shame or guilt, but sometimes I do burn out. I've been that way with every job though.

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

I'm from the projects so maybe this is only relatable from my experience. But you don't have to be hood to know need and eventually greed. This song really helps me if I'm ever feeling an inkling of guilt creep the fuck up into my respectable space.


Money trees is the perfect place for shade

 

[CorieCastles]

I'm a non-nude Domme, but there's still a degree of shame that comes with that. It mostly stems from knowing how the "vanilla world" (and by that I mean, "civilians," not vanilla models in the industry) views the fetish scene and the chaos that can ensue when the worlds collide - kink shaming, I suppose. While I'd argue that most people - including my own loved ones - have responded positively to what I do and from a place of genuine curiosity, there are many other people who find female domination even more deviant and perverse than explicit porn, and they certainly aren't shy to say so.

As we all know, there are some devout sex work haters out there, but sometimes it seems like their animosity goes into overdrive when they realize that sometimes we don't even need to get naked or masturbate or even be friendly at all to run our businesses successfully. To further clarify, I'm not at all saying that from a place of judgment; I don't think I'm any "better" or "worse" than any other type of sex worker just because I choose to stay clothed or non-explicit. But some SW haters are just sooo used to immediately clapping back and using (in most cases) a woman's sexuality against her when stating their toxic opinions ("Blah blah blah loose pussy, blah blah blah selling your ass, blah blah blah slut/whore/unoriginal insult") that they fucking implode when they realize that traditional slut-shaming just isn't an option in some cases, namely my own. Bonus ragequit points if/when they find out I'm still a virgin.

So they start attacking my character and morality from a fun, new perspective.

Rather than implying that I'm disrespecting myself or something equally as stupid and repetitive, now I'm suddenly the Sociopath Dominatrix CEO of Evil Corp and a diabolical menace to society.

Some paraphrasing of the Greatest Hits: "You're taking advantage of poor, innocent men!" "SPH? FINDOM?! You're making men hate themselves!" "You're an evil cunt who takes advantage of the mentally ill because men must be mentally ill to indulge in this debauchery! No one in their right mind would give a woman money for no reason!" and a Fan Favorite that I'm sure we've all heard - "Pay your taxes, bitch!"

Typically, I assume that it's envious fodder, but the misogynistic hatred (both internally and externally since women can and do spew the same nonsense sometimes) can be so excessive that I start to think a lot of these people truly do believe these things about me and other women who do what I do. And that's when it starts to sting a little, especially when it's implying that I'm sincerely bringing genuine harm to others without their full consent. To me, if that were true, that's something to be ashamed of; it's a reason to feel guilty.

...But it's not true - it's fucking bullshit lmao.

At the end of the day, for me, shame is a fleeting emotion like any others. Because I'm human, it occasionally comes, but because I'm strong and confident in what I do and who I really am, it always goes.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Or when some random thing prevents you from caming, like a power outage. Then you get pissed at your past self for taking a day off when you could have worked. Much regret!

Not that I cam. But, these are great for those moments when power outages occur.

 

[aurakitty]

Well, the answer here is simply that you need to figure out how you feel about it yourself. It's not for everyone. Some people still look down on it, there may still be a stigma, and that could be why you feel that way. I think it isn't worth tearing yourself up emotionally/mentally; some work isn't meant for others. But, everyone works every job. Where there is a need or demand, there is a service. A fulfillment. At the most basic level, we are providing a service for people, in multiple ways, all unique. Personally, camming has really opened my eyes to how silly society is. I've personally never seen a more accepting community: of course there are terrorizers, but to see every shape, size, type, color, gender (nonbinary included!!) embraced is really empowering. It's really changed my perspective on bodies, sexuality, and societal "norms".
Frankly, I couldn't be happier despite initially worrying this might feel wrong/shameful to me. [/endminitangent]