Dead Baby Photos on FB

[PlayboyMegan]

So on FB you can see when your friend comments someone else's photo, even if you aren't friends with that other person. My friend commented a photo of this mom holding her still born. But the baby was not full term. So it was completely red and small and I think the head was disconnected from the body. FB removed the photo and the mom posted another photo in outrage. Some people were upset at the graphic image and others were upset FB removed it. I wasn't sure how I felt about the photo. What do you think? Is it inappropriate? Sad and sweet?

 

[Amelia Liddell]

I totally do not blame facebook for taking it down. If i saw that on my fb i don't even know what i would do, that is just insane and would make me cry/feel incredibly sick! imo you can't post photos of a dead adult without a head, why is it okay because it's a stillborn baby? I know it must be very hard for the mother, and i know i could never really understand what it would be like to go through something like losing a child without even getting to know it first, but people who post horrific pictures like this i think perhaps need to realize how upsetting, triggering, or traumatic these sort of pictures are. I don't want to scroll through my facebook and have to see dead people, babies, or animals. :icon-cry:

again this is all my opinion, I don't intend to upset/offend anyone.

 

[MyraNorth]

:? I don't know how I feel about that. I DEFINITELY feel it is ok for the mom to have taken those photographs. And I know I don't like censorship. But like... you know how you mentioned in the pet peeves thread about pics of animal abuse popping up? I feel that way too. I do not like having really upsetting/disturbing stuff just put in front of me without any warning or consent. I feel like it would be much, much kinder for a mom/person to say that she took said photographs and post a link so people can choose to click or something.

 

[Amelia Liddell]

Yeah, I definitely agree with Tessa. The issue I have isn't at all with the Mother having the photos (completely okay and her right) but with sharing them with people w/o a warning

 

[AerynShade]

I'm part of a group on fb that shares NSFW or trigger-type stuff sometimes. They have a rule that you may only post those types of photos waay down in your post so people have to click "show more" or as the first comment.

I'd be horrified if I saw a photo like that. I have a very weak stomach for that kind of thing.

 

[Nordling]

Not as bad as Rick Santorum and his taking their dead baby home and letting the family "play with it," but still I don't think we need to share EVERYTHING.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/01/03/rick-santorum-s-dead-baby-ritual0.html

 

[Ann_Sulu]

Yeah NSFW to me is one thing, but death in any sense to me shouldn't be shown like that. The mother has her right like previously said to do whatever she wants photo-wise. I just don't see why someone would go that far. Heck I often think it's pretty bad when people post images of abuse, but at least that goes towards "awareness". I feel most who post NSFW stuff probably post on a page that everyone following them previously knew it would be NSFW, plus most have separate accounts to follow those who post those images. Dead babies though...I know this may be cold to some, but it sounds like an extreme version of misery loves company. I understand the mother was suffering, but jeez. :/

 

[Amelia Liddell]

Not as bad as Rick Santorum and his taking their dead baby home and letting the family "play with it," but still I don't think we need to share EVERYTHING.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/01/03/rick-santorum-s-dead-baby-ritual0.html

:shock: those poor kids, 'playing' with a dead baby sibling must have been really scary and traumatic!

 

[PlayboyMegan]

She ended up putting the dead baby in a thick decorated photo frame... :?
I guess everyone grieves differently, but I wouldn't want to be a guest in her house!!
And subjecting your other children to that is just wrong. :snooty:

 

[Nordling]

She ended up putting the dead baby in a thick decorated photo frame... :?
I guess everyone grieves differently, but I wouldn't want to be a guest in her house!!
And subjecting your other children to that is just wrong. :snooty:

In a way, it's reminiscent of a long ago era. My oldest aunt used to attend funerals frequently and would always take pictures if it was open casket and send the photos to all her siblings. Aunt Amanda was really a little odd. I won't tell the most ghastly story about her.

 

[Worship Jaclyn]

I feel like there are some things in life so horrific that none of us has any right to even an opinion on the matter, as harsh as I know that sounds, and this is one of those things. I understand her taking the photo, understand her posting it, understand it being taken down & I understand the Mom's outrage at it being taken down. We have no idea what she was getting out of posting such a photo. I'd be absolutely sickened if I saw a photo like that, but then I'd just go snuggle the everloving shit out my daughter like I do after I see all kinds of gross things on the internet.

 

[Rose]

I can understand wanting the photograph from a parental standpoint, but because it's such a traumatic, personal situation, I wouldn't have shared it if it were my own image.

I've had acquaintances share images like this in the past when it happened to them, and due to very unfortunate timing that they couldn't help, it was incredibly disturbing to me because of my own situation. Because you never know who's lost a child or had difficulty becoming a parent and those situations are so very sensitive, I wouldn't recommend that anyone share images like that publicly, best kept private.

 

[Brad]

Have to agree here. While she is within her rights to take and keep the photo I don't think it is proper to just toss it up on FB for everyone to see. Time and place.

 

[MemberEd]

Grieving people often don't act rationally so it would be unfair and cruel to pass any judgement on the mother but I agree with facebook for taking the photo down.

 

[CoraBorealis]

I completely sympathize with the mother's desire to take photos and even post them on FB (not sure if I would do the same, but I honestly can't say for sure). I also have no issue with her having them displayed in her home. It is still her child. I have quite a few "mom friends" who have suffered and posted about pre-term losses so these pictures don't personally bother me, other than making me very sad. I can understand FB taking them down and I can also understand the mom being outraged over it. Heartbreaking situation all around, no judgement here.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

we have framed photographs of duke holding his child after she passed.

The key thing here is the ability to consent. All this needed was a content warning of some sort - that someone could choose to click on or not to click on after being informed that the contents contained this.


Veering off topic but:
Being physically 'present' with a corpse is only becoming weird in todays western society. Sitting with my best friends body for 3 days after she passed was an incredibly healing process. I got to hold her hand, sing songs, tell stories, paint her nails, touch her face...and say goodbye. It sounds creepy as hell.. i was terrified to do it.. but it was an intensely grounding experience that helped me understand she was gone. This was done with the traditional Maori funeral rites if anyone is wondering why she wanted this.

 

[LailaBaise]

I think it's sad and I don't understand the outrage. Death is not taboo or something to be hidden like it's shameful, it's life, it happens every second of every day and we are so far removed from the realities of both life and death, I think that is what the outrage is. It's not gross or disgusting.

 

[JickyJuly]

I feel like if we can sit through all sorts of tacky, posed and costumed baby photos on Facebook and hit the like button because we know that our friends are proud of their children, this lady should be able to share the one moment she got with her baby. I would not personally be inclined to do so for fear of reminding other women of their own traumas or overexposing a child, but why should she really have to be sensitive to others? Do parents of happy, healthy kids think of this woman before posting? No.

 

[GracieHart]

I feel like if we can sit through all sorts of tacky, posed and costumed baby photos on Facebook and hit the like button because we know that our friends are proud of their children, this lady should be able to share the one moment she got with her baby. I would not personally be inclined to do so for fear of reminding other women of their own traumas or overexposing a child, but why should she really have to be sensitive to others? Do parents of happy, healthy kids think of this woman before posting? No.

I agree. I actually find the images of aborted fetuses used for anti-abortion campaigns much more disturbing. These can be seen everywhere (here anyway) and there is zero consideration for how disturbing the general public might find these images (generally the aim) or how upsetting they might be particularly for women who have had abortions (I am sure the campaigners dont care about this) or for other women who had miscarried... totally unnecessary.

So the image of a woman saying goodbye to her baby, while potentially a little shocking and certainly very sad, wouldnt be a problem to me. I wouldnt overshare like this but if it helps her grieve I dont have an issue.

 

[GracieHart]

Veering off topic but:
Being physically 'present' with a corpse is only becoming weird in todays western society. Sitting with my best friends body for 3 days after she passed was an incredibly healing process. I got to hold her hand, sing songs, tell stories, paint her nails, touch her face...and say goodbye. It sounds creepy as hell.. i was terrified to do it.. but it was an intensely grounding experience that helped me understand she was gone. This was done with the traditional Maori funeral rites if anyone is wondering why she wanted this.

Double post but Irish "wakes" are similar to this and still happen today. The body is brought home for 2-4 days before the funeral. The casket is kept open and people stay up with the body all the time so that they are never left alone. In typical Irish fashion a lot drink is normally consumed in the evenings where jokes and funny stories about the deceased are shared usually again over the casket. Laughter and the sharing of fond memories really helps with healing. It does sounds creepy to have a dead body and coffin (often they dont use the coffin and lay the person out in bed) but the I lost someone very special to me recently and I found this an incredibly important part of the grieving process.

 

[Kunra9]

I saw one recently where the baby had mostly gone full term but died during birth. The parents dressed the baby up and took tons of pictures. Family-like pictures.

I didn't really realize at first what I was looking at even. Just a bunch of baby pictures I thought. But I kept thinking to myself something looked weird about the baby. Then I read the captions. Kinda felt like I was tricked into looking at pictures of a dead baby.

I dunno. To each their own, but don't make me look at it.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Veering off topic but:
Being physically 'present' with a corpse is only becoming weird in todays western society. Sitting with my best friends body for 3 days after she passed was an incredibly healing process. I got to hold her hand, sing songs, tell stories, paint her nails, touch her face...and say goodbye. It sounds creepy as hell.. i was terrified to do it.. but it was an intensely grounding experience that helped me understand she was gone. This was done with the traditional Maori funeral rites if anyone is wondering why she wanted this.

Double post but Irish "wakes" are similar to this and still happen today. The body is brought home for 2-4 days before the funeral. The casket is kept open and people stay up with the body all the time so that they are never left alone. In typical Irish fashion a lot drink is normally consumed in the evenings where jokes and funny stories about the deceased are shared usually again over the casket. Laughter and the sharing of fond memories really helps with healing. It does sounds creepy to have a dead body and coffin (often they dont use the coffin and lay the person out in bed) but the I lost someone very special to me recently and I found this an incredibly important part of the grieving process.

Yup same thing happens in maori tangi's in nz They put the coffin (or sometimes just the body) on mats on the floor.


Its exactly the same which is interesting for two cultures so very different.

 

[goldenaye666]

Whoever owns a website should run it however they want within the laws where they are. The mom can go start deadbabies.com to put her picture on and run it herself, if that's what she really wants to share online. I don't want to look if such a site exists already, but I wouldn't be surprised if it did.

I have more of a problem with what Facebook won't remove. It can be very difficult for models to get their copyrighted pictures removed from imposter Facebook accounts who are using them to scam money out of people.

 

[Rose]

Veering off topic but:
Being physically 'present' with a corpse is only becoming weird in todays western society. Sitting with my best friends body for 3 days after she passed was an incredibly healing process. I got to hold her hand, sing songs, tell stories, paint her nails, touch her face...and say goodbye. It sounds creepy as hell.. i was terrified to do it.. but it was an intensely grounding experience that helped me understand she was gone. This was done with the traditional Maori funeral rites if anyone is wondering why she wanted this.

Double post but Irish "wakes" are similar to this and still happen today. The body is brought home for 2-4 days before the funeral. The casket is kept open and people stay up with the body all the time so that they are never left alone. In typical Irish fashion a lot drink is normally consumed in the evenings where jokes and funny stories about the deceased are shared usually again over the casket. Laughter and the sharing of fond memories really helps with healing. It does sounds creepy to have a dead body and coffin (often they dont use the coffin and lay the person out in bed) but the I lost someone very special to me recently and I found this an incredibly important part of the grieving process.

Yup same thing happens in maori tangi's in nz They put the coffin (or sometimes just the body) on mats on the floor.


Its exactly the same which is interesting for two cultures so very different.

Thinking about it, it doesn't seem that much different from the memorial services my family has held in the past for deceased family members. Though there was no casket or body to look at, there was an urn with the remains that people could look at or hold (the urn, not the remains). It's completely different yet very similar.

 

[Brad]

I want to clarify my answer to Megan's question. My answer was based directly on this info that she posted;

"But the baby was not full term. So it was completely red and small and I think the head was disconnected from the body."

I don't want to see a photo like that and it is certainly not appropriate for public posting without some type of warning. Much like our discussion here about trigger warnings.

Conversely I have always had a great respect and interest in the old Victorian death photos. Mainly the photos taken of a child/youth after they had died. Most often they were dressed nicely and it was the only, or one of only a few photos that the family had of that person since photos then were not very common and probably expensive. I think that concept was a wonderful way of being able to remember a loved one. I also think that any form of a memorial type of service can also be of great help in both remembering/celebrating the life of the person who died and also in helping others to grieve.

In Judaism we call it Shiva and it is a 7 day period of mourning following the funeral.

I didn't want anyone thinking that I was against photos of dead family members or children. I just have an issue with publicly posting graphic images of such.

 

[PlayboyMegan]

I want to clarify my answer to Megan's question. My answer was based directly on this info that she posted;

"But the baby was not full term. So it was completely red and small and I think the head was disconnected from the body."

I don't want to see a photo like that and it is certainly not appropriate for public posting without some type of warning. Much like our discussion here about trigger warnings.

Conversely I have always had a great respect and interest in the old Victorian death photos. Mainly the photos taken of a child/youth after they had died. Most often they were dressed nicely and it was the only, or one of only a few photos that the family had of that person since photos then were not very common and probably expensive. I think that concept was a wonderful way of being able to remember a loved one. I also think that any form of a memorial type of service can also be of great help in both remembering/celebrating the life of the person who died and also in helping others to grieve.

In Judaism we call it Shiva and it is a 7 day period of mourning following the funeral.

I didn't want anyone thinking that I was against photos of dead family members or children. I just have an issue with publicly posting graphic images of such.

:thumbleft:
Couldn't agree more.
A picture of a full term baby would have not shocked me in the least. But the fact that is was decapitated and bloody? Whole different story.
I think blood freaks out a lot of people. Yes it's natural, nothing is "wrong" with blood itself, but I don't want to see it on my FB feed.
And before anyone says, "what about bloody movies?" It's totally different knowing something is fake VS. something real.