Cell Phones and Manners/Etiquette.

[Lucid1]

Since the first of the year I've been on roughly a dozen dates or so, and in all but a few of those dates my date has either made/answered calls, or engaged in texting sessions with an invisible third-party during the course of the date. I realize that cell phones are here to stay, but I also think that there are certain times and places where they should be left in silent mode and/or unseen.

Aren't first dates supposed to be about getting to know the other person? I hope I'm not being anal retentive about this issue, but it seems the attachment to cellphones that some people have is like being leashed to an electronic collar of sorts. Emergency call from the babysitter? No problem, I can understand that. Sick mother at home? Should you even be on a date if that's the case? I guess it comes down to how my date handles the call or text..maybe with an "excuse me, but I have to take this call". But in a lot of my cases that just wasn't done. It's like I'm "supposed" to be understanding whenever this occurs without so much as an explanation or "excuse me"...you know...manners.

Are my expectations out of whack in regards to this?

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Not at all. I'm of a similar mindset. If I'm out on a date with someone, I explain to them up front that I might have to check my phone a time or two as I may be on call (technically, I am 24/7 between two jobs) and might have to leave pending the issue (they are also told this before agreeing to first date). But, otherwise, the phone and pager are put away and out of site otherwise with no sound, only vibrate.
I also let them know, that I'm fine if they need to take a call due to sick kid, etc. But, I also know that they may have a friend waiting to send them a message at a moment's notice.

First dates are about getting to know one another casually enough to determine if a second date is warranted. Can't do it if someone is paying attention to the phone more than the other person they are there with.

 

[ScarlettPixl]

I totally feel you.

Sometimes for work reasons I HAVE to pick up the phone, but I always mention it's super important, and I only pick up if it really matters.

Other than that, I always put my phone in vibrator and don't bother looking at it during the time I spend with someone.

 

[Shutterbuck]

I may be dating myself here but I once left a girl sitting alone in a restaurant because I was sick of her sending smoke signals during the appetizer...

 

[ExcellaExe]

I'm on call 24/7 for my work-aka if a server blows up-but other than that I do not and never look at my phone during a date. Unless my site is on fire, the person I'm with is more important than my connection to all the things

The way I see it is that the internet and everything that happens on it will be there when my date is over. It can wait. Kind of like texting and driving, but with less unfortunate consequences.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

I'm on call 24/7 for my work-aka if a server blows up-but other than that I do not and never look at my phone during a date. Unless my site is on fire, the person I'm with is more important than my connection to all the things

The way I see it is that the internet and everything that happens on it will be there when my date is over. It can wait. Kind of like texting and driving, but with less unfortunate consequences.

Somehow, I don't think my Senior Execs would like it if I tried to use the "I was on a date, the server can wait" statement on them. I'd probably be looking for a new job... Something about losing tens of millions of dollars an hour makes them just a bit... edgy. :lol

 

[ExcellaExe]

Somehow, I don't think my Senior Execs would like it if I tried to use the "I was on a date, the server can wait" statement on them. I'd probably be looking for a new job... Something about losing tens of millions of dollars an hour makes them just a bit... edgy. :lol

haha I never said I wouldn't leave the date. If shit goes down at my job you better believe I'll be taking my happy butt to the nearest, strongest wifi and ssh'ing into my vanilla job stuff to fix it. I'm good at my day job.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

This reminds me of last week: I was annoyed at my mom the other day-we went out for lunch and she was on her phone the whole time! I felt like the roles were reversed since usually it's a parent complaining about phones at the table lmao.

 

[Dan Epstein]

Don't know, I never found the fact that someone has an urgent call insulting. On the other hand, I come from a place in which unexpected things happen all the time and people constantly call me from all over the world to check if I'm okay because they heard the news.

 

[Syl_Summers]

Hmm another way to look at it... maybe the date is just boring? Not to be rude but if someone is on their phone doing whatever or talking to someone else... they aren't interested in what's going on in front of them and you should just bounce. Unless they explain themselves that it's an emergency or whatever... they shouldn't be on it.

I don't think it's normal behavior or something you should accept if it keeps happening to you. If someone likes you, they'll put their damn phones away

 

[Ms_Gingersnatch]

If you're on a first date, another possibility is that she's getting a prearranged check-in call to make sure she's safe and having a decent time.

If she doesn't take the call, the friend should escalate their attempts to contact her, and could conclude that something has gone terribly wrong. At a minimum, it could get embarrassing (e.g. her friend calls the restaurant to have them check on her) if she doesn't answer.

If she gets the check-in call and wants to get out of the date, it would turn into some sort of emergency.

If everything is going fine, the call would appear (on your end) like she's just answering a trivial social call. I think most people would find it irritating that their date answered the phone for a couple minutes of small talk, but it's possibly a sign that she feels safe with you and isn't having a shitty time.

 

[Lucid1]

Hmm another way to look at it... maybe the date is just boring? Not to be rude but if someone is on their phone doing whatever or talking to someone else... they aren't interested in what's going on in front of them and you should just bounce. Unless they explain themselves that it's an emergency or whatever... they shouldn't be on it.

I don't think it's normal behavior or something you should accept if it keeps happening to you. If someone likes you, they'll put their damn phones away

I guess you could be right, but if someone is going to be rude enough to whip out their cell phone to indicate they're bored or whatever, why not just be up-front and honest and excuse themselves from the date? They might as well pull out a crossword puzzle and put a pencil in their mouth. I'm operating under the assumption here that she found something interesting enough about me to agree to the date in the first place.

If you're on a first date, another possibility is that she's getting a prearranged check-in call to make sure she's safe and having a decent time.

If she doesn't take the call, the friend should escalate their attempts to contact her, and could conclude that something has gone terribly wrong. At a minimum, it could get embarrassing (e.g. her friend calls the restaurant to have them check on her) if she doesn't answer.

If she gets the check-in call and wants to get out of the date, it would turn into some sort of emergency.

If everything is going fine, the call would appear (on your end) like she's just answering a trivial social call. I think most people would find it irritating that their date answered the phone for a couple minutes of small talk, but it's possibly a sign that she feels safe with you and isn't having a shitty time.

I always insist on arranging first dates in a public place to put my date at ease and for safety reasons. I never knew "using a cellphone as an escape plan" was a thing..well...until now that is But if someone is calling just to find out if she is enjoying herself, well, that gets more into the territory of the reasoning for my OP and still requires use of the phone during the date.

 

[Syl_Summers]

I guess you could be right, but if someone is going to be rude enough to whip out their cell phone to indicate they're bored or whatever, why not just be up-front and honest and excuse themselves from the date? They might as well pull out a crossword puzzle and put a pencil in their mouth. I'm operating under the assumption here that she found something interesting enough about me to agree to the date in the first place.
.

Cuz a lot of people don't like confrontation and would rather make the other person take action lol. I'm just a cynic though. I guess it would depend how old these dates are

 

[Lucid1]

Cuz a lot of people don't like confrontation and would rather make the other person take action lol. I'm just a cynic though. I guess it would depend how old these dates are

Thank you for this! I'm 53, and I guess my expectations are centered around the notion that someone close to my own age would have the same expectations surrounding manners, and I guess it shocks me that they don't. I didn't grow up with cellphones, so being able to "do without them" is something that I can do without much thought. We did just fine without them for so long that I don't see the reasoning behind "having to have them" at every waking moment. A year or so ago I had a co-worker whose car broke down, and I was giving him a ride to work for a few days until his car was fixed. The first morning I picked him up, I saw his wife come out the front door with him and I saw them kiss before he got into the car. Less than a mile down the road he gets a text from her asking "what ya doin?"...really?

 

[SaffronBurke]

I always insist on arranging first dates in a public place to put my date at ease and for safety reasons. I never knew "using a cellphone as an escape plan" was a thing..well...until now that is But if someone is calling just to find out if she is enjoying herself, well, that gets more into the territory of the reasoning for my OP and still requires use of the phone during the date.

It's recommended that you do a safe call even when meeting in public. Enough women have gone missing in "safe" situations that we often err toward being over-cautious.

 

[Lucid1]

It's recommended that you do a safe call even when meeting in public. Enough women have gone missing in "safe" situations that we often err toward being over-cautious.

It sounds like people are talking about going on a date with someone they met off of Craigslist or something, which is something that I would never do. I also don't use dating sites. I usually meet my dates through friends of friends or coworkers, who usually makes the initial connection for me as a suggestion such as "she's nice, I think you would like her". My last relationship of 22 years ended over 10 years ago, and I just recently got back into the dating scene, and a lot of these problems with safety just didn't exist 32'ish years ago.

 

[Ms_Gingersnatch]

I never knew "using a cellphone as an escape plan" was a thing..well...until now that is But if someone is calling just to find out if she is enjoying herself, well, that gets more into the territory of the reasoning for my OP and still requires use of the phone during the date.

Sorry to disillusion you, lol! Women have been using these sorts of escape tactics long before the invention of the cell phone. Like when you're out with friends, you check on any friend that has been talking with a stranger for awhile, just in case she needs a polite "out." Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but occasionally men react unpredictably when their ego is hurt, too. Sometimes it feels a lot safer to say "Oh, I'm having a great time with you, but I have an emergency and have to go," rather than "Hey, you seemed great when we were texting, but you just revealed that you keep 172 shaved doll heads in your bedroom, and I suspect you might be a Neo-Nazi. I have no further interest in you, and I don't think I can finish this date."

^This is not a reference to you, Lucid. Just sort of the nightmare scenario that might require a fake emergency call.

 

[DJ_Pioneer]

Sorry to disillusion you, lol! Women have been using these sorts of escape tactics long before the invention of the cell phone. Like when you're out with friends, you check on any friend that has been talking with a stranger for awhile, just in case she needs a polite "out." Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but occasionally men react unpredictably when their ego is hurt, too. Sometimes it feels a lot safer to say "Oh, I'm having a great time with you, but I have an emergency and have to go," rather than "Hey, you seemed great when we were texting, but you just revealed that you keep 172 shaved doll heads in your bedroom, and I suspect you might be a Neo-Nazi. I have no further interest in you, and I don't think I can finish this date."

^This is not a reference to you, Lucid. Just sort of the nightmare scenario that might require a fake emergency call.

You could just use the lemon law, its a thing.