Can you respect people who...

[Rose]

The shortened answer: yes and if it's a subject we really disagree on then it's just an off limits topic. There are exceptions, but they seem to be few and far between.

 

[southsamurai]

I have an incredibly high tolerance for nearly every kink and fetish known to mankind. Pedophilia (as long as it doesn't actually affect anybody), cannibalism, scat play, pretty much the most offensive things you can probably think up, I will not judge or condemn or be offended.

I've always kinda felt bad for pedophiles. I mean, not the ones who actually act on their sexual urges; I have no sympathy for them at all. But the ones who find themselves with sexual desires they never asked for, and who suppress those urges. I once saw a documentary about a guy who was abused as a child and then later in life became more and more aroused by the thought of pedophilia. So to suppress those urges and to make sure he never, ever acted on them, he arranged to have himself castrated. I actually thought that was kinda heroic.

And just to be clear, I'm in no way condoning active pedophilia. Going so far as to... do what pedophiles do, just to satisfy their sexual cravings is pretty much the most selfish thing in the world. But I do empathise with those who have developed those cravings and who have the decency to not act on them.

yeah, pedophilia is different from molestation. as far as the mental/psychological aspect of it goes it isnt what i would call pleasant to think about, but that doesnt mean the person is acting on their impulses. ive done a good bit of reading on it over the years trying to wrap my head around it. almost anything makes sense to me eventually, that and scat have never really been something i can grasp beyond a vague understanding. i try to put myself in the other person's shoes and in those two cases i fail. i just dont see how those things are sexual. even talking to people who are that way hasnt let me "grok" it.
but, i have tried to understand it as much as i can, just failed. but the handful of folk i met that had pedophilic leanings werent on the whole "bad" in other aspects. they tended to be rather quiet, gentle individuals who felt shame at their urges. ( i say they, and folk since i met both sexes over the years... more men than women, but still). i guess the ones who are most prone to acting on the urges are either more reclusive, dont seek professional assistance in overcoming it, or wind up in jail.

so even something as foreign and unpleasant as that is to me is not a deal breaker as long as they dont act on it. ever. in any way.

 

[SweepTheLeg]

I am just as likely to be friends with someone who has a different point of view on major issues, as I am on not being friends with someone who would agree with every single major issue. Despite popular belief, the world would be a boring place if everyone was exactly like me.

 

[Mirra]

I am friends with people who have opposing opinions. In fact MOST of my friends have the opposite view on at least some and often most of the issues mentioned. That's how it often works out being being middle of the road or the minority side for your area. The fact that they're my friends means I do have at least a moderate level of respect for them. Sometimes I even understand the basis for their opinion though not always. The only real effects the differences of opinions have on the friendship is that we often discuss our viewpoints on those issues to explain where we're coming from and I tend to avoid jokes that I think could catch them the wrong way.

 

[VeronicaChaos]

*cracks knuckles* Time to make some enemies! :lol:

No, but really, being honest here.

I do have a huge problem with people trying to legislate things based around their moral principals. I don't give a fuck if you think this or that is wrong, that I'm going to hell for doing it, whatever. But as soon as people start telling me how to live my life I tend to lose respect.

The reason for that is I feel respect is a mutual thing, and if someone wants me to live my life their way, they are not respecting me and my freedoms.

If you're against abortions, don't have one. Against gay marriage? Don't have one.

I was a vegetarian for 13+ years. The majority of my life. And for a few years of that I thought it was immoral to eat meat.

I wasn't trying to legislate it. THAT, for me, is the difference.

I can respect people with different moral opinions as my own. I eat meat now, and I can still respect the vegetarian who thinks it's wrong for me to do so, as long as they aren't trying to dictate what I eat. I believe in freedom of opinion, and freedom in living. I have a hard time respecting people who are trying to control me.

I don't have any pro-life friends or friends against gay marriage. Why? Because I befriend those who respect others to make their own decisions on their life. If that makes me closed-minded, whatever. I choose my friends very carefully, and I want to make sure that my friends have my back when it comes to important things. And to me, these things are incredibly important; they are MORE than themselves. It's a philosophy on life and freedom.

Edit: I have a feeling that others feel this way but the only people who are going to respond to this thread are those who are more "tolerant" because nobody wants to be that asshole.

 

[southsamurai]

dont get me wrong miss veronica, i have very strong opinions about those same subjects. and when it comes to legislation, and actions i can be a huuuuuge asshole. but on a person to person level i am tolerant even of things that get me going in other circumstances.

the line for me is pretty much what you said. believe whatever you like, i will support that right, and be respectful and polite (most days, i do have bad days where im a royal asshat). try and force your belief on myself or others and i get right indignant.

when it comes to legislation i feel you should always err on the side of liberty, with the line again being drawn where personal liberty infringes on the life and liberty of others.

 

[SweepTheLeg]

Are you kidding me? Normally I love being THAT asshole. But in this case, though I have strong opinions about a lot of things I also know they are my opinions and how I get to them are going to be completely different than how others get to theirs. I find it more entertaining to find out why people who share the opposite opinion think the way they do, and maybe in some way I could grow on my own when seeing it from their perspective that I wouldn't get else where.

 

[VeronicaChaos]

Are you kidding me?

Is this an actual question? No, I am not kidding. I was being honest, and I have 0 shame in that.

Unless of course, you were just trying to be an asshole by saying that, in which case, bravo, because, according to you:

Normally I love being THAT asshole. But in this case, though I have strong opinions about a lot of things I also know they are my opinions and how I get to them are going to be completely different than how others get to theirs. I find it more entertaining to find out why people who share the opposite opinion think the way they do, and maybe in some way I could grow on my own when seeing it from their perspective that I wouldn't get else where.

I'm not going to deny the worth of debating an idea against other ideas. I do it often. But while you're befriending those with differing opinions and learning so much about yourself in the process, I'm befriending people with similar opinions and also learning a lot about myself in the process.

My point is that every individual has something to teach you, no matter who they are. I have the right to chose those that I agree with on fundamental things to teach me. And boy, have I learned so much from them.

Also, I find it entertaining that you can say something as snide as "are you kidding me?" to someone with a different opinion in the same post as congratulating yourself for dealing well with those that have different opinions.

I actually agree with most of your post, but the header put me on the defense, and since you seem like a smart individual I'm assuming that was on purpose.

 

[VeronicaChaos]

dont get me wrong miss veronica, i have very strong opinions about those same subjects. and when it comes to legislation, and actions i can be a huuuuuge asshole. but on a person to person level i am tolerant even of things that get me going in other circumstances.

the line for me is pretty much what you said. believe whatever you like, i will support that right, and be respectful and polite (most days, i do have bad days where im a royal asshat). try and force your belief on myself or others and i get right indignant.

when it comes to legislation i feel you should always err on the side of liberty, with the line again being drawn where personal liberty infringes on the life and liberty of others.

I'm not good at that regardless, but I do think it's awesome you can be that way. I have a hard time hiding my feelings when dealing with people so, though I try, my emotions tend to get in the way. :lol:

But yes, I agree with you, and I sometimes wish I had more bedside manners in my approach.

By the way, I do try to get along with others, but, it's not my strong point. And if I became friends with someone who was pro-life or anti-gay it would be a friendship forged in dishonesty. Because I would be thinking, in the back of my mind, despite all other experiences, "you wish the government made me have that baby and I hate you for that."

Some of these issues are VERY personal for me. And I see no reason, other than to be known as a polite woman, to pretend like I like someone when I hold such a personal grudge against them.

 

[SweepTheLeg]

No it was not an actual question, I knew there was no intention to kid on your part nor was there any intention on mine to put you on the defensive. It was only said in regards to your statement "And no one wants to be that asshole." Which normally is something I revel in doing. I befriend anyone despite their opinions but rather who they are as a person and actions they make as such. From my view though though, if I surround myself with people as the same view as me- I never get challenged on my beliefs or experience different perspective of why others have a different opinion. As a mere example "I'm a Christian, so I'm only friends with other Christians". Sorry for any confusion as it only contributes to why I should not be posting on the internet past a certain hour of the night.

 

[Sevrin]

I do have a huge problem with people trying to legislate things based around their moral principals. I don't give a fuck if you think this or that is wrong, that I'm going to hell for doing it, whatever. But as soon as people start telling me how to live my life I tend to lose respect.

The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
William Butler Yeats

The problem is not everyone is a weak-kneed liberal do-gooder.

Opinions are fine as long as they stay on the internets. Once they find their way to the real world, things can get problematic. My issue with people whose opinions offend me, is that they talk to each other. They encourage each other and organize. They think their opinions are so awesome that they deserve to be formalized and enshrined as laws that suck. They look on approvingly as they watch a woman being stoned by a mob for getting raped.

 

[VeronicaChaos]

Ha, right there with you at maybe not posting after a certain time. Sorry for the misunderstanding!

 

[MissHollyJade]

I respect others beliefs that differ from mine. I am very much pro life but I'm not going to judge you or not be your friend if you get an abortion. In fact, if you're a friend I will go with you and hold your hand. That doesn't mean I like it, but I will support their decision 100%.
I'm fine with gay marriage if that's what makes a person happy but I don't believe that a church should be forced into marrying them either...
I love to sit and talk with people with differing opinions as long as they can keep their cool and have a civilized conversation.
I'm from the south and I see racism every day.I'm not racist, and I have friends of every ethnicity.

 

[DudeExtreme]

I respect someone who has a different opinion than I do. Sometimes I may ask what he/she thinks about a particular issue to get a difference perspective. In the process, I've learned something and have a greater respect for his/her beliefs. The only exception is racist. I have a huge problem with anyone who is against someone because of their race. We should all get along and respect each other.

 

[JickyJuly]

but I don't believe that a church should be forced into marrying them

Clergy don't actually HAVE to perform ceremonies for anyone. My husband really wanted to get married in the fire and brimstone church he was part of. In order to do that, I had to agree to interviews and premarital counseling with the pastor. Not sure how I squeaked by. :lol: Realistically, churches don't have to have anything to do with marriages.

 

[Kokoro]

I always respect people no matter what their beliefs are. One of my best friends is a Tea Party supporter and I'm a hardcore liberal. She always talks about how Obama sucks and how wrong he is and I just sit their and nod my head. I don't agree with her one bit, but losing a friendship over political differences isn't worth it.

 

[southsamurai]

but I don't believe that a church should be forced into marrying them

Clergy don't actually HAVE to perform ceremonies for anyone. My husband really wanted to get married in the fire and brimstone church he was part of. In order to do that, I had to agree to interviews and premarital counseling with the pastor. Not sure how I squeaked by. :lol: Realistically, churches don't have to have anything to do with marriages.

which is why i have so much fun arguing/debating right wingers on gay marriage. churches are already protected by the first amendment from being forced to perform such ceremonies ( and i would defend completely that right). marriage is not just a religious ceremony. it is also a civil agreement as well. THAT is the right being fought for. even before gay marriage started becoming legal here and there you could find pastors, priests, ministers etc who were willing to perform the rite. and once it becomes fully legal you will find plenty here and there who refuse to.

but im off topic now, so im going to shuffle off

 

[dilligaf0]

My attitude is "when you have EVERY aspect of your life in perfect order, then (and ONLY THEN) can you try to tell someone else how they should live thier lives".

 

[BlueViolet]

but I don't believe that a church should be forced into marrying them

Clergy don't actually HAVE to perform ceremonies for anyone. My husband really wanted to get married in the fire and brimstone church he was part of. In order to do that, I had to agree to interviews and premarital counseling with the pastor. Not sure how I squeaked by. :lol: Realistically, churches don't have to have anything to do with marriages.

which is why i have so much fun arguing/debating right wingers on gay marriage. churches are already protected by the first amendment from being forced to perform such ceremonies ( and i would defend completely that right). marriage is not just a religious ceremony. it is also a civil agreement as well. THAT is the right being fought for. even before gay marriage started becoming legal here and there you could find pastors, priests, ministers etc who were willing to perform the rite. and once it becomes fully legal you will find plenty here and there who refuse to.

but im off topic now, so im going to shuffle off

I fully support any church that refuses to marry whomever for whatever reason, that's their right as that particular church. What appalls me is the absolute ignorance of when a church tries to claim rights over a social contract that predates Christianity. The whole concept of civil unions as an alternative to gay marriage still annoys me, because it's always for religious reasons that the term "marriage" isn't used.

Gay marriage existed in ancient Egypt, ancient Mesopotamia, in many Native American cultures, in ancient Greece and Rome (until Christian emperors Constantius II and Constans ordered execution of those who were married to the same gender) , regions of China before Christianity was introduced particularly in the Ming dynasty, ancient Assyrian culture, and other parts of the world.

Christianity certainly didn't define marriage by any right.

Sorry for my off topic-ness as well.

 

[AmeliaArcana]

While it's difficult for me to be purposely disrespectful to anyone the vast majority of the time, I find it quite easy to be disrespectful to most police officers.

Also, abusers and oppressors who are not working on their shit.

 

[JordanBlack]

*cracks knuckles* Time to make some enemies! :lol:

No, but really, being honest here.

I do have a huge problem with people trying to legislate things based around their moral principals. I don't give a fuck if you think this or that is wrong, that I'm going to hell for doing it, whatever. But as soon as people start telling me how to live my life I tend to lose respect.

The reason for that is I feel respect is a mutual thing, and if someone wants me to live my life their way, they are not respecting me and my freedoms.

If you're against abortions, don't have one. Against gay marriage? Don't have one.

I was a vegetarian for 13+ years. The majority of my life. And for a few years of that I thought it was immoral to eat meat.

I wasn't trying to legislate it. THAT, for me, is the difference.

I can respect people with different moral opinions as my own. I eat meat now, and I can still respect the vegetarian who thinks it's wrong for me to do so, as long as they aren't trying to dictate what I eat. I believe in freedom of opinion, and freedom in living. I have a hard time respecting people who are trying to control me.

I don't have any pro-life friends or friends against gay marriage. Why? Because I befriend those who respect others to make their own decisions on their life. If that makes me closed-minded, whatever. I choose my friends very carefully, and I want to make sure that my friends have my back when it comes to important things. And to me, these things are incredibly important; they are MORE than themselves. It's a philosophy on life and freedom.

Edit: I have a feeling that others feel this way but the only people who are going to respond to this thread are those who are more "tolerant" because nobody wants to be that asshole.

My thoughts exactly, thank you Veronica.

I respect anyone's opinions really, but that doesn't mean I have to agree with them or force myself into befriending people with whom I won't have anything in common. Yet if you're a racist, I might just consider you the lowest dumbest idiot on the face of the planet (I did my final Uni paper on right-wing extremist groups and I've come to the conclusion that they're seriously just a bunch of psychopaths).

Also, you can be a pro-lifer, it's your choice and I won't have anything against it, yet don't try telling others what to do with their own reproductive system until you haven't researched what happened in countries that already had abortions outlawed in the past.

 

[Rose]

but I don't believe that a church should be forced into marrying them

Clergy don't actually HAVE to perform ceremonies for anyone. My husband really wanted to get married in the fire and brimstone church he was part of. In order to do that, I had to agree to interviews and premarital counseling with the pastor. Not sure how I squeaked by. :lol: Realistically, churches don't have to have anything to do with marriages.

This is one of the reasons why BJ and I are still not legally married. The church that I used to belong to refused to marry us because he is Jewish and I am not. It sucks but I respect their ability to pick and choose who they will and will not marry. I will say that I am majorly bummed out because someone who I respected did not approve of my choice of a partner so much that he didn't think we should be able to marry, based solely on my partner's race. I still respect his opinion, but I no longer respect him as a person.

 

[Zoomer]

Of course I can.

Some subjects don't have a cast iron "yes/no" answer for starters, so there isn't a right or wrong answer.

And if I could only respect people who agree with me 100% on major issues, then I'd be a bit "wrong" in the head (imo). Respect has nothing to do with an persons opinion (imo... ). When it comes to major issues such as racism or others, the simple fact is... respect is earned imo. You're not going to start out being "respected" by me. I may be respectful in how I treat you, but that doesn't mean I actually respect you So no issues with whether I'd respect them and change my opinion on that.

As for friendships, they evolve and grow/disappear naturally. If we don't get on, then its unlikely to form or last (if it existed previously)

 

[MrTrenchcoat]

I can respect anyone who comes to the logical conclusion based on their knowledge, yet is willing to alter their opinion when conflicting evidence is presented. The prime example in my experience is dealing with religious nuts, I respect the Jehovah's Witness that comes and irritates me on a semi-regular basis. I don't much like pointing out inconsistencies in her religion's teachings, and she is willing to concede those points rather than defend them as reasonable. It helps that she's a little old polish lady who I can't find myself hating because she's just too nice. Despite the fact she's basically told me I'm going to be sitting outside the gates of heaven for all eternity, she's never said so or given up on trying to bring me around to her religion. It's endearing, in a way, because her faith requires this of her so she does it. I had a point there, I'll get back to you on that.

I can't respect people whose first reaction when presented with opposing arguments is simply to repeat themselves, only louder. I can't respect anyone who rejects evidence simply because their opinion doesn't agree with it. I love, absolutely love, to wind those people up and let them go. I probably shouldn't, but we've all got to have fun somehow.

So yes I can respect them, provided they remember other people have different opinions and that just because they believe theirs are right, doesn't mean they are. Everyone can be wrong, some more than others, me especially.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Completely depends on what it's about and also their reasons for those opinions.

If it's to do with something really minor, like music/tastes/hobbies, then yes of course I can respect them, it's good that everyone doesn't have the same opinions about simple things.

If someone has the opinion that it's ok to be really nasty to other people, like with racism, homophobia, slut shaming and various other things where you're pretty much hating on and being nasty to a stranger, or even someone you know (basically someone who hasn't actually done anything personal towards you or your friends/family) then no I don't think I could respect them. It's one thing not liking people and keeping things to yourself, that I could respect someone for not letting their opinions negatively effect others, but if someone is of mind that they can go and stamp all over everyone just because, then I have no respect for them.

I might lose respect for someone for having certain opinions, but might gain respect for them having other opinions.
Basically for me even though my respect for someone will rise and fall depending on little mundane things, I would only lose all respect for someone if they have strong opinions that would and could hurt others and that are cruel, and that in my opinion are fundamentally wrong because of the damage they cause.

There are many people I do not particularly like or get along with who I respect a lot. Many people who I love and am friends with I have very little respect for. By respect I don't mean treating someone respectfully, which I think you should do with everyone automatically, for me actual respect has to be earned by deeds you do or don't do and how you approach the world. And for me I keep my feelings of how much I respect someone more on the inside. Honestly I don't really think of it much, just with some people you get that feeling inside you, whether you like them or not when they've done something.

Respect is definitely a feeling rather than a choice. I could no more choose to respect someone than I could choose to be attracted to someone. It just happens.