Came out or being found out (as a camgirl/guy)

[moansinahegao]

Hi everyone! This is my first time posting and I would like some advice/criticism/stories. From your personal lives about how you came out to your friends/family or if you were found out, what happened and how did your life change?

I started camming about almost 2 months ago now and I really love it because I realized I don't have to work for anyone possibly for a long time or ever again as long as I keep this up and invest my money well.

Anywho, I have only told a couple of people. It was fine, but I guess I'm mostly worried my family will find out but I know if they do I am not really screwed if I am, it's just how to deal with it if it ends up going south.

I would like some advice on how you all handled it then and how it is now. Especially with all this crap going on, lol.

I've been a bit lonely about talking to people about this because I usually vent about work stuff but since this isn't something that's not common and or is looked down on, I hope to possibly make some nice conversations/cam friends to just talk to here and there

I have accepted that I may be found out one day but I guess I just need some personal stories to either reassure or just cope with the fact that it'll happen since I haven't been able to find many :/
Regardless, I appreciate anything c:

 

[yetieater]

...I really love it because I realized I don't have to work for anyone possibly for a long time or ever again as long as I keep this up and invest my money well.

Technically, you're working for the platforms. They make it very clear they don't want you engaging with your customers outside of their purview. On the personal finance side, yeah, making money is pretty cool! Can't knock it.

I'm mostly worried my family will find out but I know if they do I am not really screwed if I am, it's just how to deal with it if it ends up going south.

Option: cross that bridge when you reach it, or come out clean. You could keep on hiding indefinitely, but living a double life isn't much fun. At least not to me!

I would like some advice on how you all handled it then and how it is now. Especially with all this crap going on, lol.

If you were more specific, you'd probably net more relevant responses. As for all this crap going on? It's just part of life!

I've been a bit lonely about talking to people about this because I usually vent about work stuff but since this isn't something that's not common and or is looked down on, I hope to possibly make some nice conversations/cam friends to just talk to here and there

I have a feeling some of that good stuff is locked away in the Models Only section

I have accepted that I may be found out one day but I guess I just need some personal stories to either reassure or just cope with the fact that it'll happen since I haven't been able to find many :/

Maybe look into coming out stories, period?

 

[AudriTwo]

We normally talk about outing or coming out on your own in MO, since it's more personal. If you get verified, you'll be able to search more.

I'm happy to share my worse case scenario of being outed. I'm not trying to share this to scare you, just letting you know what could happen so you can be prepared.

When I was outted to my family, my husband got all the blame. He was making me cam. My mother threatened to picket with her eight brothers and sisters outside of my husband's and i's home that would have outed me to my community. Which is dangerous to my safety. Also was threatening to use her power and influence so that my husband would never find work in any of Florida's hospitals. My father who has told me my whole life he would kill a man he believes have hurt me so I believed him, threatened my husband's life not once but several times after. Once on Christmas Eve!

We got restraining orders to stop the harrasment and to show them they have zero power with their threats. I ended up getting doxxed a couple times after because no one could keep their mouth shut about me after I asked them to respect my privacy let alone keep my secret

I went 3 years no contact, and just this past month my father and I started texting again. We have since mended our broken relationship, and I told him I'm not going to tolerate threats of violence, because there is literally no reason. Especially since since they were very VERY wrong with their judgments.

Therapy and time helped a lot. I'm not ready to mend things with my mother, because I don't have the confidence that she will respect me and my choices without being toxic.


Sorry, again not trying to scare you. But what happened to me is probably the most batshit initial reaction I've seen on this forum. But I have been seeing a lot more good on family finding out then how it used to be. Times are hopefully changing!

 

[moansinahegao]

We normally talk about outing or coming out on your own in MO, since it's more personal. If you get verified, you'll be able to search more.

I'm happy to share my worse case scenario of being outed. I'm not trying to share this to scare you, just letting you know what could happen so you can be prepared.

When I was outted to my family, my husband got all the blame. He was making me cam. My mother threatened to picket with her eight brothers and sisters outside of my husband's and i's home that would have outed me to my community. Which is dangerous to my safety. Also was threatening to use her power and influence so that my husband would never find work in any of Florida's hospitals. My father who has told me my whole life he would kill a man he believes have hurt me so I believed him, threatened my husband's life not once but several times after. Once on Christmas Eve!

We got restraining orders to stop the harrasment and to show them they have zero power with their threats. I ended up getting doxxed a couple times after because no one could keep their mouth shut about me after I asked them to respect my privacy let alone keep my secret

I went 3 years no contact, and just this past month my father and I started texting again. We have since mended our broken relationship, and I told him I'm not going to tolerate threats of violence, because there is literally no reason. Especially since since they were very VERY wrong with their judgments.

Therapy and time helped a lot. I'm not ready to mend things with my mother, because I don't have the confidence that she will respect me and my choices without being toxic.


Sorry, again not trying to scare you. But what happened to me is probably the most batshit initial reaction I've seen on this forum. But I have been seeing a lot more good on family finding out then how it used to be. Times are hopefully changing!

Technically, you're working for the platforms. They make it very clear they don't want you engaging with your customers outside of their purview. On the personal finance side, yeah, making money is pretty cool! Can't knock it.

Option: cross that bridge when you reach it, or come out clean. You could keep on hiding indefinitely, but living a double life isn't much fun. At least not to me!

If you were more specific, you'd probably net more relevant responses. As for all this crap going on? It's just part of life!

I have a feeling some of that good stuff is locked away in the Models Only section

Maybe look into coming out stories, period?

haha thank you so much for your feedback! Yes I am still working for the platforms totally. Lol but it’s still the most flexible job I ever had! I mostly searched via Reddit which is probably why I haven’t found much...plus it’s only been a month and I’m still figuring out stuff but thank you again!

 

[moansinahegao]

We normally talk about outing or coming out on your own in MO, since it's more personal. If you get verified, you'll be able to search more.

I'm happy to share my worse case scenario of being outed. I'm not trying to share this to scare you, just letting you know what could happen so you can be prepared.

When I was outted to my family, my husband got all the blame. He was making me cam. My mother threatened to picket with her eight brothers and sisters outside of my husband's and i's home that would have outed me to my community. Which is dangerous to my safety. Also was threatening to use her power and influence so that my husband would never find work in any of Florida's hospitals. My father who has told me my whole life he would kill a man he believes have hurt me so I believed him, threatened my husband's life not once but several times after. Once on Christmas Eve!

We got restraining orders to stop the harrasment and to show them they have zero power with their threats. I ended up getting doxxed a couple times after because no one could keep their mouth shut about me after I asked them to respect my privacy let alone keep my secret

I went 3 years no contact, and just this past month my father and I started texting again. We have since mended our broken relationship, and I told him I'm not going to tolerate threats of violence, because there is literally no reason. Especially since since they were very VERY wrong with their judgments.

Therapy and time helped a lot. I'm not ready to mend things with my mother, because I don't have the confidence that she will respect me and my choices without being toxic.


Sorry, again not trying to scare you. But what happened to me is probably the most batshit initial reaction I've seen on this forum. But I have been seeing a lot more good on family finding out then how it used to be. Times are hopefully changing!

Ahh! This does freak me out LOL but I really really appreciate this. The fact that you are able to still stand up to your family because you know that they have no power over you is amazing! I’ve read only a few where people’s families took it pretty well but rarely ever when the situation becomes crazy! I hope everything mends or blows over! Thank you for giving me your side of your story. It definitely mentally prepared me for the “absolute worst” event.

 

[moansinahegao]

We normally talk about outing or coming out on your own in MO, since it's more personal. If you get verified, you'll be able to search more.

I'm happy to share my worse case scenario of being outed. I'm not trying to share this to scare you, just letting you know what could happen so you can be prepared.

When I was outted to my family, my husband got all the blame. He was making me cam. My mother threatened to picket with her eight brothers and sisters outside of my husband's and i's home that would have outed me to my community. Which is dangerous to my safety. Also was threatening to use her power and influence so that my husband would never find work in any of Florida's hospitals. My father who has told me my whole life he would kill a man he believes have hurt me so I believed him, threatened my husband's life not once but several times after. Once on Christmas Eve!

We got restraining orders to stop the harrasment and to show them they have zero power with their threats. I ended up getting doxxed a couple times after because no one could keep their mouth shut about me after I asked them to respect my privacy let alone keep my secret

I went 3 years no contact, and just this past month my father and I started texting again. We have since mended our broken relationship, and I told him I'm not going to tolerate threats of violence, because there is literally no reason. Especially since since they were very VERY wrong with their judgments.

Therapy and time helped a lot. I'm not ready to mend things with my mother, because I don't have the confidence that she will respect me and my choices without being toxic.


Sorry, again not trying to scare you. But what happened to me is probably the most batshit initial reaction I've seen on this forum. But I have been seeing a lot more good on family finding out then how it used to be. Times are hopefully changing!

Also may I ask (if it’s not too personal) how you were lured? Was it by your family member who found you or did you tell someone or?? Only if it’s not too personal!

 

[AudriTwo]

Also may I ask (if it’s not too personal) how you were lured? Was it by your family member who found you or did you tell someone or?? Only if it’s not too personal!

A clip of me kept going viral for several months on many platforms. First I saw it blew up on pornhub, then Reddit, then twitter, then instagram, then finally Facebook. Once I saw it was being shared on Facebook I knew it was only a matter of time before I get outed. It was out of my control because once the internet takes ahold of something, there is no removing it. I think I requested removal once. I didn't want to create a Streisand Effect. Hoped it would of gone away on its own. Well it didn't. I briefly was a meme for a week. Lol. Financially wise, it was great.

My dad's best friend saw it at work, who then told my father, who then told everyone.

 

[Cherry Bomb]

I agree with others, there is a bunch of stuff in the MO area that is very helpful.

When I got outted, it was painful at first but it turned out to be a 'life reset' moment. I cut many 'friends' out of my life because, nastiness, childish and creepy. My much smaller circle of friends are good peeps and I am happier.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

there's a book by jizz lee called coming out like a porn star that you might find helpful. It's a collection of personal stories from people in the adult industry

 

[AngelicaVee]

I was lucky enough that I was able to come out to 90% of the people in my life without any major negative social repercussions. I’ve always cultivated a very liberal friend group so none of them batted an eye.

I didn’t come out to my family but I know them finding out was inevitable. So I prepared how I would talk to them about it in advance, along with sources I could show them. Because I was able to calmly and comprehensively talk to them when the time came, it went as smoothly as it could have, all things considered. They weren’t thrilled but I was at least able to help calm some of the worries and misconceptions they had. That being said, my immediate family is pretty open minded so I acknowledge that In some cases, no amount of prep will get you a positive outcome. Either way, I highly recommend preparing exactly what you want to say to your friends and family ASAP. If nothing else, it will make the coming out/outing conversation much less stressful when the time comes!

 

[Rising_ phoenix]

My significant other's ex-wife just outed me to my family last night. Still trying to figure out how to move forward. He (my SO) is being blamed for it, and questions are being raised about my health and safety. It's a mess, but I don't see any other option than to continue to push forward and be successful.

 

[AudriTwo]

My significant other's ex-wife just outed me to my family last night. Still trying to figure out how to move forward. He (my SO) is being blamed for it, and questions are being raised about my health and safety. It's a mess, but I don't see any other option than to continue to push forward and be successful.

One: fuck your so's ex-wife. I hope her sock gets lost in her shoes everyday for the rest of her life. Fuck that cunt.

Two: hugs. I'm so sorry this happened. Give it time and stand your ground. Eventually your family will either learn to accept or not.

Three: fuck yeah! I channeled all of my frustration into my work, and I flourished. But do also seek a good mental support to help. It's awful when your family is against you and is blaming your partner for your choices.

Therapy for SWers:

Pineapple Support

Pineapple Support is an organisation supporting the mental health of adult industry performers across the world.

pineapplesupport.org

Or if you want to physically speak with someone I recommend looking up LGBTQ therapists or therapist that offer a non-judgment zone for sexuality.

 

[squirtalot]

Therapy and time helped a lot. I'm not ready to mend things with my mother, because I don't have the confidence that she will respect me and my choices without being toxic.


Sorry, again not trying to scare you. But what happened to me is probably the most batshit initial reaction I've seen on this forum. But I have been seeing a lot more good on family finding out then how it used to be. Times are hopefully changing!

Something like this just happened to me just now. Because of covid I'm staying with my parents in India. I've taken every precaution necessary except that I think I might have been a little loud sometimes. Long story short the parents and I were having an argument today and my dad says "I know exactly the kind of job you're doing! You want me to prove it?! Should I PROVE IT?!"
At which point I didn't say anything. And then he and my mum say things to the effect that they know but don't want a confrontation but they're not stupid. And then my dad continues to say things like "you're not fit to live in this house; it's a shame / disgrace to have you as our daughter" etc etc etc.

BUT, I can only guess that they've overheard me from my locked bedroom otherwise there's absolutely no way they can know anything. Anyway, it was unpleasant. It isn't even possible to cut off contact / leave because of this bloody covid.

 

[AudriTwo]

Something like this just happened to me just now. Because of covid I'm staying with my parents in India. I've taken every precaution necessary except that I think I might have been a little loud sometimes. Long story short the parents and I were having an argument today and my dad says "I know exactly the kind of job you're doing! You want me to prove it?! Should I PROVE IT?!"
At which point I didn't say anything. And then he and my mum say things to the effect that they know but don't want a confrontation but they're not stupid. And then my dad continues to say things like "you're not fit to live in this house; it's a shame / disgrace to have you as our daughter" etc etc etc.

BUT, I can only guess that they've overheard me from my locked bedroom otherwise there's absolutely no way they can know anything. Anyway, it was unpleasant. It isn't even possible to cut off contact / leave because of this bloody covid.

You aren't a disgrace. Im so sorry this happened. Hugs. so many hugs

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Something like this just happened to me just now. Because of covid I'm staying with my parents in India. I've taken every precaution necessary except that I think I might have been a little loud sometimes. Long story short the parents and I were having an argument today and my dad says "I know exactly the kind of job you're doing! You want me to prove it?! Should I PROVE IT?!"
At which point I didn't say anything. And then he and my mum say things to the effect that they know but don't want a confrontation but they're not stupid. And then my dad continues to say things like "you're not fit to live in this house; it's a shame / disgrace to have you as our daughter" etc etc etc.

BUT, I can only guess that they've overheard me from my locked bedroom otherwise there's absolutely no way they can know anything. Anyway, it was unpleasant. It isn't even possible to cut off contact / leave because of this bloody covid.

Out of curiosity, how tech savvy are your parents or other family members? Reason for asking is that there might be another way they found out is by reviewing the internet router/modem's logs and saw traffic to a site you broadcast from. It's more than likely sound. But, there is the odd chance that they review internet logs or some kind of reporting.

I live alone and do periodic review of logs in case someone happens to get on my network as well as see if there odd external traffic as well.

As to the negative issues those of you have had with friends and family, very sorry to hear that you've had to endure it It'd be nice if more people were open minded. But, sadly isn't the case. I'm a member, and don't broadcast. But, I've had some negative comments regarding a series of props I did for a few years. Most people thought it was hilarious, a few unsure and a couple were absolutely disgusted by what I setup. Kind of hurt since I thought those people were pretty open minded. It's nothing compared to what any models or other SW's go through. But, still shows how things aren't accepted

Hopefully things continue to improve, and what all of you do for work becomes more accepted.

 

[Lelo1]

"you're not fit to live in this house; it's a shame / disgrace to have you as our daughter"

That sucks,
Your parents may have grown up with a very different set of social norms and expectations.
And it may be difficult for them to understand.

I hope your parents come around, and become more supportive of you and your choices.

I hear there are resources for coming out to friend in family in the model only section. If you haven't, may want to consider getting verified as a model to get access to those and other resources.

 

[squirtalot]

Out of curiosity, how tech savvy are your parents or other family members? Reason for asking is that there might be another way they found out is by reviewing the internet router/modem's logs and saw traffic to a site you broadcast from. It's more than likely sound. But, there is the odd chance that they review internet logs or some kind of reporting.

I live alone and do periodic review of logs in case someone happens to get on my network as well as see if there odd external traffic as well.

I'm quite tech savvy and I don't know how to do this so I'm certain my parents don't either. Unless they've had someone from the internet company do it for them.

Incidentally enough how do you do it?

 

[squirtalot]

You aren't a disgrace. Im so sorry this happened. Hugs. so many hugs

Thank you Audri. I really want to run. Just pack my bag and go but I'm too scared to do this

 

[Deleted member 37064]

I'm quite tech savvy and I don't know how to do this so I'm certain my parents don't either. Unless they've had someone from the internet company do it for them.

Incidentally enough how do you do it?

Most often, it's by logging into your modem/router and viewing the logs there. It depends on the device. If someone is more tech savvy, they might be using a completely separate network traffic sniffing device such as a computer to monitor all LAN traffic.

I only mentioned it since you said you're staying with them, and my first thought was that you don't manage the router or modem.

 

[squirtalot]

Today's Conclusion : parents sat me down and told me they knew everything. They showed me some of my PAID videos that my dad's friend had fucking purchased from me!!!! And they were like while you're staying with us, you're not going to do this. So there's my livelihood gone

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Yikes! Very sorry to hear this, and why the hell did your dad's friend buy your videos if he knew it was you? I'd be bringing that point up because that's just gross!

 

[squirtalot]

Yikes! Very sorry to hear this, and why the hell did your dad's friend buy your videos if he knew it was you? I'd be bringing that point up because that's just gross!

Clearly he bought them just to send to my dad.... And to circulate among their friends. They probably pooled their money together to purchase them seeing as these Vids that my mum showed me were about $69 each

 

[Deleted member 37064]

Clearly he bought them just to send to my dad.... And to circulate among their friends. They probably pooled their money together to purchase them seeing as these Vids that my mum showed me were about $69 each

I still question motives. If all they were doing was to provide proof, they could have given names of vids and where they saw them without purchasing. I still think it's gross to do what they did in terms of purchasing &/or distribute among friends

In a way, they supported you by buying them to prove you're doing what you do. Hopefully can come to some kind of resolution on all of this.

 

[squirtalot]

Hopefully can come to some kind of resolution on all of this.

like I said, my dad's given me an ultimatum. No more camming else they won't consider me to be their daughter anymore. The only solution I can see is to stop live streaming for the next couple of months until I get back to Germany. And until then, depend on offline content sales. Oh lord I've been fucked royally

 

[Seven Inches]

like I said, my dad's given me an ultimatum. No more camming else they won't consider me to be their daughter anymore. The only solution I can see is to stop live streaming for the next couple of months until I get back to Germany. And until then, depend on offline content sales. Oh lord I've been fucked royally

Damn, so sorry to see this. I was In your room today when you logged off to go have dinner with your parents.

 

[squirtalot]

Damn, so sorry to see this. I was In your room today when you logged off to go have dinner with your parents.

I remember you what can I say? You can help support via the videos in the bio / only fans. I feel ill to my gut at the moment

 

[squirtalot]

UPDATE: After a week of long discussions and tense atmosphere, my parents have accepted that this is what I want to do with my life. They have insisted that I continue to live with them (and cam if I want) until I return to Europe. I now feel very awkward about the whole situation. They have told me several times that they feel they have failed as parents and that I wouldn't be where I am right now if I'd listened to them in the past.

this has taken all my energy / enjoyment out of camming and of sex in general (not that I've had any in months since being under lockdown with the parents). I just - well, how do I reconcile this? I'm aware that being in the same environment doesn't help but there's no other option besides waiting.

Also, one week of hearing my parents say that I should be ashamed of myself has begun to sink in and today when I cammed, I did feel embarrassed. I never felt remotely bad before but I do now. And just confused and unhappy with the whole situation.