Breaking the news to your family.

[itsaudreylynn]

Hello everyone! Happy Saturday!
So.. I am a pretty private person. None of my friends know that I cam and/or any family members.
I have been going back and fourth with myself for MONTHS trying to figure out if I even want to tell my close family and I have come to the conclusion that I am going to do it.
I feel like I am living a double life and I cannot continue to do so. It is slowly killing me.
My family is always asking me how I have money to do things and buy nice things and I freeze up.
If any of you could share some of your stories with me or give me any advice it would really mean the world to me.
Thank you so much! Xoxoxo!

 

[EmiliaSong]

It depends on a few factors:

1) How sex positive are they?

2) Are you dependent on them?

I'm super lucky that my parents are sex-positive people. They were never explicit with their own sexuality, but they never shamed me and always made sure I had birth control. Hell, my dad even got me tickets to the Museum of Sex for my 18th birthday (next time you're in NYC, check it out)! I've been talking more openly to my folks about my longterm goals recently, and now my mom is pushing me towards getting a sex-related vanilla job (sex therapist, academic sexologist, advice columnist/writer, etc). It took a few years for them to get used to the idea, but they're mostly OK with it now.

I was living with my parents when I started a few years ago, and they found out when they opened my 1099s (we use the same accountant, but it's still illegal to do that. . .). They were pretty distraught at first, but I think that was more the shock than anything. My mom's ultimate concern was that some crazy guy would find out where we lived. They made me stop camming while I was living with them, so it took me longer to build up the funds to move out. Don't tell them unless you're financially independent just in case shit really does hit the fan. If you are dependent, work on building up a cushion in case you get cut off/kicked out.

I'd start by telling your closest friend(s) first. It'll give you an emotional safety net, and you can get an idea of what to say to your family.

 

[AerynShade]

I told my sister about being a fetish model awhile back. She can be a bit... whorephobic, but was pretty accepting. I do a lot of non-nude stuff, so that made it easier. I told her about all the silly fun stuff I do first. She thought it was pretty hilarious that I sell clips of me just eating soup and stuff. She actually got pretty into it, and has helped procure some props for me like a hazmat suit and respirator.
If you don't think your friends/family will really take it well you don't have to tell them. Come up with a cover story. Tell them you do freelance video editing. (This is what I tell strangers.) Good luck!

 

[AnneDVille]

When I told my sister she was like 'yeah, sure, whatever'
When I told my mother (after a HUGE build up) she was like: 'Jesus, Anne, I thought you were pregnant or something!!!' (she was supportive at the time, I'm pretty sure she somehow managed to forget that I cam right now).
I don't talk to my father.
And all my friends I am currently in contact with know. Anyone that doesn't know hasn't seen me in a while.. I'll probably tell them when / if they do.

I've only really kept it a secret at work because... well... I don't wanna be sacked.

 

[DonaDiabla]

I would say that you should proceed with caution. If you believe that your family needs to know, then tell them one by one. However, if you feel that tell them will ruin your family relationships; than tell them that your profession is freelance writing. As far as my family is concern; my family has been involved with sex work for centuries and owned brothels in the Caribbean.Plus, my mother worked as a stripper back in the day.In fact, my mother suggested that I become a sex worker as she felt it was better than being a butcher. If anything, I am keeping up with family traditions but I had to modernized many of them. Good luck and I hope that your family will accept this as your job.

 

[EvilynMichelle]

Hello everyone! Happy Saturday!
So.. I am a pretty private person. None of my friends know that I cam and/or any family members.
I have been going back and fourth with myself for MONTHS trying to figure out if I even want to tell my close family and I have come to the conclusion that I am going to do it.
I feel like I am living a double life and I cannot continue to do so. It is slowly killing me.
My family is always asking me how I have money to do things and buy nice things and I freeze up.
If any of you could share some of your stories with me or give me any advice it would really mean the world to me.
Thank you so much! Xoxoxo!

Hey Girl! I am Evilyn!(●´ω｀●)

I know how you feel. I live with my family and my mom always asking me how I am getting all of these makeup and whateverness. I lied and told her it from Tumblr and Instagram give aways. I am making a Youtube account and going to make videos so I can say that is where I am getting my money! My mom is a hit and miss. She is fine with camming and porn she just doesn't want her "kids" to do it. She thinks she would have "failed" as a mother. I would try to ask your family how they feel about "sex scenes" or "nude photos" like give hits without making it seem like that is what you are doing. My older sister is the only person in my family who knows. She supports me a lot and helps me hide it from my mom. I know not a lot of people have that. Now with friends it is different. That is where you see if people change. Some of my guy friends thinks I will sleep with them or give them my link to my show so they can tip me to see me nude. It shows that they just wanna fuck me. Some of my girl friends are so supportive and are super willing to help with my YouTube videos and makeup. Other girls stop talking and my guy friends just want sex. I been dating and two guys I dated gotten jealous by my "likes" and how much "attention" that I got. They cheated on me. Camming shows me who are my real friends. I do have a double life but when you have a little group of people knowing it takes the stress off. I am dating my ex-boyfriend again and now he is fine with my camming. I cam here and there. I hope this helps and hope everything turns out great!

 

[RahqZee]

I let pretty much everyone in my life know if it comes up...I get stressed out about lying and I'm a very honest person by nature (not to say that the ladies who don't divulge their personal and private information are liars, because it is absolutely not anyone's right to know their business) but I can't keep cover stories straight very well. When I told my mom, I sort of started with a tentative, "so, you know how I've always loved performing..." And I likened it to being a burlesque performer, and then sort of slowly and gently explained it from there. But for me, ultimately, I'm not reliant on family for money or anything and we've rebuilt a more solid relationship over the past few years so I had no reason to worry. Your mileage may vary.

 

[ReyasRoom]

I totally recommend the book "Coming Out Like a Porn Star" by Jiz Lee.

It addresses so many facets of the struggles sex workers face through social stigma. I teared up reading it, because it felt like coming home.

*hugs* and please let us know how it goes!!

 

[katy556]

I told my mum straight away but we are very close and have always been able to talk about anything. shes the only person in my life that knows atm but its such a relief having someone that knows! im such a terrible liar so it takes the pressure off a little! I dont know if ill tell anyone else though. I dont think anyone would care but still...right now I'm happy keeping my little secret haha

 

[Guy]

I totally recommend the book "Coming Out Like a Porn Star" by Jiz Lee.

It addresses so many facets of the struggles sex workers face through social stigma. I teared up reading it, because it felt like coming home.
*hugs* and please let us know how it goes!!

What kind of people are more likely to to stigmatize sex workers? (I already know about conservative Christians)

 

[Carmita Bonita]

What kind of people are more likely to to stigmatize sex workers? (I already know about conservative Christians)

Off the top of my head, lots of people who I went to highschool with (as adults now) who aren't even overly relgious still have made comments about girls wearing certain clothing articles are "slutty/gross"--a lot of people I know never grew out of that mindset. Parts of my family are only moderately catholic and I know some couldn't handle me being a camgirl. Many men can be very judgemental (even the ones who DO watch camgirls/jerk off to porn will do this quite often) & don't think of sex work as a legit job i.e: "Get a real job you sluts!" (All while watching girls on cam). Towns that aren't even religious can have a mob mentality about sex industry. A "hooters" (which I don't classify as even sex work) was rumored to open here was protested because everyone said they were trashy strippers who would ruin everything (lmao).

 

[Guy]

Many men can be very judgemental (even the ones who DO watch camgirls/jerk off to porn will do this quite often) & don't think of sex work as a legit job i.e: "Get a real job you sluts!"

For a while the fact that relatively few people are willing to pay for mainstream pornography confused me. I always thought "Despite the fact that there is a shit load of pirated music on torrent sites, most people who listen music to pay for it. Yet with porn, most people who watch it choose to turn to pirated stuff on tube sites. It doesn't make sense." I later realized the reason why with porn its not the same. The reason is: Most of the people who listen to music have respect for artists they listen to. Therefore, most people who listen to music pay for it. In contrast, most of the people who watch mainstream pornography have zero respect for the porn stars that they watch. Therefore, most people who watch mainstream porn don't pay for it.

 

[DonaDiabla]

A lot of people have problems with it comes to sex work. Not just conservative Christians but many conservative religious groups, anti-porn people, super prudes, and hypocrites. Also very conservative cultures tend to look down on sex work as well. Meanwhile, some African based religions such as Voodoo, Santeria,Hoodoo and Obeah welcomes sex workers with open arms. Because the sex worker was view differently in many ancient African societies. Also some West African goddesses such as Oshun worked as sex worker and many are drawn to that lack of judgment

What kind of people are more likely to to stigmatize sex workers? (I already know about conservative Christians)

 

[DFT]

Dona, I'd love to read up on the cultures you've mentioned, do you have a book suggestion where to start?

 

[DonaDiabla]

DFT,
Frankly, most books about these African based religions are often bias but I will give you so suggestions. These suggestions can also be over a century old as well.

1.The Cultural Politics of Obeah: Religion, Colonialism and Modernity in the Caribbean World

2.Caribbean Religious History: An Introduction

3.
VOODOOS AND
OBEAHS Phases of West Indian Witchcraft
BY
JOSEPH J. WILLIAMS, S.J.

4. Psychic Phenomena of Jamaica by Joseph J. Williams. S.J

5. Vampire and their kin by Montague Summers (It covers some of the African based religions and their relations to sex workers)

6.The mimes of the Courtesans by Lucian (This is an ancient Roman text talking about how sex workers are important part of ancient Roman and Greek societies. It is an look at Europe before Christianity and how sex work was another legal profession before that time. Actually, this was used by my family in their brothels in the 1920s to encourage their ladies to read.)

I hope this helps

Dona, I'd love to read up on the cultures you've mentioned, do you have a book suggestion where to start?

 

[Vera]

Full disclosure, haven't read all the responses yet as I am posting on the go.

You might look into reading Jizz Lee's "Coming Out Like a Pornstar." https://www.amazon.com/Coming-Out-Like-Porn-Star/dp/0990557162

My family is very, very religious and I struggled with sharing this with them for a long time. It is funny. I built it up in my head until it was this big thing until I ended up telling my mother last year (3ish years in!). I was expecting a meltdown. She was initially uncomfortable but as I explained my work (bear in mind I pro-domme too) she realized I was serious about this, I had a handle on it, and I took my safety very seriously. Now everyone who needs to know, knows, and I have so much more peace of mind.

If you are a dependent, don't do this until you are SURE you can afford to live on your own. If you rely on your parents for tuition for school, don't do this. Take some time to reflect on whether this will be a longterm thing for you or a side-gig, and whether the fallout will be worth it for a given scenario. At the end of the day, it's your life, and if you are happy and healthy you owe an explanation to no one.

 

[Guy]

Full disclosure, haven't read all the responses yet as I am posting on the go.

You might look into reading Jizz Lee's "Coming Out Like a Pornstar." https://www.amazon.com/Coming-Out-Like-Porn-Star/dp/0990557162

My family is very, very religious and I struggled with sharing this with them for a long time. It is funny. I built it up in my head until it was this big thing until I ended up telling my mother last year (3ish years in!). I was expecting a meltdown. She was initially uncomfortable but as I explained my work (bear in mind I pro-domme too) she realized I was serious about this, I had a handle on it, and I took my safety very seriously. Now everyone who needs to know, knows, and I have so much more peace of mind.

If you are a dependent, don't do this until you are SURE you can afford to live on your own. If you rely on your parents for tuition for school, don't do this. Take some time to reflect on whether this will be a longterm thing for you or a side-gig, and whether the fallout will be worth it for a given scenario. At the end of the day, it's your life, and if you are happy and healthy you owe an explanation to no one.

I am gonna go see if they have that book at my local library.