Being "out" a camgirl

[LeviSweety]

I'm honestly tired of hiding the fact that I cam and other things some (big mouth) people at my college already know and I cam in my dorm so my house mates hear me.

I just wanted to know before I completely go idgaf mode if any of you have just been out and fine.

Like how it's affected your life in anyway or was it just chill...

Sorry I would post this in the model only section but it says I can't verify myself!

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I wouldn't say I'm "out", but I am open with most people I know about it.

Be prepared that it may lead to girls distrusting you more and men seeing you more like a sex object. It may lead to lots of questions, and it may lead to guys you know thinking it's ok to try and get shows out of facebook for free, or asking you what your cam name is, and of course, offers of "whether you need a guy", even if you have a boyfriend...

I tend not to tell people until I know that they'll be pretty chilled about it, or until they know me well enough that their initial mind has already been made up about me. I just don't think it's worth the effort to get into it with most people, and you will get the odd person who's a real dick about it.

A guy who I've known and was friends with for years, he was best friends with my ex so he knew about my job through that, and we were good friends for years after me and my ex broke up. He then at one point during a disagreement he turned around and said that I am supporting sex trafficking, and that I have no right to complain if a man sexually harasses me or another woman because of what I do for a living, and basically gave me a whole rant which basically made it clear that the entire time he thought that I was sin of the earth. He liked me as a person, but he clearly could not get around his preconceptions of what he thought my living was about. This isn't the first time that someone has thrown my job in my face during a disagreement, from people who said beforehand and afterwards that they're actually cool with the job. But it's pretty clear that they aren't seeing as they think it's worthy of throwing at me as a "But look at the bad things you've done!", and of course, I don't consider camming as bad or immoral, so for someone to use it as an example to me is ridiculous. But it shows how some people, even liberal people, will use it against you.

So if you want to be fully out in the open, you need to be prepared for that. However much you explain you love your job, however much you explain that it's not all about sex, nor is it what most people imagine, it will fall on deaf ears to most people. Sometimes I wish I could put camming on my CV and list all of the things I have been able to do with it, all the skills I have spent time learning to do behind the scenes work. But the world doesn't work like that. As soon as you mention anything related to sex, that is all people will think about. Some people will respect you for it, they think it's amazing and wish they could do it, but they're few and far between.

 

[paws_xx]

I am upfront and honest about camming with some people in my life.
that said, i don't bring it up 'just because' to people. some people are douche canoes and can hide behind the anonymity online and post revealing things about your legal name and location , etc etc to spite you and stuff. or just to "brag". that can all happen anyways but the more people who know the more opportunities.

also people do judge anyone in the industry. it's unfair and stupid, but that's the world we live in so you have to get a really tough skin. I recently had someone who was very important and special in my life for years and years tell me i have no future, and put me down majorly saying i only got a few more years at best, i cant always live off my looks. how camming is stupid and i'm just a camwhore.

i have a pretty thick skin so i could stand up for myself, and i know i don't need to prove anything to anyone but myself!
it still hurt though.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

i have a pretty thick skin so i could stand up for myself, and i know i don't need to prove anything to anyone but myself!
it still hurt though.

This, I understand this so well. You can be thick skinned, but when someone you care about treats you like a second class citizen for doing something you enjoy that gives you financial freedom, that's also harmless and perfectly legal, it really does hurt. I am still bitter about every loser who I have at one point considered a friend who has made a negative remark about my job, and they have all been losers with no career, qualifications or really anything to show for themselves. But they still feel they're above me on some moral high ground.

It's especially annoying as there are always such double standards, people over look so many horrible things that their male friends do. Cheat on their girlfriends, rumours of abusive behaviour, sleep around like no tomorrow but lie to the girls to do so, sleep with prostitutes in 3rd world countries, watch as much porn as possible...
This is all fine and not worthy of being brought up, but god forbid a girl actually work on one of these sites that they likely jerk off to without a care in the world. Apparently to some this means that you've basically given up on your rights to ever being equal to others.

The thing that often makes me laugh is the kind of people who are all so worried about "what will you do when you're too old??", are often the types that expect women to marry, settle down and have children once they're about 30 anyway. They're the people who expect women to get educated and plan for a career that they're never actually supposed to enjoy once they meet a man. So you really cannot win. Yes future is important, as camming does kind of put you in a situation where you don't have official work experience, but there is so much self employment out there that it's so easy to lie and build a great CV using skills you use camming and translating it to something vanilla.

 

[SMuser69]

I'm honestly tired of hiding the fact that I cam and other things some (big mouth) people at my college already know and I cam in my dorm so my house mates hear me.

I just wanted to know before I completely go idgaf mode if any of you have just been out and fine.

Like how it's affected your life in anyway or was it just chill...

Sorry I would post this in the model only section but it says I can't verify myself!

Just make sure your college doesn't have any code regulation against your activities. Many colleges still have honor codes in their student bylines that can get you penalized or expelled. Since it sounds like you're already been exposed for awhile you should check anyways.

just like colleges fall under your state's school zone laws as well that can double and triple penalties.

 

[Vera]

So I haven't read the whole thread, full disclosure. One thing you should worry about is tax ramifications and that you aren't sabotaging your financial aid or dependency status. The other thing I would recommend is waiting until you have at least a year in the biz before going public. You want to get your feet wet before telling other people about this particularly sensitive job.

I am out as fuck but have four years in the adult industry and am in it for a career. I have a degree and didn't start disclosing my job until I was certain it is what I wanted to do. Think it over and assess whether this is a career or just a way to make ends meet. There is nothing wrong with the latter but if you are only in this temporarily it isn't worth the social risk IMO.

 

[Jessperation]

I've only told my friends in the city I live in, and my mom. My best friend in the world doesn't know, but he lives in my hometown and I'd rather people from high school not find me. My friends here are incredibly supportive. I have found most of the people in my life don't even know what camming is. My friends in Los Angeles still think I'm a Psychotherapist, and my not-so-close friends in my city think I'm selling antiques and repurposing furniture--- which I did for fun in Grad School. I teeter between, "I'm not ashamed of what I do, in fact, I LOVE it," and "it's nobody's fucking business." I try to trust my gut and only tell people that need to know, and who love me. Also, hanging out with good people helps. If you're still in college, you might not want to tell as many people. It could be a matter of your safety, and kids can be assholes.

 

[Emberblaze]

My coworkers at my day job and my family don't know.

I'm fairly out about it with my friends. A lot of my friends I met by being involved in my local kink community and even within a group of very open sex positive people a lot of men took it as an invitation to be creepy and say gross shit.

A couple girls have made passive aggressive remarks about how looks don't last forever etc.

My own boyfriend compares me to a drug dealer and doesn't think it's a "real job"

If you want to be out make sure you have thick skin. People can be pretty cruel. I consider myself extremely thick skinned and so shitty attitudes motivate me to do better instead of getting upset but not everyone can handle constant negativity and rudeness.

 

[uncoveredmanhole]

My own boyfriend compares me to a drug dealer and doesn't think it's a "real job"

is that good or bad though?

I say kudos to anyone who gets a hustle where you make other people happy, and you don't get imprisoned to 9-5 hours and commutes and shitty wages doing something you hate for no good reason. strippers, personal trainers, tutors for studies or arts, eldercare, babysitting, drug dealing, public officiating, whatever you're good at, if you're helping people and saving yourself from an undesirable employment situation, that's great.

fuck, we should all strive to not 'have a real job'.

 

[Emberblaze]

is that good or bad though?

I say kudos to anyone who gets a hustle where you make other people happy, and you don't get imprisoned to 9-5 hours and commutes and shitty wages doing something you hate for no good reason. strippers, personal trainers, tutors for studies or arts, eldercare, babysitting, drug dealing, public officiating, whatever you're good at, if you're helping people and saving yourself from an undesirable employment situation, that's great.

fuck, we should all strive to not 'have a real job'.

I like your attitude.

 

[Ariana_]

I tend to be pretty selective with who I tell. One of my thoughts about it is that if you are able to, it's good to be somewhat open and "out" about being a sex worker, because the more people realize that we're human beings the less discrimination we'll face (probably). But it's all about safety. So my family doesn't know, because that would leave me homeless until I can get my finances straight. All my close friends know. Strangers who ask get a response about "working from home doing random stuff" or modeling. But even if people are outwardly really accepting and chill about it, like IsabellaSnow said, it might change the way they interact with you. Aside from my boyfriend and my best best friend, NO ONE asks how my job is going and if I bring it up myself they get kinda quiet and try to change the subject. So even if they don't straight up insult you, it might still be a chilly reception. But if you're craving freedom and openness and don't think it'll negatively affect your safety, go for it! You're hella brave

 

[Gen]

What are you studying in college? Personally I think you need to do a cost-benefits analysis of what you've got to gain and to lose by being open. Why do you want to be out to everyone?

Whatever you decide be very mindful of your future. You're presumably in college to get a job afterwards; this could have a serious effect on your job prospects and career progression (in any field but especially education, government, etc).

I don't have an opinion either way but I don't personally think there's a huge benefit in doing it, especially if you are going to move into anther field. Especially if you're new to camming, I'd be hesitant to assume this will be your life forever and that you won't ever wish you'd kept it a bit quieter. It's totally a personal choice though and is different for everyone.

 

[Zoomer]

I'm not a model, obviously, but all I'd say is think about your future career desires? If you're open about this and then want to work with children, it may (I honestly don't know, and don't see why it should) impact upon that. Any positions of responsibility may also be impacted (i.e. run for local/regional office). Why should it matter? Because of blackmail, because how others would react (parents) etc.
Once on t'internet (and potentially tied to your real name) it may linger forever. If you really don't care and there's nothing about future you or others close to you that should care, and you don't assess your current/future/past friends to be an issue... then well I can't say go for it. I know nothing

However, whatever your decision, i don't know how many actually do what you consider doing. I know some who've told immediate friends or those they trust - and have been rewarded by no issues whatsoever. However, yours is different to theirs and It'd be interesting if you revisit this (if you decide to go ahead) in the future to feedback on the outcomes in the short, medium and long term?

 

[LeviSweety]

Update: I'm not just gonna tell anyone. I guess I didn't explain that but like I'm not gonna try to hide it from my housemates since they're like next to me or my friends. I'd rather lose friends that look down upon sex workers personally I don't want "fake friend"

Also I'm going to school for English and would one day like to teach women in prisons possibly become a professor if I decide to go further in my education. I already work with children now so camming hasn't really came up at work I guess.

Idk I just know people at my college know so I guess I'm wondering is it even worth it to deny at this point. Or should I embrace it or not?

Also I don't know if I'm ready or not...I don't think I'll know until I try honestly. I have till August to make my decision though! Thanks for all your replies and future ones!

 

[Jessperation]

Hmm... well, once it's out there you can't take it back. Be prepared to own it and be okay with some people being shitty. Also, please watch out for your safety. Sexual assault is very common on college campuses and outing yourself could make you more vulnerable. I think it's awesome you have such a strong desire to be open with your work. I hope you receive lots of love and acceptance... just what you deserve!

Update: I'm not just gonna tell anyone. I guess I didn't explain that but like I'm not gonna try to hide it from my housemates since they're like next to me or my friends. I'd rather lose friends that look down upon sex workers personally I don't want "fake friend"

Also I'm going to school for English and would one day like to teach women in prisons possibly become a professor if I decide to go further in my education. I already work with children now so camming hasn't really came up at work I guess.

Idk I just know people at my college know so I guess I'm wondering is it even worth it to deny at this point. Or should I embrace it or not?

Also I don't know if I'm ready or not...I don't think I'll know until I try honestly. I have till August to make my decision though! Thanks for all your replies and future ones!

 

[JillianWeathers]

It's hard to have an opinion about this because my family doesn't know. But honestly, I kind of accepted when I went full time that that's just a sacrifice I needed to decide if I was or wasn't willing to make. This isn't for everyone. If you come from a super religious family like my own it really could affect your life. My "advice", just be sure you're ready for all that comes with this. And move to a bigger city where people don't care so much.

 

[MiaFoxUK]

Check the rules of your dorm, are you allowed to run a business from there? Make sure you know your rights in case someone decides to be shitty

 

[DejaElectra]

I'm out to pretty much everyone I know or meet, most people have been really supportive and thought my job was really cool. A few people have looked at me with disgust, but that doesn't bother me because I'm too busy working and making a nice life for myself through SW to have time to dwell on their negativity. I don't want closed-minded people around me. Plus being one of the "top page models" on my site and constantly being on the front page of pornhub makes it hard to hide lol. But I am in a very different position than you since I've been in the industry for years, I live on my own, this is my main job, and plan to be self employed for the rest of my life.

Like others have stated: camming from a dorm might be against policy and get you kicked out or even expelled, camming on financial aid might make you lose it, and coming out could put your physical safety at risk. Gossip spreads like wildfire on campus, you might think you can trust a person but 99% of the time they will tell at least 1 other friend, who will tell another friend etc. etc. and that info could get around to the wrong person. Do you plan to tell your parents? Because if you come out at college odds are they will find out.

The biggest concern I'd have for you is how you want to be a teacher and how you're currently working with kids. If the wrong person knows you cam and outs you you'll probably lose your job. There's dozens of threads on here about the kinds of jobs you shouldn't expect to have once you've done any kind of sex work, teachers and anything to do with kids are some of them.

In your situation I'd say don't come out or keep it on a need-to-know basis. Since you're really new to the job I think the negative will outweigh the positive. You could lie to your roommates and tell them you are doing a different kind of live streaming (eg. gaming, younow, fb live, youtube, etc.) or tell them you're having fun with a s/o on skype if you make a lot of very sexual sounds.

If you do decide to come out to anyone, follow basic cam model privacy and safety rules:

1. Do not tell anyone your cam name, no matter how much you trust them
2. Do not tell anyone what site you're on
3. Never use a picture from your personal social media on anything cam related, these can be tracked
4. Never link your cam social accounts to your phone number, personal email, or FB. If you use apps (snapchat, kik, etc.) make sure you don't import personal phone contacts
5. Lock or shut down all your personal social media accounts
6. Consider enabling location block for you state, it's not a surefire way to prevent locals from seeing your stream but it doesn't hurt

There are tons of threads on here about how to maintain privacy as a cam model, I'd highly suggest you read them even if you don't plan to come out.