Being a cam girl with a boyfriend! Help

[Macy89]

Hello Ladies,
I am in desperate help. I used to dabble in camming a few years ago and I also did a couple tongue fetish videos because I have a log tongue.

I never went full time with camming and did it sporadically but I know I could make some decent money. I was gearing up to webcam again a year ago and then I met my boyfriend. He worked in the oil fields at the time. At first he was okay with the idea of me webcamming but I decided not to do it because our relationship became serious quickly.

Fast forward a year.. My boyfriend is laid off from the oil fields and has been for a long time. I had to move in with my sister while he is living in our shared car. Things are very financially bad.

I have had random people recongnize me on instagram from my videos on the tongue fetish website. They all have begged me to make more videos and have offered to pay.

I figured I could webcam again and also do my own tongue fetish independently.

My boyfriend keeps changing his mind. He didnt want me to be nude and I told him no problem, theres ways around that.

Now he doesnt want me to do it at all but keeps asking me how much I could make to help with finances. Im not sure how to give him an exact number because its all about hardwork dedication and hustle.

I feel like if I would be able to webcam it would help our situation tremendously. We could have a home again, I could work from home and not require our vehicle when hes at work and I would also have a job that will work around my school schedule.

Do any of you ladies have serious boyfriends. How do you handle camming and boyfriend jealousy. Does anyone have any tips of how to be a successful cam model and have a boyfriend. And how should I talk to my bf about this?

Any help is much appreciated.

 

[mynameisbob84]

If I'm reading things right here, your boyfriend sounds less than reasonable.

- Boyfriend says he's okay with you camming
- Boyfriend changes mind and says you can't cam
- Boyfriend considers letting you cam if it will sufficiently financially benefit him

Maybe I'm misreading things here or things aren't that black and white (entirely possible) but if I were you, at this point I'd be putting myself first. If you need money and can earn money doing something you're comfortable doing, then you should. I'd be much more sympathetic towards your boyfriend's protestations of he wasn't looking to use you as his cash cow.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

If I'm reading things right here, your boyfriend sounds less than reasonable.

- Boyfriend says he's okay with you camming
- Boyfriend changes mind and says you can't cam
- Boyfriend considers letting you cam if it will sufficiently financially benefit him

Maybe I'm misreading things here or things aren't that black and white (entirely possible) but if I were you, at this point I'd be putting myself first. If you need money and can earn money doing something you're comfortable doing, then you should. I'd be much more sympathetic towards your boyfriend's protestations of he wasn't looking to use you as his cash cow.

Exactly.

I mean. Or he could get a job and pay all the bills? But it doesn't seem like that's happening...so....you need to take care of yourself.

 

[JickyJuly]

It's weird. Most of society is afraid that their daughters will grow up to be strippers, and my biggest fear is that my daughters could grow up to be this girl.

We can't tell you whether to cam or not. Neither can your boyfriend. But, maybe we can lay out things in a way that helps you look at your situation from different perspectives. You're living with your sister and have no income. Do you have other ways of making money that seem equally appealing to you? Are there things you could be doing to find other ways of making money that seem equally appealing to you? Is keeping this dude more important to you than finding income and stable housing? Is he doing anything to better his situation in order to keep you? He has every right not to date a camgirl or a clip maker, but if you're stuck in a rut and see fetish clips as a way out, you should consider all options. You're probably young I'm guessing. Dudes will come and go. Do what you want and go for the ones who are into what you're about.

 

[CrazyCatLady]

It's weird. Most of society is afraid that their daughters will grow up to be strippers, and my biggest fear is that my daughters could grow up to be this girl.

Agreed.

 

[Lili_xo]

Your boyfriend has no job and lives in your car and gives you advice on what to do to make a living?

 

[Lili_xo]

Okay I think you need to maybe look also for a toxic relationships forum because I feel camming is not the real issue here I think your boyfriend is holding you back and u r letting him do it. This is not even about camming that much.

 

[pocket sand]

Tell your vagabond boyfriend that his current bum status means he doesn't get a say in anything. Also tell him how lucky he is to have a woman in his life that is willing to put up with his scrubbiness. Then tell that mooch to get a job already.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

Tell your vagabond boyfriend that his current bum status means he doesn't get a say in anything. Also tell him how lucky he is to have a woman in his life that is willing to put up with his scrubbiness. Then tell that mooch to get a job already.

Although this cracked me up, I think you may be going a little far XD. If he's just a guy who has hit a rough patch, then vagabond, bum, scrubby, and mooch may not be fair portrayals. Let's not infer too much.

That said, I think OP should consider telling that deadbeat "Sorry motherf*cker, but I need to goddamn eat."

 

[Influenced]

I figured I could webcam again and also do my own tongue fetish independently.

Do You. IF I were you and I am not, I would not let what I perceive as his "insecurities" stop me from getting myself, or for that matter the both of you out of a bad situation. Just me. *Shrug*

 

[Mila_]

I am going to offer my perspective which seems to be different than the rest of the people on this thread (what else is new)

I dont know how serious you and your boyfriend are, and if you see him as someone you may end up marrying, but if the relationship is serious his opinion definitely matters.

You weren't a camgirl when you started dating and you shouldn't just throw the relationship under a bus simply because he doesn't want you to cam. Telling you he doesn't want you to cam is not abuse. Telling you he is not okay with it is not disempowerment. He is simply stating his boundaries.

If he is asking you how much money you would make it isn't necessarily because he sees you as "a cash cow". What a concept. Money is a factor, it is THE factor why you are thinking of doing this, and he might change his mind if he thinks camming will get rid of your financial distress. He might not be okay with you stripping for $900 but might be okay with you doing it for $10,000. Hell, I wouldn't cam myself if I didn't make a shitload.

The people telling you he is a bum, a vagabond, and a mooch are jerks. Everyone can be laid off from work. Everyone can end up on a rough spot. Chances are he isn't happy living in his car. Unless he is actively avoiding getting a job, he is not a bum, he is just a person in a situation.

In my opinion the best way to go about it is tell him exactly what you know, what you do not know, your experience, and what you have read. If you commit to working hard and you are smart you could make enough to move back into an apartment with him and start living a normal life. Tell him you will do it only if he is okay with it and until you can get on your feet.

Most of the fears a guy would have will dissipate once he sees first hand what camming is like. He might change his mind once he realizes it isn't such a big deal, but don't treat him like he is abusing you or like his opinion offends you just because he has reservations.

 

[pocket sand]

Although this cracked me up, I think you may be going a little far XD. If he's just a guy who has hit a rough patch, then vagabond, bum, scrubby, and mooch may not be fair portrayals. Let's not infer too much.

That said, I think OP should consider telling that deadbeat "Sorry motherf*cker, but I need to goddamn eat."

Very possible that I was wrong to judge the vagrant so quickly and harshly. He's probably just like, between jobs right now. Those between jobs guys always get their acts together, totally not a sign of things to come. Dude is almost assuredly working his ass off right now learning new skills and doing everything he possibly can to find some form of employment.

 

[JickyJuly]

Okay I think you need to maybe look also for a toxic relationships forum because I feel camming is not the real issue here I think your boyfriend is holding you back and u r letting him do it. This is not even about camming that much.

DIsagreed because going to a forum that is not associated with camming and even mentioning camming, adult work, wanting to cam etc. will only get you tons of women acting like you're brainless no matter what you say.

 

[Lili_xo]

Dude is almost assuredly working his ass off right now learning new skills and doing everything he possibly can to find some form of employment.

We don't know that. She just wrote he is not employed - for a long time. I wonder how long...
If her sister did not provide her with home she would be in that car too I gather.so what now? Inquire if is ok with boyfriend to make some money to get food?
Anyway...I hope all works out and am not saying he is bad person but some logic applies when is time to eat.
He knew about her camming when he met her not sure why he is holding her back.I think he might be scared she will start making a lot of money and he will then lose her so he would rather have her go down with him. That is why he is changing his mind. That is selfish of him in this situation.
But I don't know all details and I hope Macy will write more.

 

[Lili_xo]

DIsagreed because going to a forum that is not associated with camming and even mentioning camming, adult work, wanting to cam etc. will only get you tons of women acting like you're brainless no matter what you say.

I did not think about that...That is a very good point! I certainly see how this could be a problem. I keep forgetting that camming is concidered porn lol. But also women in toxic relationships are usually very non judgemental and full of empathy so it could go either way.i don't really know any forums like that but if there is a problem am always thinking - knowledge will help - there is stuff on the Internet...

 

[JerryBoBerry]

My boyfriend is laid off from the oil fields and has been for a long time.

Your boyfriend has no job and lives in your car and gives you advice on what to do to make a living?

Tell your vagabond boyfriend that his current bum status means he doesn't get a say in anything. Also tell him how lucky he is to have a woman in his life that is willing to put up with his scrubbiness. Then tell that mooch to get a job already.

The people telling you he is a bum, a vagabond, and a mooch are jerks. Everyone can be laid off from work. Everyone can end up on a rough spot. Chances are he isn't happy living in his car. Unless he is actively avoiding getting a job, he is not a bum, he is just a person in a situation.

Exactly.

I mean. Or he could get a job and pay all the bills? But it doesn't seem like that's happening...so....you need to take care of yourself.

I just thought I'd share the most likely realities of the situation before anyone else jumps on the judging band wagon. The oil industry is in shambles. Two years ago he was probably making more per year than 98% of the people on this forum. The average starting job for a student graduating with a bachelors degree (yes, right out of college with no work experience and not even a Masters or PhD) in Petroleum Engineering was close to $110,000 a year. It was the highest paying engineering degree in the nation with zero unemployment. Then oil prices went down. December 2014 with the price in oil plummeting that all vanished. There's over 350,000 layoffs in the industry in the USA alone. 48% of the industry is gone. Massive amount of companies bankrupt. Offshore oil rigs shut down. Some of the hugest companies in the world are teetering on going under even right now. And it's not even the main ones you think of. It's also all the 'service companies' gone too. The people who made equipment, made those off shore oil rigs, made tankers, made trucks to move the equipment, made generators, made pumps... every aspect is hurting. And the rest of the world is hurting too. Canada is hemorrhaging in the industry, Russia is going bankrupt over oil prices...the list goes on. Not a single country is well off in the industry.

So that massive layoff of people sent them all scrambling for other jobs they could do, which isn't much since petroleum is such a highly specialized industry. The person who could compute the stresses acting on a single grain of sand at 3000 meters below the earths surface using upper level mathematics like Finite Element Analysis, can't get a job mopping floors for $12 an hour because 250 other people in the oil industry also applied for it. Go to Indeed or CareerBuilder and apply for entry level jobs and see how many hundreds apply for the same stupid thing. Most other companies look at oil in your resume and don't give you a second thought. Fast food places even throw your application in the trash for being over qualified. It's incredibly hard for anyone in the oil industry to get a job, any job right now. One of the classmates I graduated with (who had a job offer for $93K per year while he was in his last semester) got his job offer rescinded right when this all started. Other classmates were jealous of him when he finally got a job 8 months later as a line cook at a local restaurant.

And the prospects for the near future are even worse. It will take years for the industry to recover. So as a result you have a lot of people in exactly his situation.
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Of all the above comments on 'the bum' and 'he needs to get a job.' I'd guess this one is the only correct one.

Dude is almost assuredly working his ass off right now learning new skills and doing everything he possibly can to find some form of employment.

 

[JoleneBrody]

Have you considered just making fetish clips and selling them on C4S? It may be an alternative to look into since you are fetish based, and possible something he would be more comfortable with.
Fetish models can make a killing on Clips4Sale

 

[JerryBoBerry]

I just thought I'd share...

Just noticed supermila's quote got mistakenly bunched in with the rest. Didn't mean to do that, I agree with what she said.

 

[swagger]

While Supermila may be right, and JerryJoBerry is definitely right. there's a fairly good chance that oil doesn't see 75$ a barrel for a long time, and by that I mean two years at a minimum. So while working on the rigs has been flush for the last 5 yrs, it may not be well for 2+ years again. So, taking advice from somebody who used to know how to make money might seem like a good idea, he needs to work himself out of the car before you start taking financial advice from him. He might be the best guy in the world, set upon hard times. Love yourself, learn yourself, do that and you'll be able to take every relationship you're ever in with a lot of salt, because you don't need it, and can respect it for the true value it holds to you.

 

[Violet Dawn]

I kind of agree with what Supermila said. He has the right to an opinion, but if you are in such a bad financial situation I feel it's unfair to hold you back like that.

My boyfriend doesn't have a problem with my current living (clip making, cam girling, etc) but he'd prefer me to not do things like become a stripper or escort. However, if the financial situation calls for it then he's okay with it. As long as I'm safe. Just as I don't prefer him doing some of his alternative options, but I accept that certain situations call for that.

I just feel uncomfortable with the idea that someone is so against you doing something when it could make your life so much better right now. I find it rather selfish, in fact. But I don't really know why your boyfriend is so against it so I can't really say much. My overall feelings is if he really cared for you he would be more understanding and open to what YOU want to do in this situation. I feel like he should at least let you try it out, as my boyfriend wasn't too keen on it in the beginning but slowly realized it's not a big deal and in fact a very good job. So maybe try to see if he's willing to give it a chance first. If then he still doesn't like it you can decide what's most important. Boyfriend or sustainable living...

I also agree with what JickyJuly said.. regarding other forms of income. That's also an option.

 

[pocket sand]

lol one of the hyper sensitive trolls negged my post. I get a good chuckle every time I log in and see a poo alert. Thank you @supermila for making me laugh.

 

[Mila_]

I just feel uncomfortable with the idea that someone is so against you doing something when it could make your life so much better right now. I find it rather selfish, in fact. But I don't really know why your boyfriend is so against it so I can't really say much. My overall feelings is if he really cared for you he would be more understanding and open to what YOU want to do in this situation.

I think sex workers in general are so used to having to fight against society's perceptions, the stigma and the judgement of people in their lives that they sometimes forget to put themselves into their SOs shoes.

While we can reasonably expect for parents, friends, neighbors, strangers to support your sex work or at least not judge it, and we have legitimate reasons for getting mad when they don't... with SOs it is not the same.

When you do sex work it affects your SO directly. It is, after all, sex work. They will have to endure the thought of having their wife or girlfriend flirt with strange men every day. Have other men seeing them naked or masturbating. They have to be okay with their girlfriend enacting fantasies and will have to wonder from time to time if she enjoys it. Not everyone is prepared for that nor should they be.

The second thing is the "whore" stigma that society applies to us will also befall upon them. Society considers the boyfriend or the husband of a "whore" a "cuck" and a "pimp" and they will judge him very harshly for it too. So by doing sex work you are putting your husband/boyfriend in a very difficult position as well.

This is especially important to understand for camgirls that think their partners are not entitled to at least a fraction of what they make. I had coffee with a selfish camgirl once who said her exboyfriend was a slob and that she broke up with him because she hated having to support him with certain things like paying a bigger fraction of their rent because he couldn't afford an expensive place with his shit job and she needed a big apartment to be able to cam.

The SO of a sex worker shoulders a big fraction of the risk, they are subject to stigma, they have to deal with a load of negative emotions associated with your job, and yet the person making the money is you and not them, they get the negatives without the positives. This is why an SO might wonder how much you will make and it doesn't mean he sees you as a cash cow. It is only fair to share it with them.

 

[Serenity_Tam]

Since i do t know you, or your bf beyond what you said i am going to give you my perspective as it would apply to me. There is no such thing as "the one" there are tons of people who will fit you.

If someone disagrees with me camming I know we have different value systems. I'd rather have income and work than not know where my next meal is coming from or not know how to pay rent. Different values in something so important to me would mean the relationship needs to be ended. I also don't think there is anything wrong with camming and view it as any job, another important belief. I think if someone disagreed with this idea there would be a lot of fights in future.

This is how I feel, maybe you don't feel that your right to choose what you do for dollars is important. I do. I also lump in that it's important to me I have freedom with my body, my partner has to know that I'm not running off with a photographer who shoots me nude of the dude who buys my vids, or even the gal I'm shagging for work. Knowing that distinction is integral to Ms in a partner. Their value system alignjng with mine is integral. Also. They need to care about stability. If camming gave me that then they should be fucking pleased I am doing something for me.

I am on the verge of bwing a survival sexworker. I don't make bank. I need this to survive. I make just enough to cover bills and maybe save some months. But to me that's better than unemployment. And if my gf who I want to marry and have BBs with one day decided she didn't like that idea she could go fuck herself and it would be bye bye gf.

 

[AriaAnderson]

So he could have just been a rig hand - he may not have been an engineer of any kind and it could have been an entry level job (albeit a good one). I have a friend who worked in oil and was just recently laid off as well, I do agree it is in shambles. But he could have gotten another job while looking for another oil job? IDK. Boyfriend sounds too scrubby.

Your boyfriend is near homeless and he is telling you he would rather be homeless, live in your car, potentially starve than have you be a cam girl. That's honestly the most whorephobic thing I've ever read.

Before I started camming, I was thousands of dollars in hospital debts from a suicide attempt. I had the shittiest beater car that was barely running. I also had like 0 contact with any of my family and I was 19 and scared. Life was literal hell - I know what the cusp of homelessness feels like.

I decided to start camming to earn any extra money I could - I didn't have a boyfriend, but I had roommates and friends who were so absolutely opposed to sex work that we are no longer on speaking terms. But you want to know what? I'm out of debt. I have a car that is not breaking down. I'm moving into a one bedroom apartment on my own on Monday - something I couldn't even dream of 6 months ago. Sex work changed my life for the better and I am now a (mostly) functioning adult. And I'm not even that good of a camgirl - I woudln't say I make an outstanding amount of money or am incredibly popular by any means. I just finally could make ends meet once I started camming.

I think your boyfriend is an idiot. Do what you need to do to survive and then thrive. Dump dead weight boyfriend and tell him to get a job.

I also think you really want to cam - if you didn't want to do it, you wouldn't be asking for advice about it, especially not here. Go with your gut.

 

[Gen]

My friends who got laid off from oil jobs are seriously struggling to find jobs. Even entry-level service jobs like fast food are hard to get when there have been mass layoffs (so not just oil workers but their spouses are looking for work too), especially if you're over-qualified. We don't know how hard he's trying, if he's upgrading his education, etc. Maybe he is just passively slacking, happy to live in a car, but I'd guess most people in that situation wouldn't be.

I know in Alberta they've seen an increase in suicide, particularly among men, that they're correlating with the oil layoffs. It's hard times. Personally I'd rather my girlfriend show off her tongue on the internet than live in a car, but if he's not comfortable with that, then you need to decide which is more important to you right now: the relationship or your income. I don't think there's a right answer, and it's a tough question. I hope things look up for both of you.

 

[Macy89]

Okay me clear a few things up here.

As stated above he is an laid off oil field worker. He also has construction experience, he has tiled the newest mall including in forever 21, he is osha certified, he has his general contractors license. He was making over 100k in the oil fields and is not makin that much now.

He is working he is sleeping in thr car because it is rent free and he wants to save up for enough to put a deposit down on a place I love and not just renting a room.

He wants to take care of me and not have me work. I dont want him to slave away and sleep in a car to provide for me.

I suppose he doesnt want me to webcam again becaus I am his girlfriend and he is very protective over me.

 

[Mila_]

Okay me clear a few things up here.

As stated above he is an laid off oil field worker. He also has construction experience, he has tiled the newest mall including in forever 21, he is osha certified, he has his general contractors license. He was making over 100k in the oil fields and is not makin that much now.

He is working he is sleeping in thr car because it is rent free and he wants to save up for enough to put a deposit down on a place I love and not just renting a room.

He wants to take care of me and not have me work. I dont want him to slave away and sleep in a car to provide for me.

I suppose he doesnt want me to webcam again becaus I am his girlfriend and he is very protective over me.

He sounds like a keeper. But if you loved him you wouldn't be thinking about putting the relationship at risk for the possibility of a few bucks. If he is sleeping in his car to give you a dream house he is suffering of a hard case of pussy-on-a-pedestal. The number one killer of twat tingles.

So perhaps you lost all respect for the guy and this is a way out. If that's the case, camming is a solid choice. Gives him a motive to break up with you without you having to be "the bad guy" and gives you some spare cash to be on your own.

 

[JickyJuly]

If you're not sure you want to cam, and he's working while living in a car to save money to provide for you, is there some reason that you couldn't just have any old vanilla job to support yourself a bit? Are you disabled? Just because a man wants to give you everything doesn't mean he can or that you should accept that especially if it is to his detriment. I mean, is there a reason that your sister and your boyfriend have to be supporting you whether you choose to cam or not? It sounds like the reality of the situation is that you're allowing others to carry your load and see camming or clip making as a way to carry a bit of it without (in imagination land) having to do much.

 

[SaffronBurke]

Have you considered just making fetish clips and selling them on C4S? It may be an alternative to look into since you are fetish based, and possible something he would be more comfortable with.
Fetish models can make a killing on Clips4Sale

I definitely agree with Jolene. Just tongue fetish alone, which you have already done, is a huge seller on Clips4Sale. If you and your boyfriend could reach a compromise about which fetishes he would feel comfortable with you selling, it would be a wonderful option for you. There are so many non-nude options, if that's an issue, and plenty of categories where you don't even need to show your face, so the chance of being recognized is minimal.

 

[Macy89]

Thank you for all your input ladies!
Im not sure if I mentioned this but I am also going to school full time so I would like a job that works around that.

I was on a website specifically for tonguefetish before I was a webcam model. I really feel I was ripped off by them money wise. I wasnt aware of how much traffic my videos got until random people started hitting me up on instagram asking if I was Macy.

I will have to check out that website and see how that works.

I really appreciate everyones input