bad pick up line/joke

[Freq]

A man is sitting at the bar admiring his new uber fancy schmancy watch when a hot lady notices it too.
She says, "wow that is some watch you have there."
He replies, "thank you, it's the newest in high tech and it grants me x-ray vision."
Amazed, all she can think of is WOW!
"Yeah, like right now, you aren't wearing any panties," he says.
Blushing, she tells him, "But I AM wearing panties!"
"Sorry," tapping on his watch as if something is wrong with it, "It must be an hour fast!"

 

[ronpaulftw]

"Let's you and me put the 'sex' back in sexually transmitted disease."

 

[tubby556]

Heard a guy say this to a woman in a bar:

Want to play guns? Bend over and I'll cock you.

 

[The Trober]

"Want to go back to my place and play army men? I'll let you blow the shit out of me."
"My dick has a cramp in it, could you rub it out?"
"Did you know I'm the reason it rains? I walk outside and Mother Nature gets wet."
"Has anyone ever told you how good I look naked?"
Basically anything I say is a crappy pick up like

 

[Freq]

"Want to go back to my place and play army men? I'll let you blow the shit out of me."
"My dick has a cramp in it, could you rub it out?"
"Did you know I'm the reason it rains? I walk outside and Mother Nature gets wet."
"Has anyone ever told you how good I look naked?"
Basically anything I say is a crappy pick up like

I was SOOOOO expecting a syrup trap joke here

 

[Gremlin]

My personal favourites have to be...

'Nice shoes, wanna fuck?'
'Hey baby, wanna play war? I'll lay on the ground and you can blow the fuck out of me'
'My face is leaving in 10 minutes, be on it'
'So... Do you suck, fuck and take it up the ass? or am I wasting my time on a Jesus freak?'

You'd be surprised how well they work at breaking the ice with a chick in a bar too

 

[rivet]

you look hungry would you like to eat my dick

 

[tubby556]

A few minutes into the conversation, when there is a break in the dialog, say "Did I mention I have a penis?"

 

[Freq]

A few minutes into the conversation, when there is a break in the dialog, say "Did I mention I have a penis?"

6 times already! lol

 

[Elvine]

"I lost my number, can I have yours?"

 

[recklessranger]

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little?"
"Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've got nice cans!"

I stole both those from Futurama :-D.

 

[Trusty]

Do you have any Thai in you??

her:"no"


"The names Tyler, would you want some?"

 

[AbbyTaylor]

My cock is a breathalyzer, blow it !

 

[Jason314]

You're such an angel. You make me as straight as an arrow. Want proof?

 

[Freq]

That thing must be caffinated, cuz I never get tired of seeing that pussy!

 

[AlexLady]

"How would you like to stick your 3" floppy in my CD-Rom drive?" (Current favorite)
"Your face, your ass... What's the difference?"
"*Chomp* I'm just getting my teeth ready."
"Do you really want me to 'Sit' on it..?"



._. I'm so mean until I get off.

 

[Syntastic]

Can't remember who it was but there was a comedian talking about liking pickup lines that, depending on her reaction to them halfway through, could go either way. One of them that I always liked was asking "Did you fall from Heaven?" and if she gives you a snotty look, continue with "Cause it looks like you landed on your face" and then walk off. XD

Then one I came up with is that I tell girls I named my penis Lucky. Then I tell them that "it's weird cause it seems like every girl already knows his name. I mean, *every* time I take my pants off, the first thing out of their mouth is "Wow, you're lucky." HOW DO THEY ALL KNOW HIS NAME!" Classic.

 

[Freq]

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

 

[Syntastic]

So, just so I know. How do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled?.... or fertilized?

 

[The Trober]

The word of the day is legs, lets go back to my place and spread the word!

 

[LadyLuna]

"Looks like a needle, works like a sewing machine."

How a lesbian friend met her current girlfriend: she was kinda drunk ordering at subway, and was staring at the chick staring at her. Friends say to give number, so she scribbles it on a piece of paper and walks up to said chick. "Um.. I don't know if you're talking to anyone right now.. but you could be." Walks away.

 

[AlexLady]

"You're a better treat than chocolate covered animal crackers."



<_<

>_>

 

[Bocefish]

An introvert went to bar and spots a pretty looking woman sitting on the stool. He mustered all his courage for a long time, then timidly approached and asked her, "Ma’ am, would be OK if sit here and talk with you?" She was alert, suspecting this man, and responds by yelling, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Customers in the bar started staring at them. The embarrassed guy quickly returns to his table dejected and ashamed. The young woman waits a little and then goes to the guy to apologize. With a smile on her face she says, "I am sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I am a college student in psychiatry and I am putting together a thesis as to how people react to embarrassing moments." The cunning guy now yells loudly, "What do you mean by $500?"

 

[Syntastic]

Walk up to the girl "Hi there. My names Gargamel. How about we go back to my place and smurf "