Am i being "Vanilla'd"?

[Daddio1995]

So I have been viewing Cam sites for some time now. Probably about 7 years for so. A long time ago I had a "sort of" ongoing thing with one model, who as it turns out became a little possessive and was on me all the time for various things. I ended it, because it was too much to deal with at the time. Over the next few years, I sort of made a rule, that I was not going to get too close to anyone on cam. I am always polite, tip well, and have fun....but nothing else. That all changed a couple of months back when I met a person on cam, who I started to talk with and we became pretty close. We shared personal stuff (not dangerous very private stuff) and indulged in fantasies that made us both happy. We had no illusions of meeting ( I would never ask that) as we are both attached and this is pure friendship and fantasy. Over the next couple of months, I became very infatuated with her and was pretty generous (that's not the point of this story though). She appreciate is always and told me she would like me, and talk to me, even if I didn't tip her.

A few weeks into the "relationship" I was having a bad day and she posted something that got me upset....not mad....just upset....I was taken completely by surprise by this and we talked about my feelings. She said she understood, and I told her it wasn't going to get in the way of our "relationship"....I honestly trust this person and believe she really likes me, FWIW, but last week, I got upset because it seemed like she was taking a long time to respond to DM's. I realise she was busy, but I was kind of terse in my statements and she knew i was mad.....so she got pissed and didn't respond. I was very upset at my behaviour, and I explained it to her in a long DM. She responded and it made me feel even worse. Anyway, days went by and we had a few vanilla message back and forth, but she told me she basically forgave me for being an idiot. We were supposed to talk it over, but I think she just wants to ignore it and move on. The problem is, that her DM's have changed, they are very vanilla and seem half-hearted. If I scroll up to re-read the past DM's, it becomes abundantly clear that I am being "vanilla'd" From your experience am i being "Vanilla'd"? I really like this person and want this to be what it was, but I will also not stick around if that is not what they want. I am not going to be in a one-sided "relationship". Thoughts?

 

[CheeseMoon]

Let it cool off a bit. It'll start again by itself if it's worth something more than your tokens.

Anyway, I can hear the Right Honourable ACF Committee on Back Tattoos scrambling. They should be here soon. You may want to sit down.

 

[veggiebabyy]

BACK TATTOO.


kidding. Have you been tipping her less than usual? If you're tipping less, you shouldn't be expecting her to put the same amount of effort into her DMs. It's not a relationship. She is providing a service in exchange for money. Less money = less service.

 

[MarieElise]

You sound like you are being a bit high maintenance for just a cam viewer. It depends on her personality and desires, but I would not want to put that level of effort into someone, I wasn't ever gonna meet up with. No matter what the token situation. Too emotionally draining.

ETA; Don't get me wrong, I love high maintenance men for real relationships, just not for the NSA camming context. She may look at it similarly... or not.

 

[englishmuffins]

I can only speak from my experience, but when I am super busy (working extra hours, sick, life problems, etc.) I don’t particularly want to talk to anyone. My mental capacity to hold genuine conversations and texts just starts to tank. But I am clear with my room and members when this happens and ask them to please be understanding.

When a member is upset with me over my lack of communication, I would hope that they respect my answer when I say I am busy and what I am busy with. Some members have been kind and understanding, other members lash out at me.

How you, as a member treat me, when I am trying my hardest to balance a work-life and sanity, will determine whether I ban you or not, or dictate "vanilla" conversation. Nonetheless though, I hate the back and forth with members who lash out me and then come asking for forgiveness and then lash out again. I view that as an emotional-leech tactic and I ban when I see it.

 

[Smoothie]

I’ll sidestep the “relationship” thing and just say that words have consequences. Even if she forgave you, it might have been a red flag that things were getting too weird for her.

 

[AmberCutie]

Have you been tipping her less than usual? If you're tipping less, you shouldn't be expecting her to put the same amount of effort into her DMs. It's not a relationship. She is providing a service in exchange for money. Less money = less service.

I get the feeling this might be the problem. OP sees it as closer to a relationship than he should, and doesn't realize he's being too needy for the amount he's spending. When cam members "get upset" and it gets to a point where they feel there need to be "conversations" about that, it gets to be a lot of emotional labor on the model. She may have realized that was happening and just backed off a bit while she got other work done that was actually providing what she needed.

 

[lovelylaura]

I had a guy last night who is on my snap chat and is usually very kind and generous in my chat room get upset with me.
He sent me a Pm and said he has spent hundreds on me but it doesn’t appear I appreciate it. Then said he would leave me alone, and left. Not sure where that came from, and he didn’t come back, but it thru me for a loop. My only conclusion is he was not getting the attention he thought he deserved last night, but I was quite busy. He had not been in my room much the last 2 weeks as he was working 24/7. I hope he returns because he is a good guy, but sometimes it’s just not clear why a member becomes upset with you or vice versa.

 

[Danigirl]

Camming=draining.
Dealing with high maintenance members=total drain.

Your tips need to match how much you're draining my emotions and patience. If it isn't, I may not even respond to PMs because my first priority is to make my cam session a success not to pacify members who have repeatedly had a hissy fit or were rude to me.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

A lot of good comments in here. I’ll just add that it sounds like she took a major step back due to your actions. This really isn’t that different than an in person friendship where one person gets high maintenance and too much to deal with. It may, or may not, go back to what it was. My bet is not.

As to vanilla’d, unless you’re regularly tipping her for dirty talk, I wouldn’t count on it lasting long. Especially with an outburst like you did.

 

[lovelylaura]

Camming=draining.
Dealing with high maintenance members=total drain.

Your tips need to match how much you're draining my emotions and patience. If it isn't, I may not even respond to PMs because my first priority is to make my cam session a success not to pacify members who have repeatedly had a hissy fit or were rude to me.

Oh yes, it’s all so draining. I think I need a nap.

 

[AudriTwo]

you sound like an emotional wanker. that is a person who is more interested on having their emotional needs met instead of masturbating. in my opinion these types are one of the worst cammembers because they are draining. her distancing herself is a sign she has had enough of your bullshit. give her a break, and stop doing long dms. she isnt your girlfriend. this "relationship" should be fun and entertaining. not filled with drama and emotional neediness.