After 2 years going on webcamsites: Some things I can tell you

[Moeim]

I'm guessing you never read any of those threads, and only read the titles?

Yes, i read some of them, and i was kind of glad to read about it, since it is a reality that happens on webcamsites and i could relate to some things that were said. There are also no places to talk about it, since people will quickly call you 'a douche' or a loser.

Care to elaborate?

Yes, actually go to camsites to seek this type of interaction. It started with a model who i fell in love with. Such a model is indeed a fantasy on my screen, a fantasy unlike i ever had before, not just sexual, so clearly i wanted to meet in real life.

Very few models are worth it to fly to, but the ones who are, i go see in real. They are not necessarily models i fall in love with.

Yes, it's unusual, but that's what camsites did for me)

 

[Moeim]

Your fantasy isn't worth a model's source of income.

I don't go to them because it's a fantasy of me...but one model was my fantasy and it was amazing to see her the first time.

There's a reason so many actual celebrities have restraining orders on fans that take things way too far.

Yes ofcourse, but in my case i now have friends who i go see regulary, i learned a new language and discovered a new country and culture. So not all is doomed to be bad.

I was actually on a 'normal site' to meet women from other countries, but there they quickly think you are a pervert or have bad intentions. I have better luck on camsites.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Yes, actually go to camsites to seek this type of interaction.

Maybe don't.

 

[AudriTwo]

I could careless what happens between two consenting adults and neither are being exploitive pieces of shit.

But to use camsites looking for slam pieces is odd. It's like the dude who goes to strip clubs trying to bang strippers. It's suspicious.

 

[Moeim]

I'm not looking for hate here...

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

No one is hating on you, we are just telling you that what you are doing kind of sucks.

 

[Moeim]

No one is hating on you, we are just telling you that what you are doing kind of sucks.

I don't see it that way, i use the camsite at first, afterwards i never go to their room again and only chat by phone.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Right, clearly. That sucks. Going to someone's workplace where they sell interactions with the intention of getting to interact with them for free sucks. Posting here to promote that kind activity to other potential cam viewers sucks. Your post sucks.

 

[AmberCutie]

I'm not looking for hate here...

No one is hating on you, we are just telling you that what you are doing kind of sucks.

I don't see it that way, i use the camsite at first, afterwards i never go to their room again and only chat by phone.

You're interpreting it as hate, but we are merely telling you that you are using cam sites in a way that we disagree with.

So you're not going to find much support, if any, here. If this subject is all you have to discuss at ACF and have no intention of talking about anything else, might as well go.

 

[Marceline]

But to use camsites looking for slam pieces is odd. It's like the dude who goes to strip clubs trying to bang strippers. It's suspicious.

Yeah, this. From all the times I've seen this in person when working at strip clubs and from seeing/reading it happen to camgirls, it's pretty obvious that the guys who go out of their way and enter sex worker spheres with the sole intention of trying to "date" (i.e fuck) dancers or camgirls only do so because they are socially awkward and inept at getting women and they believe that women within adult industries are easier to get with and fuck due to their job and also that they can be easily manipulated with money. And honestly, it shows just how little respect they have for sex workers, when they can't even realize that this is a job and the vast majority of adult industry workers have absolutely no interest in dating members or clients.

It's gross and exploitative. Another comparison, it's like the senior/college guys going out of their way to try to date high school freshmen, because the only way they can get with a woman is by preying on someone they believe they can manipulate into being with them.

 

[Moeim]

but we are merely telling you that you are using cam sites in a way that we disagree with.

Yes, indeed

Posting here to promote that kind activity to other potential cam viewers

Yes, this is not really my intention, merely sharing another experience where it is not always centered around money or sex.

might as well go.

Good luck with the forum, i'm sure it's of much help to people.

You can delete this thread.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

it is not always centered around money or sex

Approaching a sex worker at work, it is always going to be about money and sex. Sex. Work. It's a simple concept. Coming to a forum full of sex workers to talk about how to try to get around paying us and expecting a warm welcome was silly.

 

[AudriTwo]

You can delete this thread.

Amber doesn't delete threads. The internet is forever.

 

[thinkinboutit]

I don't get it

Why bother going to camsites to pick up. 99% of the performers are going to laugh at/turn you down. Most will live in a different country/state.
Of the .001% that might give you their number, most are going to be scams or studio models trying to string you along for $$ outside the studio's cut.

Tinder is a thing. Escorts are a thing.

Some people just insist on doing things the stupidest way possible. and like @Marceline said, its based on dumb stereotypes about us. We usually don't like to date someone who is only going after us based on that.

 

[thinkinboutit]

edit: oops double post mistake !

Some of these dudes probably enjoy pursuing a "chase" that deep down they know unlikely to payoff. In online dating, perhaps they don't get a lot of matches. Maybe camgirls who humour them (RE: trying to rinse em) make them feel like they're getting somewhere.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

edit: oops double post mistake !

Some of these dudes probably enjoy pursuing a "chase" that deep down they know unlikely to payoff. In online dating, perhaps they don't get a lot of matches. Maybe camgirls who humour them (RE: trying to rinse em) make them feel like they're getting somewhere.

This is similar to in person situations as well when it's found out someone is married or in a committed relationship and not interested, they raise it to another level and want what they know they can't/shouldn't have.

 

[KenzieCams]

I haaaate when members use it like a dating site. Almost all my whales see it like one, too. They think if they spend enough I will see their awesome personality and fall for them or something. But like...I dunno. Its super crappy to assume I can't find someone local in my own personal life and that all it takes to make me happy is money. I want a handsome guy, my own age, my own city. Why do these assume I'm easy and available just because I like to sit in the total isolation and privacy of my own home with a camera? I don't get it. But the worst is when I have to make it perfectly clear I'm not interested and then their so called support goes out the door. I don't want to lead guys on for a living. I am here to entertain. I cannot stand when men try to use it as a dating site. It's unsafe, against the rules, and terribly inconvenient. I wouldn't need to get on a plane for some cock. I'm a mafucking cam girl- I'm nearly every mans fantasy. If I want dick, I can get dick in a 2 mile radius. No tokens needed to hit it. I mean really.

This is literally the only thing I dislike about being a cam model. End rant lol

 

[NikkiKnokki]

This just feels a bit like telling yourself "you know what? I really want to get a friend who gives good massages so I have access to them for free." Then going to a massage parlor, the massage therapists' place of business, with the sole intention of eventually receiving that service for free. It's just very unsettling and feels like you're trying to take advantage of people...

 

[SaffronBurke]

Good luck with the forum, i'm sure it's of much help to people.

Right, because it's a brand new forum that just started this year, and not a pillar of the industry that's been around for close to a decade

 

[Just_A_Guy]

This is similar to in person situations as well when it's found out someone is married or in a committed relationship and not interested, they raise it to another level and want what they know they can't/shouldn't have.

This is just my personal opinion Force, when this thing happens, it always leaves you wondering, is it me you're interested in or are you just in a sort of competition with the woman i'm dating or in a reletionship with, just to prove something to yourself? There's a word for that but idk how to translate in English and if that would make sense. Sorry for totally derailing/hijacking the thread. Just had to say this. Won't happen again.

 

[CallMeMaria]

"Honey, I am a cam model, not an escort." has to be one of my most repeated phrases, along with " If you are looking for a date, try Tinder."

The amount of people who think that cam sites are like Tinder, but better and with explicit video never seizes to amaze me.

 

[GoddessV]

I don't see it that way, i use the camsite at first, afterwards i never go to their room again and only chat by phone.

I think you misspelled "taking advantage of vulnerable women"

It is a lot easier to pick up women who are feeling out of their element (i.e. younger models or new models) than it is to act like a respectful adult male and meet women on a DATING site. And again, you never give them compensation for their time because I am sure you seek out the weakest and most emotionally delicate and have no ACTUAL respect for them or their job.

Source - this happened to me.

Many moons ago I was a young cam model who had left an extremely abusive relationship (no life experience and no experience with men) and I was camming on MFC as a new girl. A loser (because that is what you are) "found" me and took advantage of my weakened mental state. We talked on the phone and ended up meeting IRL and he flew to see me. He never paid me after the first show, we were "dating" and he even convinced me to stop camming. I was all gaga over him because he was handsome AND a real life rockstar (his identity will remain secret). I probably don't have to finish this story because EVERY girl with experience knows exactly how it ends. He got bored of me quick and moved on to a new vulnerable model - rinse and repeat.

I will go ahead and guess you are at least 10+ years older than these women.

With no respect because none is due you - FUCK YOU.

I have never told this story because I was so embarrassed by it. I am a lot wiser now and I realize it was not totally my fault, these men exist and they seek out women who were vulnerable like I was. Maybe I should start sharing my story more because this isn't a story that is unique to me. Right now, on some camsite somewhere, there is some poor girl (or boy) who is being taken advantage of by a creep like this.

 

[Deleted member 37064]

This is just my personal opinion Force, when this thing happens, it always leaves you wondering, is it me you're interested in or are you just in a sort of competition with the woman i'm dating or in a reletionship with, just to prove something to yourself? There's a word for that but idk how to translate in English and if that would make sense. Sorry for totally derailing/hijacking the thread. Just had to say this. Won't happen again.

I've heard that it's in part due to a person's personality may be different than when they're single. I've also heard that it's just the thrill of an unobtainable goal. Not sure if that's similar to what you're thinking. In a way, it isn't derailing the conversation, as I think the "unobtainable goal" is how some people look at models &/or celebrities of some level.

"Honey, I am a cam model, not an escort." has to be one of my most repeated phrases, along with " If you are looking for a date, try Tinder."

The amount of people who think that cam sites are like Tinder, but better and with explicit video never seizes to amaze me.

Maybe this is going to sound kind of odd. But, I tend to look at how I interact with cam models the same I do hair stylists. When I go for a haircut, I visit their place of business. Chat, flirt a bit, enjoy their company while they do their thing. Once they're done, I say "Thank you" as I pay for the service and give a tip.

I have no intentions of asking her out for a date, trying to sleep with her, or anything that might happen outside of the reason for the visit. Yes, we flirt and joke around while conversing. But, that doesn't mean she's interested in me beyond a customer. It's truly just a service I'm paying for on that visit only. If the service was good, she's got a repeat customer.

Don't think that's too hard for people to comprehend...


But, now that I shave my head, I have no reason to go to a hairstylist...

 

[JustALurker]

in my opinion there is one big differnce here in the overall assumption.

behind any potential "relationship" there always has to be some kind of a "trade", one that will at least add some small additional "value" on the sides of both participants, otherwise it will fall apart as fast as it has established.

if we talk from the perspective of a cam-model thats located in the "first world", you are secured, you got equal rights (as a woman), and you mostly have the ability and freedom to already live an independent and self-determined life. and if you dont have any big and unsolved problems in your backpack (family-, money-, health- or mental-wise) from your past, there will be no "real" struggle to survive on your own, because there will be at least some dead-end-job- or any type of welfare- or support system avaibale which grants the life, and even if you dont get any kids, there still will be some type of a pension or aid from the goverment if you are to old or sick to work. (this is also the reason why the amount of so called "leftover" woman in todays socity raised tremendously, because there is no pressure, and they can "afford" to be much more picky as in the past, because they are in "charge" if it ever comes to any further relationsship or not, also due to heavy social media usage a woman today knows much better about her value (at least for the "physical attractiveness", which, even if its not fair, will count probably more then 50% for a potential partner), especially if you are a cam model, you get an very accurate evaluation of yorself e every minute you are working, you know exactly about your sexual market value) and if a cam-model additionally even is at least semi-successful in the business (moneywise), it will be nearly impossible for any "average client" (even if they are semi-wealthy) to add any longterm enriching value to the life of the model, which will lead to the rational conclusion that: unless the client will be exactly that type of prince/princess that meets most/all the preferences and expectations of the models dreams (which will be the "value" of the trade from the models perspective), the model will never ever consider any further "real" relationship, because of an endless amount of available options. (so it probably never ever will happen with the average client, which even a lot of the whale tippers that use these platforms for years seem not to understand and probably "waste" tokens with total wrong intentions and wrong expectations, which will be even more toxic if models try to keep this fake dream alive and drain them with false promises)

by mis/using a cam-site as a dating-platform, personally i barely see any chance to get in a real relationship with a cam-model, at least if the model is also from the "first world".

if there is any realistic chance i only see it with cam-models that are from the so called third world or from unstable or poor countries, so there will be a potential longterm benefit also on the models side.

 

[WickedTouch]

Maybe this is going to sound kind of odd. But, I tend to look at how I interact with cam models the same I do hair stylists. When I go for a haircut, I visit their place of business. Chat, flirt a bit, enjoy their company while they do their thing. Once they're done, I say "Thank you" as I pay for the service and give a tip.

I have no intentions of asking her out for a date, trying to sleep with her, or anything that might happen outside of the reason for the visit. Yes, we flirt and joke around while conversing. But, that doesn't mean she's interested in me beyond a customer. It's truly just a service I'm paying for on that visit only. If the service was good, she's got a repeat customer.

Don't think that's too hard for people to comprehend...

Yup. Totally agree with this...


What happens on a cam site... should stay on the cam site.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

I've heard that it's in part due to a person's personality may be different than when they're single.

Great point you've made here. Totally didn't considered it. You absolutely have a point here. Yeah, us guys act a little bit different when we are single or in a relationship.

I was so embarrassed by it.

Hi. Im a man, not a model. You just don't have to be embarassed or feel ashamed by anything. It's all on him. He was just an asshole. Lesson learned, I guess.

not an escort.

Now I'm really curious to know where all the guys asking you for a date come from. I guess where sexwork is illegal. Mind that I don't live in Us and I live in a country where nobody gets in trouble if a man want to spend some time with a charming woman. I'm saying this because, for me, there's nothing wrong being an escort, so I don't get it. Must be some cultural divide here at play. So sorry. Just wanted to say that.

 

[yummybrownfox]

Can members please stop assuming the majority of models will meet or give personal information out and if we don't we are sketchy? Cam sites are not dating sites. Giant pet peeves of mine.

This. Some years ago (When models were doing the "Highest tipper gets my phone number" thing on MFC) some MFC member whined to my model friend that I "won't give out my phone number to MFC tippers because I'm paranoid." *Rolls eyes* It's like OMG, dude...you'd better build a bridge and GET OVER IT. Entitled much?

 

[CallMeMaria]

Now I'm really curious to know where all the guys asking you for a date come from. I guess where sexwork is illegal. Mind that I don't live in Us and I live in a country where nobody gets in trouble if a man want to spend some time with a charming woman. I'm saying this because, for me, there's nothing wrong being an escort, so I don't get it. Must be some cultural divide here at play. So sorry. Just wanted to say that.

Absolutely nothing wrong with being an escort or using a such a service, its just that the cam sites are the wrong places to look for one.

It is a bit like going to a florist to look for a plumber.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

its just that the cam sites are the wrong places to look for one.

Sure. Agree. I get that it's annoying having asked the same dating question over and over again from guys. I took the liberty of asking, and hope you will excuse me for that, because I've always found it to be kind of weird. I mean, there are tons of threads in the forum - I haven't read all of them - about guys falling for this or that model who lives on the other part of the world, wanting to visit and/or date this or that model but, unless I'm missing something, none of them has ever said where they come from.

So I've always thought they must come from countries where sexwork is illegal and maybe, have no idea, there's a correlation. Or maybe there's not correlation at all and guys from all over the world ask you the same question. I mean, just a thought that I got. It's not important. Sometimes I just overthink stuff. Thank you.

 

[CheeseMoon]

[...] but, unless I'm missing something, none of them has ever said where they come from.

A couple of the infamous threads here were by guys from the US if we are to believe what they wrote, but in my opinion it doesn't really mean anything in the bigger picture. Lots and lots of guys just can't handle a woman smiling at them while behaving in a professionally friendly way, so they end up confusing being smiled at by your high school crush with someone you just paid to do exactly that. It's a glitch in their programming.

I don't know how many days of my life I have spent on shooting the proverbial shit with other users on StripChat, but a couple of these internet acquaintances had a pretty hard focus on certain models, over analyzing every little word in PMs, the public chat and in the model's overall behaviour towards them. It's like they are looking for something that isn't there while having a confirmation bias of olympic proportions. Then these regular guys with regular jobs go and dump 20000 or even 50000 tokens on a model in a single tip and become upset later when she still didn't want to "quit camming for them". They are disconnected from reality, and like conspiracy theorists, nothing you say or whatever line the model draws in the sand can make them change their minds. It's a runaway train with Jon Voight on the top screaming.

Unrequited love is bad enough when it happens out in meatspace, but having otherwise well adjusted middle aged men go all depress-O-rama over a 22 year old cam model is fucking shakespearean drama with ammo crates cooking off every five minutes. What a waste of breath, energy and ... well ... love.

Amber herself recommended a few months ago someone should watch 90 Day Fiancee, and that is a very good tip. Seeing a scruffy 60 year old guy being stood up at a train platform 10,000 kms from home by a 30 year old beauty should be a sobering experience for a lot of guys.

Everything is a lie. Like it should be.