When your regulars leave the cam site...

[AmberCutie]

This was taken from another thread in which a new ACF member posed this situation and question:

Anyways my question as a member asking a model, would you be sad or wonder what happened to a friendly regular that after a long history just disappeared no more contact anything? Or would you like an honest answer letting her know that your time has expired and reality settled in? I'm sure from a models perspective members come and go so it is what it is so to speak.

Any thoughts?

I think it would make for a good "Ask a Model" topic, but would also like to hear members' input about what they plan to do or have done in the past when they are a regular in a model's room for long enough for her to wonder where they went when they quit the cam site.

 

[AmberCutie]

If a person has been around in my chat for a while (think 6+ months, regularly/daily) I would really be curious to hear what he's up to in this situation. When you're a part of a girl's daily interactions, whether it be a "business relationship" (as justamember put it in the previous thread) or goes beyond cam-persona contact, she will grow attached to you in some way shape or form. If you just up and disappear, she will wonder at least for a while what happened.

I have had people just completely disappear. POOF. Vanish. I still wonder what happened, if it was something I said, if they overextended themselves, if they were caught by someone in their life who disapproved of cam sites. I talked to this guy every day that I was on cam, he even sent me quite a few wishlist items (when I had a wishlist) and was so fun to chat with, and he just up and poofed one day. I miss him and hope he's ok. So I'd say that, if possible, getting a short sweet farewell and very general reason why you're leaving would be welcomed. At least in my case.

Don't send that while she's on cam, though. It could make her really sad and interrupt her attempt at a successful cam session.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

copied from my response on the other thread:

Yes, please send me a note if you're leavin MFC.

Even though i'll be sad either way.. id rather know.

I have one guy that just dissapeared. Out of the blue. And im terrified he died. Like scared shitless... he never logged back on one day. No warning. And i know he'd been ill.

One of my biggest tippers.. i mean huge.. had to leave because he had made some major mistakes, and he had to fix his marriage. I really appreciated him telling me.. i miss him (we were good friends) but the hurt is lessened because I know he is putting his family first, and this makes me happy for him.

 

[Anonymous]

I've sort of had this happen.
There was a guy on MGF that I really hit it off with, he bought a lot of custom videos from me, loved all of them and I loved making them.
Then, recently, he just won't talk to me. He's still online on the site, he keeps getting feedback (positive) from other girls, but he refuses to answer any of my messages/IMs.
I still owe him a custom video, but I don't know if I'll be able to do what he was wanting before Fetus comes (FRIDAY!!!!!), and I really want to ask him if it's okay if either a- he waits longer until I've recovered, b- I do something different in the video or c- can I give him a bunch of my pre-made content that will add up to the same $ amount worth that his custom would be.

Augh.
It's frustrating, it's irritating, it's saddening.

 

[CharlotteLace]

I personally appreciate a member letting me know he's leaving. I had one member on MFC when I first started that I became good friends with. Last I heard from him, his family was having health issues and he had a lot on his plate. I sent him an email a long while ago, just to catch up, and never heard back... I really would have liked to press the issue to make sure he was okay, but the fact that tokens had been involved in the past always made me feel insincere in my emails. I always figured he would think I was simply faking concern so he might spend more on me, even if that wasn't really the case.

I also had another great regular who vanished for months off MFC with no warning... After a few unanswered emails, I gave up and wished him the best. I can't tell you how ecstatic I was when he sent me a message one day to explain why he had disappeared. We still talk to this day.

I think most models have at least a few guys they'd genuinely miss interacting with, but at the end of the day we have to realize it's sometimes out of our hands and all we can do is hope our guys are okay in life. Yeah, members come and go, but it's still possible to get attached to other humans we spend so much time interacting with.

 

[Crumb]

echoing what has been said already, as it happens, these ladies like to know if a long standing regular goes bye bye for whatever reason.

speaking from personal experience, I decided to quit MFC several months back (not getting into details here, unless you're really curious, PM me).. and I didn't tell anyone.
None of my favourites were online at the time I deleted my account, and it was "if I dn't do it now, I'll just find more ways to procrastinate" situation, although I did tweet it.
one model once she found out I quit, tweeted me back and said and quote "Would've been nice to get a goodbye at least "

months later and a whole lot of free time since then, I have had my account reactivated, so next time.. if there is a next time... I will say some goodbyes to models that I think might wonder.

 

[zippypinhead]

It's nice to hear models actually would miss some of their regulars. I know that this is not exactly a standard relationship that is carried out, but it doesn't soften the blow when a person goes away without goodbyes or reasons. It's a blade that cuts both ways. We make some bit of light of members growing attached -- it's expected, after all -- but I wouldn't be hanging out in someone's room and buying them gifts and helping them with things if I didn't like that person, and I would hope that someone wouldn't be letting me do those things if they didn't also like me, and would miss me if either of us went away.

 

[AmberCutie]

It is a fine balance to walk, both on the model and member side, to keep things light hearted. I've always said that I try to keep "internet friends" and "RL friends" in different categories, but that doesn't mean that one means more to me than the other. It's just a separation that needs to be made for a cam girl. It's a boundary of security that needs to be held.

On the reverse of this question, as a model I will, if I can, give lots of warning for when I plan to quit camming. I will likely first ween down my hours to much less than my regulars are used to, then have a sort of official last month or such. As I said: if possible. If I need to completely disappear from my "Amber World" at some point for my immediate health/safety/security or somesuch, there IS a chance I'd just vanish. (It's a tiny itty bitty % chance, so don't go panicking.) So keeping "internet friends" across that boundary line is necessary so that once I need to leave "Amber World" completely, there isn't any tie ups to my "real world."

 

[Jupiter551]

I remember when I got stuck on Diablo 3 for a few months Amber PMed me to see if I was ok, made me feel all 33333 :-D

 

[AllisonWilder]

Along the same lines as Lolli, I had a reg that was ill (he had some heart issues just before he started coming to my room) and I worry that he died. He was there almost every day for 8 or 9 months and then he just wasn't anymore. I had his email and texting number so I did send a message or two his way, but stopped because I wasn't sure if he had someone in his life that just wouldn't approve (I'd hate to cause someone trouble) or whatever happened.

I get that a goodbye isn't always an option, but if it's at all possible, a quick note is really nice. It's been well over a year and I still wonder about that member.

 

[Gen]

I used to have a friend message me every day on MGF. Like, literally every single day from my very first day on there, I would get a message from him. Then one day he just stopped logging in. That was like, almost a year ago and I still miss him and think of him.

Even if you can't (or don't want to) give a reason, saying goodbye is always appreciated. That way we aren't left wondering and whatnot, if they're okay. Same way I imagine most members would like a heads up if a model is going to leave.

 

[Just Me]

I am of two different minds when it comes to this question. There is really no way to know which models will care or not. There is no way to know which members care or not.

Just having good/normal manners suggest you should say something but some people may think others would read too much into a goodbye or they just need a clean break. Some do not take online relationships as seriously as offline ones and think it is not important to say anything. I remember this happening in MMORPG guilds as well. Some people, who you raided with daily for many months or years, will just up and quit without a word. Others would post a novel on why they are leaving/left.

In the end, I feel good manners dictates you should say goodbye but I can understand those that don't if they are trying to make a clean break from an addiction or obsession.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

One of the things that sometimes goes through my mind is that if something serious happened to a member I'm friends with I wouldn't hear about it. No one would go on myfreecams just to let me know, they'd just disappear. This makes me worried about member disappearing. Sometimes I get members who just fade away, stop coming to my room so much, or talking to me in pm, and then they're no longer there, but I can still see with some of them they log into mfc, some they don't. But when it's a fade away thing I usually have realised they've become bored of MFC or me in some way and have moved on. Then I don't need a note when they leave.
I've had a member who at one point was regular, but slowly faded away, he hadn't tipped me or really visited me in 6 months, he then dropped an e-mail telling me he's left the site, also saying he'd like to keep contact, in that case, because he'd also caused a bit of hassle for me I simply ignored it. He hadn't proved himself a friend to me and had been entirely selfish in his approach to spending time with me. As harsh as it sounds, as I felt no ill will towards him, but it was easier having him out of my life.

When another regular about a year ago who I used to talk to every single day for at least a few hours disappeared, at first I thought he'd just been online at different times to me. When I saw he hadn't been online at all I started getting pretty worried, as before when his internet had broken for a few days he'd e-mailed me letting me know. It did make me panic a bit, but he e-mailed back and was fine, was just avoiding MFC and was busy. Although that particular member comes back every now and then to say hello, he never came back as a regular member after that. It does still make me sad, and it's a real shame. I may not be sexually attached to members, but that doesn't mean I don't care about them. Friendship lasts longer than lust and relationships, so for me when I befriend someone there aren't any fickle emotions in the way. For a member because they develop feelings and lust for models it's much more likely for them to get bored and move on. Because of this it would be nice if members actually thought about the model when they choose to leave. If they truly are regular, and actually are planning on leaving, then yes, they need to tell the model.
What models don't appreciate is members who say every single day/week they're leaving, and then never do, or come back in a weeks time. It's just good to let a model know if you've left or are thinking of leaving if you have a friendship with her. If she chats to you and is a friend then it's cruel not to let her know. How would/do you guys feel if your model friend drops off the face of the world and never contacts you to let you know she's ok?

 

[Alisa]

There are different reasons why people stop visiting my room or MFC as a whole, and if its possible, I prefer saying goodbye to them properly.

In my six month on MFC I had two members who stopped coming into my room or interacting with me. I regarded them both as friends, one more than the other. Since I see them both on the site (they are still on my friend list as I was wondering what's up), I know that they are fine.

There were frequent privates and chats with one of them in the past and I felt like we were real online friends. I guess I was foolish to let a person too close once again... After a few weeks of silence I messaged him and got no answer. My other messages were ignored too. So I understood that I am of no interest to him any more but felt sad and wondered what I did wrong. Everybody has the right to do what they want but think about the others too. I was sad at first but now I'm mostly angry at myself for being so naive and soft. I try not to become too close with members on MFC anymore.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

wondered what I did wrong

Very unlikely that you did anything wrong.

How would/do you guys feel if your model friend drops off the face of the world and never contacts you to let you know she's ok?

Feels shitty but I don't believe I'm owed an explanation . It's cool to stay in contact but it can also make things incredibly weird.

 

[AllisonWilder]

wondered what I did wrong

Very unlikely that you did anything wrong.

I always wonder about this, too. I understand that members are free to come and go, see whoever they want or never visit the site again, etc., but sometimes I see friends online who just stopped talking to me altogether and frequently wonder the exact same thing.

 

[Brad]

This may sound harsh but my opinion is that if you have a friend that has hung out with you, exchanged many messages, emails, etc, and has bought videos/show/pics, then just disappears without ever saying anything, they really weren't much of a friend. Plus some of us guys are just plain weird. (raises hand) That is NO reflection on any of you models.
:dontknow:

If a guy truly views you as a friend then they will let you know if they leave because that's what friends do.
:thumbleft:

 

[IsabellaSnow]

Isabella_deL wrote:
How would/do you guys feel if your model friend drops off the face of the world and never contacts you to let you know she's ok?

Feels shitty but I don't believe I'm owed an explanation . It's cool to stay in contact but it can also make things incredibly weird.

I believe I'd owe someone who I'd interacted with, who'd spent tokens on me, who'd spent time on me enough of an explanation to explain that I will be leaving MFC and haven't had some kind of horrific accident. Sure I don't owe someone an explanation of the exact reasons why I might leave the site, or even any explanation why, and technically I don't owe any member a short sentence saying that I'll be leaving, but it doesn't mean it's not common curtesy to do so. I'm closer in a weird way to my closest regulars than I am to my real life friends, I speak to them more, spend more time and effort on them, and I tell them more about my feelings and general things that go on in my life. If one of my real life friends who I spoke to and saw every single day disappeared with no explanation, and I had no idea of finding out where they'd gone, I'd be very worried, especially if they were gone for several weeks with zero contact. This isn't different with my online friends.
Sure no one in life truly owes anyone anything, you can technically walk away and not give a crap about anyone else and avoid consequences and responsibilities, but on a moral level I do think you owe the people who care about you enough of an explanation to let them know you're ok. You don't have to stay in contact, all it has to be is "I'm not going to be around anymore, I'm ok though, don't worry! Was lovely knowing you"

 

[pg240]

This thread has been a real education. I can fully understand how a sudden disappearance could cause a person on either side of this equation to think the worst about what might have happened. Tragedies befall people every day, so it's natural to assume something like that may have happened. Perhaps we should all vow to apply a little common courtesy in these online relationships and let a person know if you're moving on. We're not likely to be "crushed" and knowing is generally better than not knowing. And, in some instances, we have the perfect vehicle for an explanatory note right here in this forum, i.e., "sorry, my wife caught me and I'm busy mending fences."

No, not yet, but if it happens I'll let you know.

 

[Crumb]

How would/do you guys feel if your model friend drops off the face of the world and never contacts you to let you know she's ok?

I'd prefer to know she's leaving. She doesn't owe me an explanation as to why she's leaving but like the model wanting a good bye from me, I would appreciate the same in return
one of my faves that has left thankfully is still active on twitter so she didn't completely disappear :whew while a couple others just, one day, stopped showing up on cam

 

[Sevrin]

Some members might not want to say goodbye out of fear of finding out that the model doesn't give a shit.

 

[KayleePond]

I think that there is sometimes this idea that models don't actually care about members, that it is all some sort of show and we are just playing a part. In some cases, this can be true, but I feel that with our closer regulars it is highly unlikely that the model doesn't care at all. For most most regulars, we are literally hanging out talking for like 20 hours a week (give or take) so I think the camaraderie is very real for most models.

I wouldn't want to pry or anything but I do think it would be nice to at least get a quick message that said they were leaving, so long and thanks for all the fish or something like that. At least something small that tells me they're ok. Of course individuals can and will do what they like, but especially if they had been a regular for a long time I think it would be polite to at least give a quick goodbye. I sure would appreciate it a lot.

I also think it's different if someone has just moved on from me. Like if they're on my friendslist and I still see them logging on and such, I'll know that they've likely just gone on to other models. I think that it's natural for members to move on and though I'd feel a bit sad that they'd stopped coming by I would totally understand. A goodbye in that situation might be nice, but is a bit less important because if I can see them logging in, I know they're ok.

 

[Greggory]

For the models who I think care about me, I would at least say a goodbye (even those who only might care I would). It is better to leave with giving people closure, even if they don't ask for it in my opinion. (Personally I have a program so if anything tragic happened to me it would do generic goodbyes and close certain accounts....hopefully my family never has to use it).

My opinions are based on having unfinished business with a former favorite model of mine...she left, but we communicated through skype...one day I get an offline message saying she wants to tell me something exciting at our "tomorrows meeting time"...that time came and went, and since that day there has been no contact. Even a year and a bit later I still wonder and hope.

So to all members and models...if you truly care about the other members and models, it is always good to have some contingency plan to say goodbye. To prevent even one persons pain is worth the chance of just sending a goodbye to someone who doesn't care

 

[Always_Tim]

I've experienced this and I have to say it really hurts. I'm not a model, but there was a member on MFC that I was really close to who left about 5 months ago and I'm still not over it.

This member and I were very close and we were both quite heavily involved in the life of a particular model. For about six months the three of us were constantly chatting, both on and off MFC. One day I receive email from him saying that he needs to leave and asking me to inform the model of his decision. The email promised an explanation to both of us the next day, but we never received it. He completely severed all ties with the model, stopped logging into MFC, and barely talked to me off of MFC. I asked him about it a few days later, and all I got back in response was "not yet." So I waited patiently and didn't bring the topic up again. Then after about 3 months he cut off communication entirely with me, too. I have to say, that really hurt when he did, and suddenly I understood how the model felt when he had first left and stopped talking to her.

Of course I have some guesses as to what happened, but it's so difficult not knowing. As soon as he sent that first email saying he was cutting off contact with the model, all sorts of ideas started bouncing around in my head, but at first I was able to ignore them because he'd promised to provide an explanation. But as time dragged on and the explanation never arrived, it really began to bother me a lot. And then when he cut off contact with me and I realized I'd never know, that made me kind of crazy for a day or two. I think I'm mostly over it now, but a few times I've almost started crying when people in chat ask where he is. And it still bothers the model, too, because she was incredibly close to him.

I'm really not sure what's worse. Leaving without saying anything at all, or leaving with a promise to explain but not ever following up on it. At least in this case I was able to know he was ok, and relay that to the model, but it was painful for everyone. Well, I guess I'm glad he said goodbye. Better than just disappearing. But the unfulfilled promise of an explanation was annoying.

So yeah. If you spend a year talking to someone on a daily basis and then suddenly have to leave, an explanation would be nice. But if you feel that you can't explain for whatever reason, just say goodbye and say upfront that you can't say why you're leaving. Don't promise to explain later and never deliver. That just prolongs the hurt.

 

[yossarian]

I have it written in my will that my mom has to personally contact about five camgirls in the event that I die. Should be awesome.

 

[KylieJacobs]

I have it written in my will that my mom has to personally contact about five camgirls in the event that I die. Should be awesome.

Hehe, I think more members should have this in their will...and maybe camgirls too.

 

[Shaun__]

It was hard for me to tell my friends when I learned I had cancer, but I was worried I would have to disappear if it got too bad. In the end I was happy I did, because they helped give me the strength I needed to manage things.

I also tell them if I ever do just disappear I probably died in an industrial accident, or I am at least hospitalized. I think it is important to have closure, and hope they will give me the same thing when they move on.

I still miss Kota's smile, but I was happy she told everyone she was going to try new things in her life and did not just vanish.

 

[RedHerby]

And how many times did members say to you that they will leave because they want to stop with the cam world and then they returned ....

 

[BigElectricCat]

I'm new here, but I thought this would be a better place to start than some "Hi, my name is _____" post.

I think that there is sometimes this idea that models don't actually care about members, that it is all some sort of show and we are just playing a part.

It's easy for one to forget the other is human, regardless of which side of the camera we're on. I like to feel appreciated, and not like I'm just another guy jacking off. I once saw a model call out a member for making a request without a tip. The model then told the room the amount of time he had been around and how little he had tipped before giving him a long-term ban. The member was wrong for not sending along a tip with the request, but the model lost my support as a result of the public shaming. I haven't given her a token since.

On the other hand, I had some health problems a while back, and I was comfortable enough to talk to one of the models I visited about it. She turned out to be very supportive of me as I got better, and that's something I never would have expected. I still keep in touch with that model, and still give her as many tokens as I can.

If I were to click with a performer, and ended up moving on for some reason (from her, or cams in general), I would want to give her a proper goodbye, especially if she was someone I was comfortable with, or she made our private sessions special. I'd include a gift of some sort, like a nice large tip or something from her wishlist.

Likewise, I'd hope if one of my favorite models were to retire, she wouldn't just leave her other regulars and me in the cold. It wouldn't have to be much, like maybe a good final show or a special video for her fan club (if she has one). I'd still be saddened to see her go, but those sexy memories would last a lifetime.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I once saw a model call out a member for making a request without a tip. The model then told the room the amount of time he had been around and how little he had tipped before giving him a long-term ban. The member was wrong for not sending along a tip with the request, but the model lost my support as a result of the public shaming. I haven't given her a token since.

That seems pretty unfair, everyone has their breaking point. Sometimes we see members coming into our rooms for years and years, they send us mfc mails, they take up public chat time, they demand stuff in the room and are generally annoying. It just has to be that one time that you might not be in the most tolerant mood, I find for me this happens when I'm more hormonal, which for women does happen, and for me it's enough to almost totally change my personality for a few days. It's not like she's publicly telling everyone his secrets. It was his decision to be a chronic freeloader, if he'd been around for that long he'd know not to make requests without tipping but still did it. I don't think it's fair to judge someone entirely for something they do once. Everyone fucks up, we're human. What makes you the bigger person is understanding that everyone messes up and being able to forgive.