You Know You're Kinky When... (A Little BDSM Humor)
...you keep hanging fake plants around the house, just so your mother will never know what all those hooks in the ceiling are really for.
...someone refers to a serial killer as sadistic and you roll your eyes, because the man has nothing on you.
...you start rating your CDs by how interesting it'll be to beat someone to.
...you watch a movie where someone gets tied up and scream at the screen, "Gimme a break, 3 minutes max to get out of that!"
....you speak of crop rotation with someone, and they aren't a farmer.
...you try to get arrested, just for the handcuffs , body cavity search, humiliation scene and time in the cage.
...you haunt the dollar stores for "pervertibles".
...you've got a toy chest bigger than the one in your 6 year old son's room.
...your children ask if they can borrow your "costumes" for Halloween.
...you need two separate packing and moving crews....one to pack and move the furniture and belongings, and the other to pack and move the "furniture" and "belongings".
...the local Home Depot has set you up with a business account...and you are not a contractor or an electrician.
...you say Vanilla like it's a bad word.
...you know the location of every tack shop in the tri-state area.
...you nearly cause an accident pulling into the lot where the sign advertises FREE TODAY HOT WAX before you realize it's a car wash.
...you've served more people than McDonald's.
...you spend more time on your knees than a Catholic priest.
...you chose your last car based on the location of the garment hooks.
...you buy clothespins in the supersize family economy bags, and you don't have a family or a clothesline.
...there's enough rope in your bedroom to scale Mt. Everest.
...getting tattooed and pierced is merely foreplay.
...someone tries to talk you out of your blind date by saying he's sick and sadistic and you perk, god i hope so!
...someone calls your wife a slut and you thank them.
...investing in stocks and bonds means refurbishing the play area.
...your children think your primary language is acronyms.
...you overhear your neighbor training his dog to sit, beg, play dead, roll over; and find yourself obeying quicker than the dog does.
Taken from:
http://www.leathernroses.com/humor/knowkinky2.htm