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My spin on the book of Job.
So, God's punk ass calls for a meet up with all his spirit peeps. As they all chill and talk shit about this and that. In comes Satan, walking with the swag only Satan can pull off. Everyone stops talking shit and gives all of their attention to what is sure to be some good drama between God and Satan. Of course no one was disappointed.
God was still very butt hurt over Satan for reasons. The butt hurt was easy to see, even with God trying very hard to hide it. Satan grabbed a sit and leaned back with the best shit eating grin one has ever been blessed to be in the presents of. God cleared his bitch throat and took a moment to look around at everyone hanging on the edge of their sets waiting for the drama to unfold. God took his time thinking of the best way to attempt, to knock Satan down a few feet off his high pedestal. To buy some more time. God ask Satan “what the fucks you been up too?” Satan straighten out his arm. Then made a circle type wave with his hand. At once an bright delicious apple type fruit apperd. Satan took a big bite. He said “yummy fucking fruit of knowledge as he chewed loudly.”
God got increasingly more upset with the rudeness of Satan. Then repeated louder. “Satan what has your bitch ass been up too damnit?” Satan shrugged and said “I have been walking here and there, roaming around the earth, same ol shit I always do.” God was fast to reply with “I’m sure you notice my bitch boi Job then.” Job kisses my ass like no other has ever kiss me ass befour. Satan saw where this was going and said in a condescending way. “Well of course Job is sure to stay on top of the ass kissing. Just look at all you have blessed him with.” Satan rolls his eyes and names off just a small part of Job’s wealth. With a laugh Satan tells God. “Remove your protecting hand from Job’s life, and I promence no more ass kissing will be coming from bitch boi Job. In fact I am willing to bet Job will even cruse your name with that mouth he once kissed yo ass with.
God, stood with just a hint of rage in his eyes. He told Satan “fuckin run dat shit Satan!” but you can not harm his body. Now go do your worst and we will see just how my bitch boi Job will never stop kissing my ass! With that Satan was gone in a flash. All the others at the meet up, wasted no time setting up a betting board. The board was broken up into blocks and had all kinds of times to bet on. The longer Job went without cursing God’s name the bigger the payout would be. Man was all the angles happy as fuck. It was really very boring. Only other form of entertainment was low key teaching men how to make weapons. Then watch the soap opera play out as they war with one another.
Satan and God went back and forth. With poor Job taking the shit end of the stick for no good reason at all. Job had lost everything, but because he held on to the blind trust in this God he had put so much faith in. It only made his life worst. All his kids had been killed, his livestock killed, and wealth lost. Then he got some type of skin disease and was outed by old friends left to be a beggar, everyone was scared to get close to him. His asshole friends would talk to him trying to find out what sin he had done. Job knew good goddamn well his bitch ass hasn’t sin at all. For fuck sake even his wife would tell his dumb ass to cuss God’s petty ass name and die. But nope Job said “I’ll will do no such thing! Trust me, I know what I’m doing wife.”
Satan giggled to himself. He was king when it come to playing games. So Satan put on his best, guess I was wrong face, and went to God. God was chilling with a look of triumph on his silly face. Satan said “well son of a bitch! I guess you were right, Job is the biggest bitch boi ever.” Then Satan turn as if to walk away. Then spoke over his shoulder saying “it would be nice to bring Job up here to answer the one question that has kept him from cursing your petty ass to your face.” God puffed up and said “fine idea Satan! Then you will see for yourself my ass will always be covered with kisses no matter what becomes of the basic potato’s life!”
Satan spun around, snached the closest chair and sat on it. Then watched the archangel bust his ass as he sit down without checking to see if his chair was where he last seen it. This made everyone laugh uncontrollably. Satan was having a fine ol time. Now the best part was about to come. He not only had money riding one the biggest payout block. He knew in his heart of hearts how this was going to playout. In his gut he knew deep down Job had a big set of balls that went with the ass kissing bitch boi attitude.
So at last here enter Job. His health restored and the one question loaded in his mind like an arrow ready to kill its prey. Job wasted no time, and fired the question at God. “What sin did I do to deserve the torment I received!” God answered. “Who are you Job to question me?” “Did you lay out the stares in the night sky? Was it you who gave earth land and water? Maybe you can tell me how I split night from day! Explain to me Job, how it was that I gave the breath of life to man!” Well Job what says you? Who are you to question me! Satan rubbed his hands in intencapation. He could feel tension building by the second.
Job who was looking at his feet the whole time God was speaking. Then Job took a deep breath and said. “Is it true what Satan has told me? That all my suffering was caused by a petty pissing contest you got into with Satan?” God puffed up even more and said, “so what if it was Job?” Then Satan saw Job face turn red, every muscle tighten as his anger grew. Then BOOM! Job ran at God, kicked him right between the legs, and delivered right and left hooks as fast and hard as he could. He called God every bad name that came to mind. Told God to “get on his knees and kiss his dirty ass.” Job ended it all by telling God “to go fuck himself with that petty ass bull shit abuse of power staff he has.” Job was able to hack up a good size luigi and Job spit it with perfect aim, hitting God right in the eye. As Job walked away he made the very first fuck you hand sign in recorded history, his middle finger simply sticking straight up as he yelled “FUCK YOU!”
Satan was rolling on the floor laughing his ass off. It couldn’t have went any better than it had. Oh, his face and gut hurt from all the laughing. He got control of himself and rushed out to meet up with Job. Satan gave Job a “good game” slap on the ass. Then ask Job what he was in the mood for? Now that he saw no matter who made what, there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Because if crossed it proves that the one crossing the line is not worth a shit. That it's time to whoop sum ass!
LMAO!! Now that is how the book of Job should have been written.
So, God's punk ass calls for a meet up with all his spirit peeps. As they all chill and talk shit about this and that. In comes Satan, walking with the swag only Satan can pull off. Everyone stops talking shit and gives all of their attention to what is sure to be some good drama between God and Satan. Of course no one was disappointed.
God was still very butt hurt over Satan for reasons. The butt hurt was easy to see, even with God trying very hard to hide it. Satan grabbed a sit and leaned back with the best shit eating grin one has ever been blessed to be in the presents of. God cleared his bitch throat and took a moment to look around at everyone hanging on the edge of their sets waiting for the drama to unfold. God took his time thinking of the best way to attempt, to knock Satan down a few feet off his high pedestal. To buy some more time. God ask Satan “what the fucks you been up too?” Satan straighten out his arm. Then made a circle type wave with his hand. At once an bright delicious apple type fruit apperd. Satan took a big bite. He said “yummy fucking fruit of knowledge as he chewed loudly.”
God got increasingly more upset with the rudeness of Satan. Then repeated louder. “Satan what has your bitch ass been up too damnit?” Satan shrugged and said “I have been walking here and there, roaming around the earth, same ol shit I always do.” God was fast to reply with “I’m sure you notice my bitch boi Job then.” Job kisses my ass like no other has ever kiss me ass befour. Satan saw where this was going and said in a condescending way. “Well of course Job is sure to stay on top of the ass kissing. Just look at all you have blessed him with.” Satan rolls his eyes and names off just a small part of Job’s wealth. With a laugh Satan tells God. “Remove your protecting hand from Job’s life, and I promence no more ass kissing will be coming from bitch boi Job. In fact I am willing to bet Job will even cruse your name with that mouth he once kissed yo ass with.
God, stood with just a hint of rage in his eyes. He told Satan “fuckin run dat shit Satan!” but you can not harm his body. Now go do your worst and we will see just how my bitch boi Job will never stop kissing my ass! With that Satan was gone in a flash. All the others at the meet up, wasted no time setting up a betting board. The board was broken up into blocks and had all kinds of times to bet on. The longer Job went without cursing God’s name the bigger the payout would be. Man was all the angles happy as fuck. It was really very boring. Only other form of entertainment was low key teaching men how to make weapons. Then watch the soap opera play out as they war with one another.
Satan and God went back and forth. With poor Job taking the shit end of the stick for no good reason at all. Job had lost everything, but because he held on to the blind trust in this God he had put so much faith in. It only made his life worst. All his kids had been killed, his livestock killed, and wealth lost. Then he got some type of skin disease and was outed by old friends left to be a beggar, everyone was scared to get close to him. His asshole friends would talk to him trying to find out what sin he had done. Job knew good goddamn well his bitch ass hasn’t sin at all. For fuck sake even his wife would tell his dumb ass to cuss God’s petty ass name and die. But nope Job said “I’ll will do no such thing! Trust me, I know what I’m doing wife.”
Satan giggled to himself. He was king when it come to playing games. So Satan put on his best, guess I was wrong face, and went to God. God was chilling with a look of triumph on his silly face. Satan said “well son of a bitch! I guess you were right, Job is the biggest bitch boi ever.” Then Satan turn as if to walk away. Then spoke over his shoulder saying “it would be nice to bring Job up here to answer the one question that has kept him from cursing your petty ass to your face.” God puffed up and said “fine idea Satan! Then you will see for yourself my ass will always be covered with kisses no matter what becomes of the basic potato’s life!”
Satan spun around, snached the closest chair and sat on it. Then watched the archangel bust his ass as he sit down without checking to see if his chair was where he last seen it. This made everyone laugh uncontrollably. Satan was having a fine ol time. Now the best part was about to come. He not only had money riding one the biggest payout block. He knew in his heart of hearts how this was going to playout. In his gut he knew deep down Job had a big set of balls that went with the ass kissing bitch boi attitude.
So at last here enter Job. His health restored and the one question loaded in his mind like an arrow ready to kill its prey. Job wasted no time, and fired the question at God. “What sin did I do to deserve the torment I received!” God answered. “Who are you Job to question me?” “Did you lay out the stares in the night sky? Was it you who gave earth land and water? Maybe you can tell me how I split night from day! Explain to me Job, how it was that I gave the breath of life to man!” Well Job what says you? Who are you to question me! Satan rubbed his hands in intencapation. He could feel tension building by the second.
Job who was looking at his feet the whole time God was speaking. Then Job took a deep breath and said. “Is it true what Satan has told me? That all my suffering was caused by a petty pissing contest you got into with Satan?” God puffed up even more and said, “so what if it was Job?” Then Satan saw Job face turn red, every muscle tighten as his anger grew. Then BOOM! Job ran at God, kicked him right between the legs, and delivered right and left hooks as fast and hard as he could. He called God every bad name that came to mind. Told God to “get on his knees and kiss his dirty ass.” Job ended it all by telling God “to go fuck himself with that petty ass bull shit abuse of power staff he has.” Job was able to hack up a good size luigi and Job spit it with perfect aim, hitting God right in the eye. As Job walked away he made the very first fuck you hand sign in recorded history, his middle finger simply sticking straight up as he yelled “FUCK YOU!”
Satan was rolling on the floor laughing his ass off. It couldn’t have went any better than it had. Oh, his face and gut hurt from all the laughing. He got control of himself and rushed out to meet up with Job. Satan gave Job a “good game” slap on the ass. Then ask Job what he was in the mood for? Now that he saw no matter who made what, there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed. Because if crossed it proves that the one crossing the line is not worth a shit. That it's time to whoop sum ass!
LMAO!! Now that is how the book of Job should have been written.
