So what happens when they sort of find you?

[SinSeraTea]

So. I started camming for the first time yesterday and today and got an email with my first and middle name (my usual online presence) and my username that goes along with that as well as a picture of me I didn't upload to MFC. I kind of thought I'd done a good job of not having my self attached.

BUT my ass hat roommate shouted my name right outside my door while he fucking knew I was camming because apparently if he says "Hey you" that's not specific enough for me to know who is fucking talking to me. I gave him hell for it in the morning and I lost my shit all over him when I got the email. He won't be doing that again.

Now I've done a much more thorough scrubbing and don't know what else to do.

He didn't have my full name. And he didn't have my main email.

One: How worried should I be? I'm not all that worried but I feel angry and stupid.
Two: Is this kind of thing common?
Three: ... should I stop camming?

Any experiences to help a new girl out? (I've done the things to get model verification, I just have to wait until Friday).

 

[Evvie]

This kind of thing is fairly common. Members go to incredibly stupid lengths to feel close to and attached to models. Many members enjoy mini ego trips when they find "secret" information. Once you get to the Model's Only section, you may be rather shocked at some of the overt stalker behavior models constantly face and have to deal with - well beyond finding photos online.

You shouldn't be that worried, imo. It seems possible that one dude with no life searched your first and middle name on Google Images until he found a random photo of you uploaded to a blog or forum and sent it to you because he was proud of how hard he looked.

You shouldn't quit camming, either. Why should you?

 

[SinSeraTea]

Bah, I don't know. I'm not really all that intimidated. I'm mad as hell at my roommate but that won't happen again. I could also be taking out my emotions on my roommate because I don't think saying my first name would have given someone that much information. I'm pretty sure I just got mad at him because I was stressed. I'll apologize later.

Feeling much less stressed after a thorough scrubbing of the online profile that I should have done earlier in my life. ._.

Thanks, I think I just needed someone to tell me not to stress out. I shouldn't have emailed him back but I was on my phone in a mall going in for a job interview and so I emailed just a sardonic line of "Clap clap, very clever. How easy was that?" He hasn't responded. I probably won't reply again... ._. I think he's following my model twitter though. Same first name on the twitter and same first name on the email he sent me.

 

[Evvie]

Bah, I don't know. I'm not really all that intimidated. I'm mad as hell at my roommate but that won't happen again. I could also be taking out my emotions on my roommate because I don't think saying my first name would have given someone that much information. I'm pretty sure I just got mad at him because I was stressed. I'll apologize later.

Feeling much less stressed after a thorough scrubbing of the online profile that I should have done earlier in my life. ._.

Thanks, I think I just needed someone to tell me not to stress out. I shouldn't have emailed him back but I was on my phone in a mall going in for a job interview and so I emailed just a sardonic line of "Clap clap, very clever. How easy was that?" He hasn't responded. I probably won't reply again... ._. I think he's following my model twitter though. Same first name on the twitter and same first name on the email he sent me.

I'm not entirely sure what you meant, but do you mean that you post your real name on twitter or that he told you your first name on twitter?

 

[SinSeraTea]

He told me my real name via Email. I think he got it via twitter (how I don't know though). I shouldn't have responded and given him any confirmation at all. He's probably harmless though. -_-

 

[Anonymous]

He told me my real name via Email. I think he got it via twitter (how I don't know though). I shouldn't have responded and given him any confirmation at all. He's probably harmless though. -_-

Twitter wouldn't reveal your real name unless that's what you have in your profile settings. When you edit your Twitter profile, there is a section that tells you to put your real name, but obviously cam girls are not gonna want to do that. You'd just type in your model name or something else that you'd go by which isn't your real name.

I don't know WTF guys expect to happen when they contact a cam girl to say "Hey, I found out that your real name is ____!" I don't know if they plan on using that to try scaring you into being "extra nice" to them or what. There's always the possibility that he was just giving you a heads up about how easy it was to find out your real name and to be careful, but I doubt it. Based on what I'm getting from your posts, he just e-mailed you to tell you he knows your real name, and that was it...smh. You might have to ban that dude...especially if he starts coming into your public chat dropping little hints about how he knows more about you than the other guys. It's not good to be in fear every time a member is in your public chat.

 

[SoTxBob]

Also, if you're a twitter/tumblr/instagram type, please be careful of what you send out. A model I know is rather careless and thinks no one can find her despite pleadings to be a little more aware. She sends out pics of food shes eating pretty regularly. One was from her balcony table. From that pic info alone, I emailed her a google map with her building and floor circled and written on it to show her just how easy she is to find with one more "please be more careful" request. [and turn off the geo-tagger as well].

 

[trotskyleon]

always have a decoy online presence :twocents-02cents:

 

[Jillybean]

There's always the possibility that he was just giving you a heads up about how easy it was to find out your real name and to be careful, but I doubt it.

In my opinion, if you ever find out a model's actual name by accident (she sent something from personal email on accident, what have you) this is the ONLY way you should ever use that information. Just warn her to be more careful, forget about it, and move on! Why can't everyone out there be sane and level-headed? Why?

always have a decoy online presence :twocents-02cents:

This, too. Give your stage name a realistic name. Did that make sense? That way, that's what they stumble on instead. Hopefully if all they want is your real name, that will be enough to make them say, "Okay I have it now, awesome."

 

[Evvie]

Also, if you're a twitter/tumblr/instagram type, please be careful of what you send out. A model I know is rather careless and thinks no one can find her despite pleadings to be a little more aware. She sends out pics of food shes eating pretty regularly. One was from her balcony table. From that pic info alone, I emailed her a google map with her building and floor circled and written on it to show her just how easy she is to find with one more "please be more careful" request. [and turn off the geo-tagger as well].

I am always appreciative of members who are helpful, but if a member ever intentionally searched for my personal information to teach me a lesson, he would be out of my online life as soon as I saw that e-mail. Some models do not tolerate stalker behavior, even if the member thinks it is justifiable. Although if any model has location tracking on any of her stuff ever, I think she's probably doing the internet wrong.

 

[SinSeraTea]

That's the thing. I had my name the way he found it on a lot of my personal stuff. But it wasn't linked to my model anything. I can only guess. If he was in chat while my idiot roommate called out my name, he had the first part... but even then I don't know. I suppose I never will.

Sure enough he wants close up pictures of my pussy and is not going to be getting them.

I do appreciate the warnings about what we post. The pictures of the outside are ... yeah. Even if I took pictures from inside public venues I'd want to remove identifying imagery. I've been pretty careful I like to think (oooobviously not as much as I ought to be). But I know he doesn't have anything other than what he's got which is only my first and middle name.

Thanks ladies.

 

[SoTxBob]

Also, if you're a twitter/tumblr/instagram type, please be careful of what you send out. A model I know is rather careless and thinks no one can find her despite pleadings to be a little more aware. She sends out pics of food shes eating pretty regularly. One was from her balcony table. From that pic info alone, I emailed her a google map with her building and floor circled and written on it to show her just how easy she is to find with one more "please be more careful" request. [and turn off the geo-tagger as well].

I am always appreciative of members who are helpful, but if a member ever intentionally searched for my personal information to teach me a lesson, he would be out of my online life as soon as I saw that e-mail. Some models do not tolerate stalker behavior, even if the member thinks it is justifiable. Although if any model has location tracking on any of her stuff ever, I think she's probably doing the internet wrong.

That's all fine n dandy for you to do because apparently your 2 lives are vastly separate and partitioned by something resembling the Berlin wall. Kudos for your inner rigidness and superior knowledge. For someone such as yourself, no way I'd even attempt to tell you anything. This gal on the other hand, is a close friend off the site so its at a completely different level than you allow your "members".
carry on.... :handgestures-salute:

 

[Jessi]

Please be aware that instagram is owned by facebook. and the default setting is to add your facebook friends to instagram (if you're using it on mobile)

I embarrassed myself pretty bad with that one.

 

[ComicOzzie]

Step 1: Toss idiot roommate to the curb.
Step 2: ??????
Step 3: Profit!

 

[Anonymous]

Two: Is this kind of thing common?

I'm not sure how common it is for cam girls to get the "Hey, I found out your real name!" messages, but I'm pretty sure just about every cam girl gets the occasional creeper claiming "OMG, I know you from high school!" or something similar. Some of the people who say that are just trolls looking for attention. In fact, the other night some dude claimed he saw me clubbing in Baltimore City recently. :lol: I'm never in Baltimore City, I haven't been to a club since like 2011, and that was in Queens, NY. As soon as I told the guy that it definitely wasn't me that he saw, he left the room.

 

[dilligaf0]

There's always the possibility that he was just giving you a heads up about how easy it was to find out your real name and to be careful, but I doubt it.

In my opinion, if you ever find out a model's actual name by accident (she sent something from personal email on accident, what have you) this is the ONLY way you should ever use that information. Just warn her to be more careful, forget about it, and move on! Why can't everyone out there be sane and level-headed? Why?

always have a decoy online presence :twocents-02cents:

This, too. Give your stage name a realistic name. Did that make sense? That way, that's what they stumble on instead. Hopefully if all they want is your real name, that will be enough to make them say, "Okay I have it now, awesome."

If anyone finds the true identity and name/ location of a model (or anyone ) you should treat it as if someone you didn't know found the same information about you. Let the model know the information is available, how you got it (all by e-mail or private message) and then forget it. The model can make the needed changes and not worry about you abusing the information.

 

[SinSeraTea]

At this point, I'm a little bit smarter than I was, and haven't received any more contact. It was probably just to scare me, and it ever... Changes made. Wiser model. I come from a lucky bunch and I'm thankful to mama universe for being kind to me.

 

[mfc@svfx.com]

I'm not discounting the harm that intimidation will cause, but does anyone know of any cases where a model has been physically assaulted or otherwise harmed by a user?

Stalking is bad whether there is contact or not. But I also know a lot of paranoid girls. And technically, its only stalking if you ask them to stop, and they don't.

I've been called a stalker by a model for asking a fairly innocent follow up question after a long conversation about a particular subject. I'm not making any comment about whether or not anyone got stalked, but experience suggests that some of the stalking fears are overblown, and some accusations of stalking may not actually amount to much.

anyway, just curious what others' experiences have been.

peace
updog

 

[Sevrin]

And technically, its only stalking if you ask them to stop, and they don't.

Wait, what? Bullshit. Stalking is the act of stalking. Whether you have been noticed doing it or asked to stop has nothing to do with it. Whatever you are telling yourself, stop that shit.

 

[Evvie]

Stalking is bad whether there is contact or not. But I also know a lot of paranoid girls. And technically, its only stalking if you ask them to stop, and they don't.

Technically, I don't think you know what you're talking about.

By this logic, all stalkers who are secretive can never be stalkers because nobody knew what they were up to and asked them to stop :roll:

Just in the same way as abusers are never abusing people unless someone asks them to politely stop first (but if nobody knows you're abusing a kid, you're not a pedophile because nobody asked you to not do it, right)?

 

[LadyLuna]

Stalking is when you follow your target's every move to the best of their ability, usually without their knowledge, sometimes after they've said no.

The only time it's NOT stalking is when you've been actively invited to do so.

---

BUT, the question thing... well, there are certain questions that we have learned tend to precede stalking and/or creepy behavior. So, while you aren't stalking to ask a question once, it might be the sort of question that sets off red flags to a model of "oh shit, he's trying to find out personal info, he might be wanting to stalk me."

Yes, women are hyper-sensitive to danger, and might overreact to some situations, but that's because we don't have much natural defenses. Anything that seems to be creepy, we will get scared. And can you blame us? 75% of the male population is stronger than me, and I've been told I'm fairly strong for a short woman. If a man wants to hurt me, I'm highly aware of the fact that I won't be able to do a damn thing to stop him. Which means that for me, prevention has to be my defense. And that's how it is for us women. Prevention is our best defense. Avoid the situation where we will be hurt before it can happen.

So yeah, sometimes, I'll be a little too cautious about it. But that's better than ending up with a black eye and a broken arm when that guy I thought was harmless decides that he deserves to own me and I don't cooperate when he shows up at my door. Just because I don't know of an instance where a model was actually hurt by a stalker doesn't mean it can't happen, and I'd rather it not happen to me.

After a long conversation with someone, if they ask where I live or what my name is or where I went to school, my red flags are going to pop up. "How much info did I already give him? Will he be able to use something I said to track me down?" In contrast, a person comes in the room and asks it first thing, my assumption is that he's just making conversation, so I let him down gently without any of the red flags. Is it fair? No. But it's how things are.

The hard part is walking the fine line between keeping myself safe and demonizing men because of the actions of a few, or the imagined actions that I don't even know have ever happened. I handle it by trying to be polite and friendly even if my red flags are going off, being vocal to anyone who has crossed a line, and remembering that it's a very small percentage of the population that would do anything to hurt me (on purpose anyway). I still get wary when I'm approached by a strange man on the street, but I don't get scared unless he breaks my "personal space" without invitation.

Basically, remember- the only real defense many women have is preventing the situation to begin with.

 

[MemberEd]

But I also know a lot of paranoid girls.

Henry Kissinger once said something to the effect "for me to believe I have enemies, is not being paranoid". Just because you may have no intent to stalk a model does not mean they do not get stalkers. They have no way of knowing if you will turn out to be one or not.

 

[ComicOzzie]

And technically, its only stalking if you ask them to stop, and they don't.

Wait, what? Bullshit. Stalking is the act of stalking. Whether you have been noticed doing it or asked to stop has nothing to do with it. Whatever you are telling yourself, stop that shit.

By this logic, burglary is only burglary if you ask them to stop taking your stuff, and they don't.

 

[Anonymous]

but does anyone know of any cases where a model has been physically assaulted or otherwise harmed by a user?

She wasn't assaulted, but the creep recognized her from a cam site and followed her around in the store (blurting out her model name out loud), tried to peek at her name on her credit card, and then grabbed her once she was outside. She hit him as hard as she could and got the hell outta there. The fact that she wasn't physically harmed doesn't excuse his behavior, and anyone who would side with a creep like that is someone I'd worry about too.

But I also know a lot of paranoid girls. And technically, its only stalking if you ask them to stop, and they don't. I've been called a stalker by a model for asking a fairly innocent follow up question after a long conversation about a particular subject. I'm not making any comment about whether or not anyone got stalked, but experience suggests that some of the stalking fears are overblown, and some accusations of stalking may not actually amount to much.

This is disturbing. Experience? Do you have a habit of making models uncomfortable to the point where they're calling you a 'stalker'? And just because a model refuses to answer certain questions does not make her 'paranoid'. Is your curiosity really worth pissing her off and getting yourself banned? Reminds me of that weirdo who called me 'paranoid' because I wouldn't give out my phone number like other girls do. :roll: Sounded like a case of butthurt for not being able to get what he wanted.

 

[Nordling]

Yes, and considering the number of models, number of members, compared to the statistics on stalking and sexual assault, I'd say the likelihood of it never happening to cam models would be extremely amazing.

 

[mfc@svfx.com]

but does anyone know of any cases where a model has been physically assaulted or otherwise harmed by a user?

She wasn't assaulted, but the creep recognized her from a cam site and followed her around in the store (blurting out her model name out loud), tried to peek at her name on her credit card, and then grabbed her once she was outside. She hit him as hard as she could and got the hell outta there. The fact that she wasn't physically harmed doesn't excuse his behavior, and anyone who would side with a creep like that is someone I'd worry about too.

This is pretty close to assault, I'd say. And it definitely meets the criteria for stalking in CA. Here's the law, described on a lawyer website:

In 1993, the California legislature amended Penal Code 646.9 PC to make the law significantly harsher.9 The new law expanded the definition of behavior that would qualify as criminal stalking and increased the potential penalties.10

California's current anti-stalking laws prohibit following or harassing another person, and threatening that person, with the intent of placing him/her in fear for his/her safety ... or in fear for the safety of his/her immediate family. If you engage in these activities...prosecutors could charge you with stalking under California Penal Code 646.9 PC.

1.2. The Legal Definition of Stalking in California
The legal definition of stalking in California refers to three facts the prosecutor must prove (otherwise known as "elements of the crime"):

that you willfully, maliciously, and repeatedly followed ... or willfully and maliciously harassed ... another person,
that you made a credible threat against that person, and
that you did so with the specific intent to place that individual in reasonable fear for his/her safety or for the safety of his/her immediate family

If the alleged victim claims to have had a temporary restraining order, injunction, or other court protective order against you, the prosecutor must additionally prove that a protective order against you was in effect at the time of your alleged illegal conduct, prohibiting you from engaging in such conduct.

So I was wrong in that its not necessary for the victim to ask the perp to stop, but for it to be a crime in CA, the perp has to engage the victim (possibly repeatedly) and either make a threat against her or her family (or pets, as I have learned) [believe it or not I was a stalking victim a few years ago... but thats a story for another day]

This is the point that I was observing- Googling someone's screen name might be something you don't like. But it's not stalking. "But it's the first step for stalkers" Yes. But getting out of bed is a first step for almost everybody too. How many of us have pasted a model or user's screen name into Skype to see if it works- this is not stalking, and I submit that its not even creepy. Trying to contact the person over and over or becoming abusive if the person doesnt answer- now that IS creepy. And it's probably punsihable under the stalking law.

But I also know a lot of paranoid girls. And technically, its only stalking if you ask them to stop, and they don't. I've been called a stalker by a model for asking a fairly innocent follow up question after a long conversation about a particular subject. I'm not making any comment about whether or not anyone got stalked, but experience suggests that some of the stalking fears are overblown, and some accusations of stalking may not actually amount to much.

This is disturbing. Experience? Do you have a habit of making models uncomfortable to the point where they're calling you a 'stalker'? And just because a model refuses to answer certain questions does not make her 'paranoid'. Is your curiosity really worth pissing her off and getting yourself banned? Reminds me of that weirdo who called me 'paranoid' because I wouldn't give out my phone number like other girls do. :roll: Sounded like a case of butthurt for not being able to get what he wanted.

Look. I think I went to adequate lengths to establish that I recognize the emotional trauma even a nonviolent stalker can cause. And nowhere do I rationalize or apologize for creepy activity. Everybody has, at some point, blurted someting out that sounded creepy at the time. Obviously, this is not what I'm talking about. In the episode I was recalling I had been chatting with a model about golf. I play a bit of golf, and she was broadcasting from her job at a golf club. The name of the golf club was clearly visible- on her cap, her shirt, and several signs in vicinity of her station at work. I had heard of the golf club, and I thought I knew where it was, so I googled it and realized it was more or less where I had thought it was. Later on I asked if she'd always lived in X state (same as mine) Whether I'd googled the golf club or not, the context of out conversation would have led just about anyone to surmise that it was understood we were in the same state. The "have you always lived here" came up because she asked about my high school and college. I know better than to ask where she went to college or high school. because even though such a question is not stalking, some people are not comfortable with direct questions. But when it became clear that I had concluded that she lived in my state, she got upset, called me a stalker, and called me a stalker again when I tried to make peace a few days later (through mfc) At that point, I stopped trying and a month or so later she contacted me and we're cool again. If you want to call what I did "creepy", that's your right, but I would probably have to categorize you as a "paranoid girl". No offense.

Regarding "overblown"... Just for fun, go on YouTube and search for "gang stalking". Here are a couple links (there are hundreds), including one presented to me by a model as "proof" that she herself was being stalked: http://bit.ly/12PxUfA and and http://bit.ly/bLHwYP This model was convinced that the type of stalking described in the videos was common, was real, and was happening to her. She blamed someone that she hadn't actually seen or interacted with since grade school. We don't need to debate the veracity of the concept of gangstalking-To me, it's clearly a case of multiple individuals suffering from paranoia (personality disorder or schizotypal ) reinforcing each others fears over the internet. The new york times and countless others concur, but your opinion may differ...

I've noticed some similarities between descriptions of (and reactions to) alleged MFC (and the like) stalking incidents and alleged gangstalking stories. So I wonder how frequent and severe this stalking behavior is, in the context of MFC. I havent come to a conclusion or even formed a strong opinion on the subject- before I form an opinion, I like to research facts, and separate the reality from the 'what if's. Find out what REALLY happened in a given situation. The versions of the stories, good and bad, that go viral are almost always not the way it really happened. (Thank you snopes!!)

I know that people have strong feelings about the issue, which is why I think it's particularly important to study the problem objectively. Imagine for a minute that NO ONE at MFC had ever been physically injured by a stalker. Wouldn't that make the whole problem easier to deal with on an emotional level? The gulf between somebody being 'clever' and deducing your home city or state, and that person showing up on your town, on your balcony is HUGE. The gulf between that and the creep actually doing anything beyond freaking the model out (and, one would hope, getting swiftly arrested) is also fairly large. I just want to know what the situation REALLY is.

Why do I care? I care because I have online and real-life friends who work as cam models. I care about my friends, to a fault sometimes, but I also don't like to see anyone unfairly accused of anything. My sense of justice and fairness (and a little tolerance) sometimes feels like more trouble than it's worth, but that's what happens when you focus on principles in a world where so many people just react without really thinking. My interets is in empowering the good people to rise above the creeps by discovering the truth.

Still awake? >sigh< I didn't think so.

I hope that clarifies my position and doesnt make anyone madder.

 

[Anonymous]

Your post is extremely long, but I did read it and am just gonna quote certain parts.

Googling someone's screen name might be something you don't like. But it's not stalking.

It may not be stalking, but it's probably not the best idea to admit to a cam girl that you Googled her name, you know? Especially if this is a conversation you're having in her public chat...because now it puts the idea in other people's heads to Google her too.

If you want to call what I did "creepy", that's your right, but I would probably have to categorize you as a "paranoid girl". No offense.

I'll settle for being considered a "paranoid" girl as opposed to being a naive girl who's too trusting. But really, if you had just explained this in your original post, you could've avoided people on here scratching their heads over it. Thank you for explaining though.

Just for fun, go on YouTube and search for "gang stalking".

I'm not sure if it was you, but a while back there was a guy on MFC going around posting a "Gang Stalking" YouTube video on models' profiles. I think I had deleted it, and then I guess he posted it again. I MFC Mailed him asking him to please stop posting it on my wall, and he gave me a pretty rude response. I blocked him, and now my MFC wall is set to friends list only, since a lot of random people on MFC get carried away with the profile wall feature.

And like someone else on here said, just because you're a nice guy who won't stalk models doesn't mean all the other MFC members are as nice as you. Yes, it may be a small percentage of viewers who are actually dangerous, but common sense should tell models (and members) that some things are best kept private. So please keep that in mind before assuming that a cam girl is too paranoid. We are looking out for our safety and privacy, which I'm sure you understand.

 

[LadyLuna]

I know that deep in the archives of this forum, in the public section, is a post where a model talked about a member showing up at her doorstep. I don't remember who it was, and I don't remember what she said happened. Obviously she survived, I think she had a gun and used it to get him to back off?

But as I said before, prevention is our best defense. Just because something has never actually happened yet, doesn't mean it wouldn't happen if everyone let their guards down. I'm careful not to let anyone know my city or state, and I don't give out my real name. I figure the rest will take care of itself.

 

[mfc@svfx.com]

It looks like my posts are not posting, odd.

It wasn't me who posted those gangstalking videos, but that is where the model I was referring to learned of the idea. Oddly, when I watched the video, it had nothing to do with gang stalking, it was just car headlights at night.

updog

 

[Evvie]

I always get the weirdest sense of dissonance when someone says something really stupid and then something else smart right after it. It's like my brain can't figure out how to judge them.