Sharing opinions constructively

[MFCGod]

This is a bit random but I was just reading an argument with a podcast personality and a listener over a trivial topic (wrestling)

The listener sent a long email and their first sentence was "I just got done listening to your podcast and I'm disgusted"

If you start off a conversation like that you might as well not bother explaining why you're disgusted because the recipient will instantly view you as hostile, put their guard up and not be open to hearing your opinion

I think I used to be very guilty of this a lot when I was younger and I try and be mindful of it now.

The other day I disagreed with someone on here, I originally started my reply with "what are you talking about..." and then explained my point of view, but what does "what are you talking about.." add other than unneeded hostility; I removed it before posting

 

[Lelo1]

I think you right. How you choose to say some thing effects how people will respond.

 

[SMuser69]

1. Don't be dismissive. In a forum of discussion there's complete no reason to dismiss a point of view you don't like. Explain why you disagree but unless you have telepathy you don't get to control another persons thoughts on something. Think about this before you write something like, "You should just stop" or like the OP, "what are you talking about..."

2. Implying there's some need of "authority" to make a comment. This I see one here WAY more than is necessary. It's fine to challenge someone's opinion or where and how they developed it, however it's another thing when people feel someone can't comment at all because they do meet a certain level to. Think about this before you start to write, "You don't know because you're not ..."

3. Someone having an idea you don't like isn't disrespectful. Disrespect is how you carry yourself in the conversation not the conversation in itself. Hurling insults instead of ideas or supported facts is disrespectful. Remember you choose when you engage in conversation it's not mandated. This isn't a courtroom and judgement shouldn't be rendered here.

Conversation is education for everyone involved. It doesn't hurt you to listen and it doesn't hurt you to have your ideas challenged.

 

[Gen]

Implying there's some need of "authority" to make a comment. This I see one here WAY more than is necessary. It's fine to challenge someone's opinion or where and how they developed it, however it's another thing when people feel someone can't comment at all because they do meet a certain level to. Think about this before you start to write, "You don't know because you're not ..."

I disagree with this, to some extent. For example in the "ask-a-model" section there is often terrible advice given by members who've never seen the back end of the websites they're talking about and have never cammed. This isn't at all to say members can't give great advice; they can and often do. But there are some times where experiential advice is way more useful and in those cases I think it's okay to say "hey this person who has never cammed on this site is probably not the best person to advise on that", especially for the benefit of newbies reading it.

Likewise I could read about changing a tire but wouldn't go onto a forum of mechanics and presume we all had equally useful, valid things to say. I am totally for everyone sharing their opinions (without presenting them as fact) but i think it can be useful to distinguish between experentially-informed opinions and ones that aren't. (This is why I think it's great Amber has it set up to have a banner if someone's a verified camgirl or industry rep.)

 

[JerryBoBerry]

This is why I think it's great Amber has it set up to have a banner if someone's a verified camgirl or industry rep.

We need one more for some members though.

 

[Lelo1]

We need one more for some members though.

View attachment 67062

I can see it now. People posting screen shots of their max token purchase level. And how much tokens they've purchased over the life time of their account. XD

 

[dilligaf0]

This is a bit random but I was just reading an argument with a podcast personality and a listener over a trivial topic (wrestling)

The listener sent a long email and their first sentence was "I just got done listening to your podcast and I'm disgusted"

If you start off a conversation like that you might as well not bother explaining why you're disgusted because the recipient will instantly view you as hostile, put their guard up and not be open to hearing your opinion

I think I used to be very guilty of this a lot when I was younger and I try and be mindful of it now.

The other day I disagreed with someone on here, I originally started my reply with "what are you talking about..." and then explained my point of view, but what does "what are you talking about.." add other than unneeded hostility; I removed it before posting

I read your post and I'm disgusted.
Just kidding.
It's usually best to not start a conversation with a negative attitude. It is difficult sometimes.
I do agree with you assessment.

 

[Ambers Troll]

This has led to an interesting place.

Likewise I could read about changing a tire but wouldn't go onto a forum of mechanics and presume we all had equally useful, valid things to say. I am totally for everyone sharing their opinions (without presenting them as fact) but i think it can be useful to distinguish between experentially-informed opinions and ones that aren't.

In trusting an authority in terms of opinion this is actually quite a dangerous place to start from. No expert in their field would exclude a valid argument based on their own authority.
In the above example let's assume you read the instruction, and wanted to share your opinion about it. There is much other mechanics could learn about changing a tire from someone who hasn't done it, especially when it comes to mistakes they have never made or tools they have never used. Perhaps the one commenting designs tools, but has never changed a tire, the mechanic may be the authority, but depending upon the opinion given the other person may be the expert.

Those commenting from a position of authority are usually understandably frustrated by many comments, as they are usually pretty predictable from someone unskilled/ inexperienced. In short you get many 'stupid' comments, but you also risk missing insightful or useful comments from this position as you tend to want to exclude them outright.
When I find myself in the authority position I usually try to guide the person down the experienced path (path taken by other experts) as quickly as possible or just opt out of the discussion. In some discussions it can take years of study/ learning, that you just don't have time to teach someone else, all you can do is point the way.
Where an inexperienced comment is dangerous I do think you have a responsibility to point out the risk, where it is just risky I would tend to leave the comment open for discussion, often there can be many paths to the same result and the path of the authority (even most of them) may not be the best one.

From the point of having discussions worth having, most experts like to have other unrelated fields included in the discussion, this is how their chosen arena develops into something better. Customers/ clients/ investors/ workers/ community groups and so on, are particularly important to include in any discussion as an authority, as without having those groups invested in you, your opinion becomes only a theoretical one.

 

[JickyJuly]

I think the only requirement would be an interest in other peoples' thought processes and opinions. Like... I don't feel that we need to be open to changing opinion, but if you're not wanting to hear from others there's no point in speaking either. The person in your original post is not really creating conversation. They just wanted to complain and try to zing.