Realising I now can’t have children!

[Saffronmodel]

So I’m 39 and been camming for a year and doing OF for a year now. I never wanted kids really but last month or so I have been really feeling like I want to be a mum. As I’m getting older now it’s made me start worrying and with being a cam model and doing only fans I think this has now put an end to the idea of ever being a mum.
Has anyone else gone through this and had to come to terms with this sort of situation?

 

[Sashacurves]

You absolutely can still have children, loads of cam models do. What makes you say you have to end the idea of being a mum?

 

[melanieoncam]

A lot of models started after they have had children because the schedule is so flexible to be there for school events, etc. Nothing worse than having to leave a sick child to go to work ,and with this kind of work you don't have to.

 

[Deleted member 45270]

Are you worried about bullying? I wrote most of this with bullying in mind.

imo having a parent in porn is just one of the ways a kid can get bullied. It means non-porn parents can have bullied children, too.
Kids can bully someone when they know they kid's related to someone with any kind of recognition, especially including having a parent in politics.

With rising SFW internet personalities comes rising family/friend harassment from terminally online strangers. It doesn't matter if it's your child, partner, parent - there's a lot of people who enjoy taking out their anger out on strangers and the stranger's loved ones. It's the internet, and it's consequences not exclusive to swers (or children in school). It can even happen to ordinary people who go viral for one thing. Suddenly they wake up with death threats over the stupidest things.

You can be a mother if you want to be. You just have to recognise what world we're living in and where we're likely heading. Take long-term financial security/investment/saving seriously, and take home/self defense seriously.
And consider homeschooling, which is becoming more and more common.

 

[misterical]

A lot of models started after they have had children because the schedule is so flexible to be there for school events, etc. Nothing worse than having to leave a sick child to go to work ,and with this kind of work you don't have to.

That was my first thought. It's about as flexible and ideal a job as you could have if you have kids.

 

[Saffronmodel]

A lot of models started after they have had children because the schedule is so flexible to be there for school events, etc. Nothing worse than having to leave a sick child to go to work ,and with this kind of work you don't have to.

Yeah I guess it’s not as bad starting up after having children. But I wouldn’t want to be pregnant whilst doing cam. I know some women do it but I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable and I haven’t enough money to take that much time off cam whilst being pregnant. Then once the baby arrives I have no idea how that will work having my hubby work from home as well he will need to be working so he couldn’t look after the child whilst I do cam work and we wouldn’t be able to afford child care. I wouldn’t really want to cam in the night either as I wouldn’t get any time with my hubby.

I don’t know how other cam models manage it but looking at my options I don’t seem to have any. It’s gonna be tough and probably something I’ll regret when I’m older but I really can’t have children doing this profession.

 

[Sashacurves]

Then once the baby arrives I have no idea how that will work having my hubby work from home as well he will need to be working so he couldn’t look after the child whilst I do cam work and we wouldn’t be able to afford child care. I wouldn’t really want to cam in the night either as I wouldn’t get any time with my hubby.

I don’t know how other cam models manage it but looking at my options I don’t seem to have any. It’s gonna be tough and probably something I’ll regret when I’m older but I really can’t have children doing this profession.

All of these things are true regardless of what industry you work in though no?

 

[Saffronmodel]

All of these things are true regardless of what industry you work in though no?

Well not really as I would still be able to work whist pregnant in any other job. I can’t go back to an office type job again though as it won’t pay be enough anyway to be able to afford to have a child.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

Well not really as I would still be able to work whist pregnant in any other job. I can’t go back to an office type job again though as it won’t pay be enough anyway to be able to afford to have a child.

I'm another model who would prefer not to work if I'm ever pregnant. I'm a career sex worker with 11 years fulltime - there's no way i'd be able to just get a different job easily.

There's a model I know of who made a *fuck* ton of clips before becoming pregnant. Shot onlyfans content etc etc. Preshot drips for sexting sites etc. She prepared - then as soon as she was showing she stopped producing content but never told anyone she was pregnant. She continued posting clips, onlyfans, sexting, phonesex etc - while she was pregnant using the stuff she had preshot. She prepared stuff to post while she was giving birth and recovering - and up until years later no one even knew she'd had a child when she told everyone. From their perspective she hadn't even taken anytime away. I think she may have even hired someone to run her messages while she was early post partum.

If you're smart about it, it can be done. Or possibly consider lining up a second job that you could switch to - either within the industry like phonesex, sex work adjacent like offering services for other sex workers, OR outside the industry all together to widen your options. My telegram is full of folks offering virtual assistance, sexting, onlyfans scheduling, video editing etc for models with busier pages/workloads. Maybe that would be an option for you?

It'd take planning ahead but you can absolutely figure this out if it's what you want.

 

[Saffronmodel]

I'm another model who would prefer not to work if I'm ever pregnant. I'm a career sex worker with 11 years fulltime - there's no way i'd be able to just get a different job easily.

There's a model I know of who made a *fuck* ton of clips before becoming pregnant. Shot onlyfans content etc etc. Preshot drips for sexting sites etc. She prepared - then as soon as she was showing she stopped producing content but never told anyone she was pregnant. She continued posting clips, onlyfans, sexting, phonesex etc - while she was pregnant using the stuff she had preshot. She prepared stuff to post while she was giving birth and recovering - and up until years later no one even knew she'd had a child when she told everyone. From their perspective she hadn't even taken anytime away. I think she may have even hired someone to run her messages while she was early post partum.

If you're smart about it, it can be done. Or possibly consider lining up a second job that you could switch to - either within the industry like phonesex, sex work adjacent like offering services for other sex workers, OR outside the industry all together to widen your options. My telegram is full of folks offering virtual assistance, sexting, onlyfans scheduling, video editing etc for models with busier pages/workloads. Maybe that would be an option for you?

It'd take planning ahead but you can absolutely figure this out if it's what you want.

That’s such a good idea I hadn’t thought of that. She did really well. I wouldn’t be able to do cam then by sounds of it but I could focus on my OF and have everything prepared ready. Like you say may need some planning but could be an option.

 

[Sashacurves]

Well not really as I would still be able to work whist pregnant in any other job. I can’t go back to an office type job again though as it won’t pay be enough anyway to be able to afford to have a child.

I was only responding to the part of your post that I'd quoted about both partners needing to work, not being able to afford childcare, or having to compromise by not getting to see your partner. I don't have kids and I'm in awe of the cam models who are able to overcome all this! If you were in a "vanilla job" instead though, you'd probably still be having all of these same concerns about whether you can have kids.

I totally understand you not wanting to cam while pregnant or during recovery and that these are problems that wouldn't be an issue for someone who isn't self employed/in a physically demanding industry though!

 

[Lintilla]

I turned 40 earlier this year, and I wonder if you're feeling this way for reasons similar to mine. Until this point, it was always my choice not to have children. Now that I'm older, if I haven't crossed that line already, it will soon be out of my hands, and I won't be able to have kids even if I want to. I don't really want kids, but I resent having that option taken away from me. And so, I still had a little bit of a crisis about it. I liked "I don't want to", I don't like the possibility of having to admit that "I can't". So--I'd say think about whether you really do want to have children, or whether you're feeling pressured now due to this being a "last chance" kind of situation.

If it truly is something you want to do, then I defer to the thousands or millions of models who are also mothers.

 

[MarieElise]

I'm a parent of 2. I couldn't have done it with my old job (healthcare). So this job is the only reason I've been able to become a parent.
Both pregnancies were since I got into this field.
I actually felt the way you're describing in my old career, because I had to put in like 60-80 hour weeks for a tiny salary, and was always exhausted. The stress was unbelievable.

I was raised in a culture where you keep your kids close and there isn't as much separation in the formative years. So I couldn't have done daycare and a lot of the stuff I see friends doing, really early on. I would have been an anxious mess.

I barely cammed at all during my 2nd pregnancy, it was a very hard one w a lot of problems. The first one I did. I mainly relied on the content for the 2nd. I had preshot the whole 9 mos of my 2nd one. Camming isn't something that was fun during those 9 mos, so I definitely recommend not camming during that time, if you can. Especially if you do penetration shows. I never thought to do phone sites. I survived on C4S, MV, PH (that was back before they lost Mastercard), and Onlyfans.

My first pregnancy when I did cam, no one was even able to notice a difference until 3rd trimester anyways, but I still preferred not working live during the 9 mos. Too many emotions, aversions, and issues. Wasn't a fun experience. When usually I do quite enjoy this work.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

That’s such a good idea I hadn’t thought of that. She did really well. I wouldn’t be able to do cam then by sounds of it but I could focus on my OF and have everything prepared ready. Like you say may need some planning but could be an option.

Yeah i know of a model that hid her pregnancy and live cammed too - she was very busty and did mostly big boob / topless stuff and just sold videos / OF during her live stream. Then one day she was like 'surprise im giving birth in 3 weeks. Tty in 2 months!"

So also possibilities there IF you're comfy camming without showing your belly

 

[IsabelaHarlow]

Personally, I know models that have been in the industry for years and that have children or have had children after doing this job, so this doesn't make it impossible to become a mom in the future. So don't stress about it so much, there are models who have streamed even while pregnant and it worked for them.

 

[Saffronmodel]

Hubby says if I get pregnant he doesn’t want me being on cam and even after he says that if my parents find out then what I do they will disown me which is true they would now but even more so being a mum! Plus he wouldn’t want our child to get bullied at school for what I do.
I told him I’m happy to take the risk I don’t want to hurt my parents but at the same time I should be allowed to do the job I want to do.
I don’t have enough fans on only fans only 100 so that won’t make me enough money to be off whilst pregnant and during pregnancy and after

 

[RuthStrawberryblonde]

Saffron I am 48 very soon, I have never had children for many reasons my life just did not go that way, I believe still could have children now (not yet menopausal at last hormone check last year) but it would not fit with my relationship and would not be fair for a lot of reasons. Based on my experience of decisions and sex work, I say do what it right for you. Yes you can consider the work BUT this has to be right for you. At the end of the day customers will do their own thing, and things might happen to stop you sex working (can't think of any right now though) or indeed make sex work the right decision.

Whatever happens will be meant to happen.

 

[Saffronmodel]

Saffron I am 48 very soon, I have never had children for many reasons my life just did not go that way, I believe still could have children now (not yet menopausal at last hormone check last year) but it would not fit with my relationship and would not be fair for a lot of reasons. Based on my experience of decisions and sex work, I say do what it right for you. Yes you can consider the work BUT this has to be right for you. At the end of the day customers will do their own thing, and things might happen to stop you sex working (can't think of any right now though) or indeed make sex work the right decision.

Whatever happens will be meant to happen.

Spoke to hubby earlier he has said there is no way I’m doing cam or OF during pregnancy or after so basically if I want a baby I have to get an office job and back to that life! So looks like the decision has been made no baby for me then

 

[Lilly_____]

Spoke to hubby earlier he has said there is no way I’m doing cam or OF during pregnancy or after so basically if I want a baby I have to get an office job and back to that life! So looks like the decision has been made no baby for me then

Well that decision is not to be made by him. Don't let him decide things for you like this. And I'd be seriously second guessing having a baby with a person that wants to control so much of your life like this. Red flags everywhere. Do what YOU want.

 

[inertvolcano]

What Lilly said. Having or not having children is way too important a decision to have someone else dictate or decide it for you, to say nothing of the other things you mentioned that he should have no say in. Having children is really the biggest decision you can possibly make, and I think there is no greater decision worth telling someone "I am doing this with or without you." And I know that may seem like it's easy for me to say, but I'm single and the primary custodial parent of two kids. It can be hard to go it alone, but it's possible and it's so worth it. If you want it.

 

[Deleted member 45270]

Spoke to hubby earlier he has said there is no way I’m doing cam or OF during pregnancy or after so basically if I want a baby I have to get an office job and back to that life!

Does he think those recordings of you are ever going away? The internet is forever.

 

[AudriTwo]

Spoke to hubby earlier he has said there is no way I’m doing cam or OF during pregnancy or after so basically if I want a baby I have to get an office job and back to that life! So looks like the decision has been made no baby for me then

Why are you with someone who is making decisions for you? Im not saying babytrap. But its ridiculous that he has final say in family planning. It's controlling.

Pineapplesupport.org
Please reach out to some additional support/therapy. This sounds so overwhelming for you OP. its nice to have a unbias perspective. Help you figure out your thoughts and needs.

There are models who stream/ create content from sheds in their backyard or studio apartments away from their families. There are models that still create content in locked rooms. Responsible stable adults know not to expose children to adult things. There are models who do quit the industry when they have children, but lots of people quit/change their jobs to raise children. But it has to be your decision.

Why does he feel like he cant have children with someone who is a sexworker but is perfectly okay being in a relationship with one? Are mothers not allowed to be sexual? Is he misogynistic?

If my husband ever told me i have to quit for whatever reason, I'd file for divorce immediately. If he doesnt want to have spouse who is a sexworker, fine. No one has control over what i can and cant do with my body other than me.

 

[Saffronmodel]

Why are you with someone who is making decisions for you? Im not saying babytrap. But its ridiculous that he has final say in family planning. It's controlling.

Pineapplesupport.org
Please reach out to some additional support/therapy. This sounds so overwhelming for you OP. its nice to have a unbias perspective. Help you figure out your thoughts and needs.

There are models who stream/ create content from sheds in their backyard or studio apartments away from their families. There are models that still create content in locked rooms. Responsible stable adults know not to expose children to adult things. There are models who do quit the industry when they have children, but lots of people quit/change their jobs to raise children. But it has to be your decision.

Why does he feel like he cant have children with someone who is a sexworker but is perfectly okay being in a relationship with one? Are mothers not allowed to be sexual? Is he misogynistic?

If my husband ever told me i have to quit for whatever reason, I'd file for divorce immediately. If he doesnt want to have spouse who is a sexworker, fine. No one has control over what i can and cant do with my body other than me.

He said the following ….. “If you want a kid then it's back to the office I think. I've always found it really bad when girls are pregnant on cam. To me it's degrading the baby and being pregnant. It should be a special time not, showing your body off to wankers like those in cam rooms. Plus, your parents would say I was terrible enough letting you do cam now. If doing it when you were pregnant with their grandchild. They would think I was disgusting, and I'd agree. ‘




That’s what he said and that he doesn’t want me doing it after with the risk of my parents finding out what I do and being disgusted with me and the child being bullied at school. He has no issue me doing what I do now but seems not when a child could be involved. I personally disagree. But we both have to agree. I really don’t want to get an office job again and it won’t cover cost of a baby. So no baby for me I just hope I don’t feel depressed about it in later life. I like the outbuilding idea of shed I currently have to cam in my room as we only have one spare room which is for his little boy we have my step son every other weekend. I think it’s ok for him as he has had a son whereas I have no children

 

[Saffronmodel]

He said the following ….. “If you want a kid then it's back to the office I think. I've always found it really bad when girls are pregnant on cam. To me it's degrading the baby and being pregnant. It should be a special time not, showing your body off to wankers like those in cam rooms. Plus, your parents would say I was terrible enough letting you do cam now. If doing it when you were pregnant with their grandchild. They would think I was disgusting, and I'd agree. ‘




That’s what he said and that he doesn’t want me doing it after with the risk of my parents finding out what I do and being disgusted with me and the child being bullied at school. He has no issue me doing what I do now but seems not when a child could be involved. I personally disagree. But we both have to agree. I really don’t want to get an office job again and it won’t cover cost of a baby. So no baby for me I just hope I don’t feel depressed about it in later life. I like the outbuilding idea of shed I currently have to cam in my room as we only have one spare room which is for his little boy we have my step son every other weekend. I think it’s ok for him as he has had a son whereas I have no children

That was meant to say I currently cam in my kitchen

 

[AudriTwo]

He said the following ….. “If you want a kid then it's back to the office I think. I've always found it really bad when girls are pregnant on cam. To me it's degrading the baby and being pregnant. It should be a special time not, showing your body off to wankers like those in cam rooms. Plus, your parents would say I was terrible enough letting you do cam now. If doing it when you were pregnant with their grandchild. They would think I was disgusting, and I'd agree. ‘




That’s what he said and that he doesn’t want me doing it after with the risk of my parents finding out what I do and being disgusted with me and the child being bullied at school. He has no issue me doing what I do now but seems not when a child could be involved. I personally disagree. But we both have to agree. I really don’t want to get an office job again and it won’t cover cost of a baby. So no baby for me I just hope I don’t feel depressed about it in later life. I like the outbuilding idea of shed I currently have to cam in my room as we only have one spare room which is for his little boy we have my step son every other weekend. I think it’s ok for him as he has had a son whereas I have no children

i agree that you both need to agree, but he isn't even considering your thoughts or feelings, just making the decision for you. He called you disgusting for wanting to cam while pregnant. he cares more about what other people feel than you. he isn't considering your perspective but acting like this decision is protecting you and your hypothetical child. his son can be bullied too if kids at school find out his dad is married to a sexworker. he is so hypocritical it hurts. and his reasoning for not wanting you to cam is riddled with misogyny. i know you love and care for him, but agreeing isn't being subservient to his decisions. you can disagree.

when you become pregnant, it is a special time, but its your body. your body doesn't become your child's even though they need it for survival (even postpartum if you decide/can to breastfeed). i hate this idea that pregnant people are now baby incubators and have to live as if they are in a nunnery. you had sex to make that child, you are a sexual being who can still express yourself.

honestly, both of you would really really benefit from couples counseling. i really recommend going through pineapple support instead of through any other network so you have a therapist who won't have a negative bias towards adult entertainment. avoid religious/spiritual counseling. if you are unable to use PS, look for LGBTQ+ therapists/counselors. you too really should reach out for individual support too since you feel like this decision to not have children riddles you with guilt to where it affects your mental illness.

please take care of YOURSELF. you are feelings and thoughts are valid and important. and im sorry your partner is failing to realize so.


you also will miss out on the gold mine that is pregnancy fetish. i know lots of models have used the money they still make for that content after years as college funds for their children.

 

[Sashacurves]

Spoke to hubby earlier he has said there is no way I’m doing cam or OF during pregnancy or after so basically if I want a baby I have to get an office job and back to that life! So looks like the decision has been made no baby for me then

It sounds like between your parents and your husband, you have a lot of people who seem to want to have more of a say in your life choices than you do and that's really sad to hear Please try to make your decision for yourself in your own mind and be sure of it, regardless of what others are telling you "can" and "can't" do. It's your life and you don't want to end up regretting a choice that was never really yours.

 

[Sashacurves]

Does he think those recordings of you are ever going away? The internet is forever.

Exactly! The "damage" (as it sounds like he sees it) is already done by you having ever done cam work anyway

 

[MarieElise]

The use of language where he says "letting" concerns me. As well (as was mentioned) his (what seems like) lack of concern for you and what you want/ feel, and over concern with what others think. I see parenting and relationships as an egalitarian team endeavor, there's no "letting", or one partner having authoritarian control. Having children is stressful, and a ton of work. I would definitely advise against having children with someone who is more interested in control and appearances. Sorry if I jumped to a conclusion, but that's what that kind of language kind of indicates to me. And it's concerning.

Having children with someone complicates a lot legally, emotionally, and just in terms of time management. It's something to really be careful with, and definitely think really deeply about. Pineapple support and/or some form of couples counseling is a really great idea.

 

[ArcticKitty]

He said the following ….. “If you want a kid then it's back to the office I think. I've always found it really bad when girls are pregnant on cam. To me it's degrading the baby and being pregnant. It should be a special time not, showing your body off to wankers like those in cam rooms. Plus, your parents would say I was terrible enough letting you do cam now. If doing it when you were pregnant with their grandchild. They would think I was disgusting, and I'd agree. ‘

That’s what he said and that he doesn’t want me doing it after with the risk of my parents finding out what I do and being disgusted with me and the child being bullied at school. He has no issue me doing what I do now but seems not when a child could be involved. I personally disagree. But we both have to agree. I really don’t want to get an office job again and it won’t cover cost of a baby. So no baby for me I just hope I don’t feel depressed about it in later life. I like the outbuilding idea of shed I currently have to cam in my room as we only have one spare room which is for his little boy we have my step son every other weekend. I think it’s ok for him as he has had a son whereas I have no children

I have to say that he is acting like this now, then bringing a child into the world with him is overwhelmingly likely to be a Very Bad Idea.

Personally, if I was a model and in this situation with my husband/partner, I would probably be thinking of the cleanest and fastest way to end it with him. I wpild be thinking, "He's fine with me riding a dildo online and being married to me and contributing to our household income but that all stops with "what will the neighbours say?" thinking?"

I can't relate to those values at all! But f certainly do get the vibe that he does Not regard you as a free and equal human being in this world or in your relationship.

Right now this is contention over your considering children. But the implications of his response go beyond that.

 

[mika_kedi]

He said the following ….. “If you want a kid then it's back to the office I think. I've always found it really bad when girls are pregnant on cam. To me it's degrading the baby and being pregnant

He has no issue me doing what I do now but seems not when a child could be involved.

A child would not be involved though. When a person is camming while pregnant they are still camming, the pregnant adult, not a fetus inside them. He seems to see pregnant people as, well, not people anymore but incubators and that's disturbing.