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Musings on whether or not to let a model know "It's over"

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justjoinedtopost

I did bad things, privileges revoked!
In the Dog House
Feb 23, 2015
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Been a regular in a models room for a couple years now. Very beautiful, a bit standoffish at first, but once you get past her occasional obliviousness and intermittent temperament issues, you find there is a delightfully young-at-heart girl (very sweet) who still believes she is 19. But she is not; she is in her early 30's.

It has started to show a little bit. This might not be a problem for a model that is a good performer and has built a following, but she hasn't. And getting older means different things for different individuals; many might do better as they age. Not her.

Her birthday last year, I noticed there weren't near as many coming around as the year before. It was a colossal letdown tipwise. Her birthday is coming up again soon, and she says she doesn't think she is even going mention it this year. I guess it is hard enough having to watch tips dry up and traffic drop; I would imagine a birthday show nobody comes to anymore is nothing but a kick when you are down...

This past year has been rough. As regular tippers have dropped off, they just haven't been replaced by newer ones. It has been heartbreaking to witness, it just gnaws at me. I really can't get it out of my head. The other night I was watching Old Yeller (one of my all time faves), and I broke down and bawled like a baby.

It is pretty clear the old girl is done for. No two ways about it. Nothing but desperation and despair in the forecast from here on out.

I know conventional wisdom dictates that I should just let things run their course, let her figure things out in her own time. I know the urge to try and "fix" this is probably not a good idea.

Still, I can't help but wonder if dropping a few slightly negative(?) tipnote compliments with new accounts (like "omg its so nice to see someone your age on here") might help speed up this difficult transition period. Or at least make it more bearable. Then again, it might just give her false hope, encourage her to linger even longer.

There have already been a few crude remarks made by others, considerably less sensitive than anything I would dare say. Didn't really seem to bother her. But I guess I just sort of feel this desire to help cushion the landing if I can. Sort of counteract some of the blunt assholes with some niceness maybe.

I don't know. I just don't know. This has been weighing on me for months now.
 
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You know you shouldn't. It isn't your place.
Oh yeah, I keep reminding myself.

Funny thing is, the tippers just quit coming. The long term freeloaders are the ones who keep showing up with no qualms pointing out changes they are noticing.
 
After writing this I found myself sounding rather "attacky". I'm gonna try to clean that up a bit before posting, but want you to know starting off that I tend to enjoy your posts (I actually find this one rather important too for both members and models), and want to simply offer perspective from a model who's dealt with members who've told me this about other models before. I've had to essentially have an intervention with them about it. I know this sort of things happens often enough and I feel that it's one of those things that no one gets a whole lot of experience with offline, so it's hard to let go of the thoughts so to speak.

Been a regular in a models room for a couple years now. Very beautiful, a bit standoffish at first, but once you get past her occasional obliviousness and intermittent temperament issues, you find there is a delightfully young-at-heart girl (very sweet) who still believes she is 19. But she is not; she is in her early 30's.

She sounds like she's probably more or less simply stressed out than anything. Lots of camgirls have been known to not be able to easily engage with their members due to anxiety. It wouldn't surprise me if she wasn't acting immature on cam to attempt to deal with to her cam shift. If a camroom is quiet, it's pretty reasonable for her to act "oblivious and have intermittent temperament issues". I mean (speaking as someone who cams on the non-chatty Streamate, though since you say tip notes sounds like MFC) after camming for ages without chatters, you find other things to concentrate on. When I'm in the middle of reading something online, uploading clips and writing descriptions or whatever and someone starts chatting...I don't change gears well. I know this. I do attempt to be a gracious enough host though even if it does often feeling like I often wind up saying camgirl versions of repeated NPC character phrases in a video game. Point is, she probably could use a week vacation and reflection time from it is all.

It has started to show a little bit. This might not be a problem for a model that is a good performer and has built a following, but she hasn't. And getting older means different things for different individuals; many might do better as they age. Not her.

Followings mean different things to different people. Not all of my tippers follow me on twitter (I've seen top models before with tiny Twitter followings for instance, and a handful or less high tippers carrying the room.) Not all of mine pay me through my camsite. I'm not saying she gets paid tons of cash outside her camsite, but this feels like you may be a bit too close to the issue. Might need to take a break from her room.

Her birthday last year, I noticed there weren't near as many coming around as the year before. It was a colossal letdown tipwise. Her birthday is coming up again soon, and she says she doesn't think she is even going mention it this year. I guess it is hard enough having to watch tips dry up and traffic drop; I would imagine a birthday show nobody comes to anymore is nothing but a kick when you are down...

Um...is there a birthday show that is expected to go well? Granted it's mostly told model to model, but I've heard and readwhat feels like a majillion times models of all earnings complaining how they wish they could have ONE birthday show that went the way they wanted. Unless I count the times I've heard models promote birthday shows ages in advance (even then it often doesn't work out, and is a huge waste of money on the model's end), members tend to already know that the majority of b-day shows aren't the model's actual birth date. Many members are also bitter because no one is doing anything for their birthday, so why should they tip for the model? There are many models including myself who don't tend to promote them (I say this knowing how how amusing in a dark-humor way this post is going to look tomorrow).

This past year has been rough. As regular tippers have dropped off, they just haven't been replaced by newer ones. It has been heartbreaking to witness, it just gnaws at me. I really can't get it out of my head. The other night I was watching Old Yeller (one of my all time faves), and I broke down and bawled like a baby.

It is pretty clear the old girl is done for. No two ways about it. Nothing but desperation and despair in the forecast from here on out.

I know conventional wisdom dictates that I should just let things run their course, let her figure things out in her own time. I know the urge to try and "fix" this is probably not a good idea.

Still, I can't help but wonder if dropping a few slightly negative(?) tipnote compliments with new accounts (like "omg its so nice to see someone your age on here") might help speed up this difficult transition period. Or at least make it more bearable. Then again, it might just give her false hope, encourage her to linger even longer.

There have already been a few crude remarks made by others, considerably less sensitive than anything I would dare say. Didn't really seem to bother her. But I guess I just sort of feel this desire to help cushion the landing if I can. Sort of counteract some of the blunt assholes with some niceness maybe.

I don't know. I just don't know. This has been weighing on me for months now.

I've seen members do this so many times with models. They will get very obsessed about a particular one at a time. Usually it is someone they've known for a while, and whether it's with money time or both, they feel they've invested quite a bit into the experience and it feels like a let down when the model goes through a long rough patch. Yes, she may not get out of it, but speaking as a model who's been through rough patches and come out...please don't try to Henry Higgins this. She's 30. Even if she acts 19 she's old enough to where she can do this on her own. Again I don't mean in a condescending way. I know this is a real issue and I know it's tough for many members to let go. Please know that it takes a very long time to get out of bad habits though, and negative tip notes won't likely make her quit but instead make her likely (correctly) think you've been annoyed with her about something in the past. It will be money wasted on someone assuming she got money from someone who can't let go of her. It would be completely counter productive for you, and not much more than meaningless to her. It would be better for you to break away now than having her think she's receiving money from a troll obsessed with her.
 
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After writing this I found myself sounding rather "attacky". I'm gonna try to clean that up a bit before posting, but want you to know starting off that I tend to enjoy your posts (I actually find this one rather important too for both members and models), and want to simply offer perspective from a model who's dealt with members who've told me this about other models before. I've had to essentially have an intervention with them about it. I know this sort of things happens often enough and I feel that it's one of those things that no one gets a whole lot of experience with offline, so it's hard to let go of the thoughts so to speak.



She sounds like she's probably more or less simply stressed out than anything. Lots of camgirls have been known to not be able to easily engage with their members due to anxiety. It wouldn't surprise me if she wasn't acting immature on cam to attempt to deal with to her cam shift. If a camroom is quiet, it's pretty reasonable for her to act "oblivious and have intermittent temperament issues". I mean (speaking as someone who cams on the non-chatty Streamate, though since you say tip notes sounds like MFC) after camming for ages without chatters, you find other things to concentrate on. When I'm in the middle of reading something online, uploading clips and writing descriptions or whatever and someone starts chatting...I don't change gears well. I know this. I do attempt to be a gracious enough host though even if it does often feeling like I often wind up saying camgirl versions of repeated NPC character phrases in a video game. Point is, she probably could use a week vacation and reflection time from it is all.



Followings mean different things to different people. Not all of my tippers follow me on twitter (I've seen top models before with tiny Twitter followings for instance, and a handful or less high tippers carrying the room.) Not all of mine pay me through my camsite. I'm not saying she gets paid tons of cash outside her camsite, but this feels like you may be a bit too close to the issue. Might need to take a break from her room.



Um...is there a birthday show that is expected to go well? Granted it's mostly told model to model, but I've heard and readwhat feels like a majillion times models of all earnings complaining how they wish they could have ONE birthday show that went the way they wanted. Unless I count the times I've heard models promote birthday shows ages in advance (even then it often doesn't work out, and is a huge waste of money on the model's end), members tend to already know that the majority of b-day shows aren't the model's actual birth date. Many members are also bitter because no one is doing anything for their birthday, so why should they tip for the model? There are many models including myself who don't tend to promote them (I say this knowing how how amusing in a dark-humor way this post is going to look tomorrow).



I've seen members do this so many times with models. They will get very obsessed about a particular one at a time. Usually it is someone they've known for a while, and whether it's with money time or both, they feel they've invested quite a bit into the experience and it feels like a let down when the model goes through a long rough patch. Yes, she may not get out of it, but speaking as a model who's been through rough patches and come out...please don't try to Henry Higgins this. She's 30. Even if she acts 19 she's old enough to where she can do this on her own. Again I don't mean in a condescending way. I know this is a real issue and I know it's tough for many members to let go. Please know that it takes a very long time to get out of bad habits though, and negative tip notes won't likely make her quit but instead make her likely (correctly) think you've been annoyed with her about something in the past. It will be money wasted on someone assuming she got money from someone who can't let go of her. It would be completely counter productive for you, and not much more than meaningless to her. It would be better for you to break away now than having her think she's receiving money from a troll obsessed with her.
Ty for that. Plenty of food for thought in there. Had to google Henry Higgins, so horizons have been expanded.

She had slumps in the past. They upset her badly. This time is different. For one thing, it has gone on a lot longer. And it sort of feels like she has given up.

I remember getting emails asking me to run check out her profile changes, or a new picture set or video she had uploaded. She would message me excitedly at the beginning of a show letting me know what she had planned. She wanted to try this idea, or that idea...I fear those days are gone forever.

I remember going in her room a couple of years back, and there were several of us chatting and tipping towards her goal. Now she is lucky to get one person in there tipping. I was watching on two different occasions when old regulars came back, one a high tipper, the other a guy who bought a crapload of stuff for her off Amazon. Both times her face lit up, she started chatting, only to have them both leave within minutes. One of them didn't even bother to say goodbye, just left right as she was trying to chat. She didn't say anything, but she looked so crestfallen...

It just sort of seems like she has sort of resigned herself to being a budget girl, flashing or twerking or whatever for a pittance, happy to get whatever she can. She actually sent me a pm the other day, asking for 20 tokens just so she could make payout on one of her sites. To say I was glum afterwards is an understatement.

Probably should have been clearer about the tipnotes. There are two things members (ALL FREELOADERS) have made remarks about over the last few months: her weight, and her age. She has only gained a few pounds, and she doesn't look like a teenager any more, but apparently some of her loyal mooches can't avoid pointing it out. I was just pondering mentioning these things in a positive manner, anonymously of course.

She is in denial about her age, this I know from chatting with her; it is no immature act, it is a flat out denial that middle age is going to bring changes. But she has mentioned going into another line of work a couple of times, so I suspect she may have seen the writing on the wall. Tragic.

I'm a cold-hearted bitch, I suppose. But if a model is no longer dong it for you, just stop going to her camroom. You don't need to give her any explanation.
I may have to consider that, if only for one night. Her birthday is a little over a week away. She says she is not going to even mention it publicly.

She may not spend the night reflecting on the birthday 2 years ago when affection showered upon her from all quarters, or the more dismal one from last year that portended doom for her career as a model, but I know I certainly will. Frankly, it may be more than I can bear.
 
@justjoinedtopost Why don't you offhandedly mention ACF or Stripperweb? There are so many ways to make a living in this industry regardless of age. At the very least she can come poke around a bit. Just frame it like, "Hey have you ever heard of this cool thing?" and maybe it will pique her interest. That is probably the kindest way to help her out, if you are truly concerned. I, likewise, always enjoy hearing what you have to say about things and know this isn't malevolent.

Beyond, that, like Audri said, if it's too upsetting just stop visiting. It sucks but there's not a lot else to be done.
 
Gonna leave it with all of this says you need to step away. Put her on ignore, and move on. If you're too tempted you can always check on her in x number of months/whatever and see if you can be ok watching her again (by what I've read chances are we both know you'll check in from time to time anyway.) Another thing to maybe think about is why this is affecting you to this point. Is it the money you've spent? If the the good times you've had with her? Especially if this isn't the first time, I would recommend thinking about how you go about cam sites to make it sting less if the time comes you have to move on.

Either way, wish you both luck in your cam site futures.
 
In 2013 I had the most dishearteningly bad birthday show, and I actually use my real birthday so it stung. I had an absolutely abysmal few months after that and then reached a success level higher than I had ever before.

Bottom line. If you don't like her anymore, leave her alone. Don't try to drag her out with you. She actually has a chance of surviving this down time but you probably don't.
 
Considering your ratings to replies, I'm just going to assume this is all a shit post thread anyway.
 
@justjoinedtopost Why don't you offhandedly mention ACF or Stripperweb? There are so many ways to make a living in this industry regardless of age. At the very least she can come poke around a bit. Just frame it like, "Hey have you ever heard of this cool thing?" and maybe it will pique her interest. That is probably the kindest way to help her out, if you are truly concerned. I, likewise, always enjoy hearing what you have to say about things and know this isn't malevolent.
Oh I did that a long time ago. Sort of backfired I am afraid.

For one thing, she refused to interact here, who knows why. For another thing, she tried to crudely imitate a few of the more successful models, and when she didn't immediately see tokens pouring in, it did more harm than good.

In 2013 I had the most dishearteningly bad birthday show, and I actually use my real birthday so it stung. I had an absolutely abysmal few months after that and then reached a success level higher than I had ever before.

Bottom line. If you don't like her anymore, leave her alone. Don't try to drag her out with you. She actually has a chance of surviving this down time but you probably don't.
Well, it's good to be reminded that this may just be a really prolonged slump, and that brighter days may lie ahead. Maybe I am just being too pessimistic.

The issue is not really one of not liking her. I just hate seeing her do so poorly for so long. I am certainly not trying to drag her out, as I mentioned earlier she herself has talked about doing other work because the tips just ain't coming in like they used to.

But good Lord, did you have to end it on such an ominous note?!
Considering your ratings to replies, I'm just going to assume this is all a shit post thread anyway.
No, not a shit post thread. This has been eating at me for a while now.

I only wtf-ed your post because of the ending. It was frightening. None of us are going to survive. Not a one. But being reminded of numerous existential threats that lurk around every corner is not the exit from the frying pan I was hoping to make.

I know things like this aren't permanent. I know about "stop going if you don't like it". I don't know, things have changed, and not for the better, and I just really hate to see it, that's all.
 
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Note to all future trolls. This is how you properly troll. It was so subtle and gently worded, OP managed to equate a model being in her early 30's as well past her prime, and giving her the 'Old Yeller' treatment. All in one post without a single other model even commenting on it.

Brilliant sir, brilliant. My hat is off to you.

0mKXcg1.gif
 
Note to all future trolls. This is how you properly troll. It was so subtle and gently worded, OP managed to equate a model being in her early 30's as well past her prime, and giving her the 'Old Yeller' treatment. All in one post without a single other model even commenting on it.

Brilliant sir, brilliant. My hat is off to you.

0mKXcg1.gif

Hey now I take my mature category Streamate put me under after I hit thirty with pride! XD

But naw. I saw it as sure he worded it harshly, but he was in a gritchy mood about it. Also if she really does act like a teen then maybe hitting 30 is a big deal for her.

Edit: damn it @justjoinedtopost you got me too. I said I was going to leave this thread. Good job.

bbuYGz4.gif
 
Ahh!! Poe's law!! How do I know they are trying to elicit a reaction, or is this the truth?

According to this I should have been put down long ago, and here I am, just starting! I'm freaking out! Does a fossil like me stand a chance? I don't have 1.23 X 10^52 followers on CB, but I started a week ago. Who am I kidding, it might be too late now! AHHH!!

I did the "I'm old" thing in my 20's, and now I feel the need to try and be sexy because I didn't experience this in "my prime". Perhaps this feeling might be the result of my onset geriatric qualities. Alas, I am getting sleepy and it's time for the Early Bird Specials.
 
Another thing to maybe think about is why this is affecting you to this point. Is it the money you've spent? If the the good times you've had with her?
She comes from an area where jobs don't pay well. Camming has afforded her a life she could not have had otherwise. I worry for her. That's all it really boils down to.

Note to all future trolls. This is how you properly troll. It was so subtle and gently worded, OP managed to equate a model being in her early 30's as well past her prime, and giving her the 'Old Yeller' treatment. All in one post without a single other model even commenting on it.

Brilliant sir, brilliant. My hat is off to you.

0mKXcg1.gif
Whoa, hold up Jerry. I wasn't trying to suggest they be put down when they turn 30, or even 32.

I was only saying it is very, very sad...

 
Ahh!! Poe's law!! How do I know they are trying to elicit a reaction, or is this the truth?

How I look at it is even if it isn't I've personally known many who've done this CONSTANTLY. I figured it's in the public section so others with the same obsessive issue might see and learn from it. *shrug No harm done either way.
 
I turn 30 next month and I can say confidently that i am the sexiest I've ever been right now! RAWR!
 
Yup, in my 30's here and same! But I'm old=better hang it up and start shopping for denture cream and arthritis medicine! lmao :)
 
This is either a very well executed troll job or a case of me rolling my eyes thinking "We're still doing this?"

If it's a troll job, then kudos. You've done well, but with much less humor and overtly obvious connotations as mine four years ago.

https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/unique-situation.11851/

If it's real. Dude, get over it. Leave. Not good for your mental health.
 
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In my experiences I don't think models struggle with knowing when it is over.

Let's assume that this model is losing her appeal, let's assume it is due to her age, let's assume that that her income is dropping; all quite big assumptions, but possible. What can a single member do to help? Not very much.
  • The cruel to be kind approach will end up just being cruel.
  • The full on financial support/ rescue approach, usually not practical and will finally result in cruelty.
  • Leaving, not wanting to see someone you like suffer, protects yourself, but may seem cruel to the model.
  • Let it run its course, visit and tip if you feel that you want to. Cruelty to yourself on bad days but you will get some good opportunities for some great moments before the end.
I can say from experience, that models leaving camming who gained nothing financially from it, tend to do fine after leaving. Members shouldn't fear this, your favoured model will be okay. People who need to fight to survive find a way, and even while struggling there can be choices. No one stays in a job that doesn't pay, has no reward, or has no future.

For instance one model I know of who wasn't getting ahead with camming decided that enough was enough and started doing child care work. Not her dream job as she has her law degree, and once even ran a business until hitting trouble.
She was surviving on cam, into her early 30's, was generally keeping her regulars but not gaining anyone new.
She made the switch because there was no future in camming for her. She took a big loss in income on the move, and as far as I know is still struggling, but happy with her choice as she has something that she can build upon.
 
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This is either a very well executed troll job or a case of me rolling my eyes thinking "We're still doing this?"

If it's a troll job, then kudos. You've done well, but with much less humor and overtly obvious connotations as mine four years ago.
umm, no. Not a troll job. Maybe I gave one heart rating with trollish intent, but other than that, there is real pain represented by this thread.
https://www.ambercutie.com/forums/threads/unique-situation.11851/
If it's real. Dude, get over it. Leave. Not good for your mental health.
After reviewing your crude spoof, I can say with certainty we are coming from two different places. And I really wish people would quit saying "just leave". That is coming soon enough, one way or the other.

...this is what the prophets and the shamans always understood, is the coming events always cast their shadow before them. And if you are paying attention, sometimes you will see these shadows flickering out of the corners of your eye. But if you are not paying attention, if you are consumed in all of the distractions and trivialities of everyday life, you probably won't notice.

Of course, the human race has progressed forward always because of the roughly five (or less) percent that have been striving to take notice...the five percent that are essentially awake, while their fellow man continues to slumber on...


I have seen the leaves turn brown. They have begun to fall to the ground. I suppose I am in a period of mourning, sad that those happy days of summer are gone; perhaps a bit fearful that they will never return.

In my experiences I don't think models struggle with knowing when it is over.

Let's assume that this model is losing her appeal, let's assume it is due to her age, let's assume that that her income is dropping; all quite big assumptions, but possible. What can a single member do to help? Not very much.
  • The cruel to be kind approach will end up just being cruel.
  • The full on financial support/ rescue approach, usually not practical and will finally result in cruelty.
  • Leaving, not wanting to see someone you like suffer, protects yourself, but may seem cruel to the model.
  • Let it run its course, visit and tip if you feel that you want to. Cruelty to yourself on bad days but you will get some good opportunities for some great moments before the end.
I can say from experience, that models leaving camming who gained nothing financially from it, tend to do fine after leaving. Members shouldn't fear this, your favoured model will be okay. People who need to fight to survive find a way, and even while struggling there can be choices. No one stays in a job that doesn't pay, has no reward, or has no future.

For instance one model I know of who wasn't getting ahead with camming decided that enough was enough and started doing child care work. Not her dream job as she has her law degree, and once even ran a business until hitting trouble.
She was surviving on cam, into her early 30's, was generally keeping her regulars but not gaining anyone new.
She made the switch because there was no future in camming for her. She took a big loss in income on the move, and as far as I know is still struggling, but happy with her choice as she has something that she can build upon.
Ty for that reminder. Life will indeed go in, in one form or another. And I know just what you mean by good opportunities. Man, I have been makin out like a bandit with some of the deals I have been scoring.

According to this I should have been put down long ago, and here I am, just starting! I'm freaking out! Does a fossil like me stand a chance? I don't have 1.23 X 10^52 followers on CB, but I started a week ago. Who am I kidding, it might be too late now! AHHH!!

I did the "I'm old" thing in my 20's, and now I feel the need to try and be sexy because I didn't experience this in "my prime". Perhaps this feeling might be the result of my onset geriatric qualities. Alas, I am getting sleepy and it's time for the Early Bird Specials.
I am 41 this year, which is why I didn't post to answer the OP lol. I have never been called old by a camming customer ever. I figure if they don't like it they will go elsewhere.
Camming and I'm almost 40?

You bet your sweet Aspercreme....

Well you are all three lovely. And responses like these are precisely why I emboldened my remark about the individual nature of aging in my original post. Apologies if I caused offense.
 
No offense taken at all-- just my attempt to add a little levity more than anything else.

Attitude is everything. To be bold, age and weight and even appearance is only a small sliver of the pie. I've seen wildly successful models that don't fit the mold in ANY way.. and I've seen devastatingly gorgeous women who can't even remotely make a go of it. If her room is truly falling apart... I'd venture to say that perhaps her heart isn't truly in it anymore. She may not fully realize it yet.. but if I'm correct, she eventually will.

Camming on a site like MFC is very social-- and can be very emotionally and mentally draining if you don't practice good self care. It could be taking its toll on her.
 
There's probably no nice way of saying "it's probably over for you" so it's best just not to say anything at all. Plus, you don't know you're right.

After announcing my retirement from MFC (at age 25) I had quite a few regulars tell me they're sad to see me go but they understand because the slowness of late was inevitable because I wasn't in the "prime age range" anymore and there are likely better sites for "mature" models like myself. And maybe I was "too old" for camming anyway.

That STUNG. But, they were also full of shit. And they should have kept their opinions to themselves.

Unless this girl is asking your advice on this topic, there's no need to offer your opinion.
 
Attitude is everything. To be bold, age and weight and even appearance is only a small sliver of the pie. I've seen wildly successful models that don't fit the mold in ANY way.. and I've seen devastatingly gorgeous women who can't even remotely make a go of it. If her room is truly falling apart... I'd venture to say that perhaps her heart isn't truly in it anymore. She may not fully realize it yet.. but if I'm correct, she eventually will.
I know this is largely a matter of personal preference, but I think she is even hotter than before.

You would think I would be happier that she is more available. There's rarely any more agonizing waits for her to get out of private, tips go a lot further, and she is considerably more grateful when she does get tipped.

But if I have won anything here, it is a pyrrhic victory.
 
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