Members in a relationship/marriage, I have a question!

[ThePrincessLuxy]

So I want the first thing that pops in your head besides the obvious "I'm horny" when you see this.

Why do you masturbate to porn *if* you are in a very sexually healthy relationship? I'm not saying all men do, but for those that do..I'd just like a little bit of insight.

My thought patterns here are "okay, so maybe these are the best possible reasons.."

A) Not satisfied with the things significant other does in bed, or we just don't do it enough
B) Significant other is not here right now
C) Significant other is not supermodel hot (or even ugly)
D) Variety
E) No particular reason, just an aid to 'get the job done'.

Maybe I am being particularly narrow minded with the possible reasons here, but as a woman it's a bit difficult to understand men sometimes I guess. Feel free to correct me if my thought patterning is completely wrong here. (I feel like there are even reasons that are not listed here that I am missing.)

Anyway I look forward to your responses! Please be honest!

 

[SexySteph]

Sometimes you don't wanna have sex, sometimes your partner isn't around and you need visual aid to finish.

If it's happening constantly and you're choosing masturbation to porn over sex with your partner I think there's a severe issue with your relationship. Otherwise it's kinda like "why go out for dinner if your partner is a 5 star chef." (Answer, cuz you want to.)

ETA: I don't think anyone generally finds their partner anything less than hot. If they do, that's a problem with the relationship, not their partner's physical appearance.

 

[JoleneBrody]

Masturbation is a healthy part of human sexuality and stands on it's own, in it's own category. Unless it's actually conflicting and impeding a personal relationship I don't see it even comparable.

I masturbate to porn all the time alone and off camera. It takes less than 5 minutes, is terribly unattractive and then I get on with my day! :lol:

I don't put webcams in this topic because webcams are a different experience than a 5 minute tube site wank.

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I'm more curious about what leads members in a relationship to camgirls. Porn is porn. My boyfriend isn't particularly interested in porn, he'll watch it now and then though. Watching porn is natural. We don't always imagine ourselves doing the fucking, sometimes it's nice to have a little visual aids. When I watch porn I'm not imagining myself with someone else exactly, just a sexual scenario, I sometimes imagine I'm someone in the porn film, but not myself. With porn so available most men will every now and then turn to it, especially men in their 20s who've grown up with the internet and computers.

Camgirls are a different story. Camgirls aren't just visual. Camgirls are real interactive girls, they offer more than sex, camgirls are probably closer to stimulating a real relationship, even for silent lurkers it's easy to feel like you know someone and have a special fondness towards them. Even just going around wanking randomly to any girl is kind of like virtual one night stands. It's more personal, which is something I can absolutely understand with someone viewing who's single, but I'm curious what draws members in relationships. Are they missing something in their relationship? Are their spouses away a lot and they get lonely? Or vice versa? Are they just horny? Are they the kind of guy who gets bored easily and camgirls control that without them turning to real life?

I think that yes there are some relationships where the wife/girlfriend is very relaxed and doesn't mind, but for someone to turn to another person, in most situations it's because something is missing in the relationship. That could be a temporary thing, it could only be something very small, but someone looking outside the relationship is usually a two way street, unless you're already in an open relationship and that's something you've managed to work with both parties being completely happy, there's usually something going on in a relationship that makes one person feel the need to go outside the relationship.

To those guys who are in relationships and visit ACF, you're clearly quite invested in the camworld, why do you visit camsites?

 

[PunkInDrublic]

To those guys who are in relationships and visit ACF, you're clearly quite invested in the camworld, why do you visit camsites?

Because its one of the few things I'm allowed to do and because its fun. She'd rather I stay in and watch camgirls instead of going to bars or strip clubs when she's not around.

 

[Jillybean]

Just a few completely acceptable reasons to masturbate instead of having sex with your romantic partner

•wacky schedules
•different moods
•not wanting to bother the other, believe it or not, when there's things to do, or stressful situations, sex can be a bother

Is it acceptable to watch porn when you have a wife? YES!

It's just a masturbation aid, which is how I like to think of it. I don't usually watch porn when I masturbate, but I have a go-to fantasy that gets me there every time. I imagine it and try to tell a story about it, out loud to myself. People who watch porn just really enjoy visual stimulation. It's the same thing, to me, as imagining having sex with a beautiful woman. Some people just get more stimulus from sight than they do from imagination.

The only thing I will say that is completely upsetting is when a member says negative things about their girlfriend or wife to me. Fuck you dude. I don't even care if you get off on that. Don't pay me to insult your wife. Not happening. Respect her. That's when I imagine that they're putting adult material before their own sexual relationship with their significant other. That is, if they even are really with someone.

Also, it can be really upsetting if your partner really wants you, and is lustful, and instead you turn to porn. That would be time to reevaluate the reasons you're watching porn and the reasons you're with them. It could have nothing to do with them. You could find them extremely attractive and still feel the need to watch pornography. It's just what is appealing and stimulating at the moment. Maybe you can get your partner to join you in watching the material.

 

[CharlotteLace]

Frankly, I masturbate because my husband isn't Nestor Carbonell, and we're not on a deserted island with nothing to do but kill time by sexing. It's fun to fulfill fantasies that I know won't ever remotely happen.

Seriously though, this seems to run along the same thread of "why would you check out other women if you're satisfied with your wife?!" The answer being, of course, that love and physical attraction are two entirely separate conditions that only sometimes intersect. I love my husband. He's been with me through incredibly tough periods, and we've held strong through lots of issues that we had to work out. Does that mean he's the only one I'll ever find sexy? No. He just rates at the top of the list. Is he the only one I want to be married to? Yes, yes he is. Is he the only one I'll ever want to fuck? Realistically, no. Biologically, I want all the sexy men to come calling.

Masturbation kind of pacifies that deep, primal need to fuck everybody in the area that may have good genes for our offspring. I've never been offended by my husband taking care of himself, and I sometimes even step in to help with some dirty imagery and a helping hand. He's not bothered when I sneak into the bedroom for some quick Hitachi time, either. Why should he be? He can't vibrate. :lol:

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I masturbate because it feels fucking good. I enjoy orgasms I have with a partner, but because I'm a bit weird I am always self conscious having an orgasm when another person is present. I almost physically cannot masturbate/make myself cum if my partner is in the room, even if he's sleeping (and yes, sometimes I do that). Just being able to do that takes a lot of trust. I can orgasm on cam, but the orgasm is never as deep nor as satisfying as it is when I'm alone, same with if I'm given an orgasm with a partner, if it's by oral then it has a different appeal and feels amazing, better probably, but again the orgasm isn't as intense.

I watch porn very occasionally, though really not much. It's just visual interest. I prefer using my imagination personally, where I could think of pretty much anything. Porn tends to have to many parts where I don't find it at all attractive to get me off. But porn doesn't have anything to do with being in a relationship or not, nor does masturbation. I masturbate a lot less now I'm in a relationship, it's actually pretty rare now, but it's not to do with lack of satisfaction with sex, it's more to do with wanting my own thoughts and fancying an orgasm.
For my boyfriend, well, I'm around a lot and love giving head. Whenever he's remotely horny the offer of a blowjob or sex or something else is always there. Even if he's not horny, I offer it on a daily basis. I enjoy it. So sexually he has no real reason to masturbate, and for the most part he doesn't, once every few weeks maybe. He hasn't really got many opportunities as most of the time when he's not at work I'm in the house. I think when he does it it's mostly because he happens to be alone and thinks "why not?". Sometimes he watches porn, mostly he uses his imagination, and though I'm not entirely sure I believe it, he claims he thinks about me.

Masturbation is a natural healthy thing. I mean being in a relationship means I can usually get a massage, but it doesn't mean I won't rub my own feet if they're sore. What isn't healthy is if you'd rather masturbate than be with your partner, or you don't get turned on by real scenario's and have to imagine porn while you're intimate with your partner. And what isn't healthy is forming particular attachments to models and spending loads of your free time watching them rather than trying to be with your partner. Even if your partner isn't around and is working, if you're that lonely, maybe it's something that needs to be worked on outside the computer.

 

[EdenUk]

I think MFC especially is more of an virtual entertainment bar as opposed to sex.
Yes many are on there to fap away till the cows come home.....but I reckon a good 75% are on there for the entertainment value. Whether that be certain girls are funny and do some funny shit, they get to see things their partners may not do to themselves and it's a little something to take the lonelyness away.

I don't have much or if at all social life. I have a family full of girls and that's my main interaction and I have a partner but no social life that involves going out and getting drunk and I don't have many friends either. So I think when your on MFC and your in that room you feel like your being social you cannot feel lonely.

On the other had I think some guys may go on MFC when lonely or single and then become attached to certain girls and that' what keeps them there. I would imagine it's very easy to get attached to these girls and maybe even develop feelings.
:twocents-02cents:

 

[IsabellaSnow]

On the other had I think some guys may go on MFC when lonely or single and then become attached to certain girls and that' what keeps them there. I would imagine it's very easy to get attached to these girls and maybe even develop feelings.

I know that single or in a relationship, I couldn't spend that much time watching someone I'm attracted to and not develop feelings for them. Whether those feelings are seriously strong or not doesn't matter, it's very hard not to form attachments to people. If you're not attracted to them at all then maybe just friendship feelings, but in my experience when members start seeing me as just a friend they move on.

 

[Finebrush]

Well, one can feel attached with any person after some time...being the connection real or virtual. And.. It does not need to be in the couple format. It can just be nice friendship. I know loads of people online, which I consider "virtual friends". And still, these friendships have been extremely positive in most cases. I am a person with zero problems of social interaction (was really shy when a teenager, but evolved in that in my own) , yet tho, some people (like me) are often not so much into much noisy real social stuff. Or better said, become pretty selective, and usually just hang with people one really really enjoys to be with. This leaves out a lot of false/"convenient" relations. Indeed, some interaction with certain people in real life, is so false, and even in some cases harmful, or just...poor or flat, that even as artificial as can be interacting with someone just virtually, that other "node" is a person, and often, quite more valuable and interesting person than a lot that one has to deal with in "real life". Probably a lot from your every day work or environment who seem too boring, uninteresting, or selfish, they are just acting as well, and if several of the social "shields" were down, that person would be as nice to know as a lot of the persons we meet online, who are sharing more their real opinions, etc.

Getting into relationships in the internet (in cams, or whatever the media) ...probably not a good idea, in general. But a lot of people that later on I've had the pleasure to know in person, some very good friends of mine, I have met them initially on internet. Actually my best friend, he actually later worked with me in the same company, and we've been in contact both "virtually" and also going out to drink some beers. While this thread was about sex, I think it applies.

I'm single, and probably if I wasn't, or were in some sort of relation, wouldn't just have the time, energy or room in my mind for things like cams, or porn (I guess except one lonely weekend...). But IMHO, it is totally healthy to watch porn. Some couples I know, they just get horny both together watching some porn film, they give the film a better end, indeed. Thinking of an specific couple, they have a great relation, and really in love, both. No issue at all. From some specialist in the matter, in a TV program, I heard once that all these things are ok, if they do not interfere in your real life, making you stop doing what you should do. Removing time for essential, vital activities, or if it is a compulsive thing that takes control of yourself. IMO is like everything. If you make a moderate use of it, you organize your schedules, then, why not?

About singles falling in love with a cam model... IMHO that can very well happen. But to an extent. I think the real contact (meaning presence, not necessarily touching the other person) is very key even for a very initial stage. But finding people with which you connect a lot as a person, and for which you care, share thoughts with, etc, yep. Totally possible. Existing attraction or not.

 

[Kunra9]

So answering the original question as simply as I possibly can. I do it because it's there basically. I have been in fresh relationships where we are having sex 3 times a day, every day and I still find time to crank one out.

As a woman, you should take zero offense to this at all. Guys aren't doing it because they are unfulfilled in some way. We are just programmed to do it. We have to do it. In a weird way, it's completely unrelated to sex. Most men can masturbate, but then if a girl shows up 30 minutes later and wants to get down, they'll be good to go. It's not a sex replacement. I've never whacked off and felt sexually satisfied. At best it can take the edge off in times of need.

Comparison, you haven't ate ALL DAY and are STARVING. You eat three Saltine crackers. You feel slightly less hungry, but would still devour a steak if it was dropped in front of you.
You haven't had sex in months. You masturbate. Your craving for intercourse is slightly subdued, but there would be no stopping you if the opportunity for sex presented itself.

I can't honestly give you a good reason WHY, other than "because it's there."

If you are a woman in a relationship and your guy masturbates, don't get offended. It has NOTHING to do with you. I promise.













Unless of course he whacks off all the time and never wants to bang. Then ya. That's bad.

 

[Kunra9]

Now that I re-read the OP, I don't think I answered the question at all. lol

I explained why men masturbate, but it seems your question was "why do you masturbate to porn.

Sorry.

I would say for myself, it's just easy inspiration to get the job done.

 

[VeronicaChaos]

I always joke that I have three sex lives; the one with myself, the one with myself on the internet, and the one with whoever my partner happens to be at the time. They're all great, but totally separate. It wouldn't even occur to me to stop masturbating just because I was getting laid.

 

[bakersman]

I'm a guy in a long-term relationship (10+ years) but have always been a porn viewer as well, for reasons that others have covered very nicely. It's just a separate thing from 'real' sex, and doesn't distract from it.

My interest in the cam world is less happy, as the flirty/sexy/affectionate part of our relationship had really fallen off. I only found camming recently and for a while it was a source of flirting/affection that I consciously pursued. I could get to know, joke around, and sexily flirt with women I would never actually meet, and even if the affection was paid for, it was real (as models have often said here on the forum), but safely online-only and not reciprocal. So like flirting porn rather than fucking porn.

So maybe it was a kind of cheating, and while self-serving on my part I do think it is different due to being fantasy. What's funny is I could never have someone look at my cam--that would cross some kind of line for me.

Not a long-term solution, and I knew this was the issue that we'd either fix or break up about, but visiting models helped me cope with a seriously rough patch, and things are doing better with patience, adjustments, and understanding on both of our parts. Yay!

So thanks, darling cam-girls, for solace in a difficult time. Cheap therapy, if you ask me

--

sorry for the combination of TMI and tl;dr but the camming question came up several times in the thread and I thought I'd toss my personal story into it

 

[bakersman]

Oh, and models, don't worry, I'm not one of those super-needy guys that pm's your head off and doesn't tip.

I was a super-needy guy for a while but I tipped, at least.

Now I just tip because I'm horny and want to see your tits.

 

[KayleePond]

I always joke that I have three sex lives; the one with myself, the one with myself on the internet, and the one with whoever my partner happens to be at the time. They're all great, but totally separate. It wouldn't even occur to me to stop masturbating just because I was getting laid.

This is crazy true for me, too. Well said Veronica!!

 

[IsabellaSnow]

I always joke that I have three sex lives; the one with myself, the one with myself on the internet, and the one with whoever my partner happens to be at the time. They're all great, but totally separate. It wouldn't even occur to me to stop masturbating just because I was getting laid.

This is crazy true for me, too. Well said Veronica!!

Same for me too. Actually @Kunra, everything you said about masturbating you said as though it's something that "men just do" as though women aren't exactly the same. Women are exactly the same. You hit the nail on the head on why I masturbate even when I'm having plenty of sex. Some people are also more highly sexually charged than others, some guys want to have sex 3 times a day, some women want to have sex 3 times a day, whilst others are satisfied with several times a week, those I've noticed are much happier with masturbating less and more of an occasional "hey, I could do this".

People often act like men are more sexual and like to wank more than women, it's completely untrue. What is true is some women avoid masturbation, and as we don't produce sperm there's no physical need to masturbate. What seems to be true for many women is they start masturbation far earlier than men. I personally started when I was probably about 7/8. It wasn't a sexual thing, I obviously didn't want sex or sexual attention at the time, it was just a natural thing to do and it felt good.

The reason I think people often have the delusion that men masturbate more than women is because of male need for visual stimulus. Men are much more visual creatures whilst for women it's largely emotion and imagination based. For me watching porn is occasionally a "why not?" because it's there, but it's not necessary and actually turns me on less than my imagination.

I'm curious to guys who always watch porn when they masturbate, would you still be able to masturbate in the same way if you didn't have any visuals?

 

[LaceyRoyce]

I recently learned my s/o wakes up at night and sneaks into the bathroom to get off ( after quietly watching porn online) I about died laughing ... Like why would you even hide that from me?? I guess his ex used to make it a shameful thing to him so he felt he had to hide it as a courtesy to me. I think it's normal and healthy as long as it's not becoming more important than maintaining an intimate sex life. It's frustration release that's totally self focussed.. Where as sex involves another person.. Intimacy... And all that muck

 

[Finebrush]

would you still be able to masturbate in the same way if you didn't have any visuals?

Dunno, but I think most men can get to any level without visuals, just imagination, memory, etc. Although maybe in a different way. Of course visuals, and I would add any other perceptions, sound, touching, etc, will certainly contribute. Like happens in the animals world.

 

[Kunra9]

I recently learned my s/o wakes up at night and sneaks into the bathroom to get off ( after quietly watching porn online) I about died laughing ... Like why would you even hide that from me?? I guess his ex used to make it a shameful thing to him so he felt he had to hide it as a courtesy to me. I think it's normal and healthy as long as it's not becoming more important than maintaining an intimate sex life. It's frustration release that's totally self focussed.. Where as sex involves another person.. Intimacy... And all that muck

I had an ex that absolutely hated the fact that I masturbated. She took it very personally. No matter how often I tried to explain it to her, she never understood. She would make me feel like I was cheating just about.

So I had to take my masturbation to ninja status levels.

She runs to the store for eggs, I've got cock in hand as soon as I hear the car start.
She jumps in the shower, I'm in the kitchen.
She goes to bed, I suddenly need to watch tv at high volume.

It was ridiculous.

I actually realized after we broke up, how much I actually resented her for it while we were together.
It sounds like a trivial thing, but it definitely contributed to our eventual split.

How do you ask someone to stop doing something they've been doing since they were 12 years old just because you have a vagina? I was doing this LOOOOOOOOONG before any vagina entered my life, and I'll be doing it long after I am too old to get vagina.

 

[bakersman]

I'm curious to guys who always watch porn when they masturbate, would you still be able to masturbate in the same way if you didn't have any visuals?

Is that some kind of a challenge? lol

Anyone up for the 10-day No Porn But All the Wanking You Want Challenge?

Sure, but only if watching cam models doesn't count

 

[Kunra9]

No porn to masturbate to?

 

[IsabellaSnow]

No porn to masturbate to?

Haha that made me laugh!

God, I can't imagine anyone in a relationship telling me I couldn't masturbate... The idea is almost painful. I mean I'm hardly a masturbating fiend, but I've been doing it for a long time, since as long as I can remember. It's not the be all or end all, but someone might as well tell me I'm no longer allowed to have a hot bath without them joining in because it's not ok for me to relax/enjoy myself without them. Most of the time when I masturbate it's more because I know I'll be in a more positive mood afterwards. I can understand someone getting upset about porn, in a way if I think about it with my emotions and not my head and I imagine my boyfriend imagining another woman, well yeah, that's kind of weird. But it's best just not to overthink it, it's just passing thoughts, passing visuals, no betrayal in the relationship has happened, he doesn't continuously pursue these pornstars either, they're just passing thoughts, I mean I check out women all the time, and occasionally will check out men, I can hardly expect him to not do the same. You've just got to think about it rationally.

Actually my boyfriend is sneaky about wanking. I don't think he's trying to hide it from me exactly, just that he feels awkward talking about it. I'm so open about my masturbating habits and I'm just so curious about him doing it because he's so quiet about it. For me it's like an exciting thought/moment finding out it's happened, but I always find out like a week after it's happened. He also always deletes his history on the computer, but once I found some that was definitely him and not me, this may not be a normal reaction for a girlfriend to have but I was so happy! I'd been wanting him to slip up for ages, it's just so boring hiding it, I love the idea of knowing about my partner's sexual exploits and fantasies. As it was, it was pretty boring bog standard porn.
I would much rather all this stuff were out in the open, I understand the need for privacy, but I'm not very judging about this sort of thing. I have boundaries that I don't want to be crossed, but I also give a lot of legroom.

The thing is, even the most caring, committed, not particularly pervy or even that sex obsessed guys still tend to masturbate and most of them, especially the younger generation will use some form of visuals when doing so, even if not all the time. Whether it's porn or simply a photo in a magazine. It's just something that happens, and it's pretty much exactly the same for women, most women will still masturbate in a relationship, and no they will not always think of their partners whilst doing so, some may never think of their partners while doing it.

I think the over use of porn/magazines is unhealthy whether you're in a relationship or not, the difference between being in a relationship is you could be fucking up the relationship as well as your libido. Porn does desensitise, it can cause things like erectile disfunction in the future and it can make the viewers feel the need for more and more graphic/kinky things to feel turned on, which though it's easy to find in porn, in real life sex most girls are not going to be happy to have that sort of thing going on. Porn and camgirls are kind of like a prescription drug, if used correctly and in moderation they can do wonders. If over used and abused they can be very addictive and destructive. If someone's single they can have the excuse of being single, and once in a relationship they may no longer feel the need to watch porn or camgirls so much, but they could also be becoming extremely dependant on a fantasy world without even realising it, a dependency that may not fade if they get involved in a real relationship.