Man Dude Bro question; How important to you is it that a cam model you see a little, once in a while, has "bedside manner"?

[MarieElise]

Don't laugh, I'm serious with this question.
Please answer fully and honestly members, I'm trying my hardest not to make this a leading question here.

 

[Wuggie]

as someone who doesn't use the "bedside manner" term ever, I will go with a guess it's how she treats members in her room? if not please let me know and I will answer whatever it actually is

But for me it's quite important, if people treat her nicely she should also be nice to them, but this is something I look for in ALL people I interact with really.. however if someone is an asshole, I enjoy that she stands up for herself at any point of time, no matter what kind of tokens they tip..

I'm not sure this answers your question, but once again if it doesn't please let me know

 

[MarieElise]

as someone who doesn't use the "bedside manner" term ever, I will go with a guess it's how she treats members in her room? if not please let me know and I will answer whatever it actually is

But for me it's quite important, if people treat her nicely she should also be nice to them, but this is something I look for in ALL people I interact with really.. however if someone is an asshole, I enjoy that she stands up for herself at any point of time, no matter what kind of tokens they tip..

I'm not sure this answers your question, but once again if it doesn't please let me know

Yeah I'm a bit confused about the term too, I thought it was primarily used for PCP doctors on house calls, back in the 50s. But I digress.

In this instance it means, spending extra time after a one on one to help an external processor talk about his feelings, and humoring them, in a patient unpaid way. I think?
Unless he wanted me to check him for hernias, I'm not really sure myself.

 

[Wuggie]

Yeah I'm a bit confused about the term too, I thought it was primarily used for PCP doctors on house calls, back in the 50s. But I digress.

In this instance it means, spending extra time after a one on one to help an external processor talk about his feelings, and humoring them, in a patient unpaid way. I think?
Unless he wanted me to check him for hernias, I'm not really sure myself.

Ooooh like that

that makes the question a lot more difficult..
I don't really spend time and tokens with other models than one, and the one I do spend the time with, we talk quite a lot outside of work also.. but it is not something that have been a requirement of mine AT ALL, it just kind of happened and that lead to me finding her better to spend my time and tokens on than anyone else..

as it's hard to me to answer this from my CURRENT situation, I will add that in the past, it didn't matter at all... if the model wanted it to be just a "hey, lets pvt" and we both wank off and then I leave, that has been it for some, and others I've hung around the room just having a good time with both the model and other members in the public chat (and sometimes private if we had some kind of internal joke that popped up in public chat) after and before privates.. so in short, I would say not very important but some rooms invite for it and if they do so I followed along?

 

[MarieElise]

but some rooms invite for it and if they do so I followed along?

Ah OK, this part helps a lot. Thank you.

 

[KingMarti]

Dont want to derail the thread but here's my 2c

in a patient unpaid way.

I feel like this part is an issue... I dont see why it couldnt be done at the end of a pvt while still in the pvt, so it comes across as trying to find a way to get more than what was paid for imo. The industries that normally have the bedside manor associated with them get paid for providing that... so I dont see why this would be any different.

to help an external processor talk about his feelings, and humoring them,

and tbh this sounds like more of a job for a therapist imo.

 

[MarieElise]

and tbh this sounds like more of a job for a therapist imo.

Yeah this is my fear. Thank you.
I’m not 100% sure what was meant by it, but from my perspective I felt like I gave this guy way more time and real energy than usual, but it still wasn’t good enough. I could be reading it wrong though.

I think just a bad client cam model match. But maybe I failed at setting clear enough parameters. It’s just that setting super clear, consistent parameters often takes a ton more energy and time, over and above everything else.

But I think Wuggie has a point about maybe me appearing to invite it (although obviously that wasn’t the exact point Wiggie made). Andhim possibly feeling it’s what he “should” do. I think I’m just the wrong cam model for this guy, and he’d have a better chance of getting his needs met (whatever the hell they are) with someone else.

 

[MarieElise]

I get the feeling This person (in his field) gives his clients way more than he should, so he probably subconsciously expects the same back from others, when he’s a client.

 

[KingMarti]

Yeah this is my fear. Thank you.
I’m not 100% sure what was meant by it, but from my perspective I felt like I gave this guy way more time and real energy than usual, but it still wasn’t good enough. I could be reading it wrong though.

I think just a bad client cam model match. But maybe I failed at setting clear enough parameters. It’s just that setting super clear, consistent parameters often takes a ton more energy and time, over and above everything else.

But I think Wuggie has a point about maybe me appearing to invite it (although obviously that wasn’t the exact point Wiggie made). Andhim possibly feeling it’s what he “should” do. I think I’m just the wrong cam model for this guy, and he’d have a better chance of getting his needs met (whatever the hell they are) with someone else.

I would assume this to happen more with gfe type models but I would also expect there to be additional payments outside of the show that cover it, while it might not be exactly "heres $5 now talk to me" but like $50 a week and then random talks so it's more blurred than transactional.

 

[Smoothie]

Maybe a semantics thing on my part, but I differentiate “bedside manner” from general kindness and approachability.

To me, bedside manner means you take extra care to be sensitive to a person’s special situation (pain, injury, mental/psychological stuff, trauma, etc). I don’t think a cam model should be on the hook for that.

 

[MarieElise]

Would it affect your answers if I changed the question slightly and said saw once in a while, but recently saw 3 nights in a row, for lengthy sessions?
AT A HIGHLY DISCOUNTED RATE!

Idk man, I feel like this potentially could be that same old thing where he thinks he decides what he gets for the money, when in actuality I'm the one who decides what I offer.
And if he's not happy with that, he should go stomp off somewhere else, and find some model who wants to play into that shit.

ETA; I feel like there are a lot of guys who come here mad, because they feel they should be able to decide what they got for their money. Or they made crazy assumptions going into things.

 

[KingMarti]

Would it affect your answers if I changed the question slightly and said saw once in a while, but recently saw 3 nights in a row, for lengthy sessions?
AT A HIGHLY DISCOUNTED RATE!

Idk man, I feel like this potentially could be that same old thing where he thinks he decides what he gets for the money, when in actuality I'm the one who decides what I offer.
And if he's not happy with that, he should go stomp off somewhere else, and find some model who wants to play into that shit.

if anything it would reenforce my opinion in my previous post. I think you are right on the money with him thinking he's the one deciding what he is getting.

 

[Wuggie]

Dont want to derail the thread but here's my 2c

I feel like this part is an issue... I dont see why it couldnt be done at the end of a pvt while still in the pvt, so it comes across as trying to find a way to get more than what was paid for imo. The industries that normally have the bedside manor associated with them get paid for providing that... so I dont see why this would be any different.


and tbh this sounds like more of a job for a therapist imo.

Honestly YES, anyone that expects extra alone time with a model should pay for it.. I ALWAYS end my privates with the girl I actually take privates with at least one hour of just hanging out, where we can talk about whatever she or I feel like..

Yeah this is my fear. Thank you.
I’m not 100% sure what was meant by it, but from my perspective I felt like I gave this guy way more time and real energy than usual, but it still wasn’t good enough. I could be reading it wrong though.

I think just a bad client cam model match. But maybe I failed at setting clear enough parameters. It’s just that setting super clear, consistent parameters often takes a ton more energy and time, over and above everything else.

But I think Wuggie has a point about maybe me appearing to invite it (although obviously that wasn’t the exact point Wiggie made). Andhim possibly feeling it’s what he “should” do. I think I’m just the wrong cam model for this guy, and he’d have a better chance of getting his needs met (whatever the hell they are) with someone else.

If you feel like you gave much more energy and time to someone and they still did not appreciate it, it's a bad match in my opinion! it's not something to do with you, it's just not that kind of room you're running maybe..

Let me try be a bit more clear with what I mean with reading the room even, some rooms have this big community and dynamic where all the members even talk to each other, this is when I would "join in" in the past and also talk to other members and joke around, I would NOT request focus from the model at all, she would of course be in on it, but it was like a big group chat going on about one or two topics if this makes sense? but yes I do believe maybe the guy would be better off in another room, there's NO shame in that for either of you though, that's the beauty of this business right, there's often at least 5000 rooms online, sometimes even 12000, at least on one site.. so there's a room for everyone pretty much!

 

[MarieElise]

Let me try be a bit more clear with what I mean with reading the room even, some rooms have this big community and dynamic where all the members even talk to each other, this is when I would "join in" in the past and also talk to other members and joke around,

Yes, with my neurodivergence I offer the opposite. One on one focus, and some very brief group social interactions, but kept to a minimum I can handle.
I deal with a lot of voyeurs and guys who kink on what I do with others, so if they hang around my room, its usually not to socialize. It's to continue getting off, some more, on fantasies about me. Or direct observations of what I'm doing with someone else.

 

[RainForest]

If it's on the clock, I'll cater to anyone's definition of bedside manner lol. This is a business. Provide a service and make money.

Of course if afterwards, a client wants to hang out in the room and engage that's great as well. I'm all for providing free value to a paying client as long as it's not interfering with my next prospects.

 

[LaceyRoyce]

I have every few clients left that I take for one on one shows but one of them is a submissive who always needs downtime
Chit chat as aftercare and a little of what everyone is talking about in this thread.

I just identified it pretty early on as something he was pushing for and worked it into his shows.

He now knows to ask for “40 mins of Femdom and 20 mins of aftercare/chat” and I get paid for all of it. I also include a 5 min text check in next day explicitly. Timeboxing it to 5 minutes helps him be brief and sometimes he’ll tip for extra time

 

[cbhours]

To me, bedside manner means you take extra care to be sensitive to a person’s special situation (pain, injury, mental/psychological stuff, trauma, etc). I don’t think a cam model should be on the hook for that.

I never understood why that's so important to people, it's so important that if you try to find reviews on a doctor or surgeon the majority of comments are going to be about how they were treated.

Where is all the reviews that say oh he diagnosed me correctly first try, or the surgery went great I'm cured! You know...stuff the world should care about xD

 

[Smoothie]

I never understood why that's so important to people, it's so important that if you try to find reviews on a doctor or surgeon the majority of comments are going to be about how they were treated.

Where is all the reviews that say oh he diagnosed me correctly first try, or the surgery went great I'm cured! You know...stuff the world should care about xD

I think it’s important for doctors. If only because high anxiety (from what I have read anyway) can exacerbate serious conditions, especially those involving high blood pressure. If you can ease a patients’ pain by not stressing them out even more with a harsh demeanor, to me, that’s good medical practice.

But yeah, not at all required (IMO) from a cam model. If they have good bedside manner, that’s great, but I don’t think it shouldn’t be an expectation from a member.

And I agree… I wish there were more honestly positive reviews of any service. I guess anger motivates people to write reviews more often than satisfaction does.

 

[MarieElise]

Honestly guys I think it’s just he wants me more than just a cam model. I think I need to just forget this guy. And be more vigilant with my boundaries in future. I wasn’t harsh with him, I just didn’t give him my real name, phone number and I put an end to these long endless shows, since they clearly are not good for him.

Or me.

I’m just going to make a new rule that I won’t have a long show with the same guy on more than one consecutive night. I’ll go ahead and call it the bedside manner rule. In this case it bred over attachment. I’m at fault too, for not recognizing what was going on faster and doing something about it.

Sometimes these guys are really attractive, fun and exciting. But not to the point where I want to do anything crossing my professional boundaries, or have that much extra energy to give. Even if I do think they are fun.

He expected me to let him down lightly and have a 2 hour (unpaid) discussion about why I can’t give him my phone number, and I said No, and got irritated with him. I’ve been super sick and I just don’t have that much extra emotional energy to give.

 

[Marceline]

I never understood why that's so important to people, it's so important that if you try to find reviews on a doctor or surgeon the majority of comments are going to be about how they were treated.

Where is all the reviews that say oh he diagnosed me correctly first try, or the surgery went great I'm cured! You know...stuff the world should care about xD

Good bedside manner is important to some people in certain situations because when it isn't present, it can feel as if the person is being dismissive. I think it can be especially important when it comes to situations where you are being vulnerable. Like with doctors or surgeons. I know for me, I feel like I'm at my most vulnerable when I'm sick enough/dealing with health issues to the point where I need to go to the doctor. So when I go to the doctor, I want to feel comfortable and secure. A doctor can be great at diagnosing issues, but if they don't have a good bedside manner, I'm going to feel like they're being dismissive about my issues and that they don't really care, which will make me not want to be completely open and/or will just make me feel even worse in an already not so great situation. I had to go to multiple PCPs before finding one that had a good bedside manner. I ended up having some health issues a year to two years ago that required me to go to my PCP on a somewhat regular basis for monitoring and tests. My PCP was very kind and compassionate, which made me have considerably less anxiety every time I had to go in to see her. I also felt like I could be more open about my health issues since she wasn't dismissive or rude, which led to her being able to get a better grasp of what was going on and find the best treatment options. I've thankfully never had to have any major surgeries, but I can only imagine how stressful that could be, and having a compassionate surgeon would surely help ease anxiety compared to someone who wasn't.

As far as bedside manner goes with cam models/content creators, I don't think that it should be expected that any or every model has a good bedside manner. However, I can see why it would be important to some members. Some people feel considerable shame when it comes to their fetishes, especially when it's more niche fetishes and not just typical vanilla stuff (and some people even feel guilt about just regular vanilla sex stuff as well). I do a lot of niche type content, and I've had members message me thanking me for how understanding I am when it comes to their fetishes. Some have even told me about the shame/guilt they feel over it, and that's why they go to sex workers, because they're too ashamed to say anything about it in their personal life, or even to their SOs. Hell, in my personal life I've had boyfriends and even friends confide in me about some of their less vanilla-y fetishes, and admit how embarrassing it is to them (which for the record, I'm very sex positive and as long as it's all consensual and doesn't involve extreme violence, I'm pretty okay with everything). So, for some people, opening up about a fetish and trying to partake in it when they have some shame surrounding it makes them feel vulnerable. If a model is rude or dismissive about it, it's just going to make them feel even more shame than they already do. People generally aren't going to and paying sex workers to make them feel worse about themselves, so for them, yeah, bedside manner is definitely important and I think that's totally understandable.

 

[MarieElise]

Can I just say I wasn’t rude or dismissive! Jesus!

 

[Wuggie]

Can I just say I wasn’t rude or dismissive!

then I would like to add that I never once though that was the case you were from these forums I couldn't imagine you would handle something like this rudely unless a situation called for it, and I hope the rest of regular visiters here have the same feeling

 

[Marceline]

Can I just say I wasn’t rude or dismissive!

I'm so sorry if it sounded like I was saying that about you! Absolutely was not my intention!

I'm just waking up and didn't read a lot of the earlier posts.

In this instance it means, spending extra time after a one on one to help an external processor talk about his feelings, and humoring them, in a patient unpaid way. I think?

I think this is a lot different than having a good bedside manner. In the end, we are providing a service, and he shouldn't expect unpaid almost therapy like talk.

 

[MarieElise]

I came here for support because this has upset me deeply. And yesterday you guys really helped me a lot. Especially Wuggie and KingMarti. I’m truly grateful for that. This whole thing with him, has hurt me and troubled me deeply.

ETA; id go so far as to say it’s ruined my whole week. But that’s on me, for letting it.

 

[Smoothie]

I came here for support because this has upset me deeply. And yesterday you guys really helped me a lot. Especially Wuggie and KingMarti. I’m truly grateful for that. This whole thing with him, has hurt me and troubled me deeply.

ETA; id go so far as to say it’s ruined my whole week. But that’s on me, for letting it.

Very sorry to hear that, and I hope you don’t let it bother you too much more than it already has.

Based on what you shared here, I feel like the member crossed at least one boundary (the phone number request). That’s a pretty standard line that members shouldn’t cross with cam models IMO, and I don’t think you should feel bad at all for declining it. Even if he’s a nice guy or a sensitive type, he should know that’s not acceptable without you needing to cushion the blow.

 

[MarieElise]

Very sorry to hear that, and I hope you don’t let it bother you too much more than it already has.

Based on what you shared here, I feel like the member crossed at least one boundary (the phone number request). That’s a pretty standard line that members shouldn’t cross with cam models IMO, and I don’t think you should feel bad at all for declining it. Even if he’s a nice guy or a sensitive type, he should know that’s not acceptable without you needing to cushion the blow.

Thanks Smoothie. You have also been very helpful. I appreciate your time and energy in helping me w this a lot. It’s been a really big deal, for me. Vixxen isn’t in this thread but she has also helped me a ton behind the scenes. I’m really grateful for all of you.

And at the same time I’ll keep Marceline’s point about shame in my mind too, for other, future situations. Bless you all

And what RainForest said about“affecting future sessions” was really spot on too. Not just that but my whole life. Feels so ridiculous saying that, but it’s true.

 

[Wuggie]

I came here for support because this has upset me deeply. And yesterday you guys really helped me a lot. Especially Wuggie and KingMarti. I’m truly grateful for that. This whole thing with him, has hurt me and troubled me deeply.

ETA; id go so far as to say it’s ruined my whole week. But that’s on me, for letting it.

Very sorry to hear it bothered you this much sometimes these things happen sadly, both as users and as models... (I have gotten too attached where I let it affect my normal day to day life and also decided to cut ties with the models when it happened, I have always let them know exactly what happened also and it feels so bad for the first 2 - 3 days, so I hope for you it will not last long)

 

[Vixxen81]

Thanks Smoothie. You have also been very helpful. I appreciate your time and energy in helping me w this a lot. It’s been a really big deal, for me. Vixxen isn’t in this thread but she has also helped me a ton behind the scenes. I’m really grateful for all of you.

And at the same time I’ll keep Marceline’s point about shame in my mind too, for other, future situations. Bless you all

And what RainForest said about“affecting future sessions” was really spot on too. Not just that but my whole life. Feels so ridiculous saying that, but it’s true.

I'm glad you reached out both here and the other side. It's a terrible burden to endure alone. Always protect yourself first, please don't feel guilty about not seeing it right away. Be glad you saw it at all and have established new boundaries. We can withdraw consent at any time.

 

[Goddess Amina Bordeaux]

Seems like he could put into context that you are working and he could either pay for a longer session to include it or chat a bit with you in free chat afterwards. I had both occur w/o issues. Being perceptive about you feeling spent is just good cam etiquette esp after a long session. Seems like it might have been a misunderstanding that could still allow for future sessions if he's willing to do one of the two options. He could have easily gotten some of what was desired if he could have let it ride as a misunderstanding & you don't get paid to be pestered for personal info.

 

[RainForest]

Honestly guys I think it’s just he wants me more than just a cam model. I think I need to just forget this guy. And be more vigilant with my boundaries in future. I wasn’t harsh with him, I just didn’t give him my real name, phone number and I put an end to these long endless shows, since they clearly are not good for him.

Or me.

I’m just going to make a new rule that I won’t have a long show with the same guy on more than one consecutive night. I’ll go ahead and call it the bedside manner rule. In this case it bred over attachment. I’m at fault too, for not recognizing what was going on faster and doing something about it.

Sometimes these guys are really attractive, fun and exciting. But not to the point where I want to do anything crossing my professional boundaries, or have that much extra energy to give. Even if I do think they are fun.

He expected me to let him down lightly and have a 2 hour (unpaid) discussion about why I can’t give him my phone number, and I said No, and got irritated with him. I’ve been super sick and I just don’t have that much extra emotional energy to give.

I'm averaging about a guy a week now that wants me in ways that are obviously off limit. And it's mostly the non-tipper type making the life changing proposals lol.