Is watching porn cheating?

[Guy]

Is watching porn cheating?

 

[Gen]

I don't think so, and I'd reckon most people on here don't think so either.

But I do think it's important to talk to your partner about boundaries, so you make sure you both agree and understand what's important to the other person. Some people don't care if their partner goes to strippers, dates other people, etc - but the only way to know that is to ask and talk about it.

 

[dilligaf0]

If you screwing someone (other than your partner) while watching......yes.

 

[ThePrincessLuxy]

I think it depends on who you talk to. Some people don't think sleeping with other people is cheating; others think looking at another person is.
When I date I have a weird thing with porn, and while I definitely don't count it as cheating, I still feel a bit uncomfortable with it. Just because it's not defined as cheating doesn't make it okay. I think more than focusing on figuring out what cheating is, people should focus on not being dicks.

 

[TeganTate]

I personally don't see it as cheating . But I also feel like it comes down to perspective, some partners might see it as cheating and treat it as such. It's your job in a relationship to sit down and iron out what each of you are comfortable with.

 

[Ambers Troll]

Anything you don't feel that you can share with your partner is cheating. Not that everything must be or should be shared, but anything that has a strong and regular influence over you, your partner should probably know about.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

If your girlfriend/wife is an insecure/paranoid and over controlling lunatic that doesn't want you to even look at other women, then yes, totally cheating. Not sure about normal women.

When I date I have a weird thing with porn, and while I definitely don't count it as cheating, I still feel a bit uncomfortable with it.

I don't see it as that weird really. Kinda related story as to why I don't see it as that weird. Had a buddy(still friends I guess, just don't really chill anymore), nice enough guy, super hot girlfriend at the time and an embarrassing amount of porn dvds. Like just out in the open with all his other movies. Was odd to me. Always wondered how it made his girlfriend feel. Buying new movies all the time. Like, she had to feel kinda awkward about it. Like what am I doing wrong? Am I not good enough or? She would even make jokes about his collection so I knew she wasn't really a fan of or into it. Relationship didn't last very long. Wonder if she didn't feel appreciated enough or what happened but I think I can kinda see why some women wouldn't be comfortable with their boyfriend/husband watching lots of porn, or any at all.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

Well, the second wife was one of those women who was really into porn. If it was cheating, I did not mind.

 

[SaffronBurke]

Masturbation is normal, especially in relationships. Your partner isn't going to be able to or willing to satisfy you every time you get turned on, nor is it their job. And sometimes, you just want a little "me-time". Porn is a visual aid for the use of masturbation. So, not cheating.

 

[Messalina]

Well, the second wife was one of those women who was really into porn. If it was cheating, I did not mind.

cool, how many wives do you have?

 

[Ann_Sulu]

Porn isn't cheating.

What is bad for a relationship? Not discussing with your significant other what you're into, and having them question why you didn't just tell them before. Not including them I feel is the part that makes it feel like cheating. It's not that one person is cheating on the other, it's that they're cheating the relationship by not letting it grow to it's full potential. Sure I, and others I'm sure get the want to occasionally just get off real quick, and not want to bother with seeing if the other is into it or not right then...but when the other person finds you've been constantly sneaking off, and going out of you're way to not have them know then yeah that breeds jealousy and depression from feeling not good enough.

I get how many are a bit more self-conscious than others in regards to talking to their s/o's about watching porn, but one thing I can say is through the years I've actually known quite a few couples who watch me. The majority of these couples started as only one of them...usually the guy. I've noted after they bit the bullet, and talked to the other about it, they seemed to be in a way better mood. So yeah, think what you want, but porn is just that. There's no intimacy behind it (unless you're doing it wrong lol). If a guy feels he's head over heels in love with a porn star while he has a girlfriend/wife, chances are the porn star doesn't feel the same way, also porn wasn't the issue in the relationship...he had issues to begin with.

Advice? Make a game out of things that turn one another on. Say ahead of time that neither is allowed to make fun of anything said. Heck, go from there to just googling images and asking your partner if they think it's hot...chances are (as long as they aren't the overly jealous/overly religious types) you can ease them into watching porn with you after that. There will be things one is into that the other isn't, and most likely it'll be fine. As long as they don't feel you'll leave them over the fetish, then I'm sure there won't be any problem.

 

[SoTxBob]

IMHO, it depends on the person. I know many women that despise porn in general even tho they take a peek every so often. They, in most cases do consider anything concerning a porn vid as cheating.... very stifled and judeo christian morality based views. The younger generation that has grown up with easily accessed porn and not running to church at every call, I'd say is the polar opposite.

 

[JickyJuly]

There is no way I can tilt my brain to make porn sound like cheating. I would move quickly away from someone who feels it is. Someone who expects to control every aspect of your sexuality is not going to be satisfied in a healthy, respectful relationship with another imperfect human.

 

[StacySins]

If your girlfriend/wife is an insecure/paranoid and over controlling lunatic that doesn't want you to even look at other women, then yes, totally cheating. Not sure about normal women.
.

I guess I used to be one of those lunatic women then. FYI that is a really shitty thing to say, there is no such thing as a "normal" woman and no woman (or man) should be shamed for their feelings.

@Guy I used to have an issue with my bf watching porn, but that all stemmed from him cheating on me. Since getting into the adult industry myself, I no longer have a problem with it but the fact that my partner tells me about his porn watching habits now really helps too.

 

[TattooedMilfyMama]

At first i wasnt sure, but then i realized my partner was pretty into me and porn was just to watch and occasionally jerk off too if im in bed HAHA! (trying to break him into just coming up and waking me up!)

I just told him that he cant say anything if he sees some of my videos on there!!!

I wouldn't of said it was cheating though.. cheating makes me think physical touch should occur..

 

[Picnic]

I do not consider watching porn cheating. I don't mind if my partners watch porn.

But if someone does consider it cheating, I'm not going to tell them they're wrong. It's a much different opinion than my own, sure, but that doesnt mean I should invalidate their feelings.

That being said, I doubt I could date someone who considered watching porn cheating. I like to watch it, star in it, direct it - but I'm also polyamorous, so if watching porn was considered cheating, I guess having other partners would be out of the question, too.

 

[TacoBelle]

When I was a young'un, I despised the fact that my husband watched porn. Now, it wasn't the actual porn itself that bothered me. I mean, I'd known about porn for years (my dad used to have a whole trunk full of old Playboys in the garage), but my problem was the secrecy. Basically, it's like Amber's troll said:

Anything you don't feel that you can share with your partner is cheating. Not that everything must be or should be shared, but anything that has a strong and regular influence over you, your partner should probably know about.

My husband wouldn't want to have sex and would just be generally distant towards me, claiming to not be in the mood, but I'd find porn in the VCR (oh, the days when we couldn't afford internet! ). He would also hide the towels he would cum into, and I'd find them weeks later. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET DRIED, CAKED ON CUM OUT????? hahaha

Anyway, my problem wasn't the porn. It was that he treated it like cheating. All of the secrecy, hiding, and lying. Now that I've got more experience in life, I know to take this as a warning sign that the other person isn't fully matured. Once you're in a committed relationship, discuss boundaries. Find out exactly what the other person expects/doesn't expect you to do.

Advice? Make a game out of things that turn one another on. Say ahead of time that neither is allowed to make fun of anything said. Heck, go from there to just googling images and asking your partner if they think it's hot...chances are (as long as they aren't the overly jealous/overly religious types) you can ease them into watching porn with you after that. There will be things one is into that the other isn't, and most likely it'll be fine. As long as they don't feel you'll leave them over the fetish, then I'm sure there won't be any problem.

^This is great advice.

 

[eclipse76]

Is watching porn cheating?

If you watch it because you personally know one of the porn star involved, yes

 

[mynameisbob84]

I don't think so. At least not in the traditional sense. It's something you should probably discuss with your partner to see whether or not it's something that bothers them. If it's a problem for either party, then it's probably a safe bet that there are much bigger issues besides porn that you both need to overcome. That or the relationship simply isn't going to work.

Sub-question! Would people consider making regular use of cam sites cheating? Not so much the occasional private with a random model but more so regularly visiting the same model, routinely tipping large amounts not necessarily for content or even shows, but "just because" tips.

 

[WildFingers]

No. Cheating requires physical contact. Going to a strip club getting a lap dance is not cheating either. Hell thanks to Bill Clinton getting a blow job isn't either Although I am not willing to test the last one

 

[dilligaf0]

No. Cheating requires physical contact. Going to a strip club getting a lap dance is not cheating either. Hell thanks to Bill Clinton getting a blow job isn't either Although I am not willing to test the last one

Does that include sucking on the cigar afterwards?

 

[AuroraKnight]

I would never consider porn cheating. Cheating to me is anything physical or emotional that is kept secret (Like PicNic I'm also poly, so as far as I'm concerned it's only cheating if anything goes on with another person without the other partner(s) knowledge) I have fetishes my Mr. doesn't have interest in, and he has some that I'm not into, so porn is a perfectly acceptable outlet.

Sub-question! Would people consider making regular use of cam sites cheating? Not so much the occasional private with a random model but more so regularly visiting the same model, routinely tipping large amounts not necessarily for content or even shows, but "just because" tips.

As long as the other partner is aware of the time and money spent* I don't consider it cheating, it's just another sublet of porn with the possibility for friendship. It would only be cheating if romantic feelings formed and they didn't step away from the situation.

*needing to know the amount of money spent depends on how committed the relationship is, if you're living together and sharing resources it's more necessary than if your finances are separate.

 

[BiancaBaker]

I also would never consider it cheating- I make my own porn and my boyfriend watches it all the time, He has no interest in other porn stars or other girls but if he did I would have 0 issues of it. I remember the first porn I ever watched- It was one with Jenna Jameson and I fell in love- (not literally) so I like watching it myself!

but I would hate the lying aspect of it- I don't like liars. My boyfriend tells me everything so as long as he's honest with me then its totally cool. I am even cool with him filming with other girls (even though he won't) but thats his boundaries and I am fine with that.

 

[DuoShi]

Yes.

Not serious. Just seeing how many negative ratings I get.

 

[AutumnAtoms]

If your lying, hiding it, or its hurting your relationship in any way then yes it is cheating. Honestly for me, I dont really care if my boyfriend looks at porn or feels the need to jerk off while doing so. Everyone has needs & I'm just glad he's using his hands & not some other women's body.

 

[PunkInDrublic]

I guess I used to be one of those lunatic women then. FYI that is a really shitty thing to say, there is no such thing as a "normal" woman and no woman (or man) should be shamed for their feelings.
.

Sorry but that is just your opinion. You can feel it was a shitty thing to say and I can not give a shit what you think. No offense. Was no hate or attempt to shame in the post but you can take it however you like.

 

[RubyDimples]

Depending on the relationship and the boundaries to be honest.

Porn isn't cheating and in fact its probably better versus sleeping around and cheating on a partner.

 

[justjoinedtopost]

When I was a young'un, I despised the fact that my husband watched porn. Now, it wasn't the actual porn itself that bothered me. I mean, I'd known about porn for years (my dad used to have a whole trunk full of old Playboys in the garage), but my problem was the secrecy.

My husband wouldn't want to have sex and would just be generally distant towards me, claiming to not be in the mood, but I'd find porn in the VCR (oh, the days when we couldn't afford internet! ). He would also hide the towels he would cum into, and I'd find them weeks later. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET DRIED, CAKED ON CUM OUT????? hahaha

Anyway, my problem wasn't the porn. It was that he treated it like cheating. All of the secrecy, hiding, and lying. Now that I've got more experience in life, I know to take this as a warning sign that the other person isn't fully matured. Once you're in a committed relationship, discuss boundaries. Find out exactly what the other person expects/doesn't expect you to do.

Very interesting to hear you share this. Reminds me of another relationship I was in. Very early on, I let her know about my interest in porn. And she let me know that she thought it was disgusting, revolting, repulsive...she did not want anything to do with it, and she did not want me to have anything to do with it. But I do not hold this against her; this is just the way she was put together.

Of course, I swore off porn for her sake. And of course, there were a couple of times after that where I would sense something was wrong, ask her about it, and she would begin to cry her ass off without a word. Go back to the bedroom, and sure enough, right there in the middle of the bed is the copy of Hustler I had failed to adequately conceal.

This shit hurt her. Made her feel inadequate and unloved. So I should have either stopped, or stood my ground. But taking the dishonesty route placed my habit into cheating territory. For her, it was no different than if I had f*cked someone else.

Thank you for that little bit of tmi in blue. Reminds me of this jajaja....

 

[Guy]

When I was a young'un, I despised the fact that my husband watched porn. Now, it wasn't the actual porn itself that bothered me. I mean, I'd known about porn for years (my dad used to have a whole trunk full of old Playboys in the garage), but my problem was the secrecy. Basically, it's like Amber's troll said:



My husband wouldn't want to have sex and would just be generally distant towards me, claiming to not be in the mood, but I'd find porn in the VCR (oh, the days when we couldn't afford internet! ). He would also hide the towels he would cum into, and I'd find them weeks later. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET DRIED, CAKED ON CUM OUT????? hahaha

Anyway, my problem wasn't the porn. It was that he treated it like cheating. All of the secrecy, hiding, and lying. Now that I've got more experience in life, I know to take this as a warning sign that the other person isn't fully matured. Once you're in a committed relationship, discuss boundaries. Find out exactly what the other person expects/doesn't expect you to do.




^This is great advice.

Did you ever watch any of your husband's porn VHS's?

 

[asianrawra]

I dont think it would be cheating, i guess like it would have to be discussed on what the limits are to a relationship