Girlfriend is returning to webcaming after leaving

[andy9025]

TLDR: Girlfriend left being a camgirl after issue with cam studio, wants to return but I'm not allowed to visit her chat room and don't understand why

I met my girlfriend on streamate, it's been almost 3 months now on dec 3. We went to private and talked afterwards and it really fun just conversing with her and getting to know her. From then on I would join her chat room and just talk to her, take her to private and also just get to know her. We ended up being shy with each other so we would just talk, I loved just getting to know her and spending time with her. I didn't mind that other men would see her, it's part of the job and I know she also has to say thing to keep them interested. Besides I met her there so it comes with the territory. She later ends up leaving because she realized how much money the website would take, she would ask me how much I spent and that's when she realized how much the studio she worked for actually kept. I send her money to help with whatever she needs, she doesn't feel comfortable recieving money from me, she said she feels like shes taking advantage of me but i offered and have no problem helping. I dont expect anything in exchange. Now she wants to go back to camming, but she doesn't want me to know her name or visit her chat room. I don't need it to be anything sexual, I just want to spend time with her. I'm trying to understand why she doesn't want me to even tho that's how we met. I was hoping a cam model could maybe help me understand her point of view, I asked her and she said she doesn't know why she wants it that way either.

If you have any questions please feel free to ask

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Would you expect to be able to show up to a significant other's workplace to hang around if they worked in any other industry? All red flags aside, it is perfectly reasonable for someone to tell their SO and others in their life not to come loiter where they are working. And you said yourself that you're shy with each other, that's probably not conducive to her putting her best hustle on if you are showing up and she feels off.

 

[rockin_rod]

Girlfriend, or girlfriend experience?
Are you in the same country?
Regardless of what the relationship is, you have to accept it if she asks you to not be in her room.

 

[Carmita Bonita]

I met my boyfriend camming (long distance for 9 months, living together for 5 years now) and after that we accepted his relationship with me as a customer was over. He tried to come into my room and it's just not the same--it throws me off completely because I'm working. He doesn't come into my room, he doesn't tip and if he was there I'd be super out of the groove and lose focus.

Also have you actually met her in person or have plans to? This is a HUGE factor into whether or not you're in an actual relationship and not being love conned.

 

[Marceline]

Best case scenario: She feels awkward having her boyfriend in her room. It can be distracting and knowing you’re there can make her not want to interact with other customers as much, which would result in her not making as much money as she could make.

Worst case scenario: She’s not actually your girlfriend and you’re getting love conned. Since you’re already sending her money offsite there’s no need for her to have you in her room. And, she could be acting the same way she acts with you with other guys. So, even if she gave you her new name, you could still go into her room not logged into your account and see that.

 

[andy9025]

Would you expect to be able to show up to a significant other's workplace to hang around if they worked in any other industry? All red flags aside, it is perfectly reasonable for someone to tell their SO and others in their life not to come loiter where they are working. And you said yourself that you're shy with each other, that's probably not conducive to her putting her best hustle on if you are showing up and she feels off.

That makes sense, it just seemed odd that before I could go on and I'd let her know beforehand or shed tell me to join if it was slow. I'm probably just overthinking things. It's better for her to be more productive and work without distractions

 

[andy9025]

I met my boyfriend camming (long distance for 9 months, living together for 5 years now) and after that we accepted his relationship with me as a customer was over. He tried to come into my room and it's just not the same--it throws me off completely because I'm working. He doesn't come into my room, he doesn't tip and if he was there I'd be super out of the groove and lose focus.

Also have you actually met her in person or have plans to? This is a HUGE factor into whether or not you're in an actual relationship and not being love conned.

We're planning on meeting in December, close to the holidays but not Christmas so that she can be with her family. That helps me feel better about it, I can see how that would make her feel uncomfortable or throw her off. It really helps a lot to understand a models point of view on the subject. This is new to me and it helps to get someone's point of view who has experience with a relationship like this, I really appreciate it

 

[andy9025]

Best case scenario: She feels awkward having her boyfriend in her room. It can be distracting and knowing you’re there can make her not want to interact with other customers as much, which would result in her not making as much money as she could make.

Worst case scenario: She’s not actually your girlfriend and you’re getting love conned. Since you’re already sending her money offsite there’s no need for her to have you in her room. And, she could be acting the same way she acts with you with other guys. So, even if she gave you her new name, you could still go into her room not logged into your account and see that.

Best case scenario: She feels awkward having her boyfriend in her room. It can be distracting and knowing you’re there can make her not want to interact with other customers as much, which would result in her not making as much money as she could make.

Worst case scenario: She’s not actually your girlfriend and you’re getting love conned. Since you’re already sending her money offsite there’s no need for her to have you in her room. And, she could be acting the same way she acts with you with other guys. So, even if she gave you her new name, you could still go into her room not logged into your account and see that.

I think it's more of a a best case scenario, when she was camming she would only let me spend money on site, she asked me one day how much I spend when I go on, I told her and from then on she would only let me stay a certain amount of time or lower her rate for me. It was really sweet of her to do that, she didn't have to and I said I was ok with the normal rate. She didn't like that I had to spend so much money to spend time with her. When she did leave she put more time into her second job and I offered to send her money to make up for what she made before. She was hesitant but after a while agreed. She likes earning her money and doesn't feel comfortable with me spending so much, so she wants to go back to camming. Thank you as well, everything points more towards best case scenario, she seems like a genuinely good person and doesn't want to feel like she's taking advantage of me. Thanks for replying It really helps

 

[andy9025]

Girlfriend, or girlfriend experience?
Are you in the same country?
Regardless of what the relationship is, you have to accept it if she asks you to not be in her room.

Girlfriend, we're in different countries but do plan on meeting soon. We have been for a while now. I'll accept her decisión, at the end of the day it's her job and her choice, I feel more comfortable now with everyones replies

 

[AmberCutie]

I'd suggest to stop thinking about any of it until you physically meet her next month. If that meeting actually happens, and she treats you like a boyfriend/partner you can actually call her your girlfriend and judge interactions as such.

Until then, I'm hesitant to say the relationship is actually real. Time will tell. As Carmita said, if you do actually form a romantic relationship OUTSIDE of the cam site, then she may very well not want your presence in her work chat room because it may interfere with her work.

 

[Smoothie]

Would you expect to be able to show up to a significant other's workplace to hang around if they worked in any other industry? All red flags aside, it is perfectly reasonable for someone to tell their SO and others in their life not to come loiter where they are working. And you said yourself that you're shy with each other, that's probably not conducive to her putting her best hustle on if you are showing up and she feels off.

For real, I can’t think of a single line of work that involves catering to customers where it’s helpful to have your significant other hanging around.

OP - All questions about the nature of your relationship aside, there’s nothing weird about asking a partner not to loiter at your workplace.

 

[andy9025]

For real, I can’t think of a single line of work that involves catering to customers where it’s helpful to have your significant other hanging around.

OP - All questions about the nature of your relationship aside, there’s nothing weird about asking a partner not to loiter at your workplace.

The thing is I didn't loiter and would only go on if she asked me to, I would only take her to private whenever I went on but wouldn't stay in the lobby. I'd leave as soon as the private ended. I get the loitering thing, I also wouldn't go on everyday. If she wanted me there I'd go, otherwise I'd just stay offline until then.

 

[AmberCutie]

The thing is I didn't loiter and would only go on if she asked me to, I would only take her to private whenever I went on but wouldn't stay in the lobby. I'd leave as soon as the private ended. I get the loitering thing, I also wouldn't go on everyday. If she wanted me there I'd go, otherwise I'd just stay offline until then.

I mean, at some point if your boyfriend/girlfriend relationship was an actual relationship, going private probably isn't something you'd be doing anymore. You'd have your private calls/facetime/skype on her non-work hours. So no need to be on the cam site with her.

 

[andy9025]

I mean, at some point if your boyfriend/girlfriend relationship was an actual relationship, going private probably isn't something you'd be doing anymore. You'd have your private calls/facetime/skype on her non-work hours. So no need to be on the cam site with her.

That's what we do now, calls and videos calls, the thing is she'd have the night shift and I work during the day, we'll figure something out when she goes back and make time to call during our time off work

 

[rockin_rod]

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

Do not look at her work time as time that you could be spending socially with her. She is on the clock. She is playing her workplace persona, it's not the setting to get to know her better or spend quality time with her.

 

[AudriTwo]

respect your girlfriends boundaries or you will be her ex. she dont want you hanging out while she is trying to work.

 

[yummybrownfox]

TLDR: Girlfriend left being a camgirl after issue with cam studio, wants to return but I'm not allowed to visit her chat room and don't understand why

I met my girlfriend on streamate, it's been almost 3 months now on dec 3. We went to private and talked afterwards and it really fun just conversing with her and getting to know her. From then on I would join her chat room and just talk to her, take her to private and also just get to know her. We ended up being shy with each other so we would just talk, I loved just getting to know her and spending time with her. I didn't mind that other men would see her, it's part of the job and I know she also has to say thing to keep them interested. Besides I met her there so it comes with the territory. She later ends up leaving because she realized how much money the website would take, she would ask me how much I spent and that's when she realized how much the studio she worked for actually kept. I send her money to help with whatever she needs, she doesn't feel comfortable recieving money from me, she said she feels like shes taking advantage of me but i offered and have no problem helping. I dont expect anything in exchange. Now she wants to go back to camming, but she doesn't want me to know her name or visit her chat room. I don't need it to be anything sexual, I just want to spend time with her. I'm trying to understand why she doesn't want me to even tho that's how we met. I was hoping a cam model could maybe help me understand her point of view, I asked her and she said she doesn't know why she wants it that way either.

If you have any questions please feel free to ask

There could be all kinds of different reasons for a cam model to not want her boyfriend to know her cam name. I know that one of the reasons that come to mind (for me, at least) is that it can be a safety/privacy issue if a boyfriend or ex-boyfriend were to blurt out a model's real name (or other personal info) in her public chat...accidentally or intentionally. Something like that can be dangerous, and this is supposed to be a job where models feel safe behind their computer screen.

And it doesn't matter if you don't understand her reasons for it. She told you that she doesn't want you visiting her chat room, so don't visit her chat room. I'd imagine she wouldn't be too pleased about you making this thread about her either. If you truly care about her, then you'd want her to be comfortable at work...and you'd respect her wishes.

If she really is your girlfriend, then you'll have opportunities to spend time with her when she's not working. Couples do not need to be up each other's ass all the time anyway. And don't be that clingy guy who's blowing up her phone (or e-mail...Skype...social media) with "What are you doing?" messages every few minutes either. Let her be, and find something else to do while she's working. Play Wheel of Fortune or Family Feud on your phone or something. It's fun and addicting.

 

[andy9025]

Do not look at her work time as time that you could be spending socially with her. She is on the clock. She is playing her workplace persona, it's not the setting to get to know her better or spend quality time with her.

There could be all kinds of different reasons for a cam model to not want her boyfriend to know her cam name. I know that one of the reasons that come to mind (for me, at least) is that it can be a safety/privacy issue if a boyfriend or ex-boyfriend were to blurt out a model's real name (or other personal info) in her public chat...accidentally or intentionally. Something like that can be dangerous, and this is supposed to be a job where models feel safe behind their computer screen.

And it doesn't matter if you don't understand her reasons for it. She told you that she doesn't want you visiting her chat room, so don't visit her chat room. I'd imagine she wouldn't be too pleased about you making this thread about her either. If you truly care about her, then you'd want her to be comfortable at work...and you'd respect her wishes.

If she really is your girlfriend, then you'll have opportunities to spend time with her when she's not working. Couples do not need to be up each other's ass all the time anyway. And don't be that clingy guy who's blowing up her phone (or e-mail...Skype...social media) with "What are you doing?" messages every few minutes either. Let her be, and find something else to do while she's working. Play Wheel of Fortune or Family Feud on your phone or something. It's fun and addicting.

For one, I'm not bothering her, blowing up her phone while she's working, she would text me while she was at work and a lot of times I would tell her that she should text me later because I didn't want to affect her work. If I went on it was because she wanted me there and I would just go on everyday spending the entire time there. I'd do other things as well and stayed busy. I never sent her messages like "what are you doing", obviously she's working. That's why I didn't understand what changed, I was never being clingy or just there in the chat room, only if she wanted me there. The privacy thing, I'm not going to blurt out any personal information on there, I don't mention her name or anything else and my chat is always incognito as well. And yes I know that the website monitors can see my chat even if the other users can't. I know the consequences of even mentioning a different chat site

 

[yummybrownfox]

Never said you did.

Like I said…it doesn’t matter that you don’t understand your reasons for it, and you think She doesn’t want you there. Stop making this about you and your feelings. Think about her. If you can’t respect her wishes, not only will you lose your girlfriend…she’ll probably also ban you.

You don’t have to keep responding with a rebuttal to everything we say. You posted the thread, and we responded.

 

[ArcticKitty]

I asked her and she said she doesn't know why she wants it that way either.

Actually, I'm sure she does know but it's awkward to put into words. Short version: it's business when she's online and sex work, which she doesn't want a boyfriend watching. And she doesn't want her style to be cramped or the lines to be blurred. It's that simple.

 

[yummybrownfox]

Like I said…it doesn’t matter that you don’t understand your reasons for it, and you think She doesn’t want you there.

Ugh. I meant to say "her" reasons for it. Excuse my jacked-up post. I really didn't double-check what I typed before posting.

 

[KylieJacobs]

I question if you are actually her boyfriend, but...

Aside from that, her studio could possibly fine her or something if you come in her room as a customer, and then pay her separately off-site also. It's just a thought.

I know that I wouldn't feel comfortable with a boyfriend spending time in my room. It would make me act a little differently. Like less flirty towards other members.

 

[MarieElise]

TLDR: Girlfriend left being a camgirl after issue with cam studio, wants to return but I'm not allowed to visit her chat room and don't understand why

I met my girlfriend on streamate, it's been almost 3 months now on dec 3. We went to private and talked afterwards and it really fun just conversing with her and getting to know her. From then on I would join her chat room and just talk to her, take her to private and also just get to know her. We ended up being shy with each other so we would just talk, I loved just getting to know her and spending time with her. I didn't mind that other men would see her, it's part of the job and I know she also has to say thing to keep them interested. Besides I met her there so it comes with the territory. She later ends up leaving because she realized how much money the website would take, she would ask me how much I spent and that's when she realized how much the studio she worked for actually kept. I send her money to help with whatever she needs, she doesn't feel comfortable recieving money from me, she said she feels like shes taking advantage of me but i offered and have no problem helping. I dont expect anything in exchange. Now she wants to go back to camming, but she doesn't want me to know her name or visit her chat room. I don't need it to be anything sexual, I just want to spend time with her. I'm trying to understand why she doesn't want me to even tho that's how we met. I was hoping a cam model could maybe help me understand her point of view, I asked her and she said she doesn't know why she wants it that way either.

If you have any questions please feel free to ask

Because it makes her uncomfortable and likely many of her possible clients too. She wants some space and independance, nothing abnormal about that.

I worked in a bar with a few girls whose boyfriends would come in and lurk. Made everyone uncomfy. Each time boyfriends got banned from coming in for girlfriend's shift, and eventually, cocktail waitresses themselves got fired too. Not good for business. If she's your girlfriend you need to un-hovercraft boyfriend and trust her/ stop trying to coddle her and stop fretting. Or you risk losing her. Support her and lift her up, do things to build her up and make her comfy and happy. Not stuff to make her uncomfy or put her job at risk. Take up gaming or something, it's a more fun way to spend your free time.

 

[Sashacurves]

If you were in her room, how would you be interacting?
1. Just lurking - she probably finds that awkward. Anyone would, knowing all their interactions are being observed and potentially judged
2. Chatting to her to keep her company - Streamate isn't really the site for that and you could be hindering, not helping
3. Chatting to/encouraging other members to tip - probably puts other members off her room
4. Tipping/using the gold menu - that can help draw people into her room, but it can also make them feel like she's too busy and going by what you've said, I'm assuming you're not doing this because you pay her off site now
Basically, she's getting no benefit (business-wise) from having you hanging out in her room, so it's understandable she's asked you not to.

Also, as @yummybrownfox mentioned I can definitely see it being a privacy/security issue. I'm not sure I'd want a guy I was dating to know my cam persona. Ex boyfriend doxxing and sabotaging is a real threat. Maybe that's the real reason she's returning to camming with a new name instead of her old one?

I'm a very cynical person and just to play devil's advocate - have you considered the possibility that you're a regular who she's led on and love-conned just a little bit too far, but now that you're getting too close for comfort and expecting her to meet up, she's trying to find a non-confrontational way to get rid of you? I don't mean that to offend you, just suggesting a different point of view. The fact she's still accepting payment from you and the fact that you haven't met yet are huge red flags.

 

[Dan Epstein]

It’s work. You don’t see me stepping into your office, unzipping and waving my dick around telling you what to do, you shouldn’t as well. Being a non industry rep can be liberating

 

[Smoothie]

Also, as @yummybrownfox mentioned I can definitely see it being a privacy/security issue. I'm not sure I'd want a guy I was dating to know my cam persona. Ex boyfriend doxxing and sabotaging is a real threat. Maybe that's the real reason she's returning to camming with a new name instead of her old one?

In addition to the vengeful ex-boyfriend scenario you described, there’s always an added layer of risk when your private information (such as a cam model username you don’t want everyone to know) is on the device of a person other than yourself.

What I mean by that: Let’s assume, hypothetically, the boyfriend is 100 percent trustworthy and not malicious. He quickly peeks at your cam page on his phone or tablet while visiting family or friends. Someone may have seen his screen unbeknownst to him. Now they might know your information. Or if his computer is ever shared with another person for a quick email check, or to pay a bill really quick, and the wrong tab is left open.

The point is, OP, you may be a great guy with the best intentions, but it would still be an unnecessary risk to give you information she wishes to keep private.

Even if she trusts you, she may not trust the people around you, which makes you a risk as well.

 

[Ozzie_]

For one, I'm not bothering her, blowing up her phone while she's working, she would text me while she was at work and a lot of times I would tell her that she should text me later because I didn't want to affect her work. If I went on it was because she wanted me there and I would just go on everyday spending the entire time there. I'd do other things as well and stayed busy. I never sent her messages like "what are you doing", obviously she's working. That's why I didn't understand what changed, I was never being clingy or just there in the chat room, only if she wanted me there. The privacy thing, I'm not going to blurt out any personal information on there, I don't mention her name or anything else and my chat is always incognito as well. And yes I know that the website monitors can see my chat even if the other users can't. I know the consequences of even mentioning a different chat site

Coming late to the thread, I won't comment on the "reality" of being in a long distance boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with someone you've never met.

But really, whilst it may be puzzling or frustrating to you, there is only one reason for you to stay away:-

She has asked you to.

Simple. Whatever her reasons, or how complex they are, your reason is simple; your girlfriend has asked to you stay away. As others have said, ultimately it is not about you, but about someone for whom you care, asking you to do something so she can be comfortable and productive at her place of work.

 

[THE MOLLIE MARIE]

That's why I didn't understand what changed, I was never being clingy or just there in the chat room, only if she wanted me there.

That is what changed. She doesn't want you there anymore.

 

[Marceline]

I worked in a bar with a few girls whose boyfriends would come in and lurk. Made everyone uncomfy. Each time boyfriends got banned from coming in for girlfriend's shift, and eventually, cocktail waitresses themselves got fired too. Not good for business.

Most bars I worked at didn't exactly ban boyfriends from coming in, but they made it clear it was frowned upon. I had a pretty bad issue once years ago (like, a decade ago now) where I was working at a sports bar. Boyfriend at the time came in and had a few drinks while waiting for me to get off work. One of my regulars came in and was being flirty and my ex flipped out. Was even saying how he wanted to kick my regular's ass for flirting with me.

Thing is, even if someone isn't a jealous person most of the time (granted that particular ex was always a jealous person), it only takes one time hearing something or seeing something they don't like on a bad day and then acting on those negative emotions to cause a lot of damage to their partner's job and the relationship.

Also, along the lines of sex/adult work, I've also been a bartender at strip clubs. Each strip club I've worked at had a pretty strict no boyfriends allowed in policy. Especially for the dancers. If someone's boyfriend came in and they found out, or if he caused any sort of scene, they wouldn't be allowed to dance there anymore.

Also, as @yummybrownfox mentioned I can definitely see it being a privacy/security issue. I'm not sure I'd want a guy I was dating to know my cam persona. Ex boyfriend doxxing and sabotaging is a real threat. Maybe that's the real reason she's returning to camming with a new name instead of her old one?

Also, this ^^

I've been open with the people I've dated about my job. But, I would never give someone who knew my personal details my model name. Certainly not a guy I was dating for a short period of time. Last guy I dated knew enough about my job to where when we got into a huge blowout he was threatening to dox me on Reddit. He didn't do it, but even just threatening it was extremely fucked up.

And, even if you trust someone, it just takes one little slipup where they mention your model name and then that person tells another person and it becomes a snowball effect and then you're effectively outed in your personal life.